Meet who my email character is supposed to believe is Serena Baturi, a 23 year old refugee from the Ivory Coast, living in another one of those non-existent refugee camps in Dakar, Senegal.
Ignoring Tom Petty, she claims to live like a refugee, while having most likely millions in the bank, somewhere.
Uh huh.
Here's her opening and follow up ploys:
I Am Interested in you,
My name is Serena, I am very glad to view your profile today, please I want you to contact me through my email ID because I have a Very Important thing to tell you.
I will be expecting your mail.
Thanks
Just so we're clear here -- as an ex-friend liked to say while being vague and incommunicative as could be -- Serena sent this to FOUR of my email accounts; three of which are dedicated to playing with scammers just like her. So from one, my character responded simply with a "tell me more" email. And she did:
Hello my sweetlove,
How is everything? I know it's all good. I am excited to read from you today. My dear as I told you in my last mail, My name is serena Baturi, an Ivorian in West Africa.Presently I am residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal, as a result of the civil war going on in my country. I am a beautiful loving young girl of 23 years, about 5'8" tall. slim fit, weighing about 60kg. My father Late Hon. Humphrey Baturi was a successful businessman, he deals on Gold and Diamond before the rebels attacked our house one evening and kill him with my mother and my only brother. I'm the only one alive from the family. By the grace of God I made my way to a nearby country where I'm presently living as a refugee.My dear, I came in the site to search for love and care which I have not gotten for a very long time since I lost my family members. I here by believe that in time to come you will be my side and I will show you unreserved love and respect through out my time . Dear, I want to know more about you, your real name, Your real country, your occupation, your age your hobbies and what you are doing presently. My hobbies are swimming, dancing, singing, cooking, reading, sports and watching movies. As for me, i have a lot and VERY IMPORTANT thing to tell you in my next mail, maybe before then i will try to get our Rev phone number to give you so you can call for us to talk and hear each others voice. And please also remember that in a any good relationship ''Distance or Age '' dose not matters, what matters is how you care about ache other , so please bear with me for the distance and age. I have attached my pictures here for you to know me very well. In my next mail I will tell you more about myself.
I wait your reply with impatience.
yours
serena
The "VERY IMPORTANT thing" she was to tell me next will probably not get told now...on accounta cuz my character took the above email and edited it, both in text and photos:
On Friday, March 13, 2015 3:33 AM, Serenan Baturi <serenanbaturi@aol.com> decomposed while shooing fruit flies away from her petrified cherry with a waffle iron:
Hello my sweet dupe,
I start by askage "how is everything?" Personally, I doesn't not care how is everythings with you, because you are jackwagon asshat that gots moneys I want. But I not sez that heres, okay? Insteads I sez that I know it's all good.
I got so excited I projectile wets myself repeterly to read from you today. I be sending out this email for six moths now, and you're the first dumbass what bothered replied. My witch doctor, Ukulele Unga Bunga Horny Boo Boo, he tells me in reading my wet t-shirt leaves the other day that my luck about change, which explain the second photo I attack to this email. The first photo was first ahead of the second, which is second only becourse my witch doctor not make look like door knockup in the first photo. There is an odor to things in life, yes?
In my firstest email I not tells you mooch to go own. That be by décor. Now you writed on my back, so I tells you mores to wheat your app alright. My name this week is serena Baturi, an Ivorian in West Africa, a suburban of what left of Deadtroit. Presently I am residing in the mythical refugee camp here in Dakar Senegal -- it just down street from drugged store we looted last night protesting what Al Sharpton tell us to. Why I live 9-5 in refugee camp is subject of duckumentally on msnbc called One Life One Looter, narrated by Toure and photo shopped by new York slimes. I think I buydress so let me get backs on port. As a result of the template I was telled to use to do this email. There is a uncivil war going on in my country. No goat be safes there. If you look past my photos I really is a beautiful loving young girl of 23 years, about 5'8" tall, 400 lbs and able to body slam a wildebeest in 4.6 seconds. My father Late Hon. Humphrey Baturi was a successful businessman, he did speechifying about different gods on TV evangelizers show until he try heal a hippo with genital wart in Burundi a year ago.
I think you can see how that not end well on YouTube.
Before he try this pretty stupids thing, he was gassed speaker with Pastor Robert Tilton, and they did rousing rendition of farted Dueling Pastors on the Discovery Chanel Number 5, which is why it off the air now. With family like that, you can finger why I'm the only one alive from the family. By the grace of a coke bottle my witch doctore find and install as deity to a group of muslim camel rapists, I made my way to a nearby county where I'm presently living like a refugee if if Tom Petty say I not needs to. I came inside internat to search for love and I find I too fat to be cyber so at present I stuck in here. If you not getting your daily news feed, that why; it blocked by my ass.
I here by believe that in time to come you will be in my side and I will show you how that extraction can be do with tweezer and Ma's Cure-a-crumb ointment and lubricant. Undeserved love and respect through out time is puppycork; fall not in love therefore or five, it will stick to your face. Profondled, huh? I gots lodes more like it. I want know more about you, your real name, all your fake name, your real country, your underwear size, your inflatable sex toys count, your preoccupation, your age, your hobbies and most impotently, your banks account.
Also wants know did this email gives you woody or some other dowel, dildo or whatevers.
My hobbies used to be swimming until I get large and they send tsunami warning when I go nears the water; dancing with wombats; singing the greatest hits of William Hung and William Shatter; cooking missionaries; reading instructions after I overcooks missionaries; and watching classic holyweird movies like Napolean Dynomited and Beatlesjuiced.
As for me, if I can ever get out of being stuck inside this internat thing -- fiber oprahs suck -- i have a lot and VERY IMPORTANT thing to tell you in my next mail, maybe before then i will try to get our Rev Al Sharpton's phone number to give you so you can listen to him going on and on about wart privilege and rashism and how he be such an ass peoples pay him to goes away.
And please also remember that in a any good relationship ''Distance or Age '' dose not matters, what matters is that abscess make the fart go Honda. I think.
I have attached my pictures here for you to know me very well. In my next mail I will tell you more about how I am going to replace Marie Barf at department of state because I talks gooder than her and can keep a straighter face when I lies on the talking points memooos.
I wait your reply with genital insert...I can't reach it being jammed in internat. Hope you can email past my blockage.
serena
A good DNC low informationer of dubious antlercedence and love child of Debbil Washingmachine Schiesse and a bus
The silence that followed suggests that my character is not now likely to learn what that 'very important thing' is. Then again, some things are knowd without being told.
And if I really want to find out what that 'thing' is, I have three other emails from her to find out via...
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