Friday, March 27, 2015

Das Gooble Deutchen Undt Schtuff

I've won another online lottery.  I think.

The award letter came mostly in Deutche sprechen, so I'm not totally sure.  Yes, I did take it to teh Gooble translooter to see vhat das fokke vuz uppensee, and that's vhat it suggested.

I win again.

Just once, it'd be nice to be real LOL.

Here's a piece of vhat it sez:


GLЬCKWЬNSCHE NOCH EINMAL VON DEN MITGLIEDERN UND STAB DER LOTTERIE BORD
**********************************************************************************************************
                                 GOOGLE UK LTD,
                                       1-13 ST GILES HIGH STREET,
                                                LONDON WC2H 8AG,
                                                           UNITED KINGDOM   
********************************************************************************************************
Wir freuen uns, Ihnen noch einmal gratulieren zu dieser Notiz, die Teil unserer glьcklichen Gewinner ausgewдhlt diesem Jahr. Diese Aktion wurde im Anschluss an die aktive Nutzung des Google-Suchmaschine und im Google-Hilfsdienste anzukurbeln. Daher machen wir mit Ihren Preis zu gewinnen glauben, werden Sie weiterhin aktiv zu sein und Schirmherrschaft fьr dieses Unternehmen. Google ist heute der weltweit fьhrende Suchmaschine weltweit und in dem Bestreben, sicherzustellen, dass sie die am weitesten verbreitete Suchmaschinen bleibt, ein Online-E-Mail Stimmabgabe aus wurde am 05/02/2015 ohne Ihr Wissen ausgefьhrt wurde offiziell freigegeben am 14/03/2015. Wir mцchten Ihnen fцrmlich mitteilen, dass Ihre E-Mail-Adresse zu einem Pauschalbetrag von Ђ615 , 81000  
Wir mцchten Ihnen mitteilen, dass Sie erfolgreich den Anforderungen, den gesetzlichen Auflagen, Ьberprьfungen und unsere zufriedenstellenden Bericht Test fьr alle unsere Online-Gewinner durchgefьhrt weitergegeben.   
 
 
Vas ist los?
 
 
After visiting teh Gooble translooter, I know vas ist los....any connection midde fact undt reality undt schtuff.
 
 
Still, an edit seemed appropriate.  Not one I'd transloot into sprechen once it was writ; nah...let's just leave it in the vernacular that I edited it...slumgullion:
 
 
GLOCKENSPIEL UNDT SCHTUFF AGAIN BY THE MEMBERS AND STAFF OF THE IRONING BROAD
**********************************************************************************************************
                                 GOOBLE UK LTD,
                                       1-13 ST GILES HIGH STREET,
                                                LONDON WC2H 8AG,
                                                           UBITTE KINGDUMB
********************************************************************************************************We are pleased to once again constipate you on this nert that part of our glockenspiel undt schtuff vinner this year. This action was to stimulate the ingrown clitoris of our internet service provider, Fraulein Blucher*, and get us some sex toys in this boring office. Therefore, we do believe with your vinning prize -- an all expense paid trip to Tikrit, Iraq, to war with those ISIS bastards -- you will continue to be active until or unless you is killed, in which case the glockenspiel undt schtuff that you von vill be null and voided undt redistributed elfware.  Gooble is the world's fartphignewton and in an effort to ensure that it doesn't change it's cyber underwear, an online e-mail from Hillary Clinton's primate server has been sent midde out your knowledge on 05.03.2015, and vill soon be in das hands of Trey Gowdy and ze Haus Benghazi Committee.  We munchen firmmen undt hundsfott das vienerschnitzel also midde out your knowledge on 14/03 / 2015th, vhich ain't happen yettensee.   We mцchten notified fцrmlich that your e-mail address ist kaput undt ist todt.  Das is flieger schiesse das vay it meaned to be.
We mцchten inform you that you have successfully passed douchenozzle undt jackvagon for all our online vinners the requirements, statutarily obliques, undt berprьfungen -- vhatever das fokke dat vord is -- and our satisfactory report Testicles.
 
A vinning check in marks vill be issued in your name by Gooble Proctoscopic team, and also a certificate suitable fer hangingk on das vall in Hillary's cell vunce she ist arrested undt jailed fer das email kerfuffle midde Department of Schtate.  Assert Information required from you part of our precautionary measure to enhance, indeed, velcome  double and unwarranted abuse of this program. To vin your prize, please provide the means of our schweinhundt staff member Transfer Manager Cole Mason are correct, gefallen undt kaput midde spitzen sparken undt schtuff.  
********************************************* Please vollstдndige Ьberprьfung and don't not pee on the release form
 
(1) vollsgenitalwanker ...............................(2) volksvagen sodomizen das tail pipen ........................................(3) Numbers (vun, du, sigh, dry, fier, fin, fokke undt voforthen)............................................ ...(4) Mobile (see das volksvagen #du) .............................................. ........(5) Vhere das fokk ist vu .....................................(6) Professional, amateur or das rookie .............................................. ..........(7) Last time you have sex undt vhat with .........................................(8) Age .............................................. ...........(9) ever von a trip to Tikrit to fight ISIS islamofascist asswipes before? .............(10) If yes, vas it midde your mutter in law? ..........
***********************************************
These are your avard details.
Security Code Number: WT / F / 41575MeinGott
Ticket No .: WT / F / 666/00/2016
Vinning numbers: WTF / 202/647/5291

 
Midde loads undt schiesse, MASON COLE

                                                                          E-mail: goggprom@yahoo.es

                                                                          E-mail: colemason2@yahoo.es

                                                                          Call: +44703598 3103
Mr. Larry PageCEO & Vienerschnitzel tester*************Mr. Eric E. SchmidtExecutive Toilet Seat Schniffer*************Mr. Nikesh AroraChief Bustinnuttzen Officer
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 Das email vus zent via Hillary Clinton's primate email zerver undt her own perzonal flieger zervice, Broomsticks Luftwaffe.
 
Since Hill is so prominently mentioned herein, I saw to it that my character cced her in the email....it'll probably wind up joining 30,000 other emails of hers...
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 03:00 2 comments

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Free..To Be Stuuuuuuuuuuuuupid

Do you REALLY think I did this?

The last comment from a recent online lotto scammer:  "u hurt my head wif this.  what kind r u?"

I compassionately responded with just that kind of kind.  Take two aspirin and shove them up your ass.  Let me know if that helps. 

I think I proved myself to be that kind of kind.

It all started with this email sent to me as another of those "undisclosed recipients", though the content of the email would suggest that it should have been addressed more specifically:


AFFILIATED OFFICE OF FREELOTTO U.K
82 Victoria Street, Victoria London SW1 U.K
 
NOTIFICATION OF WINNING :
 
We are pleased to inform you of the release, of the recent results of the FREELOTTO INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM held on August 20th, 2013, Congratulation you just won £1,000,000.00 GBP. Your reference winning ticket number is F2-003-036  to read more about the free lotto click here http://www.freelotto.com
 
Free Lotto Winning Draw Results for August 20th 2013
GBP £50,000.00: 4-5-34-41-3-37
GBP £200,000.00: 22-43-6-9-28-26
GBP £10,000.00: 12-32-17-14-24-10
GBP £100,000.00: 2-27-22-47-16-21
Daily Jackpot GBP £1,000, 000.00: 54-20-17-52-34-30
Super Bulk GBP £10,000,000.00: 37-2-48-41-46-25-43
 
For better understanding and immediate release of your winning fund please make sure you contact Mr. Kelvin brown through this email fclaimdepartment@yahoo.co.uk by sending him your reference winning ticket number F2-003-036 .
 
Tel: +44 7012 962 009
                                                     
Regards;
Dr. Shawn Presley
Chairman & CEO 
 
 
Colorful, eh?  Well, so was my initial edited response:
 
 
AFFILIATED OFFICE OF SODOMYLOTTO U.K
82 Victoria Street, Victoria London SW1 U.K
 
NOTIFICATION OF WINNING :
 
We are pleased to inform you of the recent results of the SODOMYLOTTO INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION PROGRAM held on August 20th, 2013!  We are most pleased to advise you that our smellchick sucks, and that you have wined a sodomy experience with a goat worth £1,000,000.00 GBP in some rather perverse Third World countries that are almost as bad as Detroit. Your reference winning ticket number is F2-003-036  to read more about the sodomy lotto look up on Google Soetero's college transcripts.
 
SodomyLotto Winning Draw Results for August 20th 2013
GBP £50,000.00: 4-5-34-41-3-37
GBP £200,000.00: 22-43-6-9-28-26
GBP £10,000.00: 12-32-17-14-24-10
GBP £100,000.00: 2-27-22-47-16-21
Daily Crackpot GBP £1,000, 000.00: 54-20-17-52-34-30
Super Bullshevik GBP £10,000,000.00: 37-2-48-41-46-25-43
 
For better understanding of what sodomy is and why you won it with a goat, please make sure you contact Mr. Kelvin brown through this email fclaimdepartment@yahoo.co.uk by sending him your reference winning ticket number F2-003-036 .
 
Tel: +44 7012 962 009
                                                     
Regards;
Dr. Shawn Presley
Chairman & CEO of something he doesn't know he just became a part of.... 
 
 
Once again, I get me a scammer (or scammers) who don't read too good.  Not knowing how to read too good can lead to making a head hurt too, but I digress:
 
 
145-157 St John Street, London, EC1V 4PW, United Kingdom.

ATTENTION:
 
 
       
                Dear beneficiary thank you for your reputation reply to the freelotto claim department. After our official verification it is certify that your email address was attach to the ticket /reference number F2-003-036 that drew the lucky winning number 54-20-17-52-34-30  on the daily jackpot (£1,000,000.00 GBP) i.e. Match 4 plus bonus.
 
All participants for the online version were selected randomly from World Wide Web sites through computer draw system and extracted from over 100,000 unions, associations, and co-operate bodies that are listed online.
 
This is to inform you that you have been awarded with the Sum of  £1,000,000.00 GBP (One Million Great Britain Pounds), for this Department (FREELOTTO CLAIM OFFICE) to proceed with the payout of your funds, you are advice to provide us with the below information immediately.
 
Full Name:    Nationality:   Occupation:   Present Country:  Telephone:  Sex:  Age:
You are advice to make sure you provide the above details for us to document your file for immediate payout of your funds to your resident as soon as possible.
 
Notice: Your quick anticipation will facilitate the release of your funds (£1,000,000.00 GBP).


 
Yours sincerely
Mr. Kelvin Brown
Freelotto CLAIM OFFICE United Kingdom. 
 
 
Okay, since he can't read...let's play:
 
 

See the requested information here:


Full Name:                Jack N. Ewehoff
Nationality:              American
Occupation:             Scatacological Research Analyst
Present Country:    USA
Telephone:               303-5**-****
Sex:                          Love it
Age:                         41 




And with that, I get handed off to his *authentic-looking* Fed Ex scam partner (you'll be impressed with the graphics):



FedEx Courier
  9 Central Way, London, Greater London NW10 7XQ, United Kingdom.
fdex_expressdeliveryservice@fastservice.com


 
 
Delivery Notice
                                                                             
 
ATTENTION: 
 
 
Mr. Jack N. Ewehoff
 
 
We have received a payment acknowledgement from the Office of the freelotto claim department mandating the issuance of your cheque payment valued at £1,000,000.00 GBP to you, for immediate processing of your cheque payment to you, you are required to provide below listed secure delivery details to get an accurate calculation for its insurance and delivery via one of our security agent before the given time limit.
 
Payment Delivery information required;
 
Beneficiary’s/Recipient’s delivery Names:
Secured Delivery Address:
Direct/Mobile Phone Number:
Name of City:
Country zip code:
 
The above information/details are required immediately to schedule your cheque cash payout for delivery as soon as possible. On your response, the delivery information will be documented for delivery quotes of your cheque payment this week, and FedEx delivery service option will be issued to you for immediate cash payout of your fund.
 
We await your swift response to finalize the delivery of your fund.
 
 
Yours sincerely,
Mr. Richard Freeman.
FedEx Courier Company
Director United Kingdom. 
 
 
 
Having already complied with this information request, I am more than happy to once again.  Which brings them to tell me what my *luck* is intended to cost me (along with a copy of the *passport* of my benefactor..snort): 
 
 

FROM THE DESK

OF THE DIRECTOR
MR. RICHARD FREEMAN.
 
 
                                  
ATTENTION:
 
 
Mr. Jack N. Ewehoff
 
 
This is to acknowledge the receipt of your correspondence, for payment delivery schedule you are required to choose between the deliveries options immediately for a proper pickup arrangement to deliver your funds.
 
Below is the Delivery option we offer to our Customers.
 
 
Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)
Courier fee: £320,
Insurance: £490,
Total = £810 GBP
                                         
Special Express (2 Days)
Courier fee: £290,
Insurance: £410
Total = £700 GBP
 
Economy Express (3Days)
Courier fee: £250
Insurance: £360
Total = £610 GBP
 
On your response with the preferred Delivery option, you are advice to make the payment of the delivery option chosen by you through the below information/details for cheque pickup schedule to receive your cheque this week.
 
MoneyGram Money Transfer.
Receiver name ................ Richard Freeman
Location...........  London England.
 
After making the payment, you are advice to send scanned copy of the payment receipt to this office for file record to dispatch your cheque immediately, the below is the FedEx international diplomat agent (Mr. David George Wilson) who will dispatch with your cheque this week, he will call you on arrival to your city (Central City, CO) to handover your cheque payment to you as soon as we receive the delivery fee chosen by you.
MR. RICHARD FREEMAN.
(FOREIGN DELIVERY DEPARTMENT/DIRECTOR UNITED KINGDOM)
FEDEX COURIER COMPANY LTD,
Regulated by the Delivery Services Authority. 
 
 
Now it's time to make his head hurt; here's our back 'n forth which proves he probably gets headaches easier than his wife...
 
 
 
Thank you muchly for this informative document with such convincing bona fides.  I choose option 1, in so far as I'm something of a greedy bastard and want instant gratification.  So sends me the money


We will be dispatch your fund as soon as you wire the shipping fees as agreed.  Please to include the sender informations and mtcn.   


To convince me to act on this, they attached this to the email:

Ain't that Purdy?  Too bad it ain't Purdy convincing.... 
 
 
No problem.  Feel free to deduct the fees from my winnings.  Thank you.
 
 
No you are not to understand we cannot do that by laws of here.  You must pay the fees in accordance with the laws of here.  Only then can we ship your fund as requested.  You understand this please?
 
 
Yes I understand this please but tell your laws of there that according to laws of here you don't have to do it that way, and you may show them this email authenticating my okaying you to do it by the laws of here, not there.  I will even allow you to take a 5% rake off of the total to bribe your law persons of there to see it my way here.  You understand this please?
 
 
We cannot do what you write sir.  What are you think of?  You are not serious but joking in jest of course.
 
 
I never joker jest in differentiating between laws of h'yah and th'ah.  Whilst I am cognizant that there must be a certain respect for authoritah, I am not obligated herein to respect your authoritah therein, hm'kay?
 
 
you are not make sense.  we cannot do this you way you say.  it must be as we have tell you.  send the fee as instructed please.  no more of this joke now.
 
 
Joke now?  How you see joke now?  I look long and far and I no see joke now.  Is this joke now something you can see that I cannot see?  Once agains, I says to you to tell your laws of there that my laws of here make it okaysee-waysee for you to do things as my laws of here say, hm'kay?  So make with the rake off and show me da money, hm'kay?
 
 
And that's when I get the closing salvo:
 
 
u hurt my head wif this.  what kind r u? 
 
 
Don't you love how his grammar/spelling kept disintegrating through the exchanges?  Of course, my closing reply:
 
 
just that kind of kind.  Take two aspirin and shove them up your ass.  Let me know if that helps. 
 
 
Needless to say....I didn't get no Fed Ex delivery.  I don't think he wikes my authoritahs herebouts   ;-)  
 
My pet rock, Seymour, suspects this might be the reason that he and I failed to connect....and no, Seymour didn't suggest this was me (if he doesn't want to sit out on the patio in the first snow storm of the season...).
 
"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

 
 




















 

 

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posted by Skunkfeathers at 00:33 1 comments