A Basic Lesson In Density

George McFly might once have been this dense.

Then again, he was a movie character, not a Third World email scammer.

Their density is my playground.

Witness if you will the following exchange betwixt myself and "Miss Raina".  She begins thus:

I'm Miss Rania i really want to know you and have a good relationship with you i have something very important to explain to you when i hear from you
Raina   

On that point I am dubious at best.  That said, you don't know me, but I....I most certainly know you. I hear from many like you weekly.  All are just as full of sh*t as you are.  Curiosity moves me to ask how is it that you can stand to BE this full of sh*t?  Asking for a friend.

What she comprehends and what she doesn't is open to interpretation, but it seems my opening reply didn't derail Part 2 of her intended scam template:

Let me introduce myself properly to you again as you said, i' am Madam Rania Tareq from Libya, resident here in Senegal with my late husband family due to the crisis going on in my country Libya that took many souls, I am a window, Age 27 years old with one daughter, we are 2 female in my family, 1 has died with cancer,  i got married to Late Engineer Mr Tareq al-Khalifa who was working with Libya Government as a construction manager, my husband was shot and killed in his office in Libya on the 14th of July 2019 when we came back from London, due to the crisis going on in my country Libya, we move to nearby country here in Senegal where am presently live with my late husband family, i need your help if you can,  the situation i live here with my late husband family is very difficult for me, am not comfortable here with the Family behaviors, i want to get out from my late husband family with my daughter because of my situation, i wanted to go back to London after the death of my late husband to take cares of his Petrol and Gas station he invested in London, his family stop me not to go back to London, than declared to handling my late husband investment to his uncle who also resident in London,

i' m seeking for your help to assist me claim this 1.4 million dollars in your account my late husband has in Barclay bank London, I want to withdrawal this money out from the account  of my late husband and move away from his family here, if you will stand and claim this money for me, let me know so that i will introduce you to the Bank where the money was made and deposited for you to contact they office to know the possibility of claiming the money for me in your account, so that i can come over there in your country and live then invest,  i don't want my late husband family to know about this money since am still living with the family here, am doing everything secretly, if is possible for me to meet you before doing anything, i am ready to meet you, but i don't have much money at hand now to sponsor myself and my daughter to fly to your country, i don't want to claim this money here because of my late husband  family that is around me, my  phone no +221 763 297 285

 For apparent authentication, she included this supposed-to-be-an "awwwww" moment photo:

Sadly, my "awwwww" reaction reservoir was in something of a drought mode:

Yes, you are again introduced to me as you are and I find you just as full of sh*t with this second introduction as I found you with the first, more abbreviated introduction.  Trust me when I tell you that you reintroducing yourself a third time will not reduce the amount of sh*t that you're full of.

It is a nice picture though.  Who'd you steal it from?

Perhaps she's not quite as dense as I thought...but nor is she terribly bright:

I do not understand you  

I am not surprised at your lack of understanding.  That's what you get for using a template you haven't closely examined or well thought out.  For example:  you or someone wrote for you that, quote,  I am a window, Age 27 years old with one daughter, we are 2 female in my family, 1 has died with cancer.  So, is your daughter the one that died with cancer, or are you, the window, the one that died with cancer?  See what you just did there?

The density increases:

i do not understand you point.  how can i be died from cancer when i write you?

Egg-XACTLY, babycakes....now perhaps you are just beginning to see what you did there.  How you go about correcting it, I'm not sure, not being a doctor nor playing one on TV.  When you're died from cancer, you is dead.  A corpse.  A cadaver.  No longer one with the physical realm.  And as such, quite unable to communicate with those of us remaining in the physical realm.  You must really be new at this, aren't you?  Being a dead window I mean.  

i am not understand this point.  can we discuss if you are going to help me?

How in the HELL can I help a window that's been dead for 27 years?  That's beyond the most advanced science our planet knows, Babs.  Perhaps when your daughter grows up, technology will have caught up to make this template workable.  Just now...it's a total buzzkill that would have been *GONG*d on the original Gong Show.  And when you've flopped with Chuck Barris, you truly is gong'd.  

what is meaning

Meaning is what something has when it's explained by the person presenting it to someone else.  How the explainer explains it to the person having it explained to them, well that's the trick in what is meaning.  Did you get that?  Have you gotten any of this?  I'll loop the *Jeopardy Theme Song* a couple extra segments to give you time to answer.  Please take your time....it's quite clear that you need it.

After that, Miss Raina -- or one of her handlers at the fly-infested internet cafe from whenst she was trying this sh*t -- finally had a density breakthrough, and ended any further attempts with her faulty template.

The pet rocks Seymour and Element did agree with me on one point:  it was a nice picture.

The Stin...k

If you recall the famous movie from the 70s....this will remind you of none of it.

This is more of another scammer that looks for replies without looking at WHAT they say.

Here's how it started:

Hello my dear,
How was your night over there in your country, I believe you had a nice slept last night and  the atmosphere was very good with you today in your country? The weather was a little bit warm over here today in Dakar Senegal.
My name is Sofia Bahizire, I am (23)years old, single (never married before), fair in complexion, 1.73cm. Meanwhile age doesn't matter in a real relationship,so I am comfortable with your age. I from Goma, the eastern region of Democratic Republic of Congo in Central Africa. A formal colony of Belgium. And presently I am residing in orphanage home called refugee camp, here in Dakar Senegal as a result of the civil war that was fought in my country some years ago.

I lost my both parents during this deadly political war. That damaged thousands of innocent souls in Democratic Republic of Congo. My family was among the first target of the rebels because my late father Advocate Floribert Chebeya Bahizire, is prominent human rights advocate. Late Advocate Floribert Chebeya Bahizire found dead a day after being summoned to meet the chief of police, he is supporting the government when the problems was about to start. Due to this all the members of my family were murdered in a cold blood and our family house was set blazed. I was lucky escaped death because I went to school when the  incidence took place.

I am only person who is alive in my family, and i managed to make my way to Senegal where I am living now as a refugee and never pray or think to step my foots in my country called Democratic Republic of Congo.

I would like to know more about you. Your likes and dislikes,your hobbies and what you are doing presently. I will tell you more about myself in my next letter. Attached here is my picture. Hope to hear from you soon,
Your sincerely,
Sofia  

and of course she sent along a photo or three that once again proves that life in non-existent Senegalese refugee camps ain't all THAT bad:

Sadly, she didn't bother to read what my character replied with:

Dear Sofa,  ..or davenport, couch, divan...whatever.

I am not interested in you.  You are in Senegal.  I never asked anyone to send me a gal from there.  If they sent me you, I'd send you back as defective.  

And that reply begat this:


My dearest
I am very glad in your reply to my mail. How are you doing today? and how was your night and the atmosphere over there with you? I hope fine. To me, the weather is warm over here in Dakar Senegal, as it use to be some times like this. Anyway, is not enjoyable to me due  condition I were facing here right now.

Meanwhile, in this camp we are not allowed to go out from the camp every day of the week. It is just like one staying in the prison and I hope by God grace I will come out here soon. I do not have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war the only person I have now is reverend Joseph  Kolo  who is the reverend of the charity mission (christ for all church) here in the camp he has been very nice to every one here in the refugee camp. The reverend Telephone  number is  (+221 763 91 64 10)  if you call and tell him that you want to speak with me he will send for me in the hostel. As a refugee here I do not have any right or privilege to any thing be of money or whatever because it is against the law of this country.

I want to go back to my studies because I only attended my first year before the tragic incident that lead to my being in this situation now took place. Please listen to this (please it is a secret, between me and you), I have my late father statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you later, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in the United Kingdom bank which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is £ 9.7 Million British Pounds ( nine Million Seven Hundred Thousand British Pounds)

So I will like you to help me to transfer this money to your account and from it you can send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you. I kept this secret to people in the camp, because I am afraid to loose this money if they gets to know about it. So, in the light of above I will like you to keep it to  yourself and do not tell it to anyone for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember I am giving you all this information due to the trust I deposed on you. I like honest and understanding people, truthful and a man of vision, truth and hardworking.

Meanwhile, I will like you to call me like I said I have allot to tell you. Have a nice day and think about me. Awaiting to hear from you soonest your for ever in love.
Sofia  

I sorta tried to get through to her with the first response.  Will the second attempt get 'er done?  Let's see:

Refugee camps in Senegal are pretty posh from what I see.  Not a bad place for you to stay while you await your Queen Hellary on her worn out whisk broom to ride in and sweep you to the land of welfare, flying monkeys, midgets singing about suckers and a place where apple trees pelt you with fruit.

Nawp, she read that one like she read the first one:  not at all.  Worse...she now wants me to contact her scam bank:

I thank you ones again this day. And  I will use this greatest opportunity to let you know that God has chosen you to help me among other men on earth its now left for you and  God who directed you to  help me out from this predicament i found myself. I know you are the man I am going to depend and trust for my life, so needless of looking for another man.
Please I have not told anyone except you about the existence of this  money and I will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (MONEY) all eyes will be on it. Remember I trust you, that is why I am giving you all this information's. my love is for you and you alone.
This money and the only thing they told me is to look for a foreign partner who will stand on my behalf due to my refugee status and the laws of this country. You will have 15% of the total money for helping me and the remaining money will be managed by you and me in any business of your choice.

In this regard I will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information, tell them that you are my foreign partner and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting me in transferring the (£ 9.7 Million British pounds) deposited by my late father of which I am the next of  kin to your account in your country.
The contact information of the bank is as follows,
 
BARCLAYS BANK LONDON.
Email address: (foreignoperationdepartment@consultant.com)
The name of the transfer officer is  Mr Charles .S. Doyle
Telephone number +44 (704) 578 6282
Fax number +44 (703) 180 3691.
Address No1 church hill place London.
And my late father account number is: 745008901546
 
Contact them now on how to transfer the £ 9.7 million British Pounds deposited by my
late father of which I am the next of kin. I have mapped out 15% for your assistance and 5% for any expenses that might come up in this transfer. My dear I am glad that God has brought you to see me out from this situation and I promise to be kind and will equally need you in every area of my life plus investing this money since I am still too young to manage this amount of money.
As I told you before, this camp is just like a prison and my prayers is to move out from here as soon as possible. Please make sure that you contact the bank so that after the transfer you can send some money from that account for me to prepare my traveling documents to meet with you in your country.
Awaiting to hear from you soonest!.
Yours for ever in love.
Sofia


Okay, fine.  When a woman says that -- especially with the wrong emphasis in the right place -- we guys KNOW we're in trouble.  When I say it...eh...it just means that it's time to edit:


Subject: Please get the penguin super glue...and a mirror
Date: Mon, 13 Jun 2016 15:15:20 +0000

Speaking furniture here,

I spank ye wunst agin this day.  Unlike a Bloom County penguin that flossed his beak off after too many herring wallbangers, I do the dance of anticipatory happy happy amongst the thistles of the field.

And too late realize why that little bastard did his dance in the dandelions.  Muthaforkin ouch in mulitples.

I will use this suckass opportunity to let you know that an islamofascist baphomet that looks like a goat haid has chosen you to help me among along with tornadoes, farts and pterodactyls oh my, to help me out from this predicament i found myself.   For I am a talking furniture -- sofa, couch, davenport, WTF ever -- I know you are the man and I know that I is not and that statement will piss off NOW, COW, and all those other feminincompoop gaggles of cackling hens, but this is of no matta, for I am going to depends to keep from fouling myself repetitively, and failing you as a man, I will seek out a yak.

Please I have not told anyone except you and 4,000 other email addresses about the existence of this spank the monkey video on YouBoob and I will like you to please keep it secret to other people because since it is (a social mediocre spank the monkey thang on YouBoob) all eyes will be on it as people are texting on their I and other vowel phones, walking into sh*t not paying attention to the man behind the curtain.

Remember the words of a former friend that were as 100% empty as mine:  I trust you, that is why I am giving you and the other 4,000 yutzes I emailed all this information's. My love is a song by Petula Clark and I digress with you and you alone...times 4,000 or so.

This spanked monkey ain't happy and the only thing they told me is to look out for a gorilla getting shat in Cincinutti when the cockroach comes to eat the place.  I'm beginning to think that Spike Jones is having a new erection with these verbosities where learning is finding of trigger words so one can run crying to a safe zone with fouled knickers and demand of the spanked monkey, to make them stop. 

And for this I need a foreign partner who will stand on my half due to my being comatose on the floor, being a talking piece of furniture that I am?  I guess that's the laws of this country. You will have 15% of the responsibility for spanking the monkey for helping me and the remaining 90% of the monkey spanking will be managed by the DNC and members of the Hellary crimepaign to replace the worst fauxtus in history with an outright criminal wench that wears 6 XXXL butt thongs.

In this regard I will like you to contact the bank immediately with this information, tell them that you are there to spank the monkey and that you want to know the possibilities of assisting Wikileaks in transferring all of Hellary's emails to a server easier for the Russians, Chinese and the Weekly World News to access.

The contact information of the bank is as follows,
 
BARPLAYDOHS BEANS AND BANGERS LONDON.
Email address: (foreignoperationdepartment@consultant.com)
The name of the soon-to-be-dumfounded officer is  Mr Charles .S. Doyle
Telephone number +44 (704) 578 6282
Fax number +44 (703) 180 3691.
Address No1 Great Horned Church hill place London.
And my spanked monkey account number is: not higher than 10
 
Contact them now on how to spank the monkey.  Using teh Gooble Eoith search app I have mapped out 15% of the Eoith's soiface that doesn't support the formation of a league of yak football players in New England.  

My dear I am glad that God has brought you to undermine my situation and I promise to be a lying sack of sh*t since I am still too young to manage a spanked monkey.

As I told you before, this genital cramp I just had is like a prison and how to explain how a piece of talking furniture has a genital cramp is one for some future generation of politicians like Marie Barf, the State Department hash tag hag, to 'splain to some dumbed down idiots in the basement of the DNC as soon as possible. Please make sure that you don't forget to not floss as hard as that herring wallbangered penguin did.

Awaiting to hear from you soonest!.
Yours forever in solitary confinement with sufficient meds to keep me from chain sawing the Laz-E-boy and end tables that shriek like a marmot.
Sofa

Sofa r (see what I just did there?), no reply from Sofia suggests that someone finally read what I dun to her email, Ma.  BUT....another scammer that received a copy of it didn't quite grasp the obvious:

how can I help you?  

If you read the email, how the f**k do you think you can help her?  

I don't like your words.

Then why the f**k did you learn to read and type them?  

Apparently f**k is one of this scammer's trigger words.  Nothing further while he cowers in his safe zone and wets hisself.

And that concludes...The Stin...k.  No one's contacting me for movie rights...not even that lousy director that stole my real name.

Will The REAL Joy Milla Please Step Forward?

I'm telling you, someone got themselves a cloning machine and they are going to TOWN in a mythical Senegal refugee camp.

Though more likely in a fly infested internet café in Africa.

I have heard more from a "Joy Milla" -- allegedly pictured at right -- than I have from even Mariam Abacha.

Here's Joy's typical pitch:

My dearest,

I am more than happy for your reply to my mail. How are you ? I hope fine. Dear, I am writing this mail to you with tears and sorrow from my heart. I will really like to have a good relationship with you and i have a special reason why i decided to contact you.

I decided to contact you due to the urgency attached to my situation, My name is miss Joy Milla, am the only daughter of Late Dr/Mrs. Abel Milla,my mother died when i was very little, I am now 23 years old girl from South Sudan, But presently i am residing here in DAKAR SENEGAL in refugee camp as a result of political war in my country.

My late father Dr. Abel Milla, he was very successful politician also a top businessman in south Sudan before he was shot dead during this last political crisis in my country. Before my father die,he called me and told me that he deposited the sum of Three Million, Eight Hundred Thousand U.S.D ($3.800,000.00) left in a suspense account in a bank in London, that he used my name as the next of kin to the funds.

I have all the documents with me here, Meanwhile after the burial of my late father,his brothers conspired and sold all my father's properties and he left nothing for me. start looking for me to killed, I escaped from my Country and came to Senegal Refugee Camp where i am living now and i do not intend to go back to country again. i wanted to locate to another country and start my new life.

My Dear,since i came here in this refugee camp, life became difficult to me,there is know food even good water to drink, I have informed the bank about claiming this money through there email, so that i can start something doing in my life, and the response that i should present a foreign partner who will help me transfer the fund into his or her account that am not capable to handle such Huge amount of Money, and also,based on my Refugee Status.

My dearest, please i am begging you to help me transfer this money into your bank account, from it you will send some money for me to get my traveling documents and air ticket to come over to meet with you immediately after the transfer , To enable me start a new life ,because things are very bad for me here in the refugee camp where i am living today.

People are dying here on daily bases because of lack of food and poor medical treatment. I am afraid of what i am seeing here. I am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation of your effort/input after the successful transfer of this fund into your account.

Reply me back if you are Ready, willing, and able , to help me transfer the money to your account with sincerity, so that i can give you the contact of the bank, for you to contact them on my behalf on how to transfer the money to you.

To this end,I will like to hear your voice through the office number of the Reverend Father, his name is Reverend Paul Bennet and the phone number is ( +221780174962 ),When you call tell him you want to talk to Joy and he will then send his receptionist to call me hence I am staying at the female hostel block 104A,I had already told him about you.

I am waiting for your urgent and positive reply.
Yours Sincerely
Joy.  


Details of the pitch vary, as do the 'reverend' to contact each time, but it's always Joy Milla.

But not the SAME Joy Milla.

Here are all of the Joy Millas that have thus far sent my characters this pitch:

I've seen a few of these pics that accompanied other scam emails.  Never before as Joy Milla...until recently.

Anyway, I let my testosterone-reduced dieting pet rock, Seymour, handle this reply.

"Am NOT!!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

I thank you for your email.  Truly I do.  I always enjoy starting my day with emails from women like you looking with tears in your heart to be giving me the business.

Except when there are apparently more than one of you, all living in the same Senegal refugee camp and all -- with tears in your hearts -- using the same email template.

But not the same pictures.

Review the attachments and see if you can find the small discrepancy that I've been unavoidably forced to note.  Then get back to me with an explanation that makes a modicum of sense and we'll go no where from there.

At your soivice pending modicum of sense delivery,

Seymour PetRock

Esq and other acronyms that make me sound impotent

Which Joy Milla will step up next?  Perhaps this one that Seymour found so attractive:

"Do NOT!!!!  DOUBLE PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!"

I guess the pet rock told me...

Lost In Translation III

This dating scamstress claims -- after reading my character's first reply -- that "English is my favorite language".

Too bad she didn't make her "favorite language" one she was fluent in.

A quick lesson in stupid for all you scammers out there.

Here's how she starts:


How Are You Doing Today,
I am Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years, i hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health, my dear I went through your profile today where am browsing and i read it and took interest in it for us to be friends Please if you don't mind i will like you to write and reply me back here, missnancyogwo@yandex.com Hoping to hear from you Please, I will be waiting for your mail Ok, attach here is my pics my dear, i want us to be friend's if you like to be my friend, from yours new friend Have a Lovely Nice And A Blessed Day My Dear, i am Expecting Your Mail please reply me back now Ok, missnancyogwo@yandex.com   


I have three other scamstress daters my characters are dealing with, so I reckoned this reply would make short work of this 'un:


Sorry, I already have too many online goilfriends to keep track of.  You're the ugliest of them.  You lose.  Bub-bye.  


As you'll see, the reply this generates proves that while English might be her "favorite language", she ain't as fluent in it as she thinks she is:


Good Day To You,
How are you doing today, i hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health, my dear i hope that every things is ok with you and your family's over there and i hope that every body that they are ok in good condition of health well my dear, I went through your profile lik i said and here is my own face-book profle account you will see me Check me here in face-book   singlebaby ogwo  and i read it and took interest in it, and i am very happy for your reply, please i need us to be friends and to knows each others well i read your profile andi like you thats why i am now telling you all about me and my secret i really need your help and i will be happy for us to see and to meet each others face to face and i belived that one day and very soon i will meet and you will see me face to face because i really need that my dearest one, and my dear How is your day?. Mine is a bit colder here in Dakar Senegal,

My  name is Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years old from Libya, in Africa, 5.11ft tall, Fair in complexion, (never married before) and i am currently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the administration war in country. My  late father was Dr. Patrick Ogwo management Ogwo director and Associates (Ltd), and was the personal advice to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my  father in cold blood. It's only me now that is alive and i managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal, where I am now living in a refugee  camp, and this team is owned by a Reverend that is in charge of a church here in the camp. I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently,  I am grateful to write you by given me the opportunity now. Hope you are fine, I thank God for you, your message was a bit relief for me, may God protect you for me,

Obviously, speaking the horrible nature of  this  Camp is so terrible  that every  bit of experience is  very unhealthy and inexplicable that we are confined to certain things. its just like one staying in the prison and I hope by Gods grace  and with your help I will come out here soon I don't have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war, The only person I have now is Rev- George David  who is the Reverend Minister in charge of the church in this Camp  A.K.A( CHRIST DE SAVIOR MISSION) He has been very nice to me since I came here,and owing to the nature of the Camp there are two  hostels namely,  the women's and men's hostel, Darling it is very vital at this point  to give you the Pastors Tel number in case you want to call me but i will give it to you in my next mail,

Sincerely speaking, the  horrible nature of this place,  makes one  to be so perplexed and unavoidably in a serious diorama of dilemma which the predominant view of my life and my dream  was  to go back to my studies because I only attended my first year before the tragic incident that  lead to my being in this situation now took place. of which you can agree with me that this priority is still unrealized, Please listen to this,I have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you later, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in London which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is $2.6(Two Million, Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

So I will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it we can travel to any country we want or we can live together in your own country and. I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me, Consequently  to this  i will like you to keep it to  yourself for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember I am giving you all these information owing to the providence of nature as you are Godly sent person to me,

My favorite language is English but our language is Arabic but I speak English very fluently because both my father and mother studied in Europe. Meanwhile I will like you to call me like I said i have a lot to tell you. Have allot of nice day and think about me. Awaiting to hear from you soonest, Thanks and remain blessed three attach here is my pics for you and i will like you to send me yours in your next mail, Thanks My Dearest waiting to read your reply again, from yours new Friend,

Yours Faithful One  


Not so good in reading English...and not so good in researching her scams.  Senegal has no refugee camps.  Eh...that one I can overlook.

So I have 'Frank' write her back...not in her favorite language, but in one she says is her primary one:

حتى اللغة الإنجليزية هي اللغة المفضلة لديك ولكن اللغة العربية هي واحدة الأساسي الخاص بك؟ وهذا يفسر لماذا لم يقرأ ما كتبته لك في اللغة المفضلة لديك، حتى ظننت أنني كنت أكتب إليكم في لغتك الأساسية لتمكنك من معرفة ان كنت غير جذابة جدا ولدي الكثير من الصديقات الإنترنت الآن أن نضيع الوقت مع المخادع العربية مثل الخاص بك آسف twot الجمل الحمار. وصلى الله على  القروح     منك.

I have no idea what I just wrote there, but I didn't need one; I let teh Gooble do the translating for me:

 

 

So English is your favorite language but Arabic is your primary one?  That would explain why you didn't read what I wrote you in your favorite language, so I thought I'd write to you in your primary language to let you know that you are very unattractive and I have too many online girlfriends now to waste time with an Arabic scammer like your sorry camel twot ass.  May allah get genital sores from you.
 

 Did we communicate this time?  While I wait to find out, I had my character do a little edit on her last reply and send it to dozens of her peers and colics:

Good Golly Miss Molly,
How are you doing today, i hope you are spine and in perfuct condition of hellth, my carp i hope that every things is ko'd with you and your many family branches out there and i hope that every two with a body is not without a body.  I went through your profile and I licked all the parts I thought tasted like chicken.  Here I has my own faceplant account you will see me Check me here in face-book I use  singlerhinobaby ogwo  and i read it and it make me all giddy with foam and i am very much ignore your reply, please i need us to be friends and to knows each others wells because mine well is dry and I needs one with waters in it.  Mine is a bit colder here in Dakar Senegal, home of the refugee cramps.

My  name is Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years old from Dearbored Michigan, but moved to Libya, Maryland a partially still standing suburb of Burntimore.  I am 4' tall from a tribe of pygmys that were resettled in Maryland by your emperor Obola in 2011 to helps his goat fraud in 2012.  i am currently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the work requirements for welfare that were recently passed where I was living.  Work?  ewwwww.  If I can't have it for free I don't want it...that what Nancy Pelosi tell me.  My  late father was Dr. Patrick Ogwo...at least he never argue that he my daddy from time I old enough to incest in my future.  It's only me now that is alive and i managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal, New York, where I am now living in a refugee  camp, and this team is owned by a Reverend al Sharpton that is in charge of a riot-for-profit community disorganizing group called Soros 'n Obola Hoax 'n Change.  

Obviously, speaking the horrible nature of  this  Camp is so terrible  that every  bit of experience is  very unhealthy and inexplicable that we are confined to certain things. They make us attend classes to learn useful stuff, and train us to....*work for a living*...oh, the horrors of it all.  The worst part is having to be responsible for our own actions.  That is so contraryian to what rev Sharpton and the DNC teach us when we take apart Ferguson and Burntimore.  The only person I have now is Rev- al Sharpton and he sucks geese genitals.  He has been very nice to me until I refuse to let his pet gibbon make sex with me.  

Sincerely speaking is new to me, but really everything I write is a scam that is dictated to me in basement of DNC hindquarters in Washingmachine DC.  The chairpoison -- Debbil Wasserpuss Snitz -- is a crosseyed wench of dubious antecedence and make the  horrible nature of this place,  makes one  to be so perplexed and unavoidably in a serious diorama of dilemma which the predominant view of my life.  See, I tell you I grasp English good yes?  

So I will like you to help me transfer to Clodumbia U this fall so I can get my nurserette in liberal farts and have a prestige degree with not a practical use to it.  Make it easier me stay on welflare and be a democrap mooch.  My favorite language is English but our language is Arabic but I speak English barley fluently because both my father and mother studied in Washington DC skool cesstum and lerned rail gud there.  

Miss Nancy Ogwo (this week only)

missnancyogwo@yandex.com  

 

 

Miss Ogwo is apparently not as good with English -- or with translated Arabic -- as she claimed.  What my character got back was a page and a half of 'gobble talk' (in Arabic) that in essence was the bank account information and contact info for the Rev in her 'refugee camp' in Senegal.

We are definitely lost in translation.

So I had my character "painfully" transcribe bits and pieces of what she sent in Arabic back into English, in a manure my pet rock, Seymour would be proud of, and sent it back to her, her bank and her Rev in her favorite language that she's so good at:

I Massengill Douche number Blvd.London, EC2V 5DDUnited KingdumbPhone: + 44-70319-10952E-mail: standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk

Deposit account information;This is the contact information of the bunk.Name: Standard Chartered Bunk PLC UK.Name transportation officer, and Mr. Brollins Clown.E-mail :( standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk) OR
  (Chieftransferofficer@aim.com)Personal number to Mr. Brollins Clown.Phone number + 44-70319-10952The fax number. + 44-703-1971-731.In the account information is as follows: -A / C name. Dr. Ukulele Unga Bunga BooBoo Sonny OnoThe amount deposited. (US $ 2.69)Next of Kin. Miss Cher Botox Ono Knot AgainA / C does not work my camels are melting, BLB745008901546 / QB / 91 / A.With confidence allow you to collect my late father a set of porcelain camel spider turds in the United Kingdumb Please I urgently request to see the order of this transfer US $ 2.69 to a hooker in the basement of the Democrap National Committee because of the condition of refugees inBurntimore.  Things have sucked here under democrap control and I is not comfortable with it.

Spank you Please I'm waiting to hear from them this message is concern............................................... Partner of Mr. Claudester Fock, Esq.

Something in the last two emails -- whether it be Arabic or someone with enough English grasping the words rather than just the fact that 'Frank' replied -- failed to *click* with Ogwo and her associates.  Witness this reply from "the bank":

Address; STANDARD CHARTERED BANK PLC UK. SCOTLAND.
Address; St Andrew Square
 Edinburgh SCO EH2 2YB  P.
GLASGOW-SCOTLAND
Tel Number +44-70319-10952
Fax Number. +44-703-1971-731.
(standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk)
(chieftransferofficer@aim.com )
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.co.uk
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.com
YOUR REF: RBS/LDNUK/08EU
YOUR REF:DATE: 20/06/2015

Warning........:Mr Claudester Fock, Esq,

This Message is an Official property of STANDARD Bank of Scotland, it is highly confidential and only issued to the next of kin to deceased customers of this bank proving their ingenuity towards such claims. Any alteration,cancellation or wrong information/mistakes mas as a result of providing this requirements will make such claim Invalid and not genue.

For your Kin Attention, Mr/ Sir Claudester Fock, Esq.,

We hereby acknowledged the receipt of your application for to release of this fund as the nominee/trustee to Miss Nancy Ogwo who is the next of kin to our deceased customer Late Dr Patrick Ogwo,  Already we have been informed by the young lady that you are her trustee by presentation of a nomination letter on your behalf.

Inline with our security measures and allied administration matters,Your application is going under secularization the executive management board of this bank and the fund will be approved and release to any of your chosen account number upon the fulfillment of our official obligation after certifying that you are the original nominee/trustee to the next of kin to our deceased customer Late Dr Patrick Ogwo by forwarding the following documents to this bank.

1, A copy of the Deposit Certificate issued to the deceased customer Dr Patrick Ogwo

2, A copy of the Death Certificate of Late Dr Patrick Ogwo confirming his death..

3, A power of attorney and affidafit of an Oath, must be endorsed on your favor, signed by your partner Miss Nancy Ogwo and duly legalized/notarized with Senegal Based lawyer, in there federal high court of Senegal before it becomes valid.

4, Your complete account details where the fund will be re-transferred to, such as, the account name,account number,swift code,Iban Number, name and address of the bank.

The above mentioned Item 3 and 4 of this official requirements is the Article edict No 45 of banking terms  since 1928, This Documents are compulsory and are needed to  protect our interest,yours and the next of kin, this shall also ensure that a successful and smooth transfer of this fund is made to your account within 48 hours(2 banking days)

We are sorry for any inconvenient this may as we promise to give our customers the best of our service.

Regulated by the Financial Services Authority

------------------------------------------------------  Confidentiality Note:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------          
The information contained in this message is confidential and/or privileged. This message is intended to be read only by the person named above. The unauthorized use, disclosure, copying or alteration of this message is strictly prohibited. If you are not the addressee, (or responsible for delivery of the message to the addressee), please notify the originator by return message and destroy the original message.

Online Banking

© 2015 STANDARD Bank of Scotland PLC. All Rights Reserved,

STANDARD CHARTERED BANK PLC UK SCOTLAND. Address:
St Andrew Square, Edinburgh SCO EH2 2YB  P.  
GLASGOW-SCOTLAND

Tel Number +44-70319-10952
Fax Number. +44-703-1971-731.

OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.co.uk
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.com
Email : chieftransferofficer@aim.com  

 

 

Do you believe these abject nincompoops?  So let's try this in reply:

 

 

1, A copy of the Deposit Certificate issued to the deceased customer Dr Patrick Ogwo

Yes, I have a copy.  How many would you like?2, A copy of the Death Certificate of Late Dr Patrick Ogwo confirming his death..

Yes, I confirm that Dr. Patrick Ogwo is dyed the color purple.  This took place on October 29, 2014.  I will find a photo if you require.3, A power of attorney and affidafit of an Oath, must be endorsed on your favor, signed by your partner Miss Nancy Ogwo and duly legalized/notarized with Senegal Based lawyer, in there federal high court of Senegal before it becomes valid.

I have the power of atturkey invested in me as proscribed by the federal high court of Senegal, where smoking weed guarantees that everyone is high from gavel to gavel.4, Your complete account details where the fund will be re-transferred to, such as, the account name,account number,swift code,Iban Number, name and address of the bank.

I have all that informations and will provide it for a transfer fee payable before transferrance.  You agree to those terms and we are in business.The above mentioned Item 3 and 4 of this official requirements is the Article edict No 45 of banking terms  since 1928, This Documents are compulsory and are needed to  protect our interest,yours and the next of kin, this shall also ensure that a successful and smooth transfer of this fund is made to your account within 48 hours(2 banking days)

I am fine with terms and conditions provided that you are fine with terms and conditions.  Equality of outcome in terms and conditions.

 

Is ANYONE there reading ANYTHING I'm sending, apart from the various NAMES I'm using?

*Jeopardy theme song*

And the answer is -- after that reply -- yes, someone that actually grasps the meaning of English finally got around to reading the reply....which scammer is next in any language?