Heer Now

Forward or backward, many scammer emails probably sound no different than Bill the Cat's tongue bwonger.

My latest scammer isn't sure what hit his email, but he was fool enough to inquire about it.

First, his ploy:

My name is James Heer, a Trader, Auditor, Mentor, Investment Manager, Logistics Expert and General Business Man, I stay in London, UK. I contact you in respect of establishing a business relationship with you.

There is a certain amount of money that belongs to me. I intend to take the money out of the Germany to another location and bring back the money on a later date for investment and my own personal use. I made this money in the course of auditing a big Investment Firm in Germany and discovered this money as some excesses.

When I discovered these funds, I discussed the issue with the Company's accountant General as well as their personal relationship banker/adviser. This company in question is a very huge company and has been doing business for a very long time, since 1950s.

In the course of genuine business over this period, the money described above has been floating in the banking system and was recently made known to the Company's Accountant General by me. The Company's Accountant General has been a close friend of mine over time. I've been one of this company's Official Auditor General for over 25 years.

You may now understand why we need to take the money safely out of Germany before spending it. Here's our plan, we intend to get a neutral individual who is willing and able to receive this money in form of investment funds to be used by the individual in infrastructural projects, real estate investment or trade etc.

This is just to get the funds out of The Bank where it is presently, to the receiver's bank only. However, the deal is that the funds would be shared into 4 equal places and each of us would be entitled to equal parts of the funds after you receive. I'm talking about Me, You, The Company's Accountant General and The Senior Officer at The Bank who is the company's personal relationship banker/adviser.

We do not require any complicated paperwork or lawyer agreements etc to get this work done. Our agreement would be between 4 of us only as we require utmost confidentiality in this matter. You do not have to tell your bank the details being given in respect of these funds. All we require from you is your willingness and ability to receive the funds in question.

With all these in place, The Bank will initiate wire transfer of the funds to your account. We expect that we act according to the agreement we shall get to in respect of this. This isn't a risky operation or money laundering. Its just a simple opportunity which we intend to exploit using an absolute stranger.  

Had he worded it "exploiting an absolute stranger", it might have achieved a level of honesty hellary will never be able to match.

I had my pet rock, Seymour, read back the entire email backward, to seek any possible demonic hidden meanings therein; even teh Gooble translator wouldn't touch what Seymour was babbling.

"!tfffffffffffffffhp hO"

He still is.

Nonetheless, the theme was set and the edit went ahead thus:

My name is James Horlicker Heer; I am a traitor, a loser, a gooser, and I'm a flivver.  I have tried being a trader, an auditor, an mentos, an incestment Manager, a Logistics Expert with 'x' being the unknowd factor and spert being a drip of water under pressure.  In snort, I is a primate Business gender neutral of dubious monkeycedence.  I stay in London, UK. I contact you on accounta cuz my handlers in the fly infested internet café in Lagos demands it.  And on accounta cuz I wants relationship with your twat waffle iron.

There is a certain amount of money that belongs to me. I think it's a buck one eighty or some pithily insignificant amount.  I intend to take the money out of the Germany that it got putted into once ago, to another location like a Switzerland, Uganda, Ubangee, Ungabunga or Uranus, which ever is reachable firstest, and bring back the money on a later date when maybe it now worth a buck two eighty or so for my own personal use. I made this money in the course of artificially inseminating door knobs in Liechtenstein while listening to a Beatles record backward, and the results were like a hellary crimepaign rally.

When I discovered these backward lyrics -- devil bunnies, devil bunnies, I snort the banana, bang your dong, get along, dawgie -- I discussed the issue with the witch doctor what told me what to do...oo ee oo ah ah, wing wang willa willa bing bang.

I has no f**king idea what that means.  Do you, frontward or slideways?

In the course of designing dust covers for wombats, the monkey not herein described has been floating in zero gravity and crapping all over the place in such a manure as to make the changing of zero gravity in that immediate area very likely messy once it stops zero gravitizing.  The Company's Accountant General has been a source of meth and crack for me over 25 years. It shows as this email depricks.

You may now understand why you need to run screaming the other way and not have no more speaks with me.  I am I said...I wet my bed.  But someone is needed to take my monkey safely out of Germany before it spreads gravity defying sh*t all over the place, fouling infrastructural projects, real estate investment or trade etc.

We do not require any complicated paperwork or lawyer agreements etc because we don't gots no toilet paper to use or loot in this place.  Our agreement would be between an odd assortment of bereaved douche nozzles that meet once a month at a pot shop to quality test brownies and blow bubbles in bongs.  You do not have to tell your antecedence whomsoever you believe them to be, whether hairy fungerer or cosmic muffins, the details being given in respect of these things which only the lonely would know.  All we require from you is your collection of inflatable Julie Haggerty dolls that are giving Otto Pilot a knob job at 33 psi.  And don't call her Shirley.

With all these in place, the world will be made safe from AlGore. This isn't a risky operation unless his man-bear-pig gets loose or monkey laundering gets out of control in the spin cycle. Its just a simple opportunity which we intend to exploit using an absolute stranger to the utmost of use.

Let me know if this is something you would like to be a part of. If you have any questions, kindly f**k off and die, just like the hellary crimepaign team tells debate fauxderators before they totally cave to her.  

Thanks for your time. Does anyone know what time it is?  Does anyone really care about time?  If so I can't imagine why...we've all got time enough to fart.

Regards,
James Heer Kitty Kitty.  

 

 

After receiving this, it would appear that James had a question or two:

what is this please?  it is not what I send.  Why you send this?  

What this is, Poodle Lips, is a respond to your unsolicited excrement email sandwich without a side of flies.  It IS what I send on your both halves to a whole zero gravity monkey crap load of your pekinese and collies.  You'll be happy to know that no where in your original email did I find backward Beatles lyrics depicting demonic bunnies and banana snorters.  This should be of great comfort to your fallen bowels.  You do want to keep them off the ground; army ants like munching on bowels.  


That was apparently all the explanation wanted Heer  ;-)

The Face Just Got Longer

Not really, but he is certainly giving hellary a run for her Clinton Crimedation money in the incompetence department.

Meet John F***ing Kerry.  Former this.  Former that.  Current Suckretary of State.

And now a scammer sees money in using Kerry for a scam:


U.S Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520.

I am Mr. John Forbes Kerry, United States Secretary of State by profession. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and other Security Agencies in the Country for the year ended 2015, we discovered that you have not receive your fund.

I have made it my first point of call since taking office to settle all Outstanding Payments accrued to Individuals or Corporations with respect to local and overseas contract payment, Debt Rescheduling and Outstanding Compensation payment. This is to make sure all Outstanding payments are settled beginning of this fiscal year 2016. On Behalf of the entire staff of the U.S. Department of State and the United Nations in collaboration with World Bank, we apologize for the delay of your contract payment, Winning or Inheritance funds from most of African Countries and all the inconveniences you encountered while pursuing this payment. However, from the records of outstanding beneficiaries due for payment with the U.S Secretary of State, your name was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding payment who has not yet received their payments. Note that from the record in my file, your outstanding contract payment is US$10.5 Million (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) loaded in an ATM Visa Card that allows you to make a daily maximum withdrawal limit of US$3000 (Three Thousand Dollars).  


As the missive goes on, it clarifies that I'll only need to spend $180 of my own money on this scam...to get scammed.

Obviously, Kerry wants to replenish the funds he and Obola sent to Iran.

Back in another day, Kerry was all about disrespect to the government.  Well, when it's a government that he's now a part of, I wish to return some of the favor.  Which led to this edit of the scammer email:

On Saturday, July 30, 2016 12:05 PM, Ol' Horseface JOHN KERRY <infor@tc.edu.tw> neighed:

U.S Deportment of 57 State Sauces
2201 C Street NW
Warshington, DC 20520.

mr.johnkerry1@citromail.hu

I am Mr. John F***ing Kerry, Suckretary of 57 State Sauces when I'm not pitching relish, mustard, ketchup and other sh*t like that for my rich spousal. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Fauxderal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Central Lack Of Intelligence Agency (aka the DNC) and other Agencies of dubious Obolacedence in the Country for the year ended 2015, we discovered that we has no banana for you.

 

M-m-m-m-m-my banana.  I have made it my first point of call since taking this orifice and making it even smaller and less prestigious than the broom rider before me, to see to it that I have no banana.  This is to make sure all outstanding bananas are settled beginning of this agricultural year 2016. On Behalf of the entire staff of the Deportment of 57 State Sauces and the Eunuch Nations in collaboration with World Bunk, we apologize for the apostrophe we substituted for your ephipany.  This is SOP in most of African Countries and all the inconveniences you encountered while pursuing a banana.  However, from the records of dildos without borders, your name was discovered as next on the list to receive an authentic crimepaign 2016 inflatable Hellary sex toy only a yak could love.  Note that from the record in my file, you are not owed a banana.

I have your file here in my office and it says nothing, because it is inanimate paper product that is not endowed with the ability of audible communications.  And even if it had such a gifted ability, paper would likely not communicate in the manure that you and I do; it might "moooo" like a cow or something.  If trees could moooo, I'll bet that would f**k with a lot of bovine minds.  But I moogress.

I'm supposed to ax you for this informations:

Your Full Name:
Your Contact House Address:
Name of City of Residence:
Country of Residence:
Direct Mobile Telephone Number:
ID Card, DL or Passport Copy:
Age and Occupation:

What were you wearing last Friday:

Was it see through:

NOTE: Every documentation proof for you is not capable of speech either, as we here deal in illiterate and mute paper.  Imagine the chaos in the world if toilet paper could scream when it sees what you're about to do to and widdit.  Now, I has no banana for you.  You has no banana.  Therefore, the only obligation required of you by the laws of the Government of United States and the financial Monetary Policy of the Supreme Court -- something that I just made up because I'm one fart smeller with a long horse face and not much humors -- you must officially obtain the irrevocable LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY command from the Supreme Court of USA, as a means to justify the legitimacy, transparency and total jackwagon load of crap that hellary is. The LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY  command issued by the Supreme Court is valued at a cost of just US$180 (One Hundred & Eighty Dollars) only.

BUT..if you're among the first 1,000 emailers to respond to this eunuch offer, you'll get what I just said ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!!  Why?  Because I gotz no banana!!!  As soon as the above mentioned details are leaked from Hellary's server to the Russians, Chinese, the planet Uranus and Wikileaks, The LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY  command will be secured on your behalf immediately. If you roll over and beg it might happen soonerer.  I need all the compliance that I can get from you because I am so sick of peoples laughing at my horse face and calling me names and not letting me join their reindeer games and all that other sh*t.  Personally, I am very sorry for having this horse face that makes people say to me "why the long face?" when I walk into a bar with a skeleton that orders a beer and a mop.  Life sucks when you're me. 

Thanks for adhering to this instructions, unless you didn't, in which case you're a prick.

 

Most Totally Insincerely,
Mr. John F**king Kerry,
Suckretary of 57 State Sauces

I realize that some eye and mind scrub will be required for that last photo, but hey, that's what the obola regime brung us...gender neutrality, right?

 

The FauxBI Post-Hellary Fumble

Okay, this isn't the FBI logo, but it fits.

Y'all know that the FauxBI director, James Comey, wet himself to avoid indicting hellary Clinton with crimes over the email scandal, even while pointing out that she was dishonest, careless and likely exposed secret information to enemies of this nation like Russia, China, msnbc and cnn.

Well, there hasn't been much in the news on the FauxBI since then.

But the scammers love them this FauxBI scam; I get several a month in James Comey's name.

Here's a brief reprise of the gist of my latest one:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $12,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 5 years time which is 2021. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.  


Like Director Comey hasn't got better things to do?  Unless after literally punting his integrity and ethics to give hellary a pass -- perhaps arranged at the Phoenix airport between Bill and Loretta Lynch about a week earlier -- he figures he hasn't got much of a job left.

*TOING*

So while hellary runs around lying about what Comey said before Congress -- and anyone who watched the proceedings KNOWS she's lying, because her mouth is open -- Comey is looking for a post FauxBI career.

And that factored into the edit:

Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation (FBSI)
Counter-Truth Division and Cyber Crime Ignoring Bliss Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

 After months of investigation and finding that hellary lies like a cheap rug and probably exposed every last one of Bill Clinton's female intern genital humidor addresses to the Russians, Chinese, Uranus Mugwumps and about anyone else within 100 million light years -- only to wet myself by saying we can't prosecute the bitch 'cuz I don't wanna wind up like Vince Foster -- I need a new job, because it's obvious that I severely suck at doing this one.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol, the United Nations and Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation have successfully passed a mandate that I suck and that I need to find a new job.  Now how would you like to help me find a new job? Because I don't want to share a seat on hellary's crimepaign with that Medusa looking Debbil Wasserpuss Schultz; besides, I don't handle broom travel well at all.

     Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, who has copies of every last email hellary ever wrote, sent, deleted and denied ever having seen, read, writ, sent and/or deleted.  The United Nation and also the Russian NKVD or whatever the bullshevik they call themselves these days also have copies of all that crap.  In order to keep hellary's crimepaign flying monkeys from doing a Jimmy Hoffa on me, you need to send her crimepaign $350.  This is all you will ever need to pay until her crimepaign wants more.

 

 

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: a skeleton clatters into a local bar and orders a beer and a mop.  Now send the gawddamned money.

Confirm that you've bought all this sh*t by emailing the turd lipped twatwaffle below:  

Name: Agent Max Miller
Email: max.miller50@yahoo.com

You are advised to contact him and confirm to him that he is, indeed, a turd lipped twatwaffle.  Kinda like this hellary flying monkey she bought and paid for in the media.

 Upon receipt of your payment the hellary crimepaign will temporarily remove your name from the list of people she doesn't like and plans to ship to FEMA camps once she's got her filthy, dishonest hands on the Bill's old orifice.  Which is my fault because I was too pussy to do my job.  Which is why I need a new one.

 

 

 Yours sincerely,

James B ComeyTELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any hellary crimepaign posers, operatives, impostors or douche nozzled asshats.  That will make hellary break a sh*it load of lamps and yank testicles off male staff not fast enough to run.  

 

 

Anybody hiring?  James might be need a job...

Seymour Doesn't Just Edit Kim Jong Un

You gotta love research studies.  Especially when you more than likely paid for them as a taxpayer.

From the Christian Science Monitor came a story that told us researchers were now pretty sure that dinosaurs didn't roar:  they sounded like birds.

I've been losing sleep over that unanswered question.  Now I have to decide if I can sue Steven Spielberg for misleading us all with Jurassic Park. 

Anyway, this story literally *roared* out for an edit; even as Seymour was still vacationing in Califorlornia, he was able to email me this edit from a hiding place he judged to be safe from the Clintons.  Thus:

Did dinosaurs really roar? We can all now sleep at night knowing that, say scientists.

Seymour PetRock
WTF News Soivice
31 days ago

New research on the vocalizations of dinosaurs won't make a fig of difference to any of the current or past dinosaur movies.

In a rather inane study published in the journal Government Grants And How To Both Fake And Squander Them, scientists say that dinosaurs didn't roar; they honked like many of today's automobiles. 

Unless they farted; that was probably where the oft-depicted *ROAR* came from, along with the early global warming that doomed them by attracting an ice cold asteroid from space, seeking a place to warm up.

Today's automobiles make similar decibel violating, blaring *HONK* sounds, known as "NYC or LA rush hour traffic, epithet-accompanying vocalizations," by pushing air that powers sound production into an electronic device that then blares it out at other vehicles and drivers. Scientists now conclusively confirm that dinosaurs made much the same sounds during Jurassic era rush hours and at other occasionally inopportune times and places.

There is one direct living fossil evidence that suggests what dinosaurs sounded like and she's running for president.

"To make any kind of sense of what nonavian dinosaurs sounded like, we needed to go back in time and actually hear them vocalize," Julia Childs, a culinary barbaric professor at the Eunuchversity of Califorlornia at Berkeley's Crapsalad School of Geotrigger Words and Safe Zones and one of a few surviving time traveler team of the study said in a press release. "It isn't Jurassic Park's idea. It's more like I-5 in LA during rush hour, with claws and teeth. Not only were dinosaurs impatient, but they may be credited with the first drive by eatings and middle digit salutes in Earth history."

Using a frequently employed DNC made up statistical approach, Dr. Childs and what's left of her team went back in time via a secret time machine invented by Bonco and still very much in the testing phase, to analyze the anticipated unequal distribution of welfare benefits between carnivores, veggiepods and pre-BLM douche nozzles among assorted dinosaurs living in and around a vastly different-looking continental USA 80 million years ago. They discovered that inequality in welfare benefits were wholly ignored by the assorted populace; moreover, they quickly lost 52 out of 60 of their team to dinosaurs of the carnivore persuasion when some of the researchers tried to convince the carnivores that “going vegan” was a healthier option and that “dinosaurs don't kill, guns do”.

 

 
Oh whoops.

"Looking at the research as a whole, those few of us to survive this study should have done a detailed psychoanalysis of Bill the Cat's hairballs, instead," said study survivor Hanging Chad Appetizer, a post study recovering college cupcake at the same eunuchversity as Childs. "Our results show that traveling back in time is for blithering idiots which are one and the same with Hellary Clinton supporters."

Whether the ancestors of modern Yugos, Edsels and Studebachers actually sounded like the Road Runner is now settled science: they did NOT sound like that when they farted. However, the fact that dinosaurs first used the widely recognized middle digit salute to express their displeasure with fellow dinosaurs, suggests that the behavior we see in BLM and the DNC has long been associated with Hellary supporters, says Threebias Schmuck, a global warming geophysiology professor at the Eunuchversity of Seattle and another survivor of the study.

Furthermore, many dinosaurs had intolerable flatulence, with their large body sizes producing B-52 squadron volumed flatulent sounds. 

"A cool thing about this work is having survived it and seeing what the dinosaur version of Hellary Clinton was like," Dr. Schmuck said in the release. "That suggests why Bill regularly auditions female interns as genital humidors and spends so much time at the Clinton Crimedation."

The team's next move will be to study why drum circles look up when a pterodactyl flies over and foul themselves repeatedly. They need listen no further than Hellary's screeching to know what the sound of a Jurassic era dinosaur accident was like.

I don't care about garnering a Pulitzer like my pet rock does.  Nor do I care what a real dinosaur sounded like.   Just so long as I can avoid that prehistoric Hellary screech as much as possible.

Edit Of The Screaming Marmot

The infamous 'shrieking' marmot from YouTube.

At least it does ON YouTube.  I suspect in real life that it doesn't usually get as excitably upset.

Perhaps I could re-upset the marmot, if he knowd what I done to insert him into an email scammer's edited email.

Witness if you will the following:


Hello My Dear, I need your urgent help and assistance.
Please, I beg of you not to be annoyed with me and  my  message  to you, it’s because I don’t have any other means of reaching to you except via this medium as it is the only thing I can lay hand on as means of contacting you. My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )

I am Miss Aaren IB. Coulibaly, and I am 23 years old female from the Republic of Ivory Coast, I am the daughter of Late Chief Ibrahim Coulibaly (also known as General I.B). My late Father was a well known Ivory Coast military leader. He died on Thursday 28 April 2011(a date I will never forget in my life) and this was as a result of a fight with the Republican Forces of Ivory Coast (FRCI). You can read more about my father in the link,http://www.theguardian.com/world/2011/apr/28/ivory-coast-renegade-warlord-ibrahim-coulibaly

I have to seriously contact you for your help, because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away my entire wealth and property of late father from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father, because my mother died during child bearing and I was left alone with my step mother to take care of me. Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Europe, but she took away my traveling documents. Fortunately she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contained important documents of his will and deposit certificate of a fund (money) which bears my name as the next of kin to inherit a bank account South Africa. Due to her aggressions on me, I decided to travel out to Republic of South Africa as a Diplomatic refugee and now I am in the South African Diplomatic Refugee Camp. I am seeking for your friendship and investment assistance. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$20.5 Million in his foreign bank account with the First National bank of South Africa (FNB) with my name as the next of kin of the fund.

I have contacted the Bank here in South Africa to clear the deposit but the head of the bank’s international wire-transfer Manager told me that my late father placed an instruction on the deposited fund that I must present a foreign trustee who will help me for investment and management of the fund, this was due to my young age as at the time of deposit.

My reason of contacting you is because I need your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you or your family. As you indicate your interest to help me, I will give you the contact details of Bank manager where my late beloved father deposited the money with my name as the next of kin. It is my intention to compensate you with 25% out of the total money after the transfer of the money to your account. And extra 5% for any expenses that may arise, and the balance shall be for investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as I have no idea about foreign investment. Please all my communications with you should be through my email address for now, for confidential purposes; and I will provide you with my numbers once I managed to get any phone. Pease my dear you will be compensated with 25% of the total money. Kindly indicate your willingness to help me by replying back to me as soon as you receive my message. God bless you

Thank you as I wait for your quick and positive reply.

Yours sincerely,
Miss Aaren I. Coulibaly.  My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )  


A nice jackwagon load of crap that would make about any creature, capable of shrieking, do so.

So let's see if I can make Aaren I. Coulibaly 'shriek' with the edit:


On Friday, May 6, 2016 3:42 AM, "firedballsplowedintogoatsass@arcor.de" wrote:

Hello I need your urgent help and assistance finding virgin marmots that can shriek at high decibels.

I saw one on YouTube and now I want one for my very own.  Please, I beg of you not to be annoyed with me and  my  message  to you, it’s because I don’t have any other means of reaching to you except via this medium so that you can help me get a shrieking marmot that has been my life dream since puberty and my battery operated furry dildo broke and it was the only thing I can lay hand on. My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )

I am Miss Aaren IB. Coulibaly, and I am 23 years old female from the Republic of Ivory Coast, I am the daughter of Late Chief Ibrahim Coulibaly (also known as General I.B). My late Father was a well known Ivory Coast military leader and marmot inseminator. He died on Thursday 28 April 2016 (a date I will never forget in my life) when he thought he'd finally taught a marmot to shriek...and too late discovered it was a gaggle of rabid baboons that made him shriek instead at the unspeakable things they did to him, his genitals and his Samsonite hard side luggage.  It doesn't help to do sh*t like this with the lights out and wind up with parts of it on a luggage commercial.

I have to seriously contact you for your help, because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to deny me my own shrieking marmot because she thinks that shrieking marmots are a subbaphomet of Ukulele Ungabungaboo, the dark gawd of the Nigerian illuminincompoops, that often licks the seats of what passes for their toilets and gives them all painful rectal itch when displeased.  Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Liechtenstein but she said I don't have any success finding shrieking marmots at the International Crustacean Obedience Training Institute (ICOTI) located in Vaduz.  Fortunately she did not discover where I have a black magic tattoo of a marmot having sex with Debbie Wasserman Schultz at a Motel 6 near the DNC in Washington, DC.  I got it from Bill Clinton when I had an audition to be one of his female intern genital humidors while he toured Africa last. 

I have contacted a Bank in South Africa hoping to secure a loan to buy a shrieking marmot, but so far the only bank that seems to be interested in helping me is an online scam bank belonging to Dangote Alico, and that doesn't help me for sh*t.  

My reason of contacting you is because I need your help in finding and acquiring that shrieking marmot from the YouTube video which I will relocate to my country and settle down with it where I can have unnatural sex and lavish upon it all those things that genuine perverts who vote for Hellary do with furry things that shriek. Please all my communications with you should be through my email address for now, for confidential purposes; and I will provide you with my numbers once I managed to get any phone. Please my dear you will be constipated by a local witch doctor I know here if you fail me. Kindly don't do that because he is a rather unpleasant jerk and freak who smells funny.  

Thank you as I wait for your quick and positive reply. 
Miss Aaren I. Coulibaly.  My email is this ( aarenbaly@gmail.com )  

I eagerly anticipate a 'shriek' of sorts from the scammer, the DNC, the Clinton crimepaign, or the noted ex-friend referenced.

Or just another outburst from the marmot.

Even More FauxBI

Like Hellary, this FauxBI is equally full of crap.

You've probably seen this email before:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.

Federal Bureau Of Investigation.

J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc

Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday

Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $16.5million due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.for more information do get back to us.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hun Sen to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of  payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $5,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2020. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via FedEx. Because we have signed a contract with FedEx which should expire 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240 so if you

Pay before the one week you save $240 note that any one asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $180.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $180.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $180 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!To effect the release of your fund valued at $16.5million you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Chi Liko with the information below,

 

Tele:+855977558948

Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua  

 

 

But neither you nor they have seen this edit:

 

 

Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t (FBIS)

Matter Anti-Matter Anomalies Division.

Federal Bureau Of Impotent Sh*t

J.Edgy.Heaver Building Washington Dc

Customer Being Soiviced Hours / Monday To Saturday

Customers Don't Mean Sh*t On Sundays

Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Benef**kerary,

A series of rather dull, void-of-purpose meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization.  It's taken that long because he doesn't speaka de English for crap.  This ended 3 days ago when Rosetta Stone gave up and translated everything into Tai Quan Duck. It is obvious that you have not received any word of this because....who the f**k speaks Tai Quan Duck, not to mention who the f**k are YOU?  We corrupt Governmental Officials are the ones that matter around here, not some goat poking suck egg mule like you, Twatwaffle.

 

The National Central Bureau of Inherpol degraded by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t have successfully passed a mandate for universal bathroom usage and we will expect Uranus to stop segregating bathrooms for Uranus three peckered goats vs three vaginaed ones.  The current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hung Wun Sen is set to boost the exercise of clearing all of Hellary's hacked emails from the National Anchovies and move them to Bill Clinton's Female Intern Genital Humidor Training Academy -- in the basement of the DNC, where Bill maintains a peep hole in Debbil Wasserputz Snitz's dressing room.  Remind us to get Bill some new meds.  

 

 We will be issuing you a custom made hernia thong which you will use when you line dance the macaroni during a flash mob in downtown Pahrump while rioters empty every last roll of toilet paper from every 7-11 in what's left of Deadtroit.  Even if you do not have a bank account.

 

Clarification...Czech:  Prague is allegedly full of them.  

 

If you need confirmation of this by 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240.  That is our story and we're sticking it to you.

 

Also remember that fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.   Also remember that all you will ever have to share this moment is the autographed photo of you and a llama leaving a Motel 6 at 3am in Fresno.  Nothing more! Nothing less!  And we guarantee the receipt of these photos to your spouse, employer, massage therapist and catheter refurbisher.

 

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation, the DNC and also the Hellary for Prison crimepaign.

 

DO NOT SEND MONKEYS UNTIL YOU READ THIS: We are allergic to monkeys.

 

To effect the release of the llama you were photographed with you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Wy Tai Chi Vaginal Licker with the information below,

 

Tele:+855977558948

Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua

You are adviced to contact her with a screaming marmot in the background to mask your real location.

Upon receipt of a coupon for group sex with penguins we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% monkey back guarantee if you ignore our earlier demand and send us some.

 

Prick,

 

Miss Donna Story

 

FEDERAL BUREAU OF IMPOTENT SH*T

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUST ICE NO SODA

WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

---------------------
DISCLAIMER :
This electronic mail and/ or any files transmitted with it may contain visual painful rectal itch that is odor free and doesn't irritate a duck's butt, but will yours.  That last snippet is confidential. Telekomunikasi Indonesia, Tbk. and/ or its Subsidiaries are all transpecied tri-peckered wombats . If you are not an intended recipient, you just became one, Plunger Lips.  Any unauthorized and prohibited use of any of Bill's female intern genital humidors won't be noticed if you leave a $20 at the door.   If you have received this electronic mail, please reply to this electronic mail to notify the sender that it found your ass.  Finally, you should check this electronic mail and any attachments for the presence of the same kind of stupidity viruses that cause people to vote for Hellary.  

 

 

What comes as no surprise, there is not a peep back from this version of the FauxBI.  Or the Hellary crimepaign.  Or the DNC.

 

But my pet rock, Seymour, is pretty certain that I'm on Bill Nye's climate change denier list...