The FauxBI Writes Again

The FauxBI knows all about that, too.

At any rate, yet another version of the FauxBI has written to my characters.

All of them.

And for only $400, all of them can avoid being arrested.

Read how it begins yourself:


DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
J. Edgar Hoover Building, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 USA.

FBI.gov is an official site of the U.S. Federal Government,
U.S. Department of Justice.

Dear Beneficiary,

This is the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) using this medium to inform you that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given Since January  till this moment and you have failed to secure the required Wire Transfer Documents from Office of the Presidency as stated earlier and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you and all your properties confiscated.

You failed to comply with our directives to secure the Wire Transfer Document from Office of the Presidency and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on the 3rd of July as promised and our Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr has already been notified about this situation report and to get the process completed you have to secure the Wire Transfer Documents from Office of the Presidency immediately with the help of Mr.UBA LARRY or the warrant of arrest which has been signed against you will be carried out in the next 72hours as strictly signed by the FBI Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr.

As a good Christian and a honest man, I have decided to see how I could be of help to you because I would not be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated, I called Mr.UBA LARRY of the Office of the Presidency who will help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents and he stated that he will assist you as soon as you send to him the sum of US$400.00 Only and I believe this process is cheaper for you.

You need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to send the US$400.00 to Mr.UBA LARRY who will help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents in your name because our Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Benin Republic when he had a deal with you about the transfer of some illegal funds into your Bank Account which is valued at the sum of US$10,500,000.00.  


It babbles on for a few xtree paragiraffes but ends again on the same fauxthreat of arrest and confiscation should my characters fail to follow instructions.

One of my characters was "elected" to be the official response to the FauxBI in the edit, with a symbolic middle digit raised accordionly:

From: FauxBI Office <razalenuri@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2016 5:29 PM
Subject: FauxBI.gov is an official scam of the Government

 

DEPHARTMENT OF JAUNDICE

FUNGERAL BURRO OF INCESTUOUSNESS
J. PAUL BAR 'N GRILL
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 USA.

FauxBI.gov is an official scam Government,
U.S. Department of Jaundice

Dear Benef**ktory,

This is the Fungeral Burro of Incestuousness (FauxBI) using this extra large to inform you that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given Since January  till this moment and you have failed to secure the required Wire Transfer Documents from Orifices of the Clinton Crimedation as stated earlier and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you and all your properties confiscated, your pets prostituted and your wine bottle collection raped.

You failed to comply with our directives to secure the Wire Transfer Document and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on the 3rd of July as promised and our gutless Director Mr. James B. Chickensh*t, Jr has already been notified about this situation report and to get the process completed you have to secure the Wire Transfer Documents with the help of Mr.UBA LARRY -- a thoroughly disreputable yak muffin working at the Clinton Crimedation -- or the warrant of arrest which has been signed against you will be carried out in the next 72hours as strictly signed by the FauxBI's gutless James B Chickensh*t, Jr.

As a goat sodomizing islamofascist, I have decided to see how I could be of help because I would be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated, especially if you have goats that I get to start doing.  I called Mr.UBA LARRY of the Clinton Crimedation who knows nothing of  the Wire Transfer Documents and he stated that he will not assist you as he wants you arrested so he can get your used toilet paper collection, which he values more than the US $400.00 fee we were angling to scam you out of.

You do not need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to send the US $400.00 to Mr.UBA LARRY so that we can have you arrested because our gutless Director Mr. James B. Chickenshi*, Jr has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Benin Republic with the Pringles moustache drawd on the picture.

I pleaded with the FauxBI to let me issue this arrest warrant on you because I know you're a jerk and a freak and your ex-friend is an inconsiderate and insincere fraud who meant not one word she ever said before doing something stupid for the umpteenth time because she's been dropped on her head or something.

Make sure that you hesitate in making the payment of US$400.00 to the name stated above so that Mr.UBA LARRY which will fail to help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents in your name and then after all this process has failed we can have you arrested and all your possessions cornfedscated.

Here is the information to send the $400.00 Via Money Gram:
Receiver Name.. LARRY UBA
Country..BENIN REPUBLIC
City...COTONOU
Text Question..Jerk and Freak
Text Answer..Is Actually Marie
REF_________________

Note: all the crime agencies have been contacted on this regards and we shall trace and arrest you if you disregard this instructions so be warned not to try any thing funny because you are been watched by a grand father clock of dubious cuckoo antecedence.

For the FauxBI Office
Mr. James B. Chickensh*t, Jr
Clinton Crimedation suckup  

 

 

So far, none of my characters has been arrested or suffered any confiscation of anything.  I was rather hoping they'd confiscate the morphing leftovers from my refrigerator, before I have to shoot them (the leftovers)...

The FauxBI Post-Hellary Fumble

Okay, this isn't the FBI logo, but it fits.

Y'all know that the FauxBI director, James Comey, wet himself to avoid indicting hellary Clinton with crimes over the email scandal, even while pointing out that she was dishonest, careless and likely exposed secret information to enemies of this nation like Russia, China, msnbc and cnn.

Well, there hasn't been much in the news on the FauxBI since then.

But the scammers love them this FauxBI scam; I get several a month in James Comey's name.

Here's a brief reprise of the gist of my latest one:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $12,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 5 years time which is 2021. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.  


Like Director Comey hasn't got better things to do?  Unless after literally punting his integrity and ethics to give hellary a pass -- perhaps arranged at the Phoenix airport between Bill and Loretta Lynch about a week earlier -- he figures he hasn't got much of a job left.

*TOING*

So while hellary runs around lying about what Comey said before Congress -- and anyone who watched the proceedings KNOWS she's lying, because her mouth is open -- Comey is looking for a post FauxBI career.

And that factored into the edit:

Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation (FBSI)
Counter-Truth Division and Cyber Crime Ignoring Bliss Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

 After months of investigation and finding that hellary lies like a cheap rug and probably exposed every last one of Bill Clinton's female intern genital humidor addresses to the Russians, Chinese, Uranus Mugwumps and about anyone else within 100 million light years -- only to wet myself by saying we can't prosecute the bitch 'cuz I don't wanna wind up like Vince Foster -- I need a new job, because it's obvious that I severely suck at doing this one.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol, the United Nations and Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation have successfully passed a mandate that I suck and that I need to find a new job.  Now how would you like to help me find a new job? Because I don't want to share a seat on hellary's crimepaign with that Medusa looking Debbil Wasserpuss Schultz; besides, I don't handle broom travel well at all.

     Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, who has copies of every last email hellary ever wrote, sent, deleted and denied ever having seen, read, writ, sent and/or deleted.  The United Nation and also the Russian NKVD or whatever the bullshevik they call themselves these days also have copies of all that crap.  In order to keep hellary's crimepaign flying monkeys from doing a Jimmy Hoffa on me, you need to send her crimepaign $350.  This is all you will ever need to pay until her crimepaign wants more.

 

 

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: a skeleton clatters into a local bar and orders a beer and a mop.  Now send the gawddamned money.

Confirm that you've bought all this sh*t by emailing the turd lipped twatwaffle below:  

Name: Agent Max Miller
Email: max.miller50@yahoo.com

You are advised to contact him and confirm to him that he is, indeed, a turd lipped twatwaffle.  Kinda like this hellary flying monkey she bought and paid for in the media.

 Upon receipt of your payment the hellary crimepaign will temporarily remove your name from the list of people she doesn't like and plans to ship to FEMA camps once she's got her filthy, dishonest hands on the Bill's old orifice.  Which is my fault because I was too pussy to do my job.  Which is why I need a new one.

 

 

 Yours sincerely,

James B ComeyTELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any hellary crimepaign posers, operatives, impostors or douche nozzled asshats.  That will make hellary break a sh*it load of lamps and yank testicles off male staff not fast enough to run.  

 

 

Anybody hiring?  James might be need a job...

Even More FauxBI

Like Hellary, this FauxBI is equally full of crap.

You've probably seen this email before:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)

Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.

Federal Bureau Of Investigation.

J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc

Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday

Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $16.5million due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.for more information do get back to us.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hun Sen to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of  payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $5,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2020. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.

Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via FedEx. Because we have signed a contract with FedEx which should expire 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240 so if you

Pay before the one week you save $240 note that any one asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $180.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $180.

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $180 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!To effect the release of your fund valued at $16.5million you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Chi Liko with the information below,

 

Tele:+855977558948

Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua  

 

 

But neither you nor they have seen this edit:

 

 

Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t (FBIS)

Matter Anti-Matter Anomalies Division.

Federal Bureau Of Impotent Sh*t

J.Edgy.Heaver Building Washington Dc

Customer Being Soiviced Hours / Monday To Saturday

Customers Don't Mean Sh*t On Sundays

Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Benef**kerary,

A series of rather dull, void-of-purpose meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization.  It's taken that long because he doesn't speaka de English for crap.  This ended 3 days ago when Rosetta Stone gave up and translated everything into Tai Quan Duck. It is obvious that you have not received any word of this because....who the f**k speaks Tai Quan Duck, not to mention who the f**k are YOU?  We corrupt Governmental Officials are the ones that matter around here, not some goat poking suck egg mule like you, Twatwaffle.

 

The National Central Bureau of Inherpol degraded by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t have successfully passed a mandate for universal bathroom usage and we will expect Uranus to stop segregating bathrooms for Uranus three peckered goats vs three vaginaed ones.  The current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hung Wun Sen is set to boost the exercise of clearing all of Hellary's hacked emails from the National Anchovies and move them to Bill Clinton's Female Intern Genital Humidor Training Academy -- in the basement of the DNC, where Bill maintains a peep hole in Debbil Wasserputz Snitz's dressing room.  Remind us to get Bill some new meds.  

 

 We will be issuing you a custom made hernia thong which you will use when you line dance the macaroni during a flash mob in downtown Pahrump while rioters empty every last roll of toilet paper from every 7-11 in what's left of Deadtroit.  Even if you do not have a bank account.

 

Clarification...Czech:  Prague is allegedly full of them.  

 

If you need confirmation of this by 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240.  That is our story and we're sticking it to you.

 

Also remember that fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.   Also remember that all you will ever have to share this moment is the autographed photo of you and a llama leaving a Motel 6 at 3am in Fresno.  Nothing more! Nothing less!  And we guarantee the receipt of these photos to your spouse, employer, massage therapist and catheter refurbisher.

 

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation, the DNC and also the Hellary for Prison crimepaign.

 

DO NOT SEND MONKEYS UNTIL YOU READ THIS: We are allergic to monkeys.

 

To effect the release of the llama you were photographed with you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Wy Tai Chi Vaginal Licker with the information below,

 

Tele:+855977558948

Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua

You are adviced to contact her with a screaming marmot in the background to mask your real location.

Upon receipt of a coupon for group sex with penguins we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% monkey back guarantee if you ignore our earlier demand and send us some.

 

Prick,

 

Miss Donna Story

 

FEDERAL BUREAU OF IMPOTENT SH*T

UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUST ICE NO SODA

WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535

---------------------
DISCLAIMER :
This electronic mail and/ or any files transmitted with it may contain visual painful rectal itch that is odor free and doesn't irritate a duck's butt, but will yours.  That last snippet is confidential. Telekomunikasi Indonesia, Tbk. and/ or its Subsidiaries are all transpecied tri-peckered wombats . If you are not an intended recipient, you just became one, Plunger Lips.  Any unauthorized and prohibited use of any of Bill's female intern genital humidors won't be noticed if you leave a $20 at the door.   If you have received this electronic mail, please reply to this electronic mail to notify the sender that it found your ass.  Finally, you should check this electronic mail and any attachments for the presence of the same kind of stupidity viruses that cause people to vote for Hellary.  

 

 

What comes as no surprise, there is not a peep back from this version of the FauxBI.  Or the Hellary crimepaign.  Or the DNC.

 

But my pet rock, Seymour, is pretty certain that I'm on Bill Nye's climate change denier list...