It's All In The Edit II

You'll soon understand what the minkey is laughing about.

My character heard from Gary Johnson, with yet another ploy to get money out of my character with the usual chicanery from Scam Land:


Interim Assistance General Manager,
(Operations, Maintenance, Transportation)
Harrisburg International Airport Pennsylvania
One Terminal Drive, Middle town,
PA 17057, Pennsylvania USA

Dear Jack Ewehoff,

                 Your Abandoned Package For Delivery

I have very vital information to give to you, but first I must have your trust before I review it to you because it may cause me my job, so I need somebody that I can trust for me to be able to review the secret to you.

I am Mr. Gary Johnson, head of luggage/baggage storage facilities (Operations, Maintenance, Transportation) here at the Harrisburg International Airport, Pennsylvania USA. During my recent withheld package routine check at the Airport Storage Vault, I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from London and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg. The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as "MONEY" rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non Inspection Charges which is $13,700USD. On my assumption the consignment is still left in our Storage House here at the Harrisburg International Airport Pennsylvania till date. The details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official documents from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Trunk box

However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment as the assistant director of the Inspection Unit, I will advise you provide your current Phone Number and Full Address, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents including the name of nearest Airport around your city. Please note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department as unclaimed delivery due to the delays in concluding the clearance processes so as a result of this, I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account. So in order words to enable me cross check your details, I will advise you send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the trunk box, I can get everything concluded within 48 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and share the money 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment has not yet been returned to the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat so immediately the confirmation is made, I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $13,700 dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep Or I can bring it by myself to avoid any more trouble but you have to assure me of my 30% share.  


The reply was in the form of an edit...and assuming that my scamming audience is low information democrats (very likely), it includes pictures:

Interim Assistance Genital Monitor,
(Maintenance)
Hairlessburg International Airport
One Terminal Drive, Muddledtown,
PA 17057, USA

Hello Kitty Litter,

                 Your Abandoned With Good Cause Package For Delivery

I have very little information to give to you, but first I must have your trust before I review it to you because it may cause me my job at Petsmart, so I need somebody that I can trust for me to be able to review the secret to you.

I am Mr. Gary With A Johnson, genital monitor here at the Hairlessburg International Airport Petsmart. During my recent prank of replacing cat litter with pop rocks -- always a good time had by all if you survive the cat's reaction -- I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from Londonderry, Ohio.

  When scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of monkeys with wings in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 1110kg. The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was trying to rip the lips off of munchkins of the Lickmylollypop Guild, and was not properly declared by the consignee as "SURLY FLYING MONKEYS"; rather it was declared as what was behind Curtain #2 during an old Let's Make A Deal episode to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non Inspection Charges which is $13,700 USD.

Who knew that surly flying monkeys were so pricey?

Left in the  Storage House here at the Hairlessburg International Airport's indoor outhouse complex, the monkeys have wrought considerable havoc, and they have attracted an angry, disillusioned former presidential candidate who can only be controlled by a girl with ruby red slippers and a bucket of water.

Even peacekeepers from the United Nations office in Geneva are clearly out of their element here, just as they are everywhere else.

However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment as the assistant director of the Inspection Unit, I will advise you provide your current Phone Number and Full Address, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents including the name of nearest Airport around your city. Please note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department as unclaimed delivery due to the delays in concluding the clearance processes so as a result of this, I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account. So in order words to enable me cross check your details, I will advise you send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the trunk box, I can get everything concluded within 48 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and spank the monkeys 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment has not yet been realized by the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat who couldn't part with it fast enough to avoid having his lips ripped off.  If my negotiating skills are worth a sodomized goat -- and in Syria, I am most good at this -- I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $13,700 dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep, because I don't want the fucking thing.

I wait to hear from you urgently if you are still alive; I wait to hear from you just as urgently if you are dead.  Either way I will appreciate if we can keep this deal confidential and do not get back to me via my primate's  Email address (garyleejohnson2086@gmail.com) for further directives because if he finds out there's flying monkeys in the box, that angry, disillusioned failed presidential candidate might show up here and I don't have any buckets to fill with water.

Gary With A Johnson

Interim Assistance Genital Monitor,
(Maintenance)
Hairlessburg International Airport
One Terminal Drive, Muddledtown,
PA 17057, USA    

 

 

Ol' Gary wasn't apparently able to follow this up.  Guess I didn't include enough pictures...

 

 

 

---

The FauxBI Post-Hellary Fumble

Okay, this isn't the FBI logo, but it fits.

Y'all know that the FauxBI director, James Comey, wet himself to avoid indicting hellary Clinton with crimes over the email scandal, even while pointing out that she was dishonest, careless and likely exposed secret information to enemies of this nation like Russia, China, msnbc and cnn.

Well, there hasn't been much in the news on the FauxBI since then.

But the scammers love them this FauxBI scam; I get several a month in James Comey's name.

Here's a brief reprise of the gist of my latest one:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Counter-terrorism Division and Cyber Crime Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $10,500.000.00 due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current president of Nigeria his Excellency President Muhammadu Buhari to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? Because we have two method of payment which is by Check or by ATM card?

ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $12,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 5 years time which is 2021. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.  


Like Director Comey hasn't got better things to do?  Unless after literally punting his integrity and ethics to give hellary a pass -- perhaps arranged at the Phoenix airport between Bill and Loretta Lynch about a week earlier -- he figures he hasn't got much of a job left.

*TOING*

So while hellary runs around lying about what Comey said before Congress -- and anyone who watched the proceedings KNOWS she's lying, because her mouth is open -- Comey is looking for a post FauxBI career.

And that factored into the edit:

Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation (FBSI)
Counter-Truth Division and Cyber Crime Ignoring Bliss Division
J. Edgar. Hoover Building Washington DC

 After months of investigation and finding that hellary lies like a cheap rug and probably exposed every last one of Bill Clinton's female intern genital humidor addresses to the Russians, Chinese, Uranus Mugwumps and about anyone else within 100 million light years -- only to wet myself by saying we can't prosecute the bitch 'cuz I don't wanna wind up like Vince Foster -- I need a new job, because it's obvious that I severely suck at doing this one.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol, the United Nations and Fauxderal Bureau of Substandard Investigation have successfully passed a mandate that I suck and that I need to find a new job.  Now how would you like to help me find a new job? Because I don't want to share a seat on hellary's crimepaign with that Medusa looking Debbil Wasserpuss Schultz; besides, I don't handle broom travel well at all.

     Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Federal Government of Nigeria, who has copies of every last email hellary ever wrote, sent, deleted and denied ever having seen, read, writ, sent and/or deleted.  The United Nation and also the Russian NKVD or whatever the bullshevik they call themselves these days also have copies of all that crap.  In order to keep hellary's crimepaign flying monkeys from doing a Jimmy Hoffa on me, you need to send her crimepaign $350.  This is all you will ever need to pay until her crimepaign wants more.

 

 

DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: a skeleton clatters into a local bar and orders a beer and a mop.  Now send the gawddamned money.

Confirm that you've bought all this sh*t by emailing the turd lipped twatwaffle below:  

Name: Agent Max Miller
Email: max.miller50@yahoo.com

You are advised to contact him and confirm to him that he is, indeed, a turd lipped twatwaffle.  Kinda like this hellary flying monkey she bought and paid for in the media.

 Upon receipt of your payment the hellary crimepaign will temporarily remove your name from the list of people she doesn't like and plans to ship to FEMA camps once she's got her filthy, dishonest hands on the Bill's old orifice.  Which is my fault because I was too pussy to do my job.  Which is why I need a new one.

 

 

 Yours sincerely,

James B ComeyTELEPHONE: (206) 629-2824

Note: Do not disregard any email you get from any hellary crimepaign posers, operatives, impostors or douche nozzled asshats.  That will make hellary break a sh*it load of lamps and yank testicles off male staff not fast enough to run.  

 

 

Anybody hiring?  James might be need a job...