Thursday, June 2, 2016

Even More FauxBI

Like Hellary, this FauxBI is equally full of crap.

You've probably seen this email before:

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc
Customers Service Hours / Monday To Saturday
Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Beneficiary,

Series of meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $16.5million due to past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who have taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and unnecessary delay in the receipt of your fund.for more information do get back to us.
The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation have successfully passed a mandate to the current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hun Sen to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery/Gambling, Inheritance and the likes. Now how would you like to receive your payment? because we have two method of  payment which is by Check or by ATM card?
ATM Card: We will be issuing you a custom pin based ATM card which you will use to withdraw up to $5,000 per day from any ATM machine that has the Master Card Logo on it and the card have to be renewed in 4 years time which is 2020. Also with the ATM card you will be able to transfer your funds to your local bank account. The ATM card comes with a handbook or manual to enlighten you about how to use it. Even if you do not have a bank account.
Check: To be deposited in your bank for it to be cleared within three working days. Your payment would be sent to you via any of your preferred option and would be mailed to you via FedEx. Because we have signed a contract with FedEx which should expire 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240 so if you
Pay before the one week you save $240 note that any one asking you for some kind of money above the usual fee is definitely a fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any. Also remember that all you will ever have to spend is $180.00 nothing more! Nothing less! And we guarantee the receipt of your fund to be successfully delivered to you within the next 24hrs after the receipt of payment has been confirmed.
Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation and also the FBI and including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you will ever need to pay is $180.
DO NOT SEND MONEY TO ANYONE UNTIL YOU READ THIS: The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $420 but because FedEx have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping which makes the fees reduce from the actual fee of $420 to $180 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort!To effect the release of your fund valued at $16.5million you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Chi Liko with the information below,
 
Tele:+855977558948
Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua  
 
 
But neither you nor they have seen this edit:
 
 
Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t (FBIS)
Matter Anti-Matter Anomalies Division.
Federal Bureau Of Impotent Sh*t
J.Edgy.Heaver Building Washington Dc
Customer Being Soiviced Hours / Monday To Saturday
Customers Don't Mean Sh*t On Sundays
Office Hours Monday To Saturday:

Dear Benef**kerary,

A series of rather dull, void-of-purpose meetings have been held over the past 7 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization.  It's taken that long because he doesn't speaka de English for crap.  This ended 3 days ago when Rosetta Stone gave up and translated everything into Tai Quan Duck. It is obvious that you have not received any word of this because....who the f**k speaks Tai Quan Duck, not to mention who the f**k are YOU?  We corrupt Governmental Officials are the ones that matter around here, not some goat poking suck egg mule like you, Twatwaffle.
 
The National Central Bureau of Inherpol degraded by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Impotent Sh*t have successfully passed a mandate for universal bathroom usage and we will expect Uranus to stop segregating bathrooms for Uranus three peckered goats vs three vaginaed ones.  The current Prime Minister of Cambodia Excellency Hung Wun Sen is set to boost the exercise of clearing all of Hellary's hacked emails from the National Anchovies and move them to Bill Clinton's Female Intern Genital Humidor Training Academy -- in the basement of the DNC, where Bill maintains a peep hole in Debbil Wasserputz Snitz's dressing room.  Remind us to get Bill some new meds.  
 
 We will be issuing you a custom made hernia thong which you will use when you line dance the macaroni during a flash mob in downtown Pahrump while rioters empty every last roll of toilet paper from every 7-11 in what's left of Deadtroit.  Even if you do not have a bank account.
 
Clarification...Czech:  Prague is allegedly full of them.  
 
If you need confirmation of this by 15th of May 2016 you will only need to pay $180 instead of $420 saving you $240.  That is our story and we're sticking it to you.
 
Also remember that fraudsters and you will have to stop communication with every other person if you have been in contact with any.   Also remember that all you will ever have to share this moment is the autographed photo of you and a llama leaving a Motel 6 at 3am in Fresno.  Nothing more! Nothing less!  And we guarantee the receipt of these photos to your spouse, employer, massage therapist and catheter refurbisher.
 
Note: Everything has been taken care of by the Government of Cambodia,The United Nation, the DNC and also the Hellary for Prison crimepaign.
 
DO NOT SEND MONKEYS UNTIL YOU READ THIS: We are allergic to monkeys.
 
To effect the release of the llama you were photographed with you are advised to contact our correspondent in Asia the delivery officer Miss.Wy Tai Chi Vaginal Licker with the information below,
 
Tele:+855977558948
Email: chiliko7@e-mail.ua

You are adviced to contact her with a screaming marmot in the background to mask your real location.

Upon receipt of a coupon for group sex with penguins we are so sure of everything we are giving you a 100% monkey back guarantee if you ignore our earlier demand and send us some.
 
Prick,
 
Miss Donna Story
 
FEDERAL BUREAU OF IMPOTENT SH*T
UNITED STATES DEPARTMENT OF JUST ICE NO SODA
WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535
---------------------
DISCLAIMER :

This electronic mail and/ or any files transmitted with it may contain visual painful rectal itch that is odor free and doesn't irritate a duck's butt, but will yours.  That last snippet is confidential. Telekomunikasi Indonesia, Tbk. and/ or its Subsidiaries are all transpecied tri-peckered wombats . If you are not an intended recipient, you just became one, Plunger Lips.  Any unauthorized and prohibited use of any of Bill's female intern genital humidors won't be noticed if you leave a $20 at the door.   If you have received this electronic mail, please reply to this electronic mail to notify the sender that it found your ass.  Finally, you should check this electronic mail and any attachments for the presence of the same kind of stupidity viruses that cause people to vote for Hellary.  
 
 
What comes as no surprise, there is not a peep back from this version of the FauxBI.  Or the Hellary crimepaign.  Or the DNC.
 
But my pet rock, Seymour, is pretty certain that I'm on Bill Nye's climate change denier list...

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

Your rewrites are amazing. They will need a team of editors to figure out everything you said. Standby.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

02 June, 2016 10:19  

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