Seymour Doesn't Just Edit Kim Jong Un
From the Christian Science Monitor came a story that told us researchers were now pretty sure that dinosaurs didn't roar: they sounded like birds.
I've been losing sleep over that unanswered question. Now I have to decide if I can sue Steven Spielberg for misleading us all with Jurassic Park.
Anyway, this story literally *roared* out for an edit; even as Seymour was still vacationing in Califorlornia, he was able to email me this edit from a hiding place he judged to be safe from the Clintons. Thus:
Did dinosaurs really roar? We can all now sleep at night knowing that, say scientists.
WTF News Soivice
31 days ago
In a rather inane study published in the journal Government Grants And How To Both Fake And Squander Them, scientists say that dinosaurs didn't roar; they honked like many of today's automobiles.
Unless they farted; that was probably where the oft-depicted *ROAR* came from, along with the early global warming that doomed them by attracting an ice cold asteroid from space, seeking a place to warm up.
Today's automobiles make similar decibel violating, blaring *HONK* sounds, known as "NYC or LA rush hour traffic, epithet-accompanying vocalizations," by pushing air that powers sound production into an electronic device that then blares it out at other vehicles and drivers. Scientists now conclusively confirm that dinosaurs made much the same sounds during Jurassic era rush hours and at other occasionally inopportune times and places.
There is one direct living fossil evidence that suggests what dinosaurs sounded like and she's running for president.
"To make any kind of sense of what nonavian dinosaurs sounded like, we needed to go back in time and actually hear them vocalize," Julia Childs, a culinary barbaric professor at the Eunuchversity of Califorlornia at Berkeley's Crapsalad School of Geotrigger Words and Safe Zones and one of a few surviving time traveler team of the study said in a press release. "It isn't Jurassic Park's idea. It's more like I-5 in LA during rush hour, with claws and teeth. Not only were dinosaurs impatient, but they may be credited with the first drive by eatings and middle digit salutes in Earth history."
Using a frequently employed DNC made up statistical approach, Dr. Childs and what's left of her team went back in time via a secret time machine invented by Bonco and still very much in the testing phase, to analyze the anticipated unequal distribution of welfare benefits between carnivores, veggiepods and pre-BLM douche nozzles among assorted dinosaurs living in and around a vastly different-looking continental USA 80 million years ago. They discovered that inequality in welfare benefits were wholly ignored by the assorted populace; moreover, they quickly lost 52 out of 60 of their team to dinosaurs of the carnivore persuasion when some of the researchers tried to convince the carnivores that “going vegan” was a healthier option and that “dinosaurs don't kill, guns do”.
"Looking at the research as a whole, those few of us to survive this study should have done a detailed psychoanalysis of Bill the Cat's hairballs, instead," said study survivor Hanging Chad Appetizer, a post study recovering college cupcake at the same eunuchversity as Childs. "Our results show that traveling back in time is for blithering idiots which are one and the same with Hellary Clinton supporters."
Whether the ancestors of modern Yugos, Edsels and Studebachers actually sounded like the Road Runner is now settled science: they did NOT sound like that when they farted. However, the fact that dinosaurs first used the widely recognized middle digit salute to express their displeasure with fellow dinosaurs, suggests that the behavior we see in BLM and the DNC has long been associated with Hellary supporters, says Threebias Schmuck, a global warming geophysiology professor at the Eunuchversity of Seattle and another survivor of the study.
Furthermore, many dinosaurs had intolerable flatulence, with their large body sizes producing B-52 squadron volumed flatulent sounds.
"A cool thing about this work is having survived it and seeing what the dinosaur version of Hellary Clinton was like," Dr. Schmuck said in the release. "That suggests why Bill regularly auditions female interns as genital humidors and spends so much time at the Clinton Crimedation."
The team's next move will be to study why drum circles look up when a pterodactyl flies over and foul themselves repeatedly. They need listen no further than Hellary's screeching to know what the sound of a Jurassic era dinosaur accident was like.
I don't care about garnering a Pulitzer like my pet rock does. Nor do I care what a real dinosaur sounded like. Just so long as I can avoid that prehistoric Hellary screech as much as possible.