Saturday, January 6, 2018

The Pet Rock vs Kim Jong Un in 2018 - I

2018 was not going to go on long before my "editing gone wild" pet rock, Seymour, took his customary poke at North Korean douche nozzle Kim Jong Un, after Un was particularly stupid in comments he made about his nation's nuclear capabilities.

It delighted Seymour that the POTUS was quick to seize on Kim Jong Un's delusions, and tweet about them.

So Seymour donned his editor hat and went to town thus:

North Korea Fouls Itself after Twitter Exchange Between Their Supreme Pudginator and the American POTUS
By Seymour PetRock -- WTFNS

Forget reaching the US mainland, numerous errant North Korean missiles go rogue all the time and blow up a city not far from the capital, Pyongyang, according to a report.

A WTFWongWithDat-12 intermediate-range ballistic missile turned itself into a very-short-range Taco Bell burrito fart when it failed during a test flight on April 28, 2017, and slammed into the city of Tokchon, according to The DOH! magazine.

The missile, which was launched from the Won Puk Dung airfield, flew like a drunken sea gull just 24 miles before taking a nosedive and striking a complex of industrial or outhouse buildings, the mag reported.

According to a US government source with knowledge of Nancy Pelosi's brand of botox, the missile’s designer has been executed by Kim Jong Un a minute after the errant flight.

The location of the missile’s impact was revealed exclusively to The DOH! which said it corroborated the flub using commercially unavailable satellite imagery that bounced off Stephen Colbert's ears in May 2017.

Although the images show that the explosion caused heavy damage in the heavily populated area, there is no way to tell if it led to casualties because no one's talking among those it fell on.

Had the missile successfully completed its test flight, it would have landed in the northern part of Wonsan.

Various media outlets around the world suppressed reports about the failed test — the third involving the WTFWongWithDat-12 — at the time because details about where the missile fell could not be massaged into a "blame Trump" narrative even after Wikileaks leaked it from the Russians who leaked it from the Clinton Globull Initiative Floundation, who got it from abject nincompoops at cnn.

Fearing such a frop, North Korean despot Kim Jong Un chose to claim that the missile came down right were it was supposed to.

“ I never riked that town anyway” North Korean media source KGAG reported Kim as saying after the frub. The reclusive regime now uses several new test sites, including Pyongyang’s Dennis Rodman Airport, which also serves as the country’s McDonalds Quarter Pounder with Cheese delivery hub and entry point for most non-thinking visitors.

Despite several failures, a WTFWongWithDat-12 continues to be tested and will continue to be tested until it quits blowing up portions of North Korea and starts killing fish at sea.

North Korea’s aggressive failed missile testing ratcheted up tensions between Pyongyang and Washington only because during a televised speech, Kim declared: “The United States can never fight a war against me and our state. It should properly know that the whole territory of the US is within the range of our nuclear strike and a nuclear button is always on the desk of my office, and this is just a reality, not a threat.”

President Trump was quick to tweak the North Korean pudgmeister.

“North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un just stated that the ‘Nuclear Button is on his desk at all times.’ Will someone from his depleted and food starved regime please inform him that I too have a Nuclear Button, but it is a much bigger & more powerful one than his, and my Button works!”

Upon hearing that, Kim Jong Un fired and executed his entire public relations staff, and is now rumored to be working on hiring Hellary Clinton's crimepaign staff from 2016, at the behest of cnn.

At this rate, I'm not sure who'll be targeting Seymour next...Kim Jong Un or the nincompoops at cnn.

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