Sunday, December 2, 2018

Now You Know What Becomes Of Failed Campaign Stuff

It sucks to be Jim Acosta.

Probably more so 'cuz I make fun of him here without this post being about him.  He loses twice.

Dying inheritance scams.  I get almost more of those than I get faux-FBI scams of late.  They never change, save for the names and some aspect of the woes befalling the scammer.

Almost as bad as Acosta losing his WH pass for behaving like a twat omelet.

Here's the latest in the series of 'dying inheritance' scams:

Peace be upon you,

Hello please forgive me for stressing you with my predicaments as I
know that this letter may come to you  as big surprise. Truly, i came
across your contact email address through my personal search, then
afterward I decided to email you directly believing that you will be
honest to help me before i die. And if in case you're doubting me
please kindly go into google and do some research with my name for your

And i know that is hard to believe all because so many scammers all
over the world are using cancer  healness to scam people which have
been a victim once, but please i beg you in the name of God, don't
force yourself to do this for me cause am not putting you under any
obligation, kindly follow your  instinct because am also afraid for my
life savings not to go into the hands of scammers again. And my spirit
tells me you're the right person to help me that is why i send you this
message directly to you. 

Mean while, I am Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi, President of Emirates
Dental Society, (MOH) UAE.  Am 56  years of Age from (United Arab
Emirate), a registered doctor by profession but sadly I am suffering
from  long time cancer and from all indication my condition is really
deteriorating as my doctors have confirmed  and courageously advised me
that I may not live beyond two months from now for the reason that my
tumor  has reached a critical stage which has defiled all forms of
medical treatment. 

Actually, my husband was dealing on Gold Dust and Gold Dory Bars in
(Africa) Burkina Faso till his sudden  death in the year 2011 then I
took over his business till date but currently, I have a deposit sum of
four  million five hundred thousand US dollars [$4,500,000.00] with one
of the leading bank in Burkina Faso but  unfortunately I cannot visit
the bank since I’m critically sick and powerless to do anything

But my bank account officer advised me to assign any of my trustworthy
relative, friends or partner with  authorization letter to stand as the
recipient of my money but sorrowfully my only beloved daughter died  at
the age of 19 years and I don’t have any reliable relative and no other
child.  Therefore, I want you to receive the money and take 50%  as
your share while 50% should be use basically  on humanitarian purposes
mostly to orphanages home, Motherless babies home, less privileged 
around the  world. As soon as I receive your reply I will give you
every details you need.

Yours Faithfully,
Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi

The reply that Dr. Mrs. Alsuwaidi was counting on was sent, though not in the form that she had been counting pet rock, Seymour, was ever eager to do an edit job that would make me proud:

From: Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi <>
Sent: Wednesday, November 14, 2018 4:53 AM
Subject: May A Drunken Marmot Molest Your Blender
I read what my smell pecker wrote here, and I say unto mineself, "WTF?"

Hello please forgive me for stressing you with my predicaments that
involve sheep, inflatables, gender fluidity and feces, but really, I had
to share this with someone that doesn't know me, so that I'd have
plausible deniability if a democrap senator ever gets a letter exposing
all this.  We all know what dishonest opportunists that democraps are.
Truly, i came across your contact email address through my network of
primate perverts that surf the 'net, looking for far-left kinky to debase
themselves with.  Despite trepidation, I decided to email you directly
believing that if a sheep is a ram, and a donkey in an ass, a ram in the
ass will result in a goose.  And in this, I am adam ant.

I know that single-digit IQs are hard to believe; then you listen to
Maxine Waters and Jim Acosta, and you realize that this kind of
stupid is a choice and pretty rampant in the Democrap party.  That
isn't why I send you this message directly to you, but it is when
the choice was you or a leaking, squeaking inflatable Cory Booker
Phartacus campaign balloon for 2020. 
I am Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi, President of Emirates
Dental Society, (EDS), located in the UAE, which is located in
the Middle East, where even our camels get dentures when
they age and their humps sag.  I am 56  years of age; a registered
sex offender by profession but sadly I am suffering from a long
time bout of genital warts from doing camel gynecology. 
Yes, it's a thing here.  Getting a camel in those stirrups is, as one can
imagine, quite a chore.  I actually had my nose inverted by an unruly
patient in '16, and I've had two dozen surgeries attempting to fix the

Meantime my husband was dealing in Hillary For President 2008 surplus
tampons in (Africa) Burkina Faso till his sudden death in the year 2017
when he accidentally found over 30,000 of Hillary's emails stuffed inside
each tampon.  The authorities ruled that he committed suicide, though
I rather doubt that; I've never seen anyone arrange to have a large
house dropped on them by squadrons of flying monkeys, with a
broom-riding sumo-sized witch, leading them, cackling and coughing
insanely as they salvoed the house on him.
He could have simply killed himself by watching cnn for an hour.
Actually, all my family are extinct (I'm related to a family tree that
was all aborted in 1950), and my only daughter became a non-binary
gender-neutral octosexual orthopod and is making Molotov cocktails for
Antifa in Portland, so I don’t have any reliable relative and no other
child.  Therefore, if you have read closely all that I have writ here, you
will avoid me like the plague, delete this email, purge your computer
of any emails like this, take a vow of abscess and avoid the one that
makes the fart go honda.  For this can only lead to a cross between
a Jehovah Witness and an atheist, which creates a person who'll knock
on your door for no reason. 
I do want you to remember this:  I am holding myself in reserve, in case
the krauts mount a counter offensive which threatens Paris, or maybe
even New York, then I can move in and stop them with flatulence most
I can do that.  I eat garlic flavored onions.
As soon as I receive your reply I will give you every details you need to
confirm that I'm as big a loon as Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez. 

Dr. Mrs. Aisha Sultan Alsuwaidi
The "Dr. Mrs." quickly realized that the reply received from my pet rock was not going to bring her the spiritual succor that she allegedly sought.
Nor did cnn and Acosta find any succor here, either.

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