The Face Just Got Longer
Meet John F***ing Kerry. Former this. Former that. Current Suckretary of State.
And now a scammer sees money in using Kerry for a scam:
U.S Department of State
2201 C Street NW
Washington, DC 20520.
I am Mr. John Forbes Kerry, United States Secretary of State by profession. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and other Security Agencies in the Country for the year ended 2015, we discovered that you have not receive your fund.
I have made it my first point of call since taking office to settle all Outstanding Payments accrued to Individuals or Corporations with respect to local and overseas contract payment, Debt Rescheduling and Outstanding Compensation payment. This is to make sure all Outstanding payments are settled beginning of this fiscal year 2016. On Behalf of the entire staff of the U.S. Department of State and the United Nations in collaboration with World Bank, we apologize for the delay of your contract payment, Winning or Inheritance funds from most of African Countries and all the inconveniences you encountered while pursuing this payment. However, from the records of outstanding beneficiaries due for payment with the U.S Secretary of State, your name was discovered as next on the list of the outstanding payment who has not yet received their payments. Note that from the record in my file, your outstanding contract payment is US$10.5 Million (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) loaded in an ATM Visa Card that allows you to make a daily maximum withdrawal limit of US$3000 (Three Thousand Dollars).
As the missive goes on, it clarifies that I'll only need to spend $180 of my own money on this scam...to get scammed.
Obviously, Kerry wants to replenish the funds he and Obola sent to Iran.
Back in another day, Kerry was all about disrespect to the government. Well, when it's a government that he's now a part of, I wish to return some of the favor. Which led to this edit of the scammer email:
U.S Deportment of 57 State Sauces
2201 C Street NW
Warshington, DC 20520.
I am Mr. John F***ing Kerry, Suckretary of 57 State Sauces when I'm not pitching relish, mustard, ketchup and other sh*t like that for my rich spousal. This is to inform you officially that after our investigations with the Fauxderal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), Central Lack Of Intelligence Agency (aka the DNC) and other Agencies of dubious Obolacedence in the Country for the year ended 2015, we discovered that we has no banana for you.
M-m-m-m-m-my banana. I have made it my first point of call since taking this orifice and making it even smaller and less prestigious than the broom rider before me, to see to it that I have no banana. This is to make sure all outstanding bananas are settled beginning of this agricultural year 2016. On Behalf of the entire staff of the Deportment of 57 State Sauces and the Eunuch Nations in collaboration with World Bunk, we apologize for the apostrophe we substituted for your ephipany. This is SOP in most of African Countries and all the inconveniences you encountered while pursuing a banana. However, from the records of dildos without borders, your name was discovered as next on the list to receive an authentic crimepaign 2016 inflatable Hellary sex toy only a yak could love. Note that from the record in my file, you are not owed a banana.
I have your file here in my office and it says nothing, because it is inanimate paper product that is not endowed with the ability of audible communications. And even if it had such a gifted ability, paper would likely not communicate in the manure that you and I do; it might "moooo" like a cow or something. If trees could moooo, I'll bet that would f**k with a lot of bovine minds. But I moogress.
Your Full Name:
Your Contact House Address:
Name of City of Residence:
Country of Residence:
Direct Mobile Telephone Number:
ID Card, DL or Passport Copy:
Age and Occupation:
NOTE: Every documentation proof for you is not capable of speech either, as we here deal in illiterate and mute paper. Imagine the chaos in the world if toilet paper could scream when it sees what you're about to do to and widdit. Now, I has no banana for you. You has no banana. Therefore, the only obligation required of you by the laws of the Government of United States and the financial Monetary Policy of the Supreme Court -- something that I just made up because I'm one fart smeller with a long horse face and not much humors -- you must officially obtain the irrevocable LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY command from the Supreme Court of USA, as a means to justify the legitimacy, transparency and total jackwagon load of crap that hellary is. The LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY command issued by the Supreme Court is valued at a cost of just US$180 (One Hundred & Eighty Dollars) only.
BUT..if you're among the first 1,000 emailers to respond to this eunuch offer, you'll get what I just said ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!!! Why? Because I gotz no banana!!! As soon as the above mentioned details are leaked from Hellary's server to the Russians, Chinese, the planet Uranus and Wikileaks, The LEGAL SIT...STAY...GOOD BOY command will be secured on your behalf immediately. If you roll over and beg it might happen soonerer. I need all the compliance that I can get from you because I am so sick of peoples laughing at my horse face and calling me names and not letting me join their reindeer games and all that other sh*t. Personally, I am very sorry for having this horse face that makes people say to me "why the long face?" when I walk into a bar with a skeleton that orders a beer and a mop. Life sucks when you're me.
Most Totally Insincerely,
Mr. John F**king Kerry,
Suckretary of 57 State Sauces
I realize that some eye and mind scrub will be required for that last photo, but hey, that's what the obola regime brung us...gender neutrality, right?