Sandpoundingly Stupid In Burkina Faso

Just past the halfway mark of 2016, the sandpoundingly compounded stupid winner of Stupid Beyond Comprehension is Sandrin Diko of Burkina Faso.

Oh yeah.

Here was Sandrin's gambit:

FROM Mr  Sandrin Diko.
AUDITING AND ACCOUNTING UNIT.
BANK OF AFRICA. BURKINA FASO.

Attn: Sir/ Madam,

FROM Mr  Sandrin Diko. Staff of Bank Of Africa in  Burkina Faso. I would like you to indicate  your  interest to  receive the transfer of (15.5 Million  Dollars) which I will like you to  stand as the next  of kin to my late client whose account is presently  dormant for claims.  if you are interested,indicate  and i will intimate you with the method of  application and  how you can apply to the bank.

But before i send to you the text of application  form,I will like you to send me the  following  informations

1.NAME IN FULL:...........
2.ADDRESS:................
3.NATIONALITY:............
4.AGE:....................
5.SEX.....................
6.OCCUPATION:.............
7.MARITAL STATUS:.........
8.PRIAVTE PHONE NO........
9.PRIVATE FAX NO:.........
10.ATTACH COPY OF YOUR IDENTIFICATION......

Now my questions are:
1) Can you handle this project?
2) Can I give you this trust?

so i will like you to send to me those informations  for easy and effective  communication.Upon receipt  of your reply, I will send to you by fax or email  the text of  the application form.I will not fail to  bring to your notice that this transaction is  hitch-free and that you should not entertain any  atom of fear as all required arrangements  have been  made for the transfer. You should contact me  immediately as soon as you receive  this letter,if  only you are interested and ready to help On this:

Trusting to hear from you immediately.
Do keep this a top secret for security reasons.

Yours faithfully,
Mr  Sandrin Diko.  


And here was my character's response:


I didn't know that there was one single moron from Burkina Fatso that could count.  


Apparently I'm talking to one that can't read, either:


Thanks for your email.Please I want you to know that I am very serious
with this transcation.I assure you that this transaction is 100%
possible and risk free.I want you to have trust and confidence in this
transaction.This transaction is all about abandon sum of money left by
a deceased customer in our Bank. I am asking for your assistance so
that you will stand as the bonofide heir to this fund and also provide
an account where the fund will be remitted into.As a civil servant and
 a Burkinabe the code of conduct of our bank forbid us to owe a foreign
account.That is why I decided to contact you.  


..and after a good deal of drivel, he gets to the questions he wants my character to answer:


1. DO YOU HAVE AN ACCOUNT THAT CAN CONTAIN THE FUND?
2. ARE YOU CAPABLE OFHANDLING THE FUND WHEN IT WILL BE ATRNSFER TO
YOUR ACCOUNT BEFORE i WILL COME DOWN?
3.ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU WILL NOT BETRAY ME?
4.WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION FOR LEAVING?
5.YOUR AGE?
6.YOUR HOME CONTACT?
7.YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER?
8.YOUR RELIGION?
9. A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE?
10. YOUR NATIONALITY?  


Think he'll read the answers to his questions that I sent:

1. DO YOU HAVE AN ACCOUNT THAT CAN CONTAIN THE FUND?                                    No
2. ARE YOU CAPABLE OFHANDLING THE FUND WHEN IT WILL BE ATRNSFER TO
YOUR ACCOUNT BEFORE i WILL COME DOWN?                                                                     No
3.ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU WILL NOT BETRAY ME?                                                           No
4.WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION FOR LEAVING?                                             Where am I going?
5.YOUR AGE?                                                                                                                               Why
6.YOUR HOME CONTACT?                                                                                       Yes I have one
7.YOUR TELEPHONE NUMBER?                                                                                ***-***-****
8.YOUR RELIGION?                                                                                                      Yes I have one
9. A COPY OF YOUR PICTURE?                                                                                                 No
10. YOUR NATIONALITY?                                                                                             Yes I know it

 

This is his reply:

 

 Thank you for your urgent respond to me regards to this transaction
please my good partner bear it in mind that this transaction have join
us together as one family. and you should not entertain any atom of
fear because this transaction is 100% risk free there is no risk
involved so you should apply to the bank and as soon as you recieved
any thing from the bank regarding to this transfer dont hesitate to
forward it to me for more advice okay.

Now you are advise to sent the application form to the bank for
confirmation to enable me to come over your country for the sharing
and for further investment.

dont forget to keep this transaction top secret on until you confirm
this fund into your bank account, why because am still working in the
same bank ok, if you are okay with me kindly send the application form
to the bank quickly and get back to me for more advice.  


What follows is the form that I'm supposed to fill out and send to his bank.  Since he can't/don't read what I do send him, perhaps his bank will read an edit:


ATTN. MR.SONGO KABORE.
THE FORMADEHYDE DRINKING DIRECTOR
BUNK OF AFRICA (BOA)
OUAGADOUGOU BURKINA FATSO
77. AV.DE .LA RESIDENCE DU 17 MAI.
IO BP, 1319 OUAGADOUGOU.01 BURKINA FATSO.
FAX: 00226 50440278
EMAIL ADDRESS.( boa_afribank@financier.com )
EMAIL ADDRESS; ( boa.remittancebf@laposte.net )

Dear Whatever You So Choose Genderogically To Identify As,

APPLICATION AS NEXT OF KANT TO A HORSE IS A CORPSE OF CORPSE OF CORPSE ACCOUNT HOLDER
N0 :0036101101. ROUTING N0: 91002211

I, Mr. your name  (yOUR NaME),  fumbly and ineptly apply to your bunk as next of kant to diseased custoadmer, (Dr. Ukulele Ungabingabangabunga ) from LIECHTENSTEIN, holder of unwanted piranha hamsters that are routing everything in their rampaging path and died in a plain yak cart crash in Burundi in 1798 which only discovered when Hellary Clinton tried to get a donation from the Clinton Floundation to fund Bill's intern genital humidor search.  I fumbly apply and put clam sauce over fries with the bunk, which is valued at USD $1.98 current value.  Until his sudden death from a plain yak cart crash in Burundi in 1798, we had been nothing because the year now is 2016 and unless I have found the fountain of youth, there is no f**king way I was alive to be his business partner in 1798.  WTF?

With that said, I wish to be included in anything that smacks of irregularity, because irregularity loosens the bowels and I'm out of Metamucil just now.  The information below is unwarranted and doesn't mean onyx sh*t, so disregard it:

Account Name:......................... ...........
Bank Name:......................... ...............
Bank Address: .............................. .......
Recieving Country....................... ....
Fax N0:........................... ................
Swift N0: .............................. ..........
Account N0:........................... ...........
My private phone no:........................... ..
My private email address....................
My private fax no:........................... ....
AGE........................... .......................
OCUPATION..................... ...............

Wishing my application will be given at least a closer read than Sandrin F**klips Diko gave it,  as I wish the entire population of Uranus be released and allowed to travel to Neptune, a planet with a more friendly name than Uranus.  Accept my apology for the late application, it was due to Sandrin Diko taking his f**king sweet time in locating me and misreading our correspondence most spectacularly.  

Thanking you for your anticipated reading comprehension.

Most F**kingly Insincerely

your name  YoUr NaMe       signed and stamped with an anvil

 

He responds:

 

Please I need you to fill out the questions that I send you so that we can proceed. 

 

 

I did that already.  WTF is wrong with you?  

 

 

Please explain WTF?  

 

 

Sure since this seems to be the first thing you've actually read:  WTF stands for What The F**k.  It's a question.  It questions whether you read my email and truly understood the contents.  I say you didn't.  9 out of 10 doctors of proctological maladies agree with me that you didn't.  What say you?

Are you going to help me with this transaction or not?  


Not.  

Finally, an email that he actually read -- or someone else there read -- with the contents well understood.  Nothing more from the most sandpoundingly compound stupid scammer of 2016 so far.