Bee Danged

I and my pet rocks get a kick out of the Babylon Bee.

Especially when the Bee is taunting cnn and snopes, both of which hate the Bee....because it taunts them.

Well, it seemed bee-fitting when a scammer came calling with the old 'dying' scam to work some of the Bee in there.  First:

Hello my dear,

Thanks for your attention to my aide and God bless you. I have been praying over your personality so the good lord can help you in carrying out this assignment with clear mind and trust. It took me lots of time to combine this message, so please read carefully with godly mind and in good faith and respond back if you can perform this wish. Am expecting your return.

I express a great gratitude for honoring my letter and considering my health situation, i want to make it clear to you that at my age and present situation, it's a very terrible experience for being in a serious illness over 4 years and still continue without good result, am losing my strength daily and can’t help myself because the lord’s will must be done.

Actually, we do not know each other before, but I got your information through UK Catalog for philanthropist after my prayers to God to provide me a good person that would use the wealth he has given to me and my husband for his own work (God's work) and most importantly, a person that will use the fund for the establishment of church and orphanage Foundation in my name & god. Beside i will like to explain my self once again to you.

Actually, I am from London UK, Yolanda Belham by name, married to Africa man from Republic of Benin, after I was twenty eight years old and we live together in London and since I married my dearest husband, we spend over 10 years without child, Remember, it's not easy to see a lovely man who can tolerate such from a woman he married without giving a child for 10 years and he never reasons of marrying another, been my dealing husband was a God fearing man also love me so much, he did not complain at all, and for that reasons, I made a promised to him that I will be with him all the days of my life. But God so love my family he blesses us with 3 lovely Children, a boy and 2 girls. But eventually, My husband and the three children died in a car accident 4 years ago.

Beside, my husband is from a big Family here in Benin and after his death, I decided to leave London and travel back to his country to honor him as I promised, when I came to Benin, I fell sick, which I did not take it as big thing and after some months, am going down day by day, then I went back to London to see my doctor at St. Thomas' Hospital, through there, my doctor recognized the point of my sickness and I have been on a medication since years. Just few months, my doctor came to me with sadness on his face. He said, he is very sorry to inform me that I have few months to live because the Cancer has taking a lot of cells and dimension.

Oh My dear in lord, I cried for one month asking God, is this your wish to me, if that’s how you want me to end up My life in pain let his wish be done, then I later came back to my husband home in Benin to complete my promises and my husband senior brother was in Russian for years without coming home, I stay with the junior ones, I hand over some money properties to him but he waste it. That is the reason i decide to hand over this money to a foreigner as God direction may be. I believe you can handle this wealth because I have been praying over you, this are the reason I contact you.

So please my dear, I wish you can bear with me in my wish because I can not do what is not right to whom it may be in the earth because i must answer God at end if I do. The reason I take this decision is that my health has deteriorated so badly, I can not do this by myself anymore due to my situation, god knows that I have tried for so many countries, like Myanmar and Philippines, Sudan, Central Africa and others which i could. I previously asked members of my husband Family here in Benin to distribute one of my accounts to some charitable organization which they fail and kept the money to themselves. So, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be satisfied with what I left for them. I will wait to hear from you if you can help, so i will foreword you more detail about this

THANKS 

Your in the Lord. 

Mrs. Yolanda Belham  

 

 

My pet rock, Seymour, thought the Bee angle a perfect one to insert here in some manner:

 

 

From: Mrs. Yolanda Belham <yola_belham@aol.com>
Sent: Monday, February 17, 2020 9:57 PM
To: jacknewehoff101@hotmail.com <jacknewehoff101@hotmail.com>
Subject: Message From Mrs. Yoland Belham of the Babylon Bee, Read with care & plenty of glue sniffing

 

Herrooo,

Thanks for your attention to my employer and God bless you in case you just sneezed. I have been praying over a bowl of Wheaties for the past 25 years every morning and am just now learning what eating that sh*t did to Bruce Jenner.  It took me lots of time to fertilize, plow, seed, weed, combine and harvest this message, so please read carefully with an eye to who my employer is and in view of what cnn and snorpes think they can do to my employer if you can perform this wish. Am expecting your tax return as partial payment for nothing in particular as my gawd works in hallucinogenic, peculiar ways.

I express a great amount of genital sarcasm for honoring my letter and making light of my health situation.  I want to make it clear as fecal mud to you that at my age and present situation, it's a very terrible experience, learning that after all these years, I can actually light farts and watch them flare with amazing result; though, you might has warned me that the flame follows the fart back to the source.

Yowza...I gots no hair down there no mores, because the lawrd’s will must be completed before he passes on to the lower kingdom, cnn.

Actually, we do not know each other before, and perhaps we won't know each other after four, but I got your information through UK Catalog for philanderers after my prayers to a Piccadilly transgendered hooker went peculiarly answered.  Beside i will like to explain myself once again to you.

Actually, I am from Pahrump, NV, Yolanda Belham by name, married to Africa used car from Republic of Benin.  After he completed penal requirements on Uranus when I was twenty eight years old, we live together in Portland until Antifa schmucks looted our outhouse; this caused us to move to Newark.  I have no idea why; there's nothing in Newark that ain't already been stolen, looted, graffiti'd or molested.  From there, we tried Burundi, the basement of the DNC, the composting room at cnn where they make up their news, and Sheboygan.  With all that a fart in a hurricane, we wound up in London and since I married my Yugo, we spend over 10 years without child.  Remember you alternative life-stylists:  it's not easy to procreate with a Yugo.  Only because he was a writer for Monty Python did it find a meaning during the Life of Brian and when he was on loan to Black Adder.  I made a promise to it that I will be with it all the days of my life. But dagnabbit, the Yugo blow'd a head gasket, so I had to get married to a smart car.  But eventually, spousal smart car died in an accident 4 years ago when a moth hit the windshield.

I found an ox cart in Benin and after a plane fell on it, I decided to leave there and travel to a ewe convent in Liechtenstein where one tri-peckered goat was going to town on Saturday nights.  After getting ass-ended by the goat I fell sick, which I did not take it as big thing 'cause we cornered, killed and ate the goat that night.  After some months I went back to London to see my publicist and write a book about my experiences titled "What Happened" by Hellary Rodehard Put Away Wet Clinton. 

Then during a pap smear of my belly button lint the doctor at St. Thomas' Hospital recognized the point of my sickness and I have been on a medication since years. Just few months, my doctor came to me with sadness on his face. He said he is very sorry to inform me that I have exhaust burn marks all over my ass from the Yugo and smart car sexual encounters.

Oh how I cried for one month asking an empty Coke bottle, is this your wish to me, if that’s how you want me to end up with my butt covered in exhaust burns let his wish be done.  Then I later came back to Benin to complete my Medicare D paperworks and have my butt kind of deitized because they think the marks are from the empty Coke bottle, and not a Yugo or smart car.  My gullible public and how easily fooled.  That's probably why I'm writing you now.

So please my dear, I wish you can bear with me in my wish because I can not do what is not right to whom it may be in the earth because i must answer correctly if I want to be a Millionaire, and you're my only life line. The reason I take this decision is that my option ran out on my Gong Show stocks, and they have done so badly, I can not do this by myself anymore due to crazy laws being passed in Virginia by morons.  I have tried for so many countries, like Myanmar and Philippines, Sudan, Central Africa and others, none of which would grant me a medical genital reassignment to Las Vegas.  

I previously asked members of a Manson famdamily sect in Kaliforlornia to distribute the profits from my book to some charitable organization; they fail because there were no profits and their leader went to South Park, where he now sings Christmas carols at a mall in Nebraska.  You simply cannot imagine.

So, I do not trust them anymore, as they seem not to be satisfied with the yeast infection I left for them. I will wait to hear from you if you can help, so i will foreword you more detail about this

THANKS 

Your in whipped cream, 

Mrs. Yolanda Belham

 

 

Seymour heard nothing further from the originating scammer, but he made the cnn/snopes hit list along with the Bee...

Missled Again

Leave it to my pet rock, Seymour, to lead with a photo that's got elucidation upcoming.

"It's got WHAT???  PHFFFFFFT!"

Seymour also has a twisted sense of humor.

"Do NOT!!!"

Seymour is always on the lookout for articles about North Korean dipstick Kim Jong Un.  And he never has far to look.

In a Reuters article, the reporter is vexed about the ever growing North Korean missile threat to Alaska.

No mention of what one US nuclear attack sub could do to Pyongyang, if the moronic Pudgmeister were truly that stupid.

However, the lamestream news mediocres need things besides Trump to get their panties in a wad over.

And therein, Seymour found editing Heaven:

Can U.S. defend against North Korea missiles? Not everyone gives a raunchy fart

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

WASHINGTON (WTFNS) - Not everybody is as complacent as the Pentathalon that the U.S. military can defend the United States from the growing threat that North Korea might get a missile to actually fly and hit a suburb of Bakersfield.

Pyongyang's first test on Tuesday of an ICBM with a potential to strike the state of Confusion has raised the question: does it come with a side of egg rolls?

Debriefing reporters on Wednesday – and hiding their briefs – Pentathalon spokesman Navy Captain Jeff Davis said: "We do have confidence in our ability to keep Kim Jong Un from convincing Trey Parker and Matt Stone to make another Team America World Police sequel that stars Un."

Davis – no relation to Marvin Zugspitz – cited a successful test in May in which a U.S.-based interceptor prevented a three peckered goat from knocking up a convent full of virgin ewes But he acknowledged the test program's track program was not perfect.

"It's something we have mixed results on. We missed the three peckered yak," Davis said.

An internal memo seen by WTFNS on Wikileaks – as obtained from Hellary's basement email server – also showed that the Pentathalon downgraded its assessment of cnn credibility after they ran with the three peckered goat story.

Despite hundreds of billions of dollars spent on figuring out what kind of bathroom a genital-less Ken doll would want to use, the United States may not be able to seal itself off entirely from future stupid TV shows about the Kardashians.

Experts caution that U.S. missile defenses are now geared to shooting down incoming missiles. What happens if North Korea's technology actually advances, and they attack with flying twat waffle irons?

"Over the next four years, the United States has to figure out who is making flying twat waffle irons and why they're selling them to North Korea," said Riki Tiki Twatwaffle, founder of the Flying Twat Waffle Iron Defense Advocacy Alliance. 

MIXED RESULTS

The test records of the Schmesla self driving golf ball, charged with the mission to develop, test and field a self driving golf ball, have no idea what they're doing in this article.

Since President Barack Obola's misadministration in the 2008s-20teens, the U.S. government has spent more than $200 billion to develop and field a range of gender neutral bathrooms, according to the Congressional Frivolous Research Service.

Funding for cable and satellite signal blockers to keep the Kardashians off the air was on average $8.12 billion during President Barack Obola's administration that upended long before Jan. 20.

'ANOTHER YEAR OR TWO'

Last month, Vice Admiral James T. Quirk, then director of the Star Trek In Perpetuity Movie Sequels Advocacy Group, told a congressional panel that North Korea in the past six months had caused him raunchy gas.

"However, it will probably require another year or two of gestation before Kim Jong Un gives birth to whatever he's carrying, particularly since he isn't physically wired that way," he said.

Michelle MaBell, a subject of a Beatles song, said that although North Korea was several hundred steps from creating a dependable news service, "They are absolutely well ahead of cnn in credibility", she chuckled.

The DNC petulantly refused to comment, not wanting President Trump to do a video that has him body-slamming their decaying icon next.  


I think that Seymour has given up on winning a Pulitzer; but he has some curious thought that cnn might actually hire him if they ever read any of these posts.

"Do NOT!!!!"