The Medusa Effect

Look not too closely, for ancient tales tell you that to look at the face of Medusa will turn you to stone.

'Nuff said.

Found a way to work that and other elements into an email scam edit here.

Here's the gist of the scam, many times seed h'yarbouts:


Dear Elected.
I bring peace and love to you from God and our lord Jesus Christ. It is by the grace of God that I received Christ, Having known the truth; I had no choice than to do what is lawful and right in the sight of God for eternal life and in the sight of man for witness of God mercy and glory upon my life.

I am Mrs. Esther Masego the wife of Late Mr. Sadasivan Masego from Malaysia, My husband worked with the Central Bank Of Malaysia for ten years before he died in the year 2005.We were married for twenty-seven years without a child. My Husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 9,900,000.00 GBP (Nine Million Nine Hundred Thousand Great British Pound) with Barclays Bank PLC, UK.

Presently, this money is still with the bank and the management just wrote me as the next of kin to come forward to sign for the release of this fund only know to me and my late husband or rather issue an authorization to somebody to receive it on my behalf if I cannot come over.

Unfortunately, I'm in a hospital in Malaysia where I have been undergoing treatment for esophageal cancer. I have lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few months to live. It is my last wish to see this money distributed to any charitable organizations anywhere in the World. Because relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness, I cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them.

Please will you utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein ?.  I want you to take 35% of the total money for your personal use. And 5% shall stand to settle any other expenses that may be incurred in the course of executing the transaction, while the remaining 60% of the money will go to charity people in the street without home, helping the orphanage and less-privileged once.

Please i don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my soundless voice and presence of my husband's relatives around me always. So please kindly send me only E-mail here (esthermasego@163.com) because I don't want them to know about this development. With God all things are possible.

As soon as I receive your response I shall give you the contact of my late husband Attorney who is in Europe as he will be the one to assist you in laying claims for this money. Your prompt reply will be appreciated. Thank you.

Yours in Christ,
Mrs. Esther Masego .
My Personal E-mail:  esthermasego@163.com  


Alrighty then.  Here's how my character chose to respond in edit mode:


Dearly beloved, 

 We are gathered here in the presence of a marmot and a yak, under the grace of the evil baphomet Gorgonzola who looks like Hellary Clinton in a 6 XXXL butt thong, to join these two bestialities as marmot and yak -  what, were you expecting them to become waffle iron and toaster oven? - in the throes of holy sh*t, as accredited in the Atheist's Travelogue of the Galaxy of Cygnus V, related loosely to the Pram of Horkstra, and being an honorable office before being taken over by Occutards that smelled worse than goats in heat.

 

 I am Mrs. Esther Masego, a blighted soul of dubious antecedence and no attached genitals, having been a Lego game in my previous life and having a komodo dragon steal them when I was on a pilgrimage to Singapore to audition to be one of Bill Clinton's intern genital humidors, only to find that being genital-less, I did not qualify.

 

F**k.  That's a procreative word used as a colorful metaphor, for those of you at the DNC that need things explained to you.

 

I was once married for twenty-seven years without a child.  Having had my Lego genitals stolen by a komodo kinda made that inevitable, ya think???

 

My Husband died after being shot at the Cincinnati Zoo. Before his death we were both born again Simians.  He should have stayed here.  Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child in Cincinnati since I might get shot there too.

All those gathered here, if there is any reason why any of you see any reason why this marmot and this yak should not be joined in the throes of a really kinky sex position, speak now or forever direct your iphones h'yar for some future YouTube video, you sick bastards.

Unfortunately, I'm in a hospital in Malaysia where I have been undergoing treatment for having looked at a picture of the chairpoison of the Demoncrap National Crimeittee and having been turned to stone.  I have lost my ability to talk and my doctors have told me that I have only few months to either get cured or shipped to a rock quarry. It is my last wish to see Trump throw hellary and obola in prison and fire everyone at pmsnbc.   I cannot live with the agony of entrusting constitutional responsibility to any of them.
  

 Please will you utilize a chisel to chip away and get at an itch between my shoulder blades?

Please i don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my concrete nature and presence of asphalt contractors trying to figure out why a picture of Debbil Wasserputz Schultz does better concrete work than they can. So please kindly send me only E-mail here (esthermasego@163.com) because I don't want them to know that asphalt isn't concrete or a problem with one's butt.  With a cell phone, texting app and a twatwaffle, all of the dumbest things in life are possible.
 

 As soon as I receive your response I shall give you the contact of my late Attorney who is in southeastern Europe looking for necks to bite and avoiding reverends with crosses and sharpened stakes.  Your prompt reply will be appreciated as that itch between my shoulder blades is getting worse.

Yours in concrete,
 Mrs. Esther Masego .
 My Personal E-mail: esthermasego@163.com  

 

 

The scammer figured it out with her silence (a concrete larynx makes it tough to talk anyway), and the DNC knows better than to figure I can be converted to a hellary voter by this time.  I'm sure my typed invitation to a conservative concentration camp is awaiting dispatch if this country is so dumb as to not indict her...

The Pet Rock Executes An Edit

My pet rock, Seymour, loves editing.

He especially loves editing North Korean despot Kim Jong Un.

So when Seymour saw that "Dear Leader" had executed another of his top aides, Seymour was all over it in true pet rock 'edit' style:



Kim Jong Un Executes Top Military Chief, This Time Using Hellary To Do It

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS

North Korean leader Kim Jong Un continues executing members of his inner circle in ways so exotic one marvels at how he comes up with these methods.

The latest reported execution – see what I just did there? – of Ri Yong Gil, chief of the North Korean military’s general staff, is by the most heinous method yet. He was executed by “pernicious mind f**k”, according to South Korean anonymous sources: he was forced to endure looped audio of Hellary Clinton speech shrieking while viewing her in a 5x thong.

Details about North Korea’s government are notoriously hard to obtain, but South Korean sources say that Ri’s execution and the particularly gruesome manner of carrying it out was part of Kim’s effort to strengthen his probability of South Park's Trey Parker and Matt Stone making a Team America World Police sequel starring hisself.
 
It’s also believed that Ri was facing charges for abusing his power by farting during a Kim Jong Un speech to “Feel the Bern” college zombies at KnockWurst Liberal Arts College in Whackadoodle, CA, shortly before his execution.

Ri, who took up the top military job with considerable trepidation in 2013, was considered to be one of Kim’s next targets for exotic execution, as he frequently accompanied the leader on tours of army units and factories, knowing that one faux pas would “get 'er done”.

Unnecessary speculation arose around his coming fate after he missed two key national events in North Korea - a meeting of senior flush toilet technician officials, and a rally to urge Parker/Stone to make that damned sequel for Kim Jong Un so he might increase the starving population's rice ration to 1,000 calories a day.

During the senior flush toilet technician meeting, Kim called for a single minded effort on the part of all of North Korea to double the number of flush toilets in Pyongyang to 2.

Last July, South Korea’s intelligence service said that at least 70 North Korean officials have been executed by increasingly unusual and exotic means since Kim’s inauguration of Warner Brothers-style Loony Toons executions in 2011.

Before Ri’s death, 69 others were dispatched by a plethora of unusual and exceptionally cruel means, including being eaten by hungry dogs, an anti-aircraft gun, or having to meet with Jimmy Carter. Future methods may include being forced to stare at a Medusa-like photo of Debbie Wasserman Schultz, or having to watch the entire collection of Kardashian reality TV shows.

Outside experts say that the increasingly brutal methods of execution indicate that the young leader is a real prick.

I don't think that Seymour cares any more whether he eventually garners a Pulitzer for these edits or not.  I think he's hoping for a cameo when Parker/Stone finally cave and do that Team America sequel.

"Am NOT!!!"