What's In YOUR Email?

I know what's in MY email.

Scams like this h'yar:

JP Morgan Chase Bank of New York
270 Park Avenue, 39th Floor,
Webside: www.jpmorgan..com / wsshttps://chaseonline.chase.com/

Attn:Beneficiary,

I write to inform you that the Federal Executive Council of the united states of America in collaboration with JP Morgan Chase Bank to wishes to Compensate you with the sum of US$10.5 Million Dollars after discovering you are a victim of scam to some impostors who claim to be what they are not And we have mount our network monitoring code to track them down with such act here in united states and other countries.

Note, this decision was made by the Federal Executive Council of united states of America in collaboration with JP Morgan Chase Bank to enable you reach out with the goal and objective of Charitable Organization Union in your communities and we don’t know how much you have been scammed years-back in trying to  receive your contract/inheritance payment but we believe the stated amount $10.5 Million (Ten Million fine hundred thousand USD) will put you in other to forget your past and continue your future without participating in such scandal again. And for us to finalize your approve payment with us you will have to re-confirm the information below to us after reading this email for a quick procession of your payment.

1) Your Full Name
2) Your Direct telephone number
3) Your Complete Address
4) A Copy Of Your Identification I.D
5) Occupation & Position

Upon the receipt of the above information from you, i will switch into action with further instruction of your payment without any further delay. So be advice that  your maximum co-operation to this office will help us released your fund to you. And as i prove to let you know me, please see the attach copy of my ID for  more clarification.

Thank you

Yours Sincerely

Mr. James Dimon.
Executive Director,
Member of Operating Committee of JP Morgan  


Yawp.  That's what's in my email.

Well...this is what's now in the scammer's email:

From: JPMorgan Chase & Co <JPMorgan@ceres.ocn.ne.jp>
Sent: Sunday, August 5, 2018 1:14 AM
Subject:  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't

 

 JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't of New York
270 Park Avenue, 39th Floor,

NYC NY something five digits

Attn:

I write to inform you that the Federal Executive Council of the Unicorns Crapping Ice Cream in collaboration with JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't, wishes to Constipate you with left over rigatoni from the employee cafeteria after discovering you are a victim of burritos from some impostors who claim to be what they are not and we have mount our network stuffed llama to track them down with such act both here and other countries, because we cannot tolerate substandard unicorns crapping rigatoni when it's supposed to be ice cream.

 Note, this decision was made by the Federal Endangered Feces Act in collaboration with  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't, to enable you not long be constipated with the goal and objective of Charitable unicorn ice cream crapping in your communities and we don’t know how much you have been scammed years-back by alpacas imitating ice cream crapping unicorns but we believe the stated event as stated as an event is an event as stated and not something made up by cnn, though they might once they read this.  This of course will put you in other to forget your past and continue your future without participating in tostado gender switching again. And for us to finalize your culinary peculiarities with us you will have to re-confirm the information below to us after reading this email for a quick procession of your reconstituted burrito crapped ice cream sundae via unicorn express.

1) Your Full Name
2) Your Direct telephone number
3) Your Complete Indirect Address
4) A Copy Of An Identification I.D, if not your own then that of someone you really don't like
5) Occupation & Position at time you decided you don't like them

Upon the receipt of the above information from you, i will switch into action with further instruction of our international fleet of flying ice cream crapping unicorns without any further delay. So be advice that
your maximum co-operation to this office will help us released from the 72 hour mental health hold this email initially screwed us into. And as i prove to let you know me, please don't see the copy of my ID I forgot to attach because I didn't have one of someone I hated available for more clarification.

Mr. James Demon.
Executive Dumrector,
Member of Operating Committee of  JPMorgan, What He Chase & Why You Shouldn't

With Orifices Everywhere You Don' Wanna Be...'Cuz We Fart

 

 

My pet rock suggested that I accept no ice cream from anything dressed like a unicorn after this....