Not Playing Well With Others

Sometimes...ya just gotta.

This was one of them times.

Calista Gibson thinks that the well-worn internet scam of "I'm dying and I want you to inherit this" will get her somewhere:


Hello,

I know it will be a great surprise reading from me today but consider this a divine intervention. My name is Mrs. Calista Gibson, a widow from United States of America. I am presently writing you from my sickbed because i have been fighting cancer and the doctor says i have a few weeks left.

I want to entrust my money $8.5 Million dollars to your care for charity purposes and crave your indulgence as a concerned individual to help use my money for charity and also assist the poor with less privileged in the society so reply to my private email ( gibsoncalista365@att.net ) for more information as I'm not always online due to my health and my late husband's brother wants me dead so that he will claim all my late husband and i worked for.

I will tell you more about myself and what you need to do with the money once your receive it. Give me your word that you will not betray my trust so that i furnish you with more details about the Charity Funds. Please reply now as my health is pretty bad, It’s urgent and very important you keep this email confidential.

Have a blessed day and do not forget to pray for me.

Bless you.
Mrs. Calista Gibson.  


Lo and behold, not only was I not buying...I was having a bad day and wasn't playing, either:


Well, hurry up and die already.  I'm missing my Outer Limits marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel.  


Lil' Miss Dying-to-Scam wasn't willing to let it go at that:


Thank you for response, You do not have to be skeptic as this is not a scam, it`s absolutely a blessing from God. I do believe that putting smiles on the face of other people by reaching out to some individuals, the less privileged around the world and charity organizations in some other parts of the world is the right thing to do. I understand your thought you believe that i wasn't for real, But you are wrong. I told you that am not a scam and you and i want you to do your best to assist me to conclude the transaction. I would be at the background to feed you with every information as regards this project that would facilitate and enhance the procedures to achieving success of this proposal. All i want you to know before we finally proceed is that you are to commit your time, sincerity and confront yourself as my next of kin to the security company while i would feed you with the necessary details needed to ensure the claim goes out smoothly. On this note, I want to reassure you that the procedure to be adopted in processing and effecting the transaction is fully official and legal.

This proposal should not be regarded as a means to extort money from you neither is it a fraudulent concept that would put you into insecurity; hence you should remove your mind from every sense of disbelief, you will not regret but rejoice. I would be at the background to advice you on what to do for us to proceed and achieve our goal which is claiming the funds successfully. As an insider, I can assure you that once you have comply with me, the security company would now be under legal obligation to release the $8.5 Million dollars to you. Be informed that for this deal to succeed, we have to keep it confidential just for my safety in order words what i am trying to say is that the transaction demand utmost confidentiality until the aim which is claiming the funds is achieved. If all i have just explained is clear to you and you are willing to proceed, then i will be expecting a return mail from you. I hope to hear from you soonest. My sincere greetings to you and your family.  


Okay, Lil' Missie:


Who said anything about a skeptic?  I just don't f***ing believe you.  I consider your antecedence dubious at best.  I consider your chosen template stale and constidated (you'll probably never see what I just did there).  You're not as credible as a wet fart.  And if this email is a blessing from Gawd, man, did I really piss Him off in this or a previous life.  


Lil' Missie still ain't ready to quit:


Thank you for response, really Jack you do not have to be bitter and insulting to my person.  You must believe this is not a scam, it`s absolutely a blessing from God. I do believe that putting smiles on the face of other people by reaching out to some individuals, the less privileged around the world and charity organizations in some other parts of the world is the right thing to do. I understand your thought you believe that i wasn't for real, But you are wrong. I told you that am not a scam and you and i want you to do your best to assist me to conclude the transaction.  Believe in miracles.  


What, does your fly-infested internet cafe handler there have a cattle prod poked up your ass, ready to trigger it if you don't get a bite?    If so, have your moronic, shock-happy internet handler read this over your shoulder:  HEY, F**KSTICK, YOUR EMPLOYEE IS TRYING, BUT YOU GAVE HER LOUSY, WELL-TRAVELED MATERIAL TO WORK WITH, AND IT AIN'T GETTING IT DONE.  TAKE YOUR CATTLE PROD AND STICK IT UP YOUR OWN ASS...CUZ IT'S YOUR FAULT THIS AIN'T MAKING IT.  


That gets Lil' Missie -- or whomever -- off the template:


what is wrong with you  I am not scam.  


What is wrong with me?  Nothing that a moronic email scam from a plunger-lipped twat omelet like you can knock off course.  But thanks for trying.  Next contestant on The Scam Is Wrong...Maxipad Waters, COME ON DOWN!  

That finally got the message across.  Or it has them searching the internet for a twat omelet and where they can get one...

Wang A Lang A Ding Dong

These faces of shock and anguish will make more sense soon.  Or soonerer.

Sometimes when scammers come to call, they use intermediaries.  Including those who don't realize that their email has been hijacked for the purpose of forwarding a scam.

Like this one that was sent from a Sally Payne, using what appeared to be a UK based university email address:

 Humanitarian Work (Revised). Ms. Zhe Wang picked you, 

please do contact her on (wangz6611@gmail.com)  to 

know why you receiving this e-mail  thank you!  

 

 

My character was quick to respond to both email addresses thus:

 

 

Sounds like you're hooked up with a wang no one wants.  See what I just did there?  

 

 

After three days, that drew this response from the alleged Ms Payne:

 

 

Oh my, that wasn't me!  I think my email has been hacked!  Please disregard anything further like that.  

 

 

My character was quick to assure Ms Payne:

 

 

No problem, Mustang Sally.  I'll focus on the Wangster that apparently did hijack your email.  

 

 

Nothing further from there, so I don't know if she appreciated the 'Mustang Sally' reference or not.

 

Meantime, it took Ms Zhe Wang a few more days to get her act together before came this (pardon the length, but you want the full of it):

 

 

Dear Beneficiary,

Thank you for your feedback. I'm pleased to read your letter of
acceptance as my last beneficiary to receive my donation for
$3,800,000.00 USD to you. Allow me to formally introduce myself, I am
Ms. Zhe Wang from Mississauga , Ontario. Canada, my jackpot was a gift
from God and on behalf of my family and I, we have decided to do God’s
will by donating to you , charity home and Organizations that will be
of help to eradicating poverty in the lives of our Young and Old
generations in different locations around the world because as a woman
that I am . Am a mother and I know what it feels like to be helpless
in today's life that we all are living in.

Anyway After seeking financial advice from our legal counsel and other
organization(s) have partnered with to enhance this project, I have
decided to commence a charity foundation/projects for this year 2017,
and also use the opportunity to give out cash grant worth of $3.8
million dollars each to at least (7) persons to become millionaires
like I of which (6) people have benefited and received theirs , we
have also decided to help Christians, Muslims and unbeliever’s from
any Part of the world, we can help the needy and less privileged if we
both ( You and I ) agree to follow the instructions guiding this
organization/charity project in the same way my other six
beneficiaries agreed and oblige to the instructions given to them .
Note: It is also our intention to make out donations to charity
projects and the less privileged all over the world and I already have
a charity home as we speak , you will see full details below on the
link's.

I decided not to do any news flash or video coverage on my winnings
because people are busy using good/great philanthropist details both
male and female to hurt innocent people out there and the Ontario
Lottery and Gaming Corp (OLG) respected my decision because the whole
issue is getting out of hand this days.

I will appreciate it if you view the link's below for better
understanding , so that you know for sure with a 100% mind-set that
what am doing is for the betterment of mankind;

To confirm this, you may view below when I won my lottery on the webpage link;http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/mississauga-woman-claims-64m-jackpot-1.3490469

Here is a link which also shows my beneficiaries who have benefited
from my grant donation before you;http://zhewangdonatn.16mb.com/


I know this may come as a big surprise but It will interest you to
know that your email address was selected alongside other 6 lucky
email addresses out of millions of internet users worldwide. Random
selection was done by the legal advisers to this donation
program/project declaring YOU as a lucky individual for a cash grant
of 3.8 million dollars from me.

I may not know you, but I believe if you were chosen by God to receive
my donation of $3,800,000.00 USD you must be a God fearing individual
irrespective of your religion or belief no matter your ethnicity, I am
Muslim and I believe that Good things happens to those people who wait
and also believe in Allah ( God ) . I was running around and doing all
sort of jobs to make sure my kids have the best education and live a
comfortable life before God in his infinite mercy blesses us with so
much money, I have always prayed that God should help me and I was not
surprised when I won my Power-ball Jackpot because I always knew God
has a plan in my life, although I bought my winning ticket in October
17th, 2015 and unknowingly for me I won and when the OLG corporation
told me to come claim my winnings it was a miracle to me and I was
amazed , I decided to start this Donation Project this year 2017
because I had a lot doing with building of my charity homes and other
charity programmes I started at 2015 and all through 2016.

Note: You will be required to set up an online temporary debit
offshore account in your name with my pay-out bank where my
$3,800,000.00 USD will be lodged and agreed by my attorney who said
that all donated funds to my beneficiaries MUST be completed through
the use of Online banking system so I can maintain a better and secure
communication.

This may sound like a joke or may be surprising to you but please have
no doubt as it is 100% real...Hence to facilitate the payment process
of this funds ($3,800,000.00 USD) which have been donated solely to
you, you are to fill and send back to me your full details below so
that we can proceed with further questioning on what you will be doing
with the money when it finally enters your account.

Ps: Am not begging or pleading with you to accept my donation , if you
can't pay the account opening fee all by yourself which you will  be
required to pay by my pay-out bank to enable you access my donation
funds to you , please kindly delete this message and don't respond
back.

FILL BELOW:
Name:
Address:
Country:
State:
Sex:
Telephone:
Occupation:
Age:

I only want to feel happy and excited knowing that I  have helped save
a lot of people and when I meet my creator I know that I have no
errors in my book of life , this is the only thing that makes me happy
because each day I go out when I haven't won my lottery , I see the
way people suffer out there and it's my duty to put smiles on people's
faces.  I will advise you as the prospective lucky winner to be calm
not to lose this great opportunity when been asked by my pay-out Bank
to pay few dollars for account opening fee to enable you access your
account before you can transfer your funds which millions of people
are trying to entangled and are praying for such opportunity but the
chances just couldn’t come for them because a lot of people are out
there to discourage them as they don't know how it works, and have
never seen such before. Please you have to delete this message if you
are not willing to receive this donation.

Thank you and God bless you.
Ms. Zhe Wang  

 

As I said, full of it.

 

I was quick to seize on her reading comprehension:

 

 

I'm glad to see your reading comprehension is so not good.  

 

 

It didn't improve immediately:

 

 

I just want to believe that my contacting you was the wish of the
almighty .Remember that the blessing of God comes by favour and God
does not choose failures but champions, I hope you were not too
embarrassed by my first email to you since you do not know me.

God directed me to you , because he knows you are the best person to
do this for me and for the needy people .The funds is really not my
problem and I have prayed already and I believe that God has answered
my prayers that is why I want to make sure that I use some one to
disburse it to charity and good lucrative business to create more job
opportunity to help jobless and needy people in your locality.

FILL BELOW:
Name:
Address:
Country:
State:
Sex:
Telephone:
Occupation:
Age:

If interested i shall be waiting your response and assurance.

Thank you and God bless you.
Ms. Zhe Wang  

 

 

Was there something embarrassing in your first mail?  

 

 

No but just that you do not know me before that is why.  

Perhaps customs are different in your country.  Merely receiving an email from someone I do not know doesn't generally cause embarrassment, unless it contains pornographic images in it.

If yours did not, then I don't imagine it was embarrassing.  See above to gauge what I might consider pornographic and therefore, embarrassing.  

 

 

I did not send you something like that.  

 

 

I'm just saying that something like that from a stranger would be embarrassing, and there isn't much stranger than something like that from a stranger.  Kapish?

 

 

Okay no problem about that I understand so let move on send me the Information's
that I have requested so that I can know whom I am dealing with.
Immediately I have received it, I shall send you the contact of the
bank where the money his.

FILL BELOW:
Name:
Address:
Country:
State:
Sex:
Telephone:
Occupation:
Age:

Ms. Zhe Wang.
 

You've been writing to me and only NOW you're concerned with whom you're dealing with?  Wazzup widdat?    


Please send to me the informations I ask for so we can begin with the bank where the money his.   


The money has a sex?  Really???  And all this time I thought money was printed, not procreated.  The things you can learn from strangers in the night. 

 I am not understand what you are speaking to.  Please follow my instructions. 

I am not sure where your instructions are leading...gendered money?  You've just triggered a whole generation of easily upset cupcakes on college campuses with that one.


Are you going to send the informations not here?


I'm not sure where your "not here" is.  Is that where I send it, or do I send it somewhere other than?  The gendered money thing has Barbie and Ken in a bit of a therapy need.


If you are not interested do not write more.  


What's the significance if I write "less" as opposed to "more"?  Is this another cultural thing that'll trigger gender neutrals that you just told have gender assigned money in their wallets?  You realize that you're ramping up quite a need of safe rooms and puppy videos here.


And with that, Ms Zhe Wang ended our correspondence, and all without clarifying what gender was in her wallet...

 

Who Is This Man?

Most of us know who this ma'am is.  But what follows wanders a tad into Whiskey Tango Foxtwot territory.

It all begins when another of my characters gets an email from a Dr. Gideon Masie (who's been made fun of prior in this blog), that winds up taking an unforeseen turn.  Meanwhile, here's how it all started:

ON THE DESK TOP OF                                                                  GIDEON MASIE
                                                                BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND

Hello sir,
In reference to your funds which was forwarded to us here ( BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND) FOR FURTHER VERIFICATION AND AUTHENTICATION .
We want to come to your notice that after due verification, we found out that your fund transfer was done through non existing banking process based on open tender policy.
As a matter of fact, the transfer which was attempted several times with different beneficiaries was believed to be a floating fund without a good clam of ownership.

On this regard, I, Mr.Gideon Masie is now your new bank officer.
I will work well with you but I love transparency in every thing I do. You will have your money but due to the errors committed in the past, some areas need to be clarified for the security of the fund, As soon as 100% guarantee is achieved,this is to know is the fund in question is a payment for drug transaction ,money laundry or things related to that.once this is done, I have no any other option than to forward your money to any accounted provided
We are sorry if this in one way or the other will affect you but there is nothing we can do than what is necessary  for security reasons.

DONT BE AFRAID TO RELATE TO ME OF WHERE YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEM
YOU MAY CONTACT ME ON MY PRIVATE EMAIL
gideonmasie@yahoo.com

GIDEON MASIE BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND  


After some preliminary back 'n forth, my character was introduced to a second person in Dr. Gideon's repertoire, a Michael Udenze, allegedly a lawyer who would further along Dr. Gideon's scam:

Hello JE,

This is from Barrister Michael Udenze writing in regards to your arrangement with Dr. Gideon.

Doctor told me that you have being on a sick bed. I am sorry. I pray that you will recover soonest.

As he must have told you, I don't come out open working for our customers to avoid implications but because of your health  will need an authorized latter of assignment from you with three copies of your passport photograph. (the passport can be copied from any of your pictures)

Account info and details where you will want the money to be transferred to and a scan ID

Please do split the 3000pds  in to three while sending through western union or any other money transfer to

RECEIVER'S NAME ANDREW JONES

CITY. LONDON

Waiting for you.

Michael U  

 

 

For unexplained reasons, Dr. Gideon told the bannister that my character was sick, and this caused a little bit of a 'tiff' betwixt us for a short time.  But my character got over it in the interests of keeping this going a tad.

 

When out of no where, a new player comes in via email within the same thread:

 

 

My name is Mr. Andriy Kuzma from Ukraine.
I am getting in touch with you regarding an extremely important and urgent matter. If you would oblige me the opportunity, I shall provide you with details upon your response.  

 

 

LOL...over the years I've had scammers lose track of their scams and the characters they're supposed to be playing, so I assumed that this was another case of such.  At any rate, I decided to float it by Dr. Gideon to explain WTF this was all about:

 

 

What does Andriy Kuzma have to do with you?  

 

 

Dr. Gideon responds:

 

 

I have not heard about that name before  

 

 

Curious...an email from him came up in this thread.  That suggested to me that you had another partner in this.   Unless he is an associate of Michael Udenze?  If so, it is a digressing proposal, not the one you began with me.  Are you sure that Udenze isn't double dealing you?  

 

 

We don't know him Sir.   

 

 

And I get this from Udenze, which starts with an email from Dr. Gideon to Udenze, wanting to know about this Kuzma charaacter:

 

 

I received this message from Mr.Jack. Who is this man from Ukraine?

> My name is Mr. Andriy Kuzma from Ukraine.

 

 

It is followed by Udenze's email to my character:

 

 

Hello JE,

I just received below message from Dr.Gideon. Honestly speaking, am not happy with this.The only business I have with you is to help you obtain some vital documents and submit them to Dr. Gideon. I have no connection with any person in Ukraine and have never been to Ukraine all the days of my life. I have no reason at all to tamper with your transaction.

The receivers name I gave you is due to security reasons.Andrew Jones is my In-law. I have not even told him about anything.

Please, I have no hand in this.  

 

 

Meantime, my character is inquiring of Mr. Kuzma about the other two:

 

 

Upon accepting to transact with us, we require your utmost trust and total dedication, since you will be in charge of the aforementioned funds. I'm seeking your partnership in transferring funds to a local bank in your country. This is a deal of over (€25m) which was abandoned in my bank by a late customer.
I'm hoping you are comfortable with the sharing ratio, 50% to each side is a fair deal. This transaction is 100% reliable and secured. With my position as the Head of Operations of Kreditukr Investment Bank, handling this transaction is within my power only with your full support. The funds will be released to you in 10-15 business days after all necessary measures has been met. I require the below information to commence this process:

1. FULL NAME
2. DATE OF BIRTH
3. OCCUPATION
4. CONTACT ADDRESS
5. PHONE NUMBER
6. SCANNED VALID ID, DRIVER'S LICENSE or PASSPORT

Once the above information gets to us, an  application letter will be sent to Central Bank of Ukraine on your behalf by our accredited Consultant. (I will copy you his contact on the receipt of the above mentioned details) I will also send you my international passport and all related as proof to make you more comfortable that this is all legit and risk-free, most importantly, I will like you to assure me that you will not betray this trust and confidence that am about to repose on you.

After the transaction, I'll like to meet with you and your family as soon as we get the funds transferred into your nominated bank account for disbursement and investment purposes.
Hope to read from you soon.


Kind Regards,
Andriy Yakiv Kuzma.
Head Manager, Kredit Ukrainian Investment Bank, Ukraine.
KreditUkr | PRIVACY POLICY
© 2017 KreditUkr P.O Box 1000 Donetsk, 03680. Ukraine.  

 

 

Are you working with Gideon Masie?  

 

 

I have no idea who Gordon is, did you get the details of my email to you?  

 

 

Yes, I got the details...but I want to know why your emails are meshing with those of a Gideon Masie and Michael Udenze.  That suggests you're working with them.  

 

 

With my vast experience in banking, I must warn you to avoid and seize communicating with anyone trying to use my information to extort people.  Actually I was hacked recently, I guess that is how my account got compromised, kindly do away with such people and block them if possible and maybe have an IT personnel to come check for computer for any possible hack activity.

Meanwhile, in receipt of your response with the required details, I shall proceed with the registration of your details into the bank system database as the beneficiary to the account.
I look forward to hearing from you shortly.  

 

 

I love it when scammers tell me to block other scammers.  At any rate, we go on:

 

 

If your account was hacked:

1.  was it the Russians that did it?
2. How can I know that I'm talking to you, and not the hacker? 

Kindly forward me the emails you received from Gordon Masie and Michael Udenze.
Now back to your questions.

1. No way I could have known who hacked my account,
2. I have had it checked out by computer specialist.

My computer is completely safe now.
I hope to see the emails sent to you by those two.  


So my character sends Kuzma the emails from Dr. G and Udenze, whilst telling them this:


It's an interesting situation.  You and Udenze insist that you do not know him; he insists that the both of you are frauds.  Most interesting situation.  However, since Russian hacking has been highlighted in the news so recently -- and Ukraine was a part of Russia -- I do suspect that Kuzma might be part of a hacking network.  


Thus responds Dr. Gideon:


As I say we do not know him and you must belief that he is a fraud not us.  Please do not mix our business with him further please.  


Long as things are suitably convoluted here, I decide to further toss a few monkey tools into the pumps, by having yet another character weigh in with all three individual email addresses thus:


Who Is This Man:

 I have heard from all three of you who appear to be working at cross porpoises, which I took to be very pissed off mammals of the aquatic variety.  So...who is this man and what do the three of you have in common with him?  And how does it all connect to me?  Expedience in response, please.  


First my second character gets this from Dr. Gideon:


Who are you?  I not write to you?  Are you Mr. Kuzma?  


And this from Bannister Udenze:


I am not known to you.  What is going on?  


And finally, Kuzma weighs in:


I have no time for jokes with you people.  Stop contacting me.  


Which gets this response from Dr. Gideon who for whatever reasons also copied Udenze and my character:


I did not contact you.  You stop contacting!  


Since he copied all of us (other than my original character, I let the second character reply):


Okay, kiddies...unless you all want to be sent to different corners for time outs, you will play nice.  Simply answer my question of who is this man?


That resulted in chirping crickets so far as my second character went.  So now back to the first character, who decides to either draw them out further, or end the silly thread thus:


Okay.  It appears clear to me that Dr. Gideon and Bannister Udenze claim to not know Andriy Kuzma; and that Kuzma does not know Masie and Udenze.  YET...somehow, the three of you wound up on the same email thread that began with Dr. Gideon. 

Kuzma claims that his email was recently hacked.  I suspect that perhaps this same hacker may have conjoined my emails with Dr. Gideon and Udenze as well, though I am at a loss to explain how.

And this morning, I get an email from yet another person who identifies himself as Ukulele Ungabunga, and shows up as a fourth character in this email thread, sending me a picture of some German looking officer and demanding to know who is this man?

What is becoming very clear to me is that someone amongst you has lost total control of your email security.  And with that loss of control, I can have no confidence in dealing with such a situation.

I leave it to the four of you -- Dr. Gideon, Udenze, Kuzma and Ungabunga -- to sort out what the f**k is going on, and get back to me with a logical and rational way forward in this deal, if after all this, there is one.  

I don't know if any of the first three are still talking to one another out there, but none are speaking to either of my characters at this point.

Nyuk.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Postcards From Beyond The Gender

Ol' Meryl, just shortly before she went Trumpadoodle at some dink awards ceremonkey out in Hollywad.

Email conversations with email scammers can take a number of different turns.  Some can go on for months, even years.  Others...eh...not so long.

They usually hinge on one common theme:  money.  The transfer of. 

But they can unhinge in a hurry, as did the following one.

It started simply enough.  Maria Moore -- who became Elizebeth Hammers before she brought a third name into the game -- contacted my character about a fund transfer and a fee that had to be paid before the fund transfer could take place.  The old "pay me a few hundred for you to get a few million" ploy so in vogue in Scamland. 

That was the game.  Her goal:  to get my character to wire her $750.  If I did that, she *won*.

Here's how the *game* isn't supposed to be played (according to her and her peers); note that her emails are in bold and my character responds in italics: 


Below are their contact details.... now E-mail them immediately and ask> about item code: "9864543/pending/delivery" by me.
>
> Company Name: Excel Global Courier Service
> Contact Person: ELIZABETH HAMMERS
> Email: elizebethhammers002@gmail.com
>
> Thank you very much for your zeal to assist me then. Let friendly love
> continue! I'm off....Take care and God bless. so feel free to get in
> touch with them. Pls pray for our safe trip. Please note that the
> courier company don't know anything about the hiding money in the
> laptops, don't ever disclose it to them.
> > Mrs Maria Moore  


You're German?  Okay...that's the only thing I know about you.  


Thanks for your swift response because i am already at my airport now. I want you to get this box today so that i can face other jobs. Mrs
Maria Moore instructed me to deliver immediately. i will  be in in your
area this night

Pls be at home. MARIA paid me for delivery and that is why i am paying
for all these things. However. maria left that box for few days at
this airport cargo dept and it has accumulated a demurrage fee and
customs clearance fee now. Is a small fee anyway. That will be a
little delay because i have paid
for other things like yellow tag, insurance, permit etc. I am financially
down now I know She must have TOLD you about it because she is
absolutely aware. You can reach her on wilieburs2431@gmail.com

You will send the fee down here before i can board the flight. Like i
said...is just a token fee. Is not much at all. That is my delay now.
She is aware of that because i told her as well. She is in China now.
Try and send the fee now so that I will come .MAKE SURE
YOU ARE AT HOME TO RECEIVE THE BOX BECAUSE I CANT GIVE IT TO ANOTHER
PERSON.The fee is $750.Use money gram to send the fee.Send your house
address and your phone number to me.Scan your passport or any of your
id and send it to me.


Pay To

NAME:HELENA BEASLEY
ADDRESS:MISSOURI U.S.A
Question. Color
Answer. Yellow

Send to HELENA BEASLEY. No other person.

Send it today and send the details to me.

waiting for your mail now.  


I'm confused.  You're the courier, but I'm supposed to send money to someone in Misery?  Please explain.  


She is our staff in charge of receiving money.as soon as you send the
money as soon as she receive it she will come and meet me with the
money so that i will pay the fee to them and come and meet you with
your box.Go and send the money now and scan the payment slip and send
it to me.  


Why doesn't your courier meet me at the airport and collect the monkey herself?  Why do you need a middleperson of dubious antegenderence?  


She is in charge of receiving money in our company.GO and send the fee now.  


Why isn't it more convenient to simply give the money to the courier when she makes delivery?  


I have to pay the demurrage fee and customs clearance fee before your
box will come out from the airport before i will come and meet you
with your box.If you are ready to see me with your box go and send the
fee now.When you deliver the box to me -- as in hand it to me -- I will put the $750 in your hand.  That's called "good business".  


Your box can not come out from the airport with out pay the fee to
them.Send the fee so that i will pay them and come and meet you.You
are not sending it for my own use.As soon as i pay them you will see
me in your house with your box.I did not ask you to give me any money
if you give me any money if my company know i will lose my job and go
to jail.Do you went me to go to jail?Go and send the money today and
send the payment slip to me.

Pay To

NAME:HELENA BEASLEY
ADDRESS:MISSOURI U.S.A
Question. Color
Answer. Yellow

Send to HELENA BEASLEY. No other person.

Send it today and send the details to me.

waiting for your mail now.


Mrs Hammers  

You mean that a COD arrangement is not workable in this situation?  

 

 

I can not understand you by cod arrangement.Send the fee so that i
will pay them and come and meet you.  

COD stands for Cash On Delivery.  


Send the fee stop delaying so that i will pay them and come and meet
you with your box.  

Don't get uppity with me!  Cross that courtesy line again and I'll tell you what you can do with that box!   I happen to be someone that likes to ask questions and get things done my way.  If they can't be done my way, I appreciate courteous explanations, and not petulant snot-nosed responses.  So knock off the indignation and this can get done.  

I wish you happy new year  


And to your snot nosed self too.  

Nice to hear from you this new year.I hope you are ready to receive
your package this year?Reply back.  

Back  


The fee is $750  so let me know how much you have so that i will know
what to do to help you so that we can pay the fee to them and come and
meet you.  


I have that much.  


I can not understand you by that.  


What can't you understand by that?  


When are you sending the fee?  


As soon as I can arrange it.  


Give me the date you will send it.  


1/9/17  


Ok send the $750 on 1/9/2017.Use money gram to send it.As soon as i
pay the fee to them i will come and meet you with your  package.Send
your phone number and your house address to me again.Scan your
passport or any of your id and send it to me so that as soon as i meet
with you i will know that you are the person to meet with.

Pay To

NAME:HELENA BEASLEY
ADDRESS:MISSOURI U.S.A
Question. Color
Answer. Yellow

Send to HELENA BEASLEY. No other person.

Send it today and send the details to me.

waiting for your mail now.


Mrs Hammers  



How are you today i hope you are in good health?I hope you are sending
the $750 on tomorrow?.  


I am thundering ducky, M'am.  Yes, I know tomorrow is January 9.  I have a calendar and know how to use it.  

Send the money tomorrow and scan the payment slip and send it to me.As
soon as i pay them you will see me.  

What do you mean, "you will see me"?  

As soon as you send the money as soon as i pay them i will come and
meet you with your package that what i mean.Go and send it now and
send the payment slip to me.  

I thought you were shipping me the money, not bringing it.   Sending it or bringing it?  I need to know if I need special preparations or something.  Not sending the fee until you reply.  


Send the  demurrage fee and customs clearance fee of $750 now so that
i will pay them and come and meet you.  


So you are coming here, not sending the money.  That's what I needed to know.  


Yes as soon as you send the demurrage fee and customs clearance fee of
$750 now.I will pay the fee to them and come and meet you with your
package.I need your house address and your phone number again.Scan
your passport or any of your id and send it to me so that as soon as i
meet with you i will know that you are the person to meet with.Use
money gram to send the fee now.

Pay To

NAME:HELENA BEASLEY
ADDRESS:MISSOURI U.S.A
Question. Color
Answer. Yellow

Send to HELENA BEASLEY. No other person.

Send it today and send the details to me.

waiting for your mail now.


Mrs Hammers  

My address is:

*** ******* Street   Central City CO 80427  

 

 

Ok i received your address.Send your phone number and your id to
me.Attach is my id again for you to know me.Send the $750 today and
scan the payment slip and send it to me as soon as i pay them you will
see me in your house today.

Pay To

NAME:HELENA BEASLEY
ADDRESS:MISSOURI U.S.A
Question. Color
Answer. Yellow

Send to HELENA BEASLEY. No other person.

Send it today and send the details to me.

waiting for your mail now.


Mrs Hammers   (and she includes her alleged ID)

That's a man's picture on your ID.  What are you, a trans?  


Please is me not a man.How can i sent a man picture to you.Go and send
the fee and you will see me today.Send your phone number to me so that
i will call you if i miss my way to your house.  


Are you in Denver CO already?  And are you sure that's not a man's picture?  


The id i sent to you is my id if you are sending the fee today let me know.  


I want to know if you are a woman that looks like a man or a man that is portraying a woman.  Just who the f**k am I sending $750 to???  

(after a day with no reply)


Since you didn't reply, I guess that you ARE a man and not who you claimed to be.  Good thing I saved my $750, eh?  Tell Helen to get her an authentic associate and mayhaps we can try this again.  But for gawd sakes, if you're going to be a woman, for f**k sake get a picture that LOOKS LIKE ONE.  


If you are ready to see me with your box go and send the $750 now and
send the payment details to me so that i will pay them today and come
and meet you.  

Is Helena Beasley a woman?  I am a lonely bachelor.  Just sayin'.  

Yes she is a woman.Send the fee and send the details.  


Have her send me her picture.  If she does, I will send her double the $750.  


I am not joking with you if you are ready send the fee or i will ask
the airport agent to send your package to FBI as on clam.  

If you send the package to the FBI as "on clam" as you say, why would the FBI give a damn about it?  They're busy trying to figure out if you're a woman or a man that was hacked by the Russians.  

If Helena Beasley is an attractive woman -- and I need a picture to prove it -- I will send her $1500.

When you are ready to receive your package you send the $750 i have no
time to west with you again.  

So you're NOT going to send me a picture of Helena Beasley, you're NOT going to prove you're a woman and you're NOT going to get a spell check program that works?

*BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*

No soup for you!  

I find it amusing that you'd forego a bonus of $750 in addition to the regular $750 just because I wanted a picture of Helena Beasley to confirm that she's a real woman...which we've clearly established that you're not.  

If you are ready to receive your box go and send the fee so that i
will pay them and come and meet you.I am not sending any picture to
you,Your work is to send the fee and her work is to receive the fee.  


No, your work is to facilitate the making of the payment and by getting me what I ask is facilitation of that payment being made.  You're not facilitating.  


If you are ready you send the fee you are not sending it for my own
use.As soon as you send it i will pay them and come and meet you.You
have nothing do with her id.I am going to Canada by Friday for deliver
this person have sent his own fee and he did not ask for any id.Go and
send the fee now so that i will pay them and come and meet you.  


Your obstinence isn't because you're jealous of Helena because SHE looks like a woman and YOU don't, is it?  Is that why you're holding up this deal?  I'm telling you....send me a picture of Helena Beasley and I'll double the payment.  


Go and send the money you have nothing to do with her picture.  


It most CERTAINLY has to do with her picture!!  Your obstinence has managed to make this a personal quest, a mission, a goal.  Show me a picture of Helena Beasley and if she's a babe I send $1500.  


This her address yu can go and meet her in person.

ADDRESS:CITY OF LOUIS CITY HALL
1200 MARKET STREET SAINT LOUIS,MO 63103 MISSOURI U.S.A

If you are ready you send the fee.  


(a search of the address she sent me suggests it's the Assessor's Office for St. Louis County)

I didn't ask for her address.  READ AND COMPREHEND:  I ASKED FOR HER PICTURE.  $1500 is on the line.  Do you enjoy FAILING?  Follow instructions or risk FAILING.   On top of that, Maria Moore/Elizebeth Hammers, you're an IDIOT.  That is NOT a residential address.  It's a f**king GOVERNMENT OFFICE.   Either I get a photo of Helena Beasley or you DON'T GET a FEE PAYMENT.

You are cramping this deal with your lack of cooperation.

Go and send the money is you are ready.  

You are NOT paying attention.  Are you not able to tell a twat waffle iron from a toaster?  


I am paying attention so just send the fee as soon as i pay them you
will see me.  


Don't WANT to see you, Mister; I want to see Helena!   I have $1500 here.  It gets sent when I see a picture of Helena Beasley, and she doesn't look as manly as you do.  


shut up and stop email you basterd  


Ah, so you AREN'T a woman and you ARE jealous of Helena.  *WHOOOSH*...know what that was?  That was $1500 USD passing you by because YOU decided to stick with what was behind Door #1 and didn't choose what was behind Curtain #3.  You should have complied and taken the twat waffle iron.  


I SAID STOP!!!!!!!!  


Is that an acronym?  What does it mean?  Just because you're male and jealous of Helena doesn't mean you can't get a twat waffle iron from behind the right door or curtain.  *WHOOOSH*...was that the $1500 passing you by again?  Let me check....yawp.  It was.  


After that, Maria Moore/Elizebeth Hammers won't play no mores.  Guess he really WAS jealous of Helena Beasley.  Not sure why:

The AMC Ambassador Sucked Too

There are ambassadors and there are ambassadors.

This is NOT an AMC Ambassador.

The email I just got allegedly from a former US ambassador, isn't one either.

It wouldn't even jump that bridge with James Bond at the wheel.

Here we go with an ambassadorian scam of fraudulent antecedence (and probably vetted in their usual substandard manure by the Counterfeit News Network):


I am Mrs Jendayi Elizabeth Frazer, Former U.S.A Ambassador to South Africa.
With reference to your entitlement fund and in line with the CHANGE OF BENEFICIARY'S APPLICATION.    Please email response soonest please.  


All I dun with this was to edit the original email and make her a former ambassador to Nigeria.

Eh.

That illicited this response from a somewhat indignant ambassadette:

Good Day Jack , 

Kindly be advised that this transaction is very serious and that my email communication with you is official and is been monitored by the U.S consulate RCPT server. 

Since you did not authorize Mrs. Holly L Mc Beath claims to your funds, let me take my time once more to reaffirm my position to you. I am the former United State Ambassador to South Africa kindly find  my attached ID Card in this mail. I worked with the U.S Consulate to South Africa, located at 333 E 38th St, New York, NY 10016, USA and my biography can be confirmed online with this link  https://web.archive.org/web/20090219150626/http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/biog/56774.htm

You are the actual recipient of this email, and we have considered the truth in Mrs. Holly L McBeath  alleged claims of your demise but it is not too late to claim what is actually yours. 

During my regime, we (The U.S Consulate) recovered so many unpaid entitlement funds due to citizens of the United States among which yours is included as a beneficiary of the United Nations Entitlement Funds Program (UNEFP) hosted in South Africa. We managed to disburse the said funds of US$7 Million to each beneficiary included during my stay but unfortunately we were unable to locate you, and then this claims from Mrs. Holly L McBeath has resurrected your payment file and she is on the verge to claim it but today as God may have it we have now found you and as part of the oat I swore to always carryout my duty to citizens of the United Nations, I will make sure you receive your entitlement funds valued US$7,000.000 and also, I can now assure you that we have received further instructions to deduct the cost of transfer Fee and Income Tax from your US$7 Million and transfer the balance to you with no further delays. 

If you don't have an account, quickly go ahead and set up an account with any licensed bank capable of receiving large funds. 

Your Full Name:

Your Phone Number:

Your Full Address: 

Once these details are provided, we will contact the paying bank with your details and send you fund deposit certificate from us that your fund have been handed over to them for your payment. I will instruct the paying bank, STANDARD BANK OF SOUTH AFRICA to deduct the Cost of Transfer Fee and the Income Tax from your entitlement funds and transfer the balance to your account immediately.

Sincerely Yours

Mrs Jendayi Elizabeth Frazer

Former US Ambassador

==

Before taking on her position in the Bush Administration, Frazer was Special Assistant to the President and Senior Director for African Affairs on the National Security Council and the first woman to serve as United States Ambassador to South Africa.

Prior to entering government in 2001, Frazer was an Assistant Professor for Public Policy at the Kennedy School of Government at Harvard University from 1995 to 2001. She was Assistant Professor at the Josef Korbel School of International Studies at the University of Denver and editor of the journal Africa Today from 1993 to 1995. She graduated from Stanford University with B.A. in Political Science with honors and African-American Studies with distinction and obtained her M.A. degrees in International Policy Studies and International Development Education, and a Ph.D. in Political Science; during her time at Stanford, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice served as a faculty member in the Political Science department.    

 

 

 

The ID, of course, is supposed to seal her 'authentication'.  It would no doubt at cnn.  Not h'yar.  

 

 This is the reply sent back to the ambassadette:

 

I never said that I didn't authorize Mrs. Holly L. McBeath to claim the funds you speak of.  I actually think that they justly belong to her after a concordat between my family and hers extending back generations to 1759.  You should see that your US consulate RCPT server works better than Hellary's did, otherwise the Russians are reading this sh*t right now via Wikileaks.

I read your resume at the bottom of this email and I must say that you sound like a justly dubious person of inarticulate antecedence. 

I have never been to South Africa OR Nigeria OR any other country within the continental African sphere, so it is with much dubiousness that I can be led to believe that I would have a fund amounting to $7 Million USD there.

I like the ID card; you obviously got it at a first rate flea market.

Is there anything else I can do for you besides confirm my existence?

Jack N. Ewehoff

Former US ambassador to Liechtenstein's colony on Mars

 

And I tweaked her alleged resume:

 

Before taking on her position in the Obola Administration, Frazer was Special Assistant to the President and Senior Director for Africans Having Affairs on the National Security Council and the first woman to serve as United States Ambassador to Nigeria where they get et by Nigerians.

Prior to entering government in 2001, Frazer was an Assistant Professor for Pubic Policy at the Kennedy School of Genital Studies at Harvard University from 1995 to 2001. She was Assistant Professor at the Josef Korbel School of Champagne Studies at the University of Denver and editor of the journal African Affairs Yesterday, Today and A Week From Now from 1993 to 1995. She graduated from Wassamatta U with B.S. in Political Science with hors d'eourves and African Studies with distention and obtained her pHd degrees in International Haggis Studies and International Underdevelopment Education, and a pHd in Political Chicanery; during her time at Wassamatta U, former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was at a far more prestigious institution doing much more important work.  

That drew a very unambassadorial reply:

 

 

you r stupid person  

 

 

Quite possibly, but apparently not stupid enough for you.  *BUZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZER*  Ambassadorial FAIL!   No WONDER you're a former ambassadette.

 

 

Meantime, I hope that Holly L. McBeath enjoys those funds our respective family concordats awarded her...

Gibberish Meets Western Union

The gibberish exchanged between this aborigine and Bugs Bunny was at least somewhat recognizeable as "unga bunga bunga".

I can't quite say as much for this email scam with something of a Nigerian origin (at least the phone number suggests that).  Read it for yourself and ask yourself "what for you bury me in the cold cold ground?", followed by growling like the Tasmanian Devil would:

Attention,

We would like to inform you that we are already over West Union
sent 5.000,00 USD We received the order as your Total full
50,000.00USD overdue payment, Western Union Since By
Treasury. I tried to get away Call comprehensive
Over the phone to give, but I could not so I decided
send to you the MTCN and sender name, so that they die 5,000.00
To obtain USD, so we did today Another 5,000.00 USD, How
write, we
know only send 5,000.00 USDs per day. And it was agreed,
That the Escrow, die sum of 120 USDs to be paid to you
By paying must be considered before the release, did die
120USD before picking up your first payment.

Please bring ESTA information and pick up for each round Western Union
5.000,00 USD and call die Operation Manager Mr. Benlly Dues,
Because he who is responsible for your payment person, and I can
choose to send another payment today when it closed
Contact, Phone call him (+2347039297675 E-mail: Contact
Us, HIM, ideally located on the 5,000.00 USDs is empty you have,
Once picked Paid die 120 USDs today.

Below FIND die Western Union to Bern to die
Get get to 5,000.00 USD Information; Receive any
Sent day, Once your transmission range of 120 USD
and there is a re-confirmation of payment a file in their office
Serve.

This displays information of the sender;

Money Transfer Control Number MTCN: (4680895364)
Senders first name: ____ OBALIMU
Surname: ____ Okechukwu
Amount: 5.000,00 USD
Question: In God
Answer: We trust

They are waiting with the transfer residual 120 USD is now,
use and You can ESTA information in order below the post
to operate
Transfer fees today.

Rename the recipient obi philip
------ Nigeria
State -------- EdoState
Quantity --------- 120 USD
Your.Question ---- START
You. Reply ----- TODAY
Sender Name ----
------------- MTCN?

Do we want a Merry Christmas, so 5,000 USDs to have ,, ideal
pick ,, perfect for you are among them 120 USDs 5,000 USDs in just
4mins Ok time message.

just wait in the western port after sending 120 USD once
The payment is confirmed, I will send you the bill chic 5000
Send USD ok.

His statement did 120 USD Transfer Clearunce Certificate
is imperative we, as they threw me in fact the money that you
only, until you pay your payment in full. Effort, your
Email direct Since you die phone number to call when printing
Billing information, your information is sent down to
you.reconfirm that I know, sent a it is the right person.

Your full name: ............
Mobile: .............
Address: ...................
Country: ...................

Regards

 

 

Unlike another 'lost in translation' scammer who claims to be good with English but has been abysmal at reading what I've done with her English, this one is a tad quicker to pick up on the nature of my reply and seems to accurately gauge their chances of success based on that reply:

 

 

Unga bunga bunga BINGA BANGA UNGA BUNGA BOOGA DOOGA OOGA BUNNNNNNNNNGAAA.  Ewe sabe hokay dorkey?  Mewwy Chwispmoose aachooo!  Chow me da monkey!!!!!  Pow me da minkey!  Spank me da munkay!  Oooba doooba dooo!!!*

 

*  This make as much sense as you email, yes?  Night of the Escrow fer de cheekin?  Hokey pokey Smokey?  Bill chic and she no go out wid chew no mores.  Say dat Obi Philip Kannotbe, deadi gesundheit. Banga langa ding dong bub-bye!  

 

 

This reply drew a blank response from the scam originator -- one with no text -- and all I can assume is that I broke his Gooble Trans(too)late.

 

Unga bunga binga bunnnnga.

  

Erection Day Aside From The FBI..Sorta

I didn't actually receive this on Election Day...but it makes for a nice aside to it.

NOTE TO DEMOCRAP ACTIVE-IN-FRAUD-ISTS:  I used my own ballot.  N'yah n'yah.

Once again, one of those foreign FBI offices has contacted me.  And warned me.  And adviced me.  And instructed me.  And warned me again.

I -- nor my characters -- never learn.

Even my pet rock, Seymour, is oblivious.

"Am NOT!!!"

Are too.

Here's the latest letter I got from the FBI:

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON ,

D.C. FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/ . EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING  
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Date: 25/10/2014
 
On our investigation this morning we discovered that you are having Foreign transactions with COURIER EXPRESS Head Quarter Benin Republic and we went further on the investigation and found out that you don't have INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE which is Federal Offence. You have committed a federal offence by not having INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and you want to receive such huge amount of money from UPS AND FedEx Courier Head Quarter Benin Republic which is foreign delivery. Meanwhile we have stopped the delivery right now,
 
Furthermore, be advice that according to the State Law together with the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC where the origin of the consignment from.  Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to the content of the document and how important and secured the document is, you are to take care of the document by sending the sum of $580.00 US Dollars only to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC for issuing of the document right away and your payment will be release to you. That is the only way the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic and Original copy of the documents. You are hereby advice to Contact the sender of your funds to help you and issue the INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE from  EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC .
 
You are going to send the money to the below information;
 
Country: Benin republic
State/City: Cotonou
Text Q.: Benin republic
Answer: Yes
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel
Sender name: Obagha
MTCN:
 
Once you send the money you will forward the information right to us.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available before Andrew Henry, Senior Diplomatic Agent will connect his flight to your home address.
EMAIL: ( express.upscourier@yahoo.com  )
WARNING: Failure to pay for this documentation is a confirmation that you wanted to smuggle the funds into the USA which is a federal offense and a gross violation of the Patriot Act and legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you and if found guilty, you will be jailed...... As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracing down and prosecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.  

Faithfully Yours  
James B. Comey
FBI Director

FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/
Supreme Court of the United States
U. S. Courts of Appeals
U. S. District Courts
U. S. Circuit Courts
Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
Bankruptcy Courts
Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
Territorial Courts
Courts of the District of Columbia
Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Courtaa
Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary.

Naturally, when these branches of the FBI speaks, we recipients really need to listen.  So I had Ben Dover do just that and reply accordingly:

Well, when ah gits me a emale from y'all -- the FBf***ingI -- naterully ah sez to mahsef, "Holy Joker Face Paint 50% Off Sale Afore Halloween, Batman!", and ah doez whach'all sez ah orta doez.  So ah runned out yesserdaze an' don this h'yar at mah locul Westrin Onion thang.  Ah follered yer dystrucshuns an' h'yars the boner fidees:

Country: Benin Repugnant

  State/City: Cotonou

Text Q.: What's this h'yar
Answer: Uh Huh
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel Obaghardeehar
Sender name: Ben Dover H'yar It Cums
MTCN:  That acronym is wha' y'all gits when y'all combines Montaner and Connectacut..which geogiraffiklly, y'all caint do iffen ya knowd whadda mean h'yar.

Ah thank ye fer bein' so considered aboot mah welfare 'n all, but ah ain't on welfare, so hep someone ese what ain't on it.  Y'all come back now, y'hahr?

Ben Dover  

 

 

So far, none of us -- Ben, myself, my other scambaiting characters, not even my pet rock -- have been arrested.

 

Of course, there's always tomorrow...