Skunkfeathers: Not Playing Well With Others

Sometimes...ya just gotta.

This was one of them times.

Calista Gibson thinks that the well-worn internet scam of "I'm dying and I want you to inherit this" will get her somewhere:

Hello,

I know it will be a great surprise reading from me today but consider this a divine intervention. My name is Mrs. Calista Gibson, a widow from United States of America. I am presently writing you from my sickbed because i have been fighting cancer and the doctor says i have a few weeks left.

I want to entrust my money $8.5 Million dollars to your care for charity purposes and crave your indulgence as a concerned individual to help use my money for charity and also assist the poor with less privileged in the society so reply to my private email ( gibsoncalista365@att.net ) for more information as I'm not always online due to my health and my late husband's brother wants me dead so that he will claim all my late husband and i worked for.

I will tell you more about myself and what you need to do with the money once your receive it. Give me your word that you will not betray my trust so that i furnish you with more details about the Charity Funds. Please reply now as my health is pretty bad, It’s urgent and very important you keep this email confidential.

Have a blessed day and do not forget to pray for me.

Bless you.
Mrs. Calista Gibson.

Lo and behold, not only was I not buying...I was having a bad day and wasn't playing, either:

Well, hurry up and die already. I'm missing my Outer Limits marathon on the Sci-Fi Channel.

Lil' Miss Dying-to-Scam wasn't willing to let it go at that:

Thank you for response, You do not have to be skeptic as this is not a scam, it`s absolutely a blessing from God. I do believe that putting smiles on the face of other people by reaching out to some individuals, the less privileged around the world and charity organizations in some other parts of the world is the right thing to do. I understand your thought you believe that i wasn't for real, But you are wrong. I told you that am not a scam and you and i want you to do your best to assist me to conclude the transaction. I would be at the background to feed you with every information as regards this project that would facilitate and enhance the procedures to achieving success of this proposal. All i want you to know before we finally proceed is that you are to commit your time, sincerity and confront yourself as my next of kin to the security company while i would feed you with the necessary details needed to ensure the claim goes out smoothly. On this note, I want to reassure you that the procedure to be adopted in processing and effecting the transaction is fully official and legal.

This proposal should not be regarded as a means to extort money from you neither is it a fraudulent concept that would put you into insecurity; hence you should remove your mind from every sense of disbelief, you will not regret but rejoice. I would be at the background to advice you on what to do for us to proceed and achieve our goal which is claiming the funds successfully. As an insider, I can assure you that once you have comply with me, the security company would now be under legal obligation to release the $8.5 Million dollars to you. Be informed that for this deal to succeed, we have to keep it confidential just for my safety in order words what i am trying to say is that the transaction demand utmost confidentiality until the aim which is claiming the funds is achieved. If all i have just explained is clear to you and you are willing to proceed, then i will be expecting a return mail from you. I hope to hear from you soonest. My sincere greetings to you and your family.

Okay, Lil' Missie:

Who said anything about a skeptic? I just don't f***ing believe you. I consider your antecedence dubious at best. I consider your chosen template stale and constidated (you'll probably never see what I just did there). You're not as credible as a wet fart. And if this email is a blessing from Gawd, man, did I really piss Him off in this or a previous life.

Lil' Missie still ain't ready to quit:

Thank you for response, really Jack you do not have to be bitter and insulting to my person. You must believe this is not a scam, it`s absolutely a blessing from God. I do believe that putting smiles on the face of other people by reaching out to some individuals, the less privileged around the world and charity organizations in some other parts of the world is the right thing to do. I understand your thought you believe that i wasn't for real, But you are wrong. I told you that am not a scam and you and i want you to do your best to assist me to conclude the transaction. Believe in miracles.

What, does your fly-infested internet cafe handler there have a cattle prod poked up your ass, ready to trigger it if you don't get a bite?    If so, have your moronic, shock-happy internet handler read this over your shoulder: HEY, F**KSTICK, YOUR EMPLOYEE IS TRYING, BUT YOU GAVE HER LOUSY, WELL-TRAVELED MATERIAL TO WORK WITH, AND IT AIN'T GETTING IT DONE. TAKE YOUR CATTLE PROD AND STICK IT UP YOUR OWN ASS...CUZ IT'S YOUR FAULT THIS AIN'T MAKING IT.

That gets Lil' Missie -- or whomever -- off the template:

what is wrong with you I am not scam.

What is wrong with me? Nothing that a moronic email scam from a plunger-lipped twat omelet like you can knock off course. But thanks for trying. Next contestant on The Scam Is Wrong...Maxipad Waters, COME ON DOWN!