Erection Day Aside From The FBI..Sorta

I didn't actually receive this on Election Day...but it makes for a nice aside to it.

NOTE TO DEMOCRAP ACTIVE-IN-FRAUD-ISTS:  I used my own ballot.  N'yah n'yah.

Once again, one of those foreign FBI offices has contacted me.  And warned me.  And adviced me.  And instructed me.  And warned me again.

I -- nor my characters -- never learn.

Even my pet rock, Seymour, is oblivious.

"Am NOT!!!"

Are too.

Here's the latest letter I got from the FBI:

ANTI-TERRORIST AND MONITORY CRIMES DIVISION FBI HEADQUARTERS IN WASHINGTON ,

D.C. FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION
FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/ . EDGAR HOOVER BUILDING  
935 PENNSYLVANIA AVENUE, NW WASHINGTON, D.C. 20535-0001
Date: 25/10/2014
 
On our investigation this morning we discovered that you are having Foreign transactions with COURIER EXPRESS Head Quarter Benin Republic and we went further on the investigation and found out that you don't have INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE which is Federal Offence. You have committed a federal offence by not having INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE and you want to receive such huge amount of money from UPS AND FedEx Courier Head Quarter Benin Republic which is foreign delivery. Meanwhile we have stopped the delivery right now,
 
Furthermore, be advice that according to the State Law together with the FBI rules and regulations, you are to obtain the document from the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC where the origin of the consignment from.  Also Note that you are to take care of the Document to be issued to you right away, because due to the content of the document and how important and secured the document is, you are to take care of the document by sending the sum of $580.00 US Dollars only to the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC for issuing of the document right away and your payment will be release to you. That is the only way the EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC will issue you the document, because they are going to issue you the Authentic and Original copy of the documents. You are hereby advice to Contact the sender of your funds to help you and issue the INTERNATIONAL FREE ON BOARD CLEARANCE CERTIFICATE from  EFCC BENIN REPUBLIC .
 
You are going to send the money to the below information;
 
Country: Benin republic
State/City: Cotonou
Text Q.: Benin republic
Answer: Yes
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel
Sender name: Obagha
MTCN:
 
Once you send the money you will forward the information right to us.

NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available before Andrew Henry, Senior Diplomatic Agent will connect his flight to your home address.
EMAIL: ( express.upscourier@yahoo.com  )
WARNING: Failure to pay for this documentation is a confirmation that you wanted to smuggle the funds into the USA which is a federal offense and a gross violation of the Patriot Act and legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you and if found guilty, you will be jailed...... As terrorism, drug trafficking and money laundering is a serious problem in our community today. The F.B.I will not stop at any length in tracing down and prosecuting any criminal who indulge in this criminal act.  

Faithfully Yours  
James B. Comey
FBI Director

FBI WEB SITE  http://www.fbi.gov/
Supreme Court of the United States
U. S. Courts of Appeals
U. S. District Courts
U. S. Circuit Courts
Courts of Special Jurisdiction:
Bankruptcy Courts
Court of Claims, 1855 - 1982
U. S. Court of Federal Claims, 1982 -
Customs Court, 1890 - 1980
U. S. Court of Customs and Patent Appeals, 1910 - 1982
U. S. Court of International Trade, 1980 -
Commerce Court, 1910 - 1913
Territorial Courts
Courts of the District of Columbia
Temporary Emergency Court of Appeals
Judicial Panel on Multi-District Litigation
Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Courtaa
Federal Courts Outside the Judiciary.

Naturally, when these branches of the FBI speaks, we recipients really need to listen.  So I had Ben Dover do just that and reply accordingly:

Well, when ah gits me a emale from y'all -- the FBf***ingI -- naterully ah sez to mahsef, "Holy Joker Face Paint 50% Off Sale Afore Halloween, Batman!", and ah doez whach'all sez ah orta doez.  So ah runned out yesserdaze an' don this h'yar at mah locul Westrin Onion thang.  Ah follered yer dystrucshuns an' h'yars the boner fidees:

Country: Benin Repugnant

  State/City: Cotonou

Text Q.: What's this h'yar
Answer: Uh Huh
Receiver Name:  Emmanuel Obaghardeehar
Sender name: Ben Dover H'yar It Cums
MTCN:  That acronym is wha' y'all gits when y'all combines Montaner and Connectacut..which geogiraffiklly, y'all caint do iffen ya knowd whadda mean h'yar.

Ah thank ye fer bein' so considered aboot mah welfare 'n all, but ah ain't on welfare, so hep someone ese what ain't on it.  Y'all come back now, y'hahr?

Ben Dover  

 

 

So far, none of us -- Ben, myself, my other scambaiting characters, not even my pet rock -- have been arrested.

 

Of course, there's always tomorrow...