MaligNANCY in Memes

Yup....that's good ol' Nancy Bela Pelosi at her most normal.

Or as we like to refer to her here, maligNANCY.  To the country, that's pretty much what she is.

Memesters haven't failed to notice.

With a target like this, they rarely do.

So for your meme'ing pleasure, we've gathered a few of the best of Bela maligNANCY Pelosi memes so far:

Too bad Mr. Peabody failed in that mission...

Bad Made Baaaaaaah-der

Got goat?  He do.

Scammers that purport to be from the UAE always offer up loads of cash and "flexible, interesting" terms.

Perhaps prophets from their prayer rug biz literally are going through the roof.

Here's the latest one to try my character:


Attention,
   I am the investment officer of UAE based investments company who
are ready to fund projects outside UAE, in the form of debt finance.
We grant loan to both cooperate and private entities at a low interest
rate of 3% ROI per annum. The terms are very flexible and interesting.
Kindly revert back if you have projects that needs funding for further
discussion and negotiation. Email: saeedafha@gmail.com
Thanks
Mr.Saeed Fasial Abdullah  


It didn't take long to dispense with using, among other things, a TV show I never watch as fodder:


From: Saeed Fasial Abdullah <fasialabdullah@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 22, 2019 10:58 AM
Subject: Groan Financing At Arg Rates

 

Attention Nincompooperist Nabobs,
   Allah Ackphooey!

I am the incestment officer of UAE based incestments company who
are ready to fund pogroms outside UAE, in the form of TV spin offs

of The Game Of Thrones.  We will replace dragons

 

 

 with light saber-wielding marmots that speak Cylon

 

 

and battle mythical and badly computerized characters of sordid

backgrounds over the ultimate throne, one that is currently in the

international airport in Burundi.

 

It is 'thing' infested and badly in need of cleaning, but with the

array of characters and subspecies we'll have dueling over it -- we

have a department store mannequin that looks like Bela Pelosi

and says the stupidest things that Cortez broad from NYC utters

on a daily basis, along with bug-eyed Schiff sock puppets, among

others -- and we're sure that among low information democrap

snowflakes, it'll be an immediate congressional investigation into

whether the current POTUS colluded with the marmots to steal

the throne away from Hellary.  Those idiots have nothing useful

to do, so a badly-written script is all they're capable of.

 

 We grant abject nonsense like this to both cooperate and primate

entities at a low interest rape of 285% compounded per annum.

The terms are very inflexible and interesting to language researchers

that like a challenge. 

Kindly revert back into a frog if you were ever turned into one

before the advent of being called out for species assumption.

if you have projects that involve genital reconstruction to

negate gender assumption, particularly if you're attending

a substandard eunuchversity like UC Berkeley.

 

 

Email: saeedafha@gmail.com

Thanks
Mr.Saeed  

 

 

Saeed actually bothered to respond:

 

 

never email again  

 

 

Your reply is neither flexible nor interesting.  What say you?  

 

The silence that followed suggested that he'd run afoul of one of those light-saber-armed marmots.

Or he stepped on one of his own prayer rugs...

Did You Lose My Email Scam?

A recent scammer may just be asking the same question that Carroll O'Connor's general was asking his staff in Kelly's Heroes, when he couldn't find his recon aerial photos.

I'm guessing that the scammer -- Abdul Hassan -- never saw the movie.  Or any of the other references that got throwd in to the edit of his email.

Here's how he started it off:


I know that this letter will come to you as surprise, I got your contact address while I search for foreign partner to assist me in  this business transaction that is present in our favor now, My name is Mr. Abdul Hassan, I am the Bill and Exchange (assistant)  Manager (BOA) BANK OF AFRICA. I'm proposing to lift in your name (US$16.5 Million Dollars) that belong to our later customer, MR.  GORPUN VLADIMIR From Saratov Oblast Russia who died in Siber airline that crashed into sea  at Isreal on 4th October 2001.

I want to present you to my bank here as the beneficiary to this fund and I Am waiting for your response for more details, As you are  willing to execute this business appointunity with me.  

After 19 years of this stuff, I'm well beyond being surprised by anything in email, including words like "appointunity".  Kinda sorry that I didn't make that one up myself.

On this occasion, my response opted to suggest to him that his email came to me in the edited version, just to see if he was paying attention:


As I read your letter, I found myself totally lacking in being surprised at all.  Amused is more the word.

(then comes his email, in edited fashion)

From: Abdul Hassan <abdul2000hassan1@gmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, February 14, 2019 3:20 PM
Subject: Oh Hell No

 

Dear  Friend,

I know that this letter will come to you as soufflé, I got your contact address while I read stall etching in what passes for a rest room in what passes for an African bank in what passes for an African scam template.  What passes for that, you ask?  Allow me to elaborate:  what passes for that is something that contains a phrase like "in my search for foreign partner to assist me in  this business transaction that is present in our favor now".

When you read that, you should recall the words of the zen philosopher Sum Ting Wong, if not those of his grasshopper apprentice, Ho Lee Phuk.  But I digress.

My name is Mr. Abdul Hassan, I am the Genital Exchange (assistant)  Manager in a fly-infested internet cafe branch of the (BOA) BANK OF AFRICA.  I'm proposing to insert your name onto counterfeit documents that suggest that (US$16 Million Dollars) in gold bars in a bank in Claremont, France, behind enemy lines, is there as the perfect crime, just waiting to be picked up.  And all we'll need is a crazy-like-a-fox lieutenant, a loud-mouthed sergeant with a good head for tactics, a malcontent squad with a tag-along sleaze ball quartermaster sergeant who'll pay anyone $50-100 to carry a machine gun for him.  As if this ain't enough for you, there's three tanks from the 321st commanded by Oddball, who is holding hisself in reserve, in case the enemy mounts a major counterattack that threatens Paris, more maybe even New York, when he can move in and stop them.  But for 16 million dollars, he's willing to risk becoming a hero for three days, even if it's some weird sandwich.

 

None of which our later customer, MR.  GORPUN VLADIMIR From Saratov Oblast Russia, knowd before he boarded a plane that was fated to collide with a UFO over Liechtenstein in 2001, causing all the passengers to be whisked away to an alien planet, and forced to appear on an alien version of The View, where five alien sea hags look for reasons to be mad about anything, including who named Uranus that.

 I want to present you with my daughter, and eight rules for why you should run the other way, screaming.  Especially when she talks socialism and her Green New Deal. 

 

 

I Am waiting for your response for more details, if you are as willing to execute this business appointunity with me as Kim Jong Un is to execute his relatives.

 

And yes, Bela Pelosi really does look like that normally.  If you saw that in the mirror, you would be, too.

Yours in Soivice, nyuk nyuk nyuk *BONK*,
Mr.Abdul Hassan

My curiosity was satisfied by no further repartee with ol' Abdul...I guess he wasn't as amused as I was.

 

Emails From The Furniture

This duet puts out public statements almost as bad as email scammer desks do.

I always love when a scammer starts an email out "From the desk of".

Like this one:


jamesefe112@gmail.com
Official Notification
From The Desk Of Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum.
Prince of Dubai, Popularly Known as Fazza.

Attn: Beneficiary

Ref/No:2351256002/266
Congratulations!!!

You have been selected as one (1) of (10) winners in this ongoing Prince Hamdan online splash promo selected from all regions by our internet processing unit. Our Ten (10) winners have been selected from five continents. Award Attached to ticket number (52476885451870) and ballot number (BLT: 13052018/40).

You are the 5th beneficiary in this promo was chosen at random by our Digital Random Internet Processing Service. Prince Hamdan is giving out the award to 10 lucky winners as a part of charity donation to help the Less Privileged earn a better life. Congratulations once again, You are entitled to a surprise package worth the sum of US$2,500,000.00 ( Two Million and Five Hundred Thousand Dollars Only).

Required details.

Full Name:..........
Country of Residence:..........
Telephone Number:.........
Occupation:..........
Next of Kin:...........

Do not disclose this to any one until you claim your price for security reasons. We have had several cases where the last winners complain of someone else claiming their prices.

Regard
Award Organization Team  


Of course, when edited, the furniture never tends to recognize what they sent vs what they receive in reply:


From: Award Organization Team <yahclaima@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2019 2:30 AM
Subject: Assorted Arab Emirates Award Organization

 

Official Notification
From The Desk Of One Of THE DUMBEST PRINCES EVER TO PRINCE THE EMIRATE, Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum.
Prince of Dubai Dubai Doo, Popularly Known as F**kstick.


Attn: Beneficiary

Ref/No:2351256002/266
Congratulations!!!

Mine desk has seed the glory of the coming of this mail and because I'm too stupid to know how to do this, my desk has selected You one (1) of (100,000) winners emailed this sh*t in this ongoing Dumbest Prince Ever To Prince the Emirate, Prince Hamdan online faceplant promo selected from all regions by our internet processing eunuch who is in sex change transition and is clueless what they are at this time. 

You are the 59,096th beneficiary in this promo what was chosen at random by our Digital Random Internet Processing Service. The Dumbest Prince Ever To Prince the Emirate, Prince Hamdan aka F**stick is giving out the award to 100,000 unlucky email recipients as a part of charity scam to get fee payments from idiots that actually believe anyone would do sh*t like this via email.

Congratulations once again, You are entitled to a surprise package worth the sum of nothing, but you'll be expected to pay us a shipping fee to be announced later.

Required details.

Full Name:..........
Country of Residence:..........
Telephone Number:.........
Occupation:..........
Next of Kin:...........

Do not disclose this to any one until you pay our fee for security reasons. We have had several hundred thousand cases where the last winners found out what we were trying to pull here.

Regard
Award Organization Team.  

 

 

After reading the reply, the 'Prince' decided that chances of success were exceptionally slim here.  And had his desk stoned for failure of a scam.

 

I suppose it could be worse...the desk could have wound up looking like the two at the top of this post.

Martian Chronicles of Scamland

Ray Bradbury was lucky enough to be spared this.

Scamland was not.

Behold an email from...well, you read it:

Greetings With all due respect,

I want you to read my letter with one mind and help me. I am  Lea  Edem, The only daughter of late Mr. and  Mrs Edem,  My Late father was a very wealthy cocoa dealer in Lome Togo before he was poisoned to death by his business associates on one of their outing to discuss on a business deal.

my mother died when she was given birth to me,since then  my father took me so special because I am motherless. Before the death of my late father (on 2nd)  June 2017in a private hospital here in Lome Togo. He secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he has a sum of USD5, 000,000.00. 

 

 

It went on for several turgid paragiraffes but in essence my character was to receive 35% of that non-existent total, for helping out lil' Miss Lea Edem.

 

 

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

 

Right from the start, the edit went from bad to surreally bad:

 

 

From: Twat <info@jhpa.net>
Sent: Wednesday, June 20, 2018 1:19 PM
Subject: From A Martian Time Traveler Named Twat

 

Greetings With all due respect, I want you to read my letter with one mind and expose yourself to emus with another.

I am  Twat..Twat of the Mountain.  I am a Martian time traveler of dubious gendercedence, and the only hatchling of late Mr. and  Mrs Twat.  My Late father was a very late person all the time because he didn't know whether to sh*t or wind his watch, so he sh*t on his watch. 

So go things in Lome Togo, which in some respects is very much like Mars.

My mother died when she was given birth to me because I came out of a twenty pound egg shaped like a Rubix cube, and wowza if you can imagine laying one of those.

Before the death of my late father (on 2nd)  June 2017 in a primate hospital here in Lome Togo -- the other patients didn't take kindly to him sh*tting on their watches -- he secretly called me on his bedside and told me that he hasn't yet made up his mind on the question of sh*tting or winding a watch. Since he died at the hands of angry gorillas with his sh*t on their watches, I doubt that I can ever answer that question.

I had a very specific purpose in contacting you, one that was fully explainatoried in the email template I was supposed to have used...then a George Carlin routine found its way in here, and I am at a loss as to what I was supposed to be writing to you about.

Hate when that happens.

I think I was supposed to blame US President Donald Trump for the war between the states between 1861 and 1865, which was based upon leaked emails from Hellary Clinton's broomstick express presidential crimepaign, and furthered by Russian bots working for CNN and the British MI-Sucks. 

I think they're going to do the next James Blonde movie based on that.  Octosexual Orthopod, I think they're calling it.

So in the meantime, I am working on a project to analyze the quality and quantity of botox being pumped into Nancy Bela Pelosi's butt, in order to get her to speak more clearly.

I don't think it's going to help, but at least they are putting the botox in right place on her.

It was also explained to me that it was because of Stormy Daniels that my late father couldn't remember whether to sh*t or wind his watch.  With all the silicon pumped into her, she sloshed when she walked, and this distracted him badly.

Now to the totally irrelevant in this email:

I am 17year old, but I am worldly in my ability to perform fallatios on a cucumber.

Finally I find some of the notes from the original template.  I hope that they make sense:

1) To provide any bank account where I can find refuge from flying kumquat testicular burgers.

 

 

2) To serve as the guardian of a time machine on an alien planet that allows Dr. McCoy to go back and totally f**k up Captain Kirk's love life in one episode of Star Trek TOS.

 

 

3) To make arrangement for me to come over to your country to make dishonest videos for cnn and ms13nbc because they're running out of faked video to use to sway elections from Soros bots in your country.

Moreover, I am willing to run as an octosexual orthopod for election to any political office in Kaliforlornia, when they divide into three states (Chaos, Confusion and Cornflakes).  

I want you to help me because I wrote to Hollywad celebrities and none of those bastards/bitches will do a "MeAid" concert, though Methane and the Four Flatulents have agreed to perform on the condition that Miley Cyrus will twerk a Yugo in E flat.

Please save my life and don't let the Yugo agree to that.

Hope to hear from you immediately so I can see what someone's pet rock did to my original email.

Best  Regards, 

Twat, From A Martian Time Traveler Series Named Twat  

 

 

No response from Scamland, Hollywad, the DNC or gorillas in the mist.

 

Any reply from Mars will take a few months.

Liars, Tiggers and Poots Oh My

He ain't the only one that hates when that happens.

Scamstress Janet Brown isn't much of an admirer of it any more, either.

It all started out innocently enough *wink* with this email from herself:


Hurry now and claim your fund from the Central Bank of Nigeria or your fund will be confiscated by the wicked officials of the CBN.

My name is MISS. JANET BROWN, I am a Computer Scientist working with Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). I am 25 years old, just started working with CBN.

I came across your payment file marked X and your released disk painted RED. I took time to study it and tried to find out why the funds were not released to you. Those evil officials can never tell you the truth that they won't release the fund to you; instead they allow you spend your hard earned money unnecessarily.

I do not intend to work here forever; I can help you claim your fund if you can certify me of my security and assure me that you would compensate with me after you must have received your payment. I must do this because you need to know the status of your payment and cause for the delay. This is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria and you may not understand because you are not a Nigerian.

The only thing needed to release this fund to you is the Original INTERNATIONAL TRANSFER PERMIT (ITP), which will be tendered to any of your nominated bank and the Internal Revenue Service IRS for clearance of the transferred amount in your account.

Once the Original TRANSFER PERMIT Certificate is secured, fund will immediately reflect in your bank within 24 HOURS. The only authorized and sincere person who will issue you the Original Documents is Dr. Ibrahim Bello. Make sure you indicate your file letter X and tell him its painted color Red so he will be able to recognize your file. The president made a compensation fund release for all unpaid beneficiaries/contractors and scam victims.

Therefore, you are going to receive a total sum of $2,700,000.00 (TWO MILLION SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS) for this year 2017 as recorded in your file here and will be transferred to your bank account as soon as the Original document is obtained.

Do get back to me ASAP through this ( etuh009@gmail.com )  if you are still interested in claiming your fund so that I can give you further direction and contact of Dr. Ibrahim Bello.  


Uh huh.  'Cept that ain't what went back to her, after my pet rock, Seymour, got done with the edit:

From: Janet Brown <info@fara-control.com>
Sent: Monday, May 22, 2017 12:50 PM
To: Recipients
Subject: PLEASE READ AND DO BELIEVE IN SPOOKS AND THINGS THAT GO POOT IN THE NIGHT  !!!

 

Dear Dark Wing Phuck,

Hurry now and claim your fund from the Central Bank of Nigeria or your fund will be confiscated by the wicked witch of the west  who are married to the officials of the CBN and a shriveled dork from Ellendale, Queen William.  They got the beeyotch a raincoat so she wants a return match with Dorothy and that little ankle biter of hers.

My name is MISSUS. JANET BROWN, I am a Compooter Slyentologist working with Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). I am 25 years old, just started working with CBN and I am a budding sawng writer.  Just look at what I have a tune in my head for:

Missus Brown (that's me) you've got a lousy ploy here..

scams as bad as this are rectal itch...

It's so sad...this thing won't fool a yak...

I showed this mail to one

and all it did was moooo (in Russian)...


I came across your file marked expert and realized why yours was painted RED:  "x" is the unknowd factor and 'spert is a drip of water under pressure.  No need to thank me for making you feel illuminated this day. It's what I do:  I live but to serve, except in tennis:  every time I charge the net, my panties fall off, and the gallery ain't cheering an ass like mine.

I do not intend to work here forever; I hear that Nancy Pelosi is hiring an assistant who will shovel botox up her ass to maintain her youthful appearance, and this is just up my alley, after having had to work for a rain slickered wicked witch that cackles and leaves hair pins scattering in the air everytime she suddenly takes off in one direction or another.

Annoying beeyotch.

After having taken a dozen different online courses through asordid online eunuchversities here in Nigeria, among other things I am now certified in helping you regain your virginity.  For a modest fee, of course:  I must do this because I've got stunted loans that rival the size of Hellary's thighs.  This is like a Mafia setting in Nigeria and you may not understand because you are not a Nigerian, and we don't understand because they cancelled The Sopranos before we could get the gist of it all.

The only thing needed to defeat the rain slickered wicked witch of Chappaqua is the Original INTERNATIONAL TRANSFER PERMIT (ITP) and a fire hose.  Tell Dorothy that she'll need more than a bucket this time.

Once the Original TRANSFER PERMIT Certificate is secured and Dorothy has her a fire hose with plenty of psi, the world odor will be in stink, all will be well wunst agin, I can achieve fame as a sawng writer better than Lisa Kudrow and it will immediately reflect in the 2018 Grammys, when I get to stand up before my peers and make fun of Madonut. The only authorized person who will issue you the Original Documents is Dr. Ibrahim Bello. But don't trust him, because he is a raving twat waffle and douche canoe after years of meth and sucking on Yugo exhaust pipes in Lagos back alleys.  

Therefore, you are going to need to get Dorothy that fire hose ASAP.

Do get back to me ASAP through this ( etuh009@gmail.com )  if you are still able to access a good fire hose and want to hear more of my sawng writing prowess.

Yours exceptionally insincerely,
MISS JANET BROWN

 The scammer was apparently left speechless by the edit and nothing further for ol' Seymour.  As for The Wizard of Oz....I hear the flying monkeys are looking for Seymour..

"Are NOT!!!! PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"