Saturday, July 27, 2019

I Think Seymour Did A 'Shroom

Anytime I give my pet rock, Seymour, a scammer email to edit, he goes into another mode entirely.

I think it's on accounta 'shrooms.

"Is NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

If not, then some peculiar moss only pet rocks know the therapeutic value of.

At any rate, Seymour got the chance to edit a scam from the great clowntry of Dubai.  Here 'tis:


I am very happy to contact you for this business transaction. I am Barrister Mrs. Diana Hamade from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. I am the Personal attorney to my late client from your country who died of car accident with the family in 2014.He deposited $15,500,000(Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) Only in a Bank here. He died without any registered next of kin.The bank contacted me and said that they will confiscate his account and money if i fail to present somebody as his next of kin,the bank wants to confiscate his money if i don't present a next of kin to claim the money.I contacted you because you have same last name and can perfectly fit in as his next of kin and he was from your country,Let us work together with trust to claim this money and share it 50% for you and 50% for me. Please send me your Cell phone number to communicate and Your Address, Full Name,sex,Age for details clarification of this transaction .

Please send me sms once you reply me with your details so that i can check my email immediately  +971522851237

Regards and remain blessed
Barrister Mrs. Diana Hamade (Attorney-at-Law)
Office 602, Damas Tower, Maktoum Street, Deira  


One thing's sure:  it isn't any safer driving in the Middle East than it is in Nigeria, if these emails are right about how many rich foreigners die there.  It might make someone want to vacation in the Dominicans, instead.

Or not.

At any rate, Seymour "the editing-gone-wild" pet rock, strikes again:


From: Mrs Diana Hamade <advocateuofall@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, June 28, 2019 3:03 PM
To: Painful Rectal Itch Sufferers
Subject: Jack 'n Jill Are Under Investigation For Sending Perverse Morse Code To Uranus  

Run For Your Lives There's A Manatee Loose   

 I am very happy when I am not staked to an army ant hill slathered in whipped cream.  You just don't know.  That's how some business transactions roll here in Third World sh*t holes. I am Bannister Mrs. Diana Hamade from Dubai Dubai Doo, United A-rabs with Emirates in assordid relationships with camels, goats, etc.  I am the Personal atturkey to my late client from your country who died of car accident with the family in 2014.  Since he never fired me -- I think he was gonna until I f**ked with the brakes on his jalopy -- I reckon I still am the personal atturkey to my late client from your country.  He deposited lots of strange and perverse things in a Bank here. He died without registering his next of kin -- he didn't have a carry permit for any of them and here in Dubai Dubai Doo we insist upon such things -- so it can be said with some degree of accuracy that he doesn't got any registered next of kin.  Woof woof woof...that's Oddball's other dog imitation...uh hmmm.  The bank contacted me and said that they are fed up with some of the strange and perverse things my late client deposited in their vaults because it's making it impossible for them to keep and maintain hot secretaries.  So if I fail to present somebody as his next of kin, the bank wants to send all this assordid crap to that cortez broad from NY who makes up lousy photo ops and has the IQ of a pea pod.  I contacted you because I am in no position to decide on what's behind Door #2 or Curtain #3, and besides my hair's still in curlers and thanks to a new memo from the corporate hr nincompoops I now have no idea what bathroom to use because I was just declared a non-binary gender neutral octosexual orthopod.  
I never thought that Eric Cartman from South Park would prove to be prophetic.  Come together...right now...over me.  Shif snif bamboo-zle, shif snif bambooo-zle.  They sing this at the DNC I hear.  Badly.
Let us work together with a cross-eyed blind wombat with an acned butt to claim some kind of discrimination by a cake maker that refuses to make wookie fecal torts because he is fundamentally opposed to faked photo ops in front of fenced in parking lots in Arizona.  Compounding all this, Lucy's getting high...on door knobs.  I have never understood what the Beatles meant by that song...have you? 
Please send me your Cell phone unless it's older than mine.  Then we can trade photos of Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a thong.  Them's collectors items on Uranus, I hear.  And they make that cortez broad cry next to fenced parking lots.  I can almost see why.

Please send me sms once you reply me with your details so that i can check my email immediately  +971522851237

Regards and remain cornfused and poned
Bannister Mrs. Diana Hamade (Atturkey-out-lawed)
Office 602, Damas Tower, Maktoum Street, Deira
Dubai Dubai Doo...scoo dootin' doo-bee  
 
 
Seymour won hisself no new friends in Dubai Dubai Doo or at the DNC.  Not that he'd want any from the DNC.

Labels: , , , ,

posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:00 1 comments

Tuesday, July 9, 2019

Bad Made Baaaaaaah-der

Got goat?  He do.

Scammers that purport to be from the UAE always offer up loads of cash and "flexible, interesting" terms.

Perhaps prophets from their prayer rug biz literally are going through the roof.

Here's the latest one to try my character:


Attention,
   I am the investment officer of UAE based investments company who
are ready to fund projects outside UAE, in the form of debt finance.
We grant loan to both cooperate and private entities at a low interest
rate of 3% ROI per annum. The terms are very flexible and interesting.
Kindly revert back if you have projects that needs funding for further
discussion and negotiation. Email: saeedafha@gmail.com
Thanks
Mr.Saeed Fasial Abdullah  


It didn't take long to dispense with using, among other things, a TV show I never watch as fodder:


From: Saeed Fasial Abdullah <fasialabdullah@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, May 22, 2019 10:58 AM
Subject: Groan Financing At Arg Rates
 
Attention Nincompooperist Nabobs,
   Allah Ackphooey!
I am the incestment officer of UAE based incestments company who
are ready to fund pogroms outside UAE, in the form of TV spin offs
of The Game Of Thrones.  We will replace dragons
 
 
 with light saber-wielding marmots that speak Cylon
 
 
and battle mythical and badly computerized characters of sordid
backgrounds over the ultimate throne, one that is currently in the
international airport in Burundi.

 
It is 'thing' infested and badly in need of cleaning, but with the
array of characters and subspecies we'll have dueling over it -- we
have a department store mannequin that looks like Bela Pelosi
and says the stupidest things that Cortez broad from NYC utters
on a daily basis, along with bug-eyed Schiff sock puppets, among
others -- and we're sure that among low information democrap
snowflakes, it'll be an immediate congressional investigation into
whether the current POTUS colluded with the marmots to steal
the throne away from Hellary.  Those idiots have nothing useful
to do, so a badly-written script is all they're capable of.
 

 We grant abject nonsense like this to both cooperate and primate
entities at a low interest rape of 285% compounded per annum.
The terms are very inflexible and interesting to language researchers
that like a challenge. 

Kindly revert back into a frog if you were ever turned into one
before the advent of being called out for species assumption.
if you have projects that involve genital reconstruction to
negate gender assumption, particularly if you're attending
a substandard eunuchversity like UC Berkeley.
 
 
Email: saeedafha@gmail.com

Thanks
Mr.Saeed  
 
 
Saeed actually bothered to respond:
 
 
never email again  
 
 
Your reply is neither flexible nor interesting.  What say you?  
 
The silence that followed suggested that he'd run afoul of one of those light-saber-armed marmots.
Or he stepped on one of his own prayer rugs...


Labels: , , , , , ,

posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:00 1 comments

Thursday, January 31, 2019

Emails From The Furniture

This duet puts out public statements almost as bad as email scammer desks do.

I always love when a scammer starts an email out "From the desk of".

Like this one:


jamesefe112@gmail.com
Official Notification
From The Desk Of Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum.
Prince of Dubai, Popularly Known as Fazza.

Attn: Beneficiary

Ref/No:2351256002/266
Congratulations!!!

You have been selected as one (1) of (10) winners in this ongoing Prince Hamdan online splash promo selected from all regions by our internet processing unit. Our Ten (10) winners have been selected from five continents. Award Attached to ticket number (52476885451870) and ballot number (BLT: 13052018/40).

You are the 5th beneficiary in this promo was chosen at random by our Digital Random Internet Processing Service. Prince Hamdan is giving out the award to 10 lucky winners as a part of charity donation to help the Less Privileged earn a better life. Congratulations once again, You are entitled to a surprise package worth the sum of US$2,500,000.00 ( Two Million and Five Hundred Thousand Dollars Only).

Required details.

Full Name:..........
Country of Residence:..........
Telephone Number:.........
Occupation:..........
Next of Kin:...........

Do not disclose this to any one until you claim your price for security reasons. We have had several cases where the last winners complain of someone else claiming their prices.

Regard
Award Organization Team  


Of course, when edited, the furniture never tends to recognize what they sent vs what they receive in reply:


From: Award Organization Team <yahclaima@yahoo.com>
Sent: Sunday, January 6, 2019 2:30 AM
Subject: Assorted Arab Emirates Award Organization
 
Official Notification
From The Desk Of One Of THE DUMBEST PRINCES EVER TO PRINCE THE EMIRATE, Prince Hamdan bin Mohammed Al Maktoum.
Prince of Dubai Dubai Doo, Popularly Known as F**kstick.


Attn: Beneficiary

Ref/No:2351256002/266
Congratulations!!!

Mine desk has seed the glory of the coming of this mail and because I'm too stupid to know how to do this, my desk has selected You one (1) of (100,000) winners emailed this sh*t in this ongoing Dumbest Prince Ever To Prince the Emirate, Prince Hamdan online faceplant promo selected from all regions by our internet processing eunuch who is in sex change transition and is clueless what they are at this time. 

You are the 59,096th beneficiary in this promo what was chosen at random by our Digital Random Internet Processing Service. The Dumbest Prince Ever To Prince the Emirate, Prince Hamdan aka F**stick is giving out the award to 100,000 unlucky email recipients as a part of charity scam to get fee payments from idiots that actually believe anyone would do sh*t like this via email.

Congratulations once again, You are entitled to a surprise package worth the sum of nothing, but you'll be expected to pay us a shipping fee to be announced later.

Required details.

Full Name:..........
Country of Residence:..........
Telephone Number:.........
Occupation:..........
Next of Kin:...........

Do not disclose this to any one until you pay our fee for security reasons. We have had several hundred thousand cases where the last winners found out what we were trying to pull here.

Regard
Award Organization Team.  
 
 
After reading the reply, the 'Prince' decided that chances of success were exceptionally slim here.  And had his desk stoned for failure of a scam.
 
I suppose it could be worse...the desk could have wound up looking like the two at the top of this post.

Labels: , , , , ,

posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:00 1 comments

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Get A Job

Not that the clown pictured h'yar can handle the one he's had via deceit since '09.  But I digress.

Anuddah Middle Eastern country has sent my character anuddah employment recruiting scam email.  It actually don't sound all that bad, save for the fact that it's in the Middle East, a good part of which King Putt (pictured h'yar) and his two idiot suckretaries of state have jacked up thanks to their misdysplomacy.

And...save for the fact that it's a scam.

Here's the ploy:


 
Since my pet rock is just back from his latest travel adventures, I'll let the character that received this email scam handle the edit: 

Labels: , ,

posted by Skunkfeathers at 02:30 1 comments