The FauxBI Writes Again

The FauxBI knows all about that, too.

At any rate, yet another version of the FauxBI has written to my characters.

All of them.

And for only $400, all of them can avoid being arrested.

Read how it begins yourself:


DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION.
J. Edgar Hoover Building, 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 USA.

FBI.gov is an official site of the U.S. Federal Government,
U.S. Department of Justice.

Dear Beneficiary,

This is the Federal Bureau Of Investigation (FBI) using this medium to inform you that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given Since January  till this moment and you have failed to secure the required Wire Transfer Documents from Office of the Presidency as stated earlier and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you and all your properties confiscated.

You failed to comply with our directives to secure the Wire Transfer Document from Office of the Presidency and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on the 3rd of July as promised and our Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr has already been notified about this situation report and to get the process completed you have to secure the Wire Transfer Documents from Office of the Presidency immediately with the help of Mr.UBA LARRY or the warrant of arrest which has been signed against you will be carried out in the next 72hours as strictly signed by the FBI Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr.

As a good Christian and a honest man, I have decided to see how I could be of help to you because I would not be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated, I called Mr.UBA LARRY of the Office of the Presidency who will help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents and he stated that he will assist you as soon as you send to him the sum of US$400.00 Only and I believe this process is cheaper for you.

You need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to send the US$400.00 to Mr.UBA LARRY who will help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents in your name because our Executive Director Mr. James B. Comey, Jr has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Benin Republic when he had a deal with you about the transfer of some illegal funds into your Bank Account which is valued at the sum of US$10,500,000.00.  


It babbles on for a few xtree paragiraffes but ends again on the same fauxthreat of arrest and confiscation should my characters fail to follow instructions.

One of my characters was "elected" to be the official response to the FauxBI in the edit, with a symbolic middle digit raised accordionly:

From: FauxBI Office <razalenuri@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, October 28, 2016 5:29 PM
Subject: FauxBI.gov is an official scam of the Government

 

DEPHARTMENT OF JAUNDICE

FUNGERAL BURRO OF INCESTUOUSNESS
J. PAUL BAR 'N GRILL
NW Washington, D.C. 20535-0001 USA.

FauxBI.gov is an official scam Government,
U.S. Department of Jaundice

Dear Benef**ktory,

This is the Fungeral Burro of Incestuousness (FauxBI) using this extra large to inform you that there is no more time left to waste because you have been given Since January  till this moment and you have failed to secure the required Wire Transfer Documents from Orifices of the Clinton Crimedation as stated earlier and you must adhere to this directives to avoid you blaming yourself at last when we must have arrested and jailed you and all your properties confiscated, your pets prostituted and your wine bottle collection raped.

You failed to comply with our directives to secure the Wire Transfer Document and that was the reason why we didn't hear from you on the 3rd of July as promised and our gutless Director Mr. James B. Chickensh*t, Jr has already been notified about this situation report and to get the process completed you have to secure the Wire Transfer Documents with the help of Mr.UBA LARRY -- a thoroughly disreputable yak muffin working at the Clinton Crimedation -- or the warrant of arrest which has been signed against you will be carried out in the next 72hours as strictly signed by the FauxBI's gutless James B Chickensh*t, Jr.

As a goat sodomizing islamofascist, I have decided to see how I could be of help because I would be happy to see you end up in jail and all your properties confiscated, especially if you have goats that I get to start doing.  I called Mr.UBA LARRY of the Clinton Crimedation who knows nothing of  the Wire Transfer Documents and he stated that he will not assist you as he wants you arrested so he can get your used toilet paper collection, which he values more than the US $400.00 fee we were angling to scam you out of.

You do not need to do everything possible within today and tomorrow to send the US $400.00 to Mr.UBA LARRY so that we can have you arrested because our gutless Director Mr. James B. Chickenshi*, Jr has called to inform me that the warrant of arrest has been signed against you and once it has been approved, then the arrest will be carried out and from our investigations we learnt that you were the person that forwarded your identity to one impostor/fraudsters in Benin Republic with the Pringles moustache drawd on the picture.

I pleaded with the FauxBI to let me issue this arrest warrant on you because I know you're a jerk and a freak and your ex-friend is an inconsiderate and insincere fraud who meant not one word she ever said before doing something stupid for the umpteenth time because she's been dropped on her head or something.

Make sure that you hesitate in making the payment of US$400.00 to the name stated above so that Mr.UBA LARRY which will fail to help you secure the Wire Transfer Documents in your name and then after all this process has failed we can have you arrested and all your possessions cornfedscated.

Here is the information to send the $400.00 Via Money Gram:
Receiver Name.. LARRY UBA
Country..BENIN REPUBLIC
City...COTONOU
Text Question..Jerk and Freak
Text Answer..Is Actually Marie
REF_________________

Note: all the crime agencies have been contacted on this regards and we shall trace and arrest you if you disregard this instructions so be warned not to try any thing funny because you are been watched by a grand father clock of dubious cuckoo antecedence.

For the FauxBI Office
Mr. James B. Chickensh*t, Jr
Clinton Crimedation suckup  

 

 

So far, none of my characters has been arrested or suffered any confiscation of anything.  I was rather hoping they'd confiscate the morphing leftovers from my refrigerator, before I have to shoot them (the leftovers)...