When Scammers Fail To Understand

Lots of scammers operate from pre-designed templates.  Deviation of any kind from that template can have confusing and amusing effects and responses from some scammers.

Like this poor feller/missie:


Urgent Information,
>>
This is to official inform you that United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC) in conjunction with World Bank Authorities (WBA),
 has after investigation approved your 12,500.000 United States Dollars) outstanding compensation merit reward which was undergoing
 the investigation law of claimant since 5 years now, which has today been released into ATM MasterCard in your name for your urgent/easier
 collection, since MasterCard is 100% active and legit alternatives
claim permit worldwide, and also remain the safe and secure means for
you to receive/collect this fund at no hitch.
>>
Therefore you're advice here to kindly contact the ATM  Management
 office right away with your required details at bottom, which's for
 their recommendation before giving a more information of how you will
get the MasterCard from them successful as agreed.
>>
1. Full Name: ==========
 2. Country: ============
 3. City:================
 4. Home/Office Add:======
 5. Phone:==============
 6. Next of kin: ==========
>> 
 However note when contacting, then make sure you contact the ATM
 managing director: Mr. Paul C. Murphy only/direct on this email:(
 atminfo23@gmail.com ), so you must get his right direction at no
 mislead and be warn to read careful as well to avoid wrong contact
which may lead you wrong which wasn't of the plan in this
compensation.

Thanks & stay bless.

Mrs. Amina J. Mohammed
UN Deputy Secretary-General  

I say "feller/missie" cuz of the response my reply illicited:

Getting right directions from someone at the UN?

I'd be in better hands getting directions from a weasel.  

 

 

It becomes abundantly clear that the 'missie' has given way to a 'feller' in the reply, and that the feller didn't read the reply so good:

 

 

Hello dear,

Thanks for contacting in regards of your compensation of (
$12,500.000.00 USD) here, but for the legal proceed which to suit your
confidential then you're here with two ways alternatives for the
MasterCard collection which based on selection option will determine
if you will have to pay a service fee which to remain on your expense
due to the fact that this MasterCard was already placed into bond
insurance control by the paying authority to which result a legal
forbidden of deduction in any kind until the MasterCard hit into your
care to cash out the fund as it's for security reason.

However advice the option one is for you to visit this office for the
reactivation/collection of this MasterCard in person at no cost of
fee, but if you're unable to make the trip as i explained in option
one, only then you're required to apply this office to perform the
reactivate and shipping of this MasterCard to your destination at your
own little expenses such as,

1) Reactivation Fee: $53 USD
2) Shipment Fee: $110 USD

However the both two payment are total sum ($163 USD Only) while it's
mandatory to be paid if you are unable to make the trip down this
office to perform the service yourself at no cost of fee, therefore
you're hereby to select your choice among the two options and update
me back because i am available and ready now to participate on this
service with you right away based on any of your wish among the two
explained alternatives options for your MasterCard immediate
collection. Finally note: this MasterCard are to be cancel from your
name and forward into Government care account as unclaimed within 7
days if no valid cooperation from you.

I await your considerable option upon the two options above and advice
to only and always contact back with your secured private email for
security and safety MasterCard include our conversation as well
thanks.

Sincerely,

Mr. Paul C. Murphy
General Manager Atm payout Center.  

 

 

Fine...*game ON* in a snarky way:

 

 

So, do you REALLY THINK that I'm going to send $163 to a weasel simply on
your word?  Asking for a friend.

 

This reply obviously didn't fit the anticipated response the scammer expected:

 

 

What do you mean here or what are you thinking of this transaction?  

 

 

And here's where the fun begins...at least for yours truly:

 

 

What do I mean here?  Allow me to 'splain for a friend:

1. The UN is crooked.
2. Weasels aren't to be trusted.
3. Sending you $163 is like sending money to a crooked UN weasel.

If you need further explanation, I'm happy to supply it.  

 

 

...and I followed that with:

 

 

If you need an explanation in a different language, let me know.  

 

 

what?  

 

 

Would you like to try Azerbaijani for example?  In Azerbaijani, it'd look like and mean this: 

Beləliklə, sözünüzün üstünə 163 dollar göndərdiyimi düşünürsünüzmü? Dost istəmək.  

 

 

i do not understand this please.  

 

 

There are at least 180 or more language choices you can make, if English is difficult for you.  Take your time but choose wisely.  

 

 

When that didn't draw a reply, I followed with this:

 

 

Certain language choices do come with a money-back guarantee.  Restrictions apply.  Void where prohibited.  Dealer rebates extra.  

 

 

That drew a reply:

 

 

never mind please  

 

 

I would warn you against choosing Mandarin, Klingon, Ferengi, Dune or Uranusian as a language choice.  They have frequent translation fails.  

 

 

NEVER MIND  

 

 

Liechtensteinian might work out better, if you're remotely sprechen of das Deutsch undt schtuff.  Vas ist los meinen Herr?  

 

 

STOP  

 

 

What, before you fully understand what previously eluded you?  Is that any way to conduct yourself in e flat?  I was just getting on a roll, which is less greasy than a croissant.  Bet you didn't know that.

 

 

Alas, I'll never know if he/she knowd that or not.  No mores would they come to play in the email.  How WILL they ever get their questions answered, behaving this way?

Eunuchs United..Sorta

These two aliens just figured out what the edit meant.

The originating scammer...nawp.

Here's what the latest idjit tried to sell as a legitimate email:


Dear Email Owner,


The United Nations in affiliation with World Bank have agreed to compensate your email and few others with the sum of USD1.5M each. Contact Mrs. Onari Duke with your code:U.N.C.C/UBA/2019XCH1986/10 for more information. 

Card Issuance Bank: UBA Group
Contact Name: Mrs. Onari Duke
Email: unccclaims.onariduke@gmail.com

Yours Faithfully,

Mark Lowcock
United Nations Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs  

I was amused that the originating scammer used the initial address of some media sort in the UK, before posting the one in the body of the scam to reply to.

I sure hope that UK media dork is pleased.

My pet rock, Seymour, was unavailable to editing duties, so his pal Element -- my elephant-looking pet rock -- was happy to step up and apply his two cents to the edit:



From: E/N-org <Joe.Mclean@virginmedia.co.uk>
Sent: Sunday, October 20, 2019 12:33 AM
Subject: Eunuched Nations Office for the Coordination of Reptilians Having Affairs

 

Dear Email Owner,

Aren't you one sorry shortness of breath that you opened THIS email this morning?  Ph**king 'A right you should be.

The Eunuched Nations in affiliation with assordid entities we might cite here that suck every bit as bad as we do have agreed to send this totally abject crap of an email to your email and few others with the promised sum of USD1.5M each. In actuality...five of you will get USD one dollar, and the rest will get a certificate authorizing them one proctology exam by an emu that has no idea what it's been contracted to do.  And won't do it well.

Contact Mrs. Onari What The Duck Duke with your code: ENCC/UBA/OMG/WTF2019XCH1986/10 for more pathetic, useless information that makes us laugh to think of you scrambling around to get this sent, thinking it's worth potentially a USD single dollar bill. 

Door knobs are smarter than you.  And are at least two authentic uses ahead of you, especially if you're a moronic democrap. 

Card Issuance Bank: None Real Banks Would Take It
Contact Name: Mrs. Onari What The Duck Duke
Email: unccclaims.onariduke@gmail.com

You won't get anything in reply that's remotely useful to you; just more of this kind of ca-ca.  That's what we of the Eunuched Nations do.  Just like our pals at the equally useless Democrap National Crimemittee. 

 Mark Nocock

Non-binary gender neutral eunuch coordinator and former Ken doll sick of Barbie's and NOW's crap,
Eunuched Nations Office for the Coordination of Reptilians Having Affairs

"..if you didn't see one thing in here about reptilians having affairs, you haven't talked to Bill Clinton lately.."

 

Element was disappointed that the originating scammer had no follow-up questions...or anything else to inquire about.

 

He is wondering if this will get him on a future 'Future Suicided Friends of Bill 'n Hellary' list...

AOC Thinks She Can Do WHAT?

Scammers just can't seem to kick their resemblance to the Democrap Party.

Witness this email effort to give my character the business:


Federal Reserve Bank (UNDP)
(World Bank Assisted Programmed)
Directorate of International
Payment and Wire Transfer/Audit Unitwww.undp.org/about/federal-reserve
Ref: FPU/OTMINO/VOL.Category /A1

Re: Beneficiary,

SUBJECT: ANNUAL HEALTH COMPENSATION SCHEME BY THE FEDERAL RESERVE BANK(UNDP)


With reference to the above-mentioned subject; We apologize for the
delay in processing your awarded compensation PAYMENT,it's been as a
result of the high in-flux in rapid payments to qualified
beneficiaries via our "CERTIFIED CASH CONSIGNMENT" & "ATM CARD / BANK
WIRE TRANSFERS" spanning across various destinations.

Furthermore, Be informed that all necessary documentations has been
processed and forwarded to the accounts department to effect payment
as soon as possible, We've employed transparency in our bid in-line
with the programs and summits sponsored by the "Newly sworn-in
administration board by the United Nations General Assembly in it's
crusade to eradicate corruption.

The United Nations Development program (UNDP), in conjunction with the
Federal Reserve Bank & Health care compensation schemes for families
(HCCS); Therefore the European Union (EU) makes a yearly donation of
$7.5 Million to eligible Recipients worldwide.

Note: All qualified beneficiaries on our database were randomly picked
via an extensive survey over 100,000 internet websites, mini mart
shops around your area which you might have made purchases from. Just
a gentle reminder; No tickets were sold thus you are required to fill
the form below and email it To the office of our Executive Secretary
with the below contact for Qualification, documentation and processing
of your claims. You are get back immediately with your Qualification
numbers (UNDP-909-1114, SFH-4147-465).  


Yup...every bit as believable as a Bela Pelosi presser or anything from the yap of Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez, who thinks the First Amendment has been suspended when it comes to making fun of her.

My pet rock, Seymour -- who used to enjoy making fun of Kim Jong Un -- has now found a new "fun to be made of" character in the form of AOC.  And while she had nothing to do with the email scam, she has plenty to do with it's editing:


Email Header:  Reply Urgent...Please...ANYONE...  

Federal Reconstituted Virgins Genital Rebushing Project (EN)
(Eunuch Nations Assisted Programmed)
Directorate of Douche Audit Unit

Ref: OMG/WTF/VOL.Category /A1

Re:

SUBJECT: ANNUAL SCHEME BY THE MORE COWBELL COLLECTIVE

With reference to the above-mentioned subject; We apologize

for the email.  Our robotic vacuum/oral sex machine used the

wrong list of emails here.

Furthermore, Be informed that all necessary documentations has been
declared circum nada genital Iditarod and forwarded to the dead letter

office of the Nigerian Postal Service where there's nothing going but corruption.

 The Eunuch Nations Dysfunctional program (ENDP), in conjunction with

a robotic dildo on loan from a house of prostitution in the Democrap

National Committee offices, has no idea what the flying fish f**k they're

doing worldwide.

Note: All qualified in our database were randomly picked from cemetery

registries over 100,000 internet websites and frightfully inflated DNC

voter registration drives of cartoon characters and inanimate objects

in Kaliforlornia.

Just a gentle reminder; if you make fun of Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez,

she'll try to send you to a gulag, even though she's too stupid to

know she ain't got the power to do that.

=====================================
EX COMPOST FACTO VERIFICATION FORM
=====================================
1. FULL NAME.:......................
2. CONTACT ADDRESS.:... .........
3. NATIONALITY...................
4. SEX...........
5. AGE /DATE OF BIRTH: .......
6. TEL/FAX N0:...................
7. OCCUPATION :................
========================================

This is to notify you that the OFFICE OF THE RECTUM HELL KILLED THEM

ALL OF OPERATIONS DISCREDITED has finally approved zucchini

enemas for all the women and wannabes of the DNC.  Also be it known to

you that we have made it very difficult for anybody to understand one word

Nancy Bela Pelosi says, let alone what Maxipad Waters demands be impeached,

from a door knob to a tree stump.

(NOTE)
Lastly, we want to note you that we have been receiving messages on
your behalf from other folks from different country telling us that
you have been turned into a multi-tentacled marmot by an African

spell caster named Ukulele Ungabunga Boo.  If true, would you

please send us a picture; we ain't never seed nuffin like dat.

Thanks for your co-operation, which will amaze us if we get it.

Best Regards,

David Moore.
Director,
Federal Reconstituted Virgins Genital Rebushing Project (EN)  

 

 

I didn't get a response from the scammer, but I am given to understand that AOC wants to subpoena Seymour and Waters wants to impeach him.

 

"Do NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!" 

Talking Desks Lose Every Time

Yet another talking desk from the UN High Commission.

It hasn't learned any better than the previous talking desks did:   FREE TOASTER with EVERY SCAM wins EVERY TIME!

But...no free toaster....*BUZZZZZZER*.

Here's the effort:

From the desk of Dr.Richard Lynn

United Nation High Commission

405 East 42nd Street, New York

Email : info.unhighcommission01@gmail.com

Phone :  +1682-808-6595

Attn :  Jack,

I,am Mr.Richard Lynn the newly appointed head of operation United Nation High Commission west African region.It was recently brought to my notice by the ministry of foreign affairs commission in regulation to debt,contract/inheritance management that your over due contract payment total sum of US$20,500,000.00 that was supposed to be released by the Rhochevilles Western Bank has been recently placed on holed by the authority to regulate monitory policies attached to International transfer of funds.

hOwever,I have thoroughyly done my investigation lately and realize that your paying Bank did not emply the proper agencies that is in position to endorse your final fund release authority therby making the government to raise eyebrow by putting a stop order of the said fund to protect you from any breach of the law against Money laundry

act or terrorism.

Henceforth,it is important for you to note that the United  antion High commission has been officially assigned to handle issue related to the transfer/delivery of your payment with your payment Bank and will also guide and protect your interest pending when you have confirmed and receive payment/transfer of your fund.

Note,that you must report and forward any further correspondence you receive from anyone or group of people claiming to have the said payment in their possession to prevent impostors/hoodlums taking adavantage of you.

All legal modalities and document's attached to the release of your payment will be procurred and endorsed by the United Nations High Commission's before presenting them to the Bank for immediate release of your payment but you must ensure to reconfirm the information's listed below for onward processing of this exercise in your favor.

1.Your full names and address

2.Age and occupation

3.A copy of your drivers license or passport for proper identification

4.Next of kin name and age

5.Private mobile numbers for easy communication

Information's contained in this message are highly confidential for security purposes you are been advised to keep this transaction urtmost secrecy to avert a thrid party from hijacking your payment.

Confirm receipt of this message and get back to us immediately or call as a matter of urgency.

Dr.Richard Lynn  

 

 

Instead of any chance of back 'n forth, I opted for an edit that at least made passing mention of the free toaster:

 

 

From: Richard Lynn <un.teamsecretary@hotmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2017 3:50 PM
To: longnecked.mofo.gopherpokers101@hotmail.com
Subject: A desk -- yes, furniture -- is about to tell you what the moron sitting behind it can't from United Nations High Commission

 

 

From the desk of Dr. Richard Lynn

one stupid useless mofo occupying space

United Nation High Commission

405 East 42nd Street, New York

Email : info.unhighcommission01@gmail.com

Phone :  +1682-808-6595

Attn : 

I am the inanimate desk of the abject dunce, Mr. Richard Lynn, who because he had pictures of the UN genital suckretary leaving a Motel 6 at 3:45AM with a yak and inflatable Hellary sex toy, is the newly appointed head-up-ass of operation United Nation High Commission west African region.

I needed oxygen after just reading that, and I'm a f**king desk.

It was recently brought to my notice by the menstrual activities of Mr. Richard Lynn, that he was Mrs. Virginia Slim until hearing Ashley Judd go Hellary Clinton on a twat waffle.  That's when she decided to did it.

It really don't pay to be a desk in places like this or around Bill Clinton.

As a desk, I was supposed to inform you of some batshit cra-cra about a ministry of foreign affairs with goats or sheep or some other kinky sh*t commission, and how regulation to douche nozzles means little more than a three peckered goat being turned loose in a ewe convent under contract or some such hooha.  It's all in the disclaimer that isn't attached to this email because I'm a desk not a gawddamned f**king lawyer of dubious antecedence that gives away a free toaster for the first consultation.  Anyway, you didn't inheritance, inheritize or inherent anything that management can't treat with double shots of tequila after work...or even during it. 

If you've never heard of the Rhochevilles Western Bank, relax; not even I had before this.  I think it's Polish and located in Uganda.  They had an apple..and a pen...apple pen...uhh.

hOwever,I have thoroughyly done my best desk investigation lately and realize that none of this sh*t makes one cat crazy ounce of sense.  Kinda like saying  "what?" and some fat guy with a bat yelling "second base!"  But did you know -- and I bet you didn't because I'm telling you something that my menstrual sitter just made up -- that your paying Bank did not know that fallopian tubes were NOT used for firing mortars at enema positions in Liechtenstein?  Or that they had a Money laundry there that guaranteed one day turn around on all your counterfeit bills, petes and other names.

Some consider that an act or terrorism.  I consider terrorism anytime someone sitting at me farts.

Henceforth,it is important for you to note that the United  Nation High commission has been fired and sent to North Korea to wind up in Kim Jong Il's shark tank with what's left of Hans Brix.

Yeah, I saw that movie too, and agree that Pearl Harbor and Ben Afflac sucked.  Him and his pervert friend Harvey.

 Note that you must report and forward any further correspondence you receive from female desks that I might find RrroWWWR Rrrowwrr.  Just cuz I'm a desk don't mean I don't like to get some inserts now and again.  Roll tops...kinky.

All legal modalities and documents attached to a house cat will be shredded in short order.  So don't do that.  If you want ANY of this to come out in your favor, drop the mouse and back away from your email slowly.  Otherwise, send me the following sh*t:

1.Your full names and address

2.Age and occupation

3.A copy of your drivers license or passport for proper identification

4.Next of kin name and age

5.Private mobile numbers for easy communication

6. A picture of you in a tutu that's way too small

Informations contained in this message are highly cornfoluted for suckurity purposes and you are been advised to keep this transaction urtmost secrecy to avert having a thrid party send you to a 72 hour health hold because you were stupid enough to tell them you're following the instructions of a desk.

Confirm receipt of this message in Azerbaijani and get back to us immediately with the 13th astrological sign known as Gorkus, signified by two buzzards colliding in mid-air.  Which pretty much sums up where I as a desk am.

From the desk of Dr.Richard Lynn, formerly Dr. Virginia Slim

forever dubiously antecedent.  

 

 

Nothing seems to kill correspondence from desks that the UN faster than an edit like that.  Maybe next time they'll include an offer of a free toaster.

UN is an Acronym Too

The current potus of the US has gone far to give acronyms a bad name.

But the UN -- alleged 'United Nations' -- was way ahead of him on that.

Scammers are what they are, of course.

So here's the latest scam I've received from, once more, the "UN":


U. N. C. C Regional office office United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC) Domiciliary Outlet, Lagos Nigeria. Plot 617/618, Diplomatic Zone, Central Area District, P.M.B. 2851, Garki, Abuja, Nigeria. http://www.uncc.ch/status.htm

 

Nov 1 at 1:31 PM

United Nations Compensation Commission (UNCC)

Domiciliary Outlet, Lagos Nigeria.

Plot 617/618, Diplomatic Zone,

Central Area District,

P.M.B. 2851, Garki,

Abuja, Nigeria.

http://www.uncc.ch/status.htm

Attention: Beneficiary,

 

The United Nation Compensation Commission with its Domiciliary Office in Nigeria and its other outlets in Benin Republic, Ghana and Burkina Faso received a report of scam against you. The countries of Nigeria, Benin Republic, Burkina Faso and Ghana have recompense you following United Nation World Re-compensation Commission (U.N.W.R.C) held with the four countries Government and various countries High Commission for the fraudulent activities carried out by the four countries Citizens. Your name was among those scammed as listed by the Nigeria Financial Intelligent Unit (NFIU). Compensation has been issued out in a Visa Gold to all the affected victims and has already been in distribution to all the bearers. Your Visa Gold was among those that were reported undelivered. We wish to advise you to see to the instructions of the Committee to make sure you receive your Visa Gold immediately.

 

In light of the aforementioned please provide the following information to enable us confirm your information for payment.

 

Your Full Name: (No Abbreviation Please)

Current Residential Address:

Previous Home Address if any:

Direct Contact Telephone Number:

Fax:

Driver License or Passport:

ID No:

Yours Sincerely,

Mitchelle Rice (Mrs.)

Payment Coordinator

West Africa Payment Officer

Tel: +1-707-370-5193 

What to do, what to do?  Well, the first thing that came to mind was something to do with someone's head up there ass, like all of the nobama regime's is:

But then -- see what I just did there -- it hit me:

Let's make the theme to do with colonization...

Of Uranus...


And the rest came easy in the edit:

Uranus Nigerian Colonization Commission (UNCC)

Domiciliary Outlet, Lagos Nigeria.

Plot 617/618, Diplomatic Zone,

Central Area District,

P.M.B. 2851, Garki,

Abuja, Nigeria.

 

Attention: Beneficiary,

 

The Uranus Nigerian Colonization Commission with its Domiciliary Office in Nigeria and its other outlets in Benin Republic, Ghana and Burkina Faso received a report of you wanting to be include in our colonization of Uranus plans.  The countries of Nigeria, Benin Republic, Burkina Faso and Ghana have agreed to establish a colony on Uranus by the year 2020, or 2100, which ever come first.  We're not terrible good with numbers.

 

In late 2012 we have a meeting with United Nation World Re-location Commission (U.N.W.R.C) held with the four countries Government and various countries High Commission for the purpose of establish who we want to relocate to Uranus for our colony.  Your name was among those found on our lists as reported to us by the Nigeria Lacks Intelligent Colony on Uranus (NLICU). Complimentary travel vouchers for only $69 USD has been issued out for distribute to all the bearers. Your travel voucher was among those that were reported undelivered. We wish to advise you to see to the instructions of the Committee to make sure you receive your travel voucher immediate if not soonest.

 

In light of the aforementioned please provide the following information to enable us confirm your information for recording of new colony records.

 

Your Full Name: (No Abbreviation Please)

Current Residential Address:

Future Desired Address On Uranus (street names/numbers not yet assigned):

Previous Home Address if any:

Direct Contact Telephone Number:

Fax:

Driver License or Passport:

ID No:

Yours Sincerely,

Moochelle Nobama Rice (Mrs.)

Colony Coordinator

West Africa Uranus Colonization Office Officer

Tel: +1-707-370-5193 

 

No response from the scammers has been forthcoming.  Nor, so far, from any recipients by their peers of this unique opportunity.  Perhaps they already think they're ON Uranus, what with their heads are at...