Friday, December 22, 2017

Talking Desks Lose Every Time

Yet another talking desk from the UN High Commission.

It hasn't learned any better than the previous talking desks did:   FREE TOASTER with EVERY SCAM wins EVERY TIME!

But...no free toaster....*BUZZZZZZER*.

Here's the effort:

From the desk of Dr.Richard Lynn
United Nation High Commission
405 East 42nd Street, New York
Email : info.unhighcommission01@gmail.com
Phone :  +1682-808-6595
Attn :  Jack,
I,am Mr.Richard Lynn the newly appointed head of operation United Nation High Commission west African region.It was recently brought to my notice by the ministry of foreign affairs commission in regulation to debt,contract/inheritance management that your over due contract payment total sum of US$20,500,000.00 that was supposed to be released by the Rhochevilles Western Bank has been recently placed on holed by the authority to regulate monitory policies attached to International transfer of funds.
hOwever,I have thoroughyly done my investigation lately and realize that your paying Bank did not emply the proper agencies that is in position to endorse your final fund release authority therby making the government to raise eyebrow by putting a stop order of the said fund to protect you from any breach of the law against Money laundry
act or terrorism.
Henceforth,it is important for you to note that the United  antion High commission has been officially assigned to handle issue related to the transfer/delivery of your payment with your payment Bank and will also guide and protect your interest pending when you have confirmed and receive payment/transfer of your fund.
Note,that you must report and forward any further correspondence you receive from anyone or group of people claiming to have the said payment in their possession to prevent impostors/hoodlums taking adavantage of you.
All legal modalities and document's attached to the release of your payment will be procurred and endorsed by the United Nations High Commission's before presenting them to the Bank for immediate release of your payment but you must ensure to reconfirm the information's listed below for onward processing of this exercise in your favor.
1.Your full names and address
2.Age and occupation
3.A copy of your drivers license or passport for proper identification
4.Next of kin name and age
5.Private mobile numbers for easy communication
Information's contained in this message are highly confidential for security purposes you are been advised to keep this transaction urtmost secrecy to avert a thrid party from hijacking your payment.
Confirm receipt of this message and get back to us immediately or call as a matter of urgency.
Dr.Richard Lynn  
 
 
Instead of any chance of back 'n forth, I opted for an edit that at least made passing mention of the free toaster:
 
 
From: Richard Lynn <un.teamsecretary@hotmail.com>
Sent: Thursday, October 12, 2017 3:50 PM
To: longnecked.mofo.gopherpokers101@hotmail.com
Subject: A desk -- yes, furniture -- is about to tell you what the moron sitting behind it can't from United Nations High Commission
 
 
From the desk of Dr. Richard Lynn
one stupid useless mofo occupying space
United Nation High Commission
405 East 42nd Street, New York
Email : info.unhighcommission01@gmail.com
Phone :  +1682-808-6595
Attn : 
I am the inanimate desk of the abject dunce, Mr. Richard Lynn, who because he had pictures of the UN genital suckretary leaving a Motel 6 at 3:45AM with a yak and inflatable Hellary sex toy, is the newly appointed head-up-ass of operation United Nation High Commission west African region.
I needed oxygen after just reading that, and I'm a f**king desk.
It was recently brought to my notice by the menstrual activities of Mr. Richard Lynn, that he was Mrs. Virginia Slim until hearing Ashley Judd go Hellary Clinton on a twat waffle.  That's when she decided to did it.
It really don't pay to be a desk in places like this or around Bill Clinton.
As a desk, I was supposed to inform you of some batshit cra-cra about a ministry of foreign affairs with goats or sheep or some other kinky sh*t commission, and how regulation to douche nozzles means little more than a three peckered goat being turned loose in a ewe convent under contract or some such hooha.  It's all in the disclaimer that isn't attached to this email because I'm a desk not a gawddamned f**king lawyer of dubious antecedence that gives away a free toaster for the first consultation.  Anyway, you didn't inheritance, inheritize or inherent anything that management can't treat with double shots of tequila after work...or even during it. 
If you've never heard of the Rhochevilles Western Bank, relax; not even I had before this.  I think it's Polish and located in Uganda.  They had an apple..and a pen...apple pen...uhh.
hOwever,I have thoroughyly done my best desk investigation lately and realize that none of this sh*t makes one cat crazy ounce of sense.  Kinda like saying  "what?" and some fat guy with a bat yelling "second base!"  But did you know -- and I bet you didn't because I'm telling you something that my menstrual sitter just made up -- that your paying Bank did not know that fallopian tubes were NOT used for firing mortars at enema positions in Liechtenstein?  Or that they had a Money laundry there that guaranteed one day turn around on all your counterfeit bills, petes and other names.
Some consider that an act or terrorism.  I consider terrorism anytime someone sitting at me farts.
Henceforth,it is important for you to note that the United  Nation High commission has been fired and sent to North Korea to wind up in Kim Jong Il's shark tank with what's left of Hans Brix.
Yeah, I saw that movie too, and agree that Pearl Harbor and Ben Afflac sucked.  Him and his pervert friend Harvey.
 Note that you must report and forward any further correspondence you receive from female desks that I might find RrroWWWR Rrrowwrr.  Just cuz I'm a desk don't mean I don't like to get some inserts now and again.  Roll tops...kinky.
All legal modalities and documents attached to a house cat will be shredded in short order.  So don't do that.  If you want ANY of this to come out in your favor, drop the mouse and back away from your email slowly.  Otherwise, send me the following sh*t:
1.Your full names and address
2.Age and occupation
3.A copy of your drivers license or passport for proper identification
4.Next of kin name and age
5.Private mobile numbers for easy communication
6. A picture of you in a tutu that's way too small
Informations contained in this message are highly cornfoluted for suckurity purposes and you are been advised to keep this transaction urtmost secrecy to avert having a thrid party send you to a 72 hour health hold because you were stupid enough to tell them you're following the instructions of a desk.
Confirm receipt of this message in Azerbaijani and get back to us immediately with the 13th astrological sign known as Gorkus, signified by two buzzards colliding in mid-air.  Which pretty much sums up where I as a desk am.
From the desk of Dr.Richard Lynn, formerly Dr. Virginia Slim
forever dubiously antecedent.  
 
 
Nothing seems to kill correspondence from desks that the UN faster than an edit like that.  Maybe next time they'll include an offer of a free toaster.



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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

• ★ Merry ★* 。 • ˚ ˚ ˛ ˚ ˛ •
•。★ Christmas 。* 。
° 。 ° ˛˚˛ * _Π_____*。*˚
˚ ˛ •˛•˚ */______/~\。˚ ˚ ˛
˚ ˛ •˛• ˚| 田田 |門| ˚And a Happy New Year
* Joy to all! ♫•*¨* Peace on Earth ♪♫•*¨*

22 December, 2017 09:20  

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