Russian Anna, Star Wars and An Epic Force FAIL

Oh whoops.  *BUZZZZER*

The Force had an epic FAIL with this one.

I think I've let y'all in on a not-so-little-secret:  Russian Anna Ivanova is back.  Again.  She really REALLY wants that $650 from Jack N. Ewehoff, Ben Dover...probably anyone she can get it from.

And she keeps thinking that with enough photos, she's going to get it.

She even resorted to sending me a picture of whatever Russian porn star's pictures she's using...she sent me a picture of her 'beav'.

Gee, Beav....it had a far different meaning when Wally said it in the 1950s.

This is how it's proceeded since she wunst again took up the borscht of trying to get that $650 USD:

my beloved exclusive man in my life.
We are familiar with you for a long time. We're conducting a very long romantic correspondence. I love you with all my heart and soul. You're my only happiness in my life. You are my joy. My sadness and grief that we are not together. I'm ready for our meeting at all. I am ready to sell his soul to the devil to meet you.

Please write me what to do even for our meeting???

I'm sending you a picture of his passport, because I trust you completely. I sent you my home videos. You also saw my naked photos. You have a photo of my passport.

What else do I do to be happy with you????

I'm all ready to meet with you. Soon to be the year of our acquaintance, do not you want to meet me????

I am ready to sell his kidney to buy an air ticket, but I can not live without kidneys. Write me the truth, why do you still not together???? What should I do to be close to you and loves you!! When I first received a letter from you, I was very happy and thanked her fate for you. But I do not understand why we're still not together. I have only one question,

  WHY WE DO NOT TOGETHER NOW???????

  I wanted and want to be with you only a serious relationship. I'm willing to wait a lifetime of our meeting. I will love only you. I will be praying before bedtime, and asks God to help us meet. Your fidelity Anna  

Anna my purveyor voluptuous doll photos, I am ready willing and able to meet you.  When you fly to Denver, I will meet you.  I promiscuous.  

 

 

Dear Jack
I read your letter, and did not see what you want to meet with me. Why do not you meet me?? I forgive you for assistance to meet you. Anna  

 

 

Oh, I most certainly want to meet with the you I've seen in pictures, Anna.  When the woman in those pictures step off that plane in Denver, I will be there with a bouquet of roses and condoms to meet you!  

 

 

as soon as you help me to buy a ticket, then immediately fly to you in Denver  

 

 

(so much for "forgive you for assistance to meet you")

 

 

And what kind of help do you need, Anna?  

 

 

help buy a ticket  

 

 

I've tried this before.  How this time do you suggest I help buy a ticket?  Instruct me.  

 

 

you have to go to any bank and make a bank transfer to my details.
Bank Address:
city ​​Kirov
Postal code 610021,
Vorovskogo street, 92
Bank name: vtb24
SWIFT: CBGURUMM
Beneficiary Customer: Ivanova Anna
4272 2900 7966 6715
650 dollars    I can get in 4 hours.

(Note:  I used this information with another scammer...my bad)

Four hours?  That's not bad, Anna.  Assuming, that is, that the bank employees of your bank are trustworthy and above doing rake offs.   I can get you $700 even faster if you like.   

 

 

Thank you for your help. I look forward to your help. Bank transfer is fast and reliable. When can you go to the bank and make the bank transfer?? For me it is very important our meeting. You are my destiny. Look, I'll trust you completely, because I sent you confidential information, your bank data. I love you very much and respect him, so I sent you personal details.  

 

 

Who is "him"?  If you meant me, awww shucks...taint nuffin. 

 

 

You wrote that you can send $ 700, it's very good.
But please, write me when you can make a bank transfer??
I'll collect the luggage on the road  

 

 

You have luggage all over the road there?  Wow.  All we have are dead skunks.  

 

 

please hurry Jack.  my body anticipate you! 

 

 

How I love the idea of that body in those photos anticipating me.  Anyway, I thank you for the confidential bank informations, Anna.  I have a fresh idea on how to do this bank transfer.  A friend of mine is very good at transfers.  Let me see what he can do.  

 

 

And who else could Jack possibly mean, than...*Force drum roll*....YODA!

 

 

 

 

Except I ran into a problem...I discovered that Yoda 'n Co. are mired in difficulties with Star Wars V.V:  The Force On Strike.   With that being the case, I had to settle for an alternate Yoda:

 

This one didn't seem to have the levitational qualities of the original.  Thus, when it came to transferring Anna's bank, well...


I am right terrible sorry, Anna...I tried to have my friend Yoda do the bank transfer from Kirov.  Sadly, he couldn't seem to get it any farther than Vakhrushi.  Farting during a Force umph is apparently not a good thing to happen.  Especially a paint peeler like he dun.  Ewwww.  So I must do this another way.  


Jack why do you play me?  my broke heart earns you!  


Duct tape, Anna.  Duct tape.  Meantime I'm working on an alternative.  


Dear Jack
Please make bank transfer as soon as possible. I'm waiting. Anna  


Either her font broke, or whoever is playing her in the Russian fly-infested internet café forgot how she responds.  Oh well.


Anna banana, I sorrowfully regret to inform you that the Yoda I contracted with to transfer your bank here was a complete and utter FAIL.  So your bank remains in Kirov.  Thus it follows that if this Yoda can't transfer your bank here, he'll have no more success transferring my bank there.  I'm open to any other suggestions.


For now, Anna banana doesn't seem to have any.  So it appears that we're "off" again.  Until we're "on" again.  I may wind up with a career with this one...  




  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Russian Anna's Back On The Old Ploy

I guess self-inflicted death by way of Russian black market sleeping pills proved too much for Anna...if you remember my last post about her.

Yup.  She's baaaaaaaack.  And as you'll see in the few new pics she sent me...she's baaaaaack with the same ol' schpiel.

Here is her resurrection from the 'dead' opening salvo:


Greetings my love, my  future husband .
I feel perfectly. Mood good,
And my soul sings about love to you. I smile and am very happy,
that I have you my sweet prince!
I would think, that wakening in the morning and supervision of you
near to me will be remarkable experience. I would not wake you but
only to observe, that you sleep, and surprise, that you dreamed. I
just would lay there and to think as far as the successful person I
should be with you. Then in cool of morning I would slide from, cover
and to go in kitchen. As soon as there I would do you by
good breakfast and a place it on serving tray. The tray would have
your coffee and a sandwich which I would prepare itself for you. I
would bring it in a room of a bed that you have not risen yet. Then I
would wake you with gentle kisses, and whisper " i love you ". I would
observe your frank beautiful eyes open for morning light, and then I
shall speak you loudly, how many the happiness you has brought to me.
I would be down of a pillow behind of you and then am similar to the
employee, I shall serve my prince its breakfast. We would speak,
and a bit later I shall pull you in a hot bath. The bath with bubbles
and colors which float on water, very much is pleasant to me it. I
would like to wipe your body gelem, and then you might clean my
hair. You would be endowed and with noble kisses, I shall come back to
do preparation within our day. We then would load bicycles in
our automobile with a basket of picnic. We would be then to mountains
to go and take pleasure in clear air of mountain. If you would like,
we might go on a bicycle all day. Would find Lake it sine-green in
colour and surrounded it is white - barking Aspens. Their tiny green
listya are displaced by extremely small wind. The sky would be bright
sine with white dance of clouds. Air is cleaned also fresh. We would
go for flotin cold water of lake. Only to tease each other in cool
water. After navigation we would lay on the towels which are heating
up us is direct on the sun. And nevertheless I would kiss you and you
kissing me. What you would do then? You finish a history.
My dear I want to give you the life, so full remarkable things and to
present you a lot of happiness. I want to make you by king of my
heart. I want to love you am similar to you, always wanted. I want for
you happiness which service life  will last.  

And of course, it came along with more of those endearing pictures that Anna isn't terribly attentive about grouping together.  For instance:

Right along side of this:

And of course there was this one that was supposed to melt the ice in my heart that this post began with:

Which seems to be at odds with a previously sent photo that she absent-mindedly sent again:

I'm sure the absent mindedness is a result of her taking cut-rate Russian black market sleeping pills, made right at home in Chernobyl.  The other side affect -- having to use Nair to brush your teeth for the chia pet-ish canine and molar hairs -- can be covered up with modest photo retouching.

Meanwhile...I'm back to being her future husband.  Or at least, 'Jack' is.  And my character was quick to let her know how happy he was to see her back:


Really?  Back from the dead, Anna?  How'd you find it...restful?  Or terribly boring?  I'm banking on the latter.  And speaking of banking, I just had to KNOW you'd be back.  Oh yes...there are some things that a man knows instinctively.  Like how to change the subject when a woman asks "is my butt getting fat?".  Or when a woman says in a dismissive manner, "oh, it's okay", the guy knows it really isn't and he's in for a Chernobyl-esque meltdown unless he makes amends and QUICK. 

Well, I know you, Anna.  And I knew you'd be back.  That $925 is an itch your soul can't scratch 'til you have it.  And as I told you many times before, it's right where you can have it...all you have to do is go to Aeroflot in Moscow to get it.  Not Sochi...besides, that four-out-of-five ringed nonsense is over anyway.  Bob Costas can have an eye vacation.

And thanks for the pictures.  As always, you were choosing them in bad lighting, yes?

Anna didn't waste any time touching on that reply:


My dear I want to give you the life, so full remarkable things and to
present you a lot of happiness. I want to make you by king of my
heart. I want to love you am similar to you, always wanted. I want for
you happiness which service life  will last. I also
want, that you loved me is similar to you, never loved anybody before.
I want to be the centre of your life and some, as we should do
the child to like.  You make my heart sing when you say you can
pay for me to make my dreams true.  


Oh I can imagine the tune your heart plays when it hears anything suggestive of 'money', Anna.  Just be careful not to get too excited and give yourself an annayrism...or did you see what I just did there?

I'm still waiting to see if she did...*ducking boos and throwd cotton balls*

Unless something new develops here, I'll spare you any more 'annayrisms'...

Russian Anna Tries A New Ploy

Russian Anna has tried several times to get "Jack" to send her money.

"Jack" keeps telling her to mount her yak and ride west from Kirov (where she claims to be) to the Moscow International Airport, and that she'll find something waiting for her at the Aeroflot desk.

Nothing.  But first she has to go there.

Anyway, Anna has been persistent.  Until finally her handlers apparently decided to try a somewhat new ploy I haven't yet seed from a scammer:  a threat.

Oh, I've seen plenty of threats in my direction.

No, Anna's trying to convince me that she's going to do herself in since "Jack" has forsaken her.

Read the pithy effort for yourself:


Hello pipe dream ... Please do not stop reading this letter. Read it to the end, please. That's the last thing I beg you. Over the last ... I never disturb their requests, in his own words ... and feelings ... I'll stop there for you and for others ... Trust me. As I believe you on that warm summer evening, that beautiful starry night ... "I opened your soul and you stomped it as a flower, blossomed on the road ..." I quote someone. Although perhaps not entirely accurate. I loved you, and you're playing with my feelings. I was your toy, and when I bored, you find a better toy and left me, left one with an avalanche of feelings ... I feel new and incomprehensible to me. Such as love and hate, hope and despair ... All these feelings are mixed, blended together ... But soon the hatred has passed ... The longest lived despair, shared the void in my heart with pain. Pain caused irreparable loss and betrayal. But now there was only emptiness ... Pain, like acid, all burnt out ... The soul was unable to feel. Therefore, the soul can not fill the emptiness ... nothing ...
    You may ask, why am I writing all this to you? I will answer. Because I want to, when I will not be, you know my feelings about the pain that you have caused me. Although, you do not understand, at least not until you experience such ... outraged honor and love ... But do not think, I do not wish you that ...
    And yet, I am writing to say goodbye. Say goodbye forever ... Goodbye ... I leave this cruel world. I'm going back to where it would be easier ... And I think that no one will remember and will not grieve for me ... Because I do not need you ... In spite of what you said before ... You showed it to his act. But I do not blame you. And not in this life ...
    Do not forget me. Remember me always. Remember, that's your fault one green-eyed blonde innocent girl left this world ...
    Live and Remember ...
You do have no idea how it is to live and to be faithful to the person to whom you are completely indifferent. You never count the tears of those that I have shed over your photography. You'll never understand what it means to fall asleep and wake up with your name on your mind. You know, I do not want you ever experienced what I am experiencing. It hurts too much, and I do not want you to get hurt because of my love. Without you, me and the day is not quite the day and the night was just another painful insomnia. The thread of my life was cut short at the moment, when I saw you for the first time. But you know, I do not regret Miguet, because then I had no meaning in life, and now he is. Every day I live in you, and that's why I can not forget you. I'm sorry, but I can not ... You can condemn me for what I do, but you should know, so it would be easier. But I would not do this just for myself, I do it for you. I beg you, forgive me if I did something wrong. Look, everyone's life is in his hands and in the hands of the people around them. And I messed up life with his own hands, not only themselves, but also to you and many other people. And for that, I beg your pardon. I love you so much. I do not want you to blame himself for what happened, you're not guilty, believe me, "But I did not, and that's why now I leave .... Do not judge me. Remember that I love you and will love you forever, no matter what. Farewell ...

    And another thing, I am sending you my last picture cheerful ...
    Now I am no longer holds nothing in this world ...
Now I drink a lot of pills and go to sleep forever.
            Farewell favorite ...
                          At your age, Anna  


Funny...in all her pictures, she was either brunette or black-haired, never blonde.  Oh well...she never could get that right, either.

Now I reckon that my character was supposed to react with horror at this email, and respond with all kinds of remedies to prevent Anna's claim to punching out the time clock of life.

*Yawn*

Still, my character was not without feeling:


Dearest Anna,
While I hope the pills you're going to drink are of high quality, and not from some knock-off rogue Russian lab that markets their crap as 'generic' the way Chernobyl is 'generic', I would like to suggest some alternative ways for you to go, if this is in fact what you really want to do.

Personally, you should mount a yak, naked, and ride west until the yak is high-centered in a snow drift.  Then you'd be a piece of ice sculpture.  At least until summer.

As for remembering you always, I hardly knew ye.  You sent me so many pictures of so many other women -- none of them green eyed blondes, BTW -- I don't know if you don't actually look more like this:

 

 

Or for that matter, this:

 

In any event, enjoy your chosen journey to wherever the hell it is you're trying to con me into buying that you're going.  I still think you're just headed for the Kirov Yak 'n Smack Bar 'n Grille for a little slap 'n tickle with Ivanov and his yak herd.

 

Sincerely...really...HONEST,

Jack

 

While there's been nothing further from Anna, I won't be surprised to get a 'resurrection' email...she really wants that $650 USD....

Russian Anna Takes Another Shot At The Banana

Remember Anna, my Russian bride scamstress?  The one that quit communicating with me after my particularly unromantic response to her schtick?

Well, she gets points for persistence...she's back.  And writing just as much drivel as heretofore.

Now she's trying to convince me that if I send her $650, she can come to me, instead of me going to her.

Now...for those of you who travel internationally, how many of you can get from Kirov -- wherever the hell it is -- to Moscow, and then fly from Moscow to Denver, and on only $650?

Even my pet rock, Seymour, was giving *eye rolls* and *face palms*...and it ain't so easy for a pet rock.

"Is TOO!!!"

Anyway, Anna resumed her drivel, and then got down to the ratski killing with this concise email:


Hello my sweetheart!!!!! Hello my husband!!!!
If I send you a  my photo visa , then you can help with the air ticket?? Anna 


How else could my character, Jack N. Ewehoff respond, but with a tongue-in-cheek affirmation:


Of course I can.  You send me your photo visa, and I'll help you with your ticket.  


Anna's always had a thing for the amount of $650 USD.  That's what she insists I need to send her for her to either (a) arrange travel for me to Kirov, via Denver to NYC to probably London to I guess Moscow, and then take a train 14 hours followed by a cab for 8 hours to eventually find her OR (b) send her the same amount so that she can travel in reverse, to meet my character here.

Uh huh.

The commonality here is that I need to send her $650 USD.

Well, after telling her 'yes', she followed up and sent me her 'visa' and a copy of her passport:

Along with those items -- to prove her authenticity -- she sent me this alluring picture of her:

I won't bother to go into how the belly button tat and left shoulder tat don't match OTHER pictures of Anna with differing tats, missing tats, no tats, etc...but I'm sure that Anna was sure that this picture, along with the two for authenticity, would be the deal-maker.

And it was...n't.

But I did decide to show Anna that I was trying (and for those who know me, you know just how trying I can be)...so I decided to write directly to Aeroflot, and send them Anna's visa and the 'money' to buy her $650 ticket:

Yup...the same 'money' that I sent Anna.

At any rate, here's the email that I sent to Aeroflot, copying Anna as well:

Dear Aeroflot:

I have the dubious honor to be Jack N. Ewehoff, decadent western capitalist.  ‘Tis a pleasure to have email speaks with you.

 

 

One of your countrypersons has apparently set her sights upon me as her future babushka(or likely as a big Western dumbasski she intends to scam); in a paraphrasing of her words of dubious antesyntax, I am the light of her life, the apple in her ear, the das in her vadanya, the Sevasto with a pol…you I think get the picture.  This little steppes blossom is none other than Anna Ivanova – I’m sure you have a few hundred thousand such of that name thereabouts – though in this case she may actually be Boris Badenov.  Sadly I can’t say for sure; moose ‘n squirrel have not as yet responded to my email inquiries in this regard, and I digress.

 

 

At any rate, she lives (she says) in Kirov.  Not being familiar with Eurasian geographicalities, I am not sure where this is.  In the novel Red Storm Rising, it was a cruiser that was sunk by a Norwegian diesel boat, but somehow I’m not sure that this correlation has any.  What my future ex-Chernobyl equivalent has told me is that in order for her to get to Moscow – and this would be where you seemingly come in to the pictureski – she will have to travel 8 hours by yak and then 14 more hours on a train that tends to run a boiler short of a maker.     

               

 

Then and only then can she get on one of your big old jet aeroflotters.  Please suggest to her when/if such is the case that she get IN the plane and not on it.  A simple but important point once raised by the late George Carlin, though not late because he didn’t heed this advice.

 

 

Now you will note that I have attached what she says is a copy of her passport/visa thing; it might even be her picture, assuming she’s not Boris Badenov.  If she turns out to be he, no amount of vodka and barlighting will bring me to within 100 kilometers of whatever airport loses her/his luggage.

 

 

Bottom line of this missive:  Anna tells me that she only needs $650 USD to travel from a sunken cruiser to join me in eventual divorce court in my what-a-country, aka the US of A.  She did specify that I use USDs and not barney rubles, so I gather that USDs are more everywhere one wants to be there than barney rubles are.  At any rate, the ticket that will ultimately lead to the loss of her luggage will be paid for in a version of USDs. 

 

 

I was going to say that if you printed your luggage claim checks in English instead of Cyrillic, those folks in Deadtroit wouldn’t lose the luggage.  Then I remembered that they’re no better with English.  Silly me.

 

 

Anyway, to pay for Anna/Boris’s ticket I have attached one (1) inauthentic new-fangled $100 bill purportedly straight from what passes for the Fauxderal Reserve in Pyongyang, North Korea (Kim Yung Un, Proprietor & current tyrunt).  Like your Marxist brethren in Pyongyang do, just print as many copies of it as you need and exchange them with your local bank for as many barney rubles as the market will bear.

 

 

I don’t suppose you see what I just did there…

 

 

I will appreciate your expedience in this matter as soon as your translator finishes telling you the Russian equivalent of “WTF-ski?”.  And I have no doubt that Anna – or Boris, whatever the case proves to be, since she’s sent me pictures of five different women she says are her – will be forever etched in your travel advisory dossiers.

 

 

Have a splendidly Russian day!

Sincerely…really…HONEST,

Jack N. Ewehoff

Decadent Western Capitalist ‘n all-around irritant to email scammers regardless of geographicality

 

 

I got a very quick 'thank you!' note from Anna -- I reckon before she read what I sent Aeroflot -- and I got a rapid reply from Aeroflot.  And I learned something:  they have autoresponse emails and vacation notifications, too:

 

 

В связи с моим отсутствием в период с 18 по 29 ноября 2013 года по срочным вопросам прошу обращаться к Анастасии Якушевой по адресу ayakusheva@aeroflot.ru

 

С уважением,

Анастасия Шальнова

 

Dear Sender,

 

I will be out of office with limited access to my mail box starting from 18 November and will not return until 02 December. In case of urgency please address to Anastasia Yakusheva at ayakusheva@aeroflot.ru

 

Best regards,

Anastasia Shalnova 

 

 

Since I didn't consider things to be of 'urgency', I didn't bother the Aeroflot alternate. 

Anna was curiously quiet after this; perhaps stunned at the expediency shown by her future husband.  Though I kinda doubt it.  So I sent her quaint little emails of encouragement.  Like:

Let me know when you've started your journey from Kirov via yak to Moscow, darling.  I want to track your progress like a UPS package.

Love,

Jack 

 

 

Even more endearing was this one:

 

 

And if you can let me know a few hours in advance of your starting out from Kirov on yak-back, I can arrange for you to receive in-ride snacks and beverages, courtesy of Aeroflot.  They can do that.  Granted, the peanuts might be stale leftovers from Eastern Airlines, but still...it's something to knaw on to take your mind off the fact you'll be 8 hours on the back of a plodding yak.

Love,

Jack  

 

 

And of course this one:

 

 

Anna my darling, you'll have to let me know how the yak was when you arrive to catch the train.  I mean, the rental company assured me that you'd have a guaranteed smooth ride or my money back.  Did your yak provide you with (a) working environmental controls for a comfortable interior in any weather (b) smooth handling with the rack 'n ribeye steering (c) stylish Cossack seating and the (d) abundance of cup holders?  I ordered only the best for you.

Love, Jack  

 

 

I don't know if Anna ever heard of the Coasters, but I'll reckon she'd like to hit me with one of their signature lines as I keep it up:

Y'know, it just occurred to me...when you get here, you'll be the only person I've ever knowd who was yak certified.  Since I'll never be too old to learn, can you teach me how to parallel park one?

Love, Jack 


I even show her my decadent western capitalist side:
 

 

The more I think about this yak thing you're doing, the more opportunity I see, Anna:  we can open up a yak driving certification business, right here in Denver.  Yes!  I'll run the business, and you can be the instructor!  We'll make MILLIONS! 

 

Get a butt massage when you get to the train and use the 14 hours to work on a training manual, honey.

Love, Jack 


Finally -- since nothing else is getting a rise out of Anna/Boris -- I throw in some Gooble Translate:

Gee, Anna, you could have gone to the airport outside Kirov and saved yourself 8 hours of yak and 14 hours of train and flied straight to Moscow.  Aeroflot would have been happy to serve you stale nuts from Eastern Airlines.  However, if you hadn't been so willing to sacrifice for me, we wouldn't have the business idea that your yak ride has created!  You are such a good little секс-рабыней.

Имейте отличную поездку, вы Славянский секс-рабыней!

Love, Jack 

 

 

So it appears that the saga of Anna-Banana/Boris has concluded, without Anna (see balance) receiving her $650 USD.  While I am satisfied with the outcome...I do find a sort of void in my life, now that all those other women Anna was claiming to be will no longer be shedding their clothes in my email...

Lookin' Fer Love In The Wrongest of Places

Meet Anna.  Anna Ivanova.  Russian.  Female.  Early 20s.  Looking for love outside of Mother Russia.

Uh huh.

Darlin' Anna found her way into my email box at the beginning of October.

Amusingly, she thought she was writing to the real me:  she used my actual first name.

That lasted one reply.

After that, she was driven to romance and con her new American man, Jack.

Jack N. Ewehoff.

There is absolutely NOTHING new here, folks.  It's the same template of scam that I have received probably over a hundred of from women (or those purporting to be women) from Mother Russia, who seek a better life in the West.

Not.

They only seek gullible Western men with money....and then, only the money.

Lots of otherwise smart, sophisticated Western men fall for this borscht (and I don't care if I didn't spell that right; I'm not Russian).  I've received emails from a few of them after having posted some of my scambaits of Russian scammers along with the pictures, and they've found the links AFTER they've been burned for hundreds to thousands of dollars by a somewhat lucrative scam run by criminals in the East.

Anna did nothing new here.  She sent me letters that were long, obviously translated, and full of alleged little snippets of her life and her dreams.  And of course, full of photos.  LOTS of photos.  As our "love" blossomed via email, the photos became more and more enticing and suggestive:

But Anna -- or whomever she/he really is -- does not have a good eye for detail.  If you look closely at the two pictures here, you'll see that this is NOT the same woman.  Anna has mixed photos of at least three different women into this scam.  Look closely at this photo, with attention to her left shoulder and belly button.  Now, compare this with the next photo she sent me in the same photo array:

Did you get the same *TOING* that I did? 

And she also sent me three videos.  All allegedly of her.  And the woman in the videos IS the same woman as in some of the photos...maybe.  While her letters are in passable English, her videos are all in Russian.  Not one word of English is spoken.  Never once is my character's name spoken.

As I said, scam.

Once again, examine closely this photo.  While male readers will probably miss the obvious, you female readers won't.

At any rate...after about two dozen email exchanges -- when we go from "will you be my pen pal" to "you are the love I have dreamed of" drivel -- Anna finally gets around to doing what Russian scammers are best knowd for:


My very darling, Jack,
I am most embarrass to now say to you that I am without the moneys to have able to travel to see you.  I am to ask can you help me to do this?  I have learn that I will need only $650 USD to be able come and be with you.  Between us now only 650 USD. If you sent me today on my bank account of $ 650, then two days later we would be together. When can you help me?
With love, Anna 


And it only took us about 25 emails to get here.  How I do love expedience. 

Now I figure that Anna -- or her/his handlers -- are somewhat literate.  She has responded to some of what I've replied with...like my character's name.  But not to much else (like Jack being a lowly widower who never thought he'd ever find love again...yada, yada, yada...).  So with this reply, I gave Jack some license to be more expansive...verbose...verbally flatulent.

Jack didn't fail to deliver:

My darling Anna,

 

$650 USD is a drop in the bucket to me.  But if $650 is all that you have need of to come to my waiting arms, I will make ready to send you that amount eagerly, my steppes blossom.   Tell me exactly how you need this money addressed to you so that I can be assured that you'll receive it.  I know that overland mail services are a bit tricky internationally.

 

Let me tell you of my life here, so that you'll know what to expect when you arrive.  You will fly into Denver International Airport (DIA).  After going through the customary groping at the gates by TSA agents who only have your best interests and parts in mind, you will meet me awaiting you.  Then we shall go to the lower level to determine if your luggage went to Iran, Cuba or Deadtroit, and wait to see how long it will take them to find it, if ever.

 

But this is no worry, because we have Walmart, Target, Kohls and Goodwill stores to provide you with everything Aeroflot (or United) manages to lose.  Members of various religious sects will be on hand to give you books and solicit donations, but we can choose the 'bypass line' to avoid them.  ACORN people will also be there to register you to vote 300 times for their approved list of leftist candidates that will have your parents thinking you never left home.  But I digress.

 

We will then take a cab ride that will impress you with the cultural diversity of the Denver Metro Area; our driver will likely be from Uranus, and only react to an address and "exact change only".  Never tell a cab driver in Denver "exact change only".  You'll wind up in Deadtroit.  Which is worse than Stalingrad was during the end of 1942.

 

Once we arrive in downtown Denver, you'll be impressed by the tall buildings, modern conveniences, heavy traffic, and of course by the very courteous and friendly people, who all love to signal their love of humanity and each other with car horns and hand gestures.  Some even use firearms.  That will explain why I gave you the ceremonial Kevlar dress and had you don it before we hailed the cab.

 

Once we get west of Denver and out into the 'burbs, you'll see the splendor of the Colorado Rockies.  The mountains, of course I mean; the baseball team is on hiatus and sucks anyway.

 

And then you will be whisked to my own personal automobile (I can afford the best, as my 1995 Yugo Ukiddinmeright will impress you).  Since it only starts one time in 10, we'll take a modern bus up to my town of residence.  Be sure not to sit in a seat that a drunk peed in on his/her way home from there.

 

And then you will reach my home town:  the City of Central, the richest square of miles on Earth.  And my home, a former mining site that is haunted after the 1901 Scarlet O'Hara Fever panningdemic.  But not to worry; they are like Casper (the ghost, not the town), and merely add hysteria to each evening when the sun goes down.

 

And I'll already have a job lined up for you, darling:  they have open positions as dirt sifters at the EPA Superfund site in nearby Nevadaville.  It's a job that will still be short-handed in 2113, so your economic worries will be over.

 

And of course, we'll immediately sign you up for the new hellthscare -- it's the only law the democrats actually insist be followed by anyone other than them -- and you'll immediately have the pleasure of knowing your hellth is as well looked after as it is for the citizens in North Korea.

 

Life will, you are sure to find Anna, be an adventure and surprise each and every day.  But don't worry; for I will hold your hand and whatever other parts I can grope (I used to work for TSA, and some grabits die hard).

 

So in your next letter, tell me how to immediately send you the money, and let's get this done.  My local friend is a judge who's wife is a divorce attorney, so we can cover all of our bases in a simple ceremony an hour after you are in your new home, my Babushka.

 

With love and anticipation,

Jack 

 

It became obvious that Anna -- or Boris, or his/her handlers, whomever is running the scam over there -- doesn't read English too good.  The only thing she apparently DID read was the money.  And I had to laugh at her invite to "Jack" to come to Kirov:


 For me, $ 650 is a lot of money. My mom invited you to our home. Welcome to my home in Russia . I'll tell you how to get to my house .
You have to fly to Moscow, to Moscow to find the Kazan station, then train 14 hours. Then a taxi eight hours. You should only know the Russian language ,
because in Russia very few people know the English language . Are you ready to go in my city of Kirov ? My mother is waiting for you .
When can you come to me ?
Or it would be better if I fly to you . What do you think about the meeting ? I really want to meet you . I am ready to meet with you.


And she punctuated her invite with a series of photos of 'her', naked as a jaybird:

My character decided that, alluring as the photo was, the plane/train/taxi travel wasn't worth the effort:


It would be much the better if you came here, Anna.  I cannot speak Russian other than to say "so long", and we're just getting started.  So....tell me what you need to come here and I'll see to it.


Of course, the money will be no issue.  Why?  Because when it comes to scammers, money never IS an issue here.  Nawp...Jack prints up all he needs.  In fact, since the US Government saw fit to re-design the $100 bill again, my pet rock Seymour insisted that we do a re-design of the $100 I use with scammers.  Asked and answered...first, the one I have used frequently that never ceases to make the scammers do as the bill does:

Now for the newly re-designed bill:

Seymour is insufferably pleased with hisself.

I don't expect 'Anna' and her crew to be as much so.

The day after I sent 'Anna' seven of the "Seymour Hundreds", she/he or his/her handlers were a touch nonplused:


What is meaning here?  Are you have humor with me?


My answer was in keeping with the same level of honesty that she/he/them has given me right along:


"Not at all. I'm as serious about this as you are". 

It hasn't quite sunk in yet as the next response suggests:


I am not to understand what this all mean.  You send me joke this is?  How can you say you be as honest with me as me to you?  What do you tell to me here?  Please Jack I must know.


Well, 'Anna' -- or whatever your name really is -- what I tell to you here is that if you go back and carefully examine all the photos you have sent me -- as I was doing when you sent them -- you will see what you did wrong.  You can deny that you did something wrong...but you did.  Several times over.  See if you can figure it out, 'Anna' -- or whatever your name really is.  When you think you have it figured out, let me know what you found.  I'll let you know if you're right or not.  


Of course I'm referring to using different women to represent her in photos.  But I won't get to know if 'Anna' figured out that one flaw of many in her/his scam; 'Anna' seeks to have speaks with me no more apparently.

But it's not a total loss:  what a gallery of photos she sent me....

Whomever they're of...