Lookin' Fer Love In The Wrongest of Places

Meet Anna.  Anna Ivanova.  Russian.  Female.  Early 20s.  Looking for love outside of Mother Russia.

Uh huh.

Darlin' Anna found her way into my email box at the beginning of October.

Amusingly, she thought she was writing to the real me:  she used my actual first name.

That lasted one reply.

After that, she was driven to romance and con her new American man, Jack.

Jack N. Ewehoff.

There is absolutely NOTHING new here, folks.  It's the same template of scam that I have received probably over a hundred of from women (or those purporting to be women) from Mother Russia, who seek a better life in the West.

Not.

They only seek gullible Western men with money....and then, only the money.

Lots of otherwise smart, sophisticated Western men fall for this borscht (and I don't care if I didn't spell that right; I'm not Russian).  I've received emails from a few of them after having posted some of my scambaits of Russian scammers along with the pictures, and they've found the links AFTER they've been burned for hundreds to thousands of dollars by a somewhat lucrative scam run by criminals in the East.

Anna did nothing new here.  She sent me letters that were long, obviously translated, and full of alleged little snippets of her life and her dreams.  And of course, full of photos.  LOTS of photos.  As our "love" blossomed via email, the photos became more and more enticing and suggestive:

But Anna -- or whomever she/he really is -- does not have a good eye for detail.  If you look closely at the two pictures here, you'll see that this is NOT the same woman.  Anna has mixed photos of at least three different women into this scam.  Look closely at this photo, with attention to her left shoulder and belly button.  Now, compare this with the next photo she sent me in the same photo array:

Did you get the same *TOING* that I did? 

And she also sent me three videos.  All allegedly of her.  And the woman in the videos IS the same woman as in some of the photos...maybe.  While her letters are in passable English, her videos are all in Russian.  Not one word of English is spoken.  Never once is my character's name spoken.

As I said, scam.

Once again, examine closely this photo.  While male readers will probably miss the obvious, you female readers won't.

At any rate...after about two dozen email exchanges -- when we go from "will you be my pen pal" to "you are the love I have dreamed of" drivel -- Anna finally gets around to doing what Russian scammers are best knowd for:


My very darling, Jack,
I am most embarrass to now say to you that I am without the moneys to have able to travel to see you.  I am to ask can you help me to do this?  I have learn that I will need only $650 USD to be able come and be with you.  Between us now only 650 USD. If you sent me today on my bank account of $ 650, then two days later we would be together. When can you help me?
With love, Anna 


And it only took us about 25 emails to get here.  How I do love expedience. 

Now I figure that Anna -- or her/his handlers -- are somewhat literate.  She has responded to some of what I've replied with...like my character's name.  But not to much else (like Jack being a lowly widower who never thought he'd ever find love again...yada, yada, yada...).  So with this reply, I gave Jack some license to be more expansive...verbose...verbally flatulent.

Jack didn't fail to deliver:

My darling Anna,

 

$650 USD is a drop in the bucket to me.  But if $650 is all that you have need of to come to my waiting arms, I will make ready to send you that amount eagerly, my steppes blossom.   Tell me exactly how you need this money addressed to you so that I can be assured that you'll receive it.  I know that overland mail services are a bit tricky internationally.

 

Let me tell you of my life here, so that you'll know what to expect when you arrive.  You will fly into Denver International Airport (DIA).  After going through the customary groping at the gates by TSA agents who only have your best interests and parts in mind, you will meet me awaiting you.  Then we shall go to the lower level to determine if your luggage went to Iran, Cuba or Deadtroit, and wait to see how long it will take them to find it, if ever.

 

But this is no worry, because we have Walmart, Target, Kohls and Goodwill stores to provide you with everything Aeroflot (or United) manages to lose.  Members of various religious sects will be on hand to give you books and solicit donations, but we can choose the 'bypass line' to avoid them.  ACORN people will also be there to register you to vote 300 times for their approved list of leftist candidates that will have your parents thinking you never left home.  But I digress.

 

We will then take a cab ride that will impress you with the cultural diversity of the Denver Metro Area; our driver will likely be from Uranus, and only react to an address and "exact change only".  Never tell a cab driver in Denver "exact change only".  You'll wind up in Deadtroit.  Which is worse than Stalingrad was during the end of 1942.

 

Once we arrive in downtown Denver, you'll be impressed by the tall buildings, modern conveniences, heavy traffic, and of course by the very courteous and friendly people, who all love to signal their love of humanity and each other with car horns and hand gestures.  Some even use firearms.  That will explain why I gave you the ceremonial Kevlar dress and had you don it before we hailed the cab.

 

Once we get west of Denver and out into the 'burbs, you'll see the splendor of the Colorado Rockies.  The mountains, of course I mean; the baseball team is on hiatus and sucks anyway.

 

And then you will be whisked to my own personal automobile (I can afford the best, as my 1995 Yugo Ukiddinmeright will impress you).  Since it only starts one time in 10, we'll take a modern bus up to my town of residence.  Be sure not to sit in a seat that a drunk peed in on his/her way home from there.

 

And then you will reach my home town:  the City of Central, the richest square of miles on Earth.  And my home, a former mining site that is haunted after the 1901 Scarlet O'Hara Fever panningdemic.  But not to worry; they are like Casper (the ghost, not the town), and merely add hysteria to each evening when the sun goes down.

 

And I'll already have a job lined up for you, darling:  they have open positions as dirt sifters at the EPA Superfund site in nearby Nevadaville.  It's a job that will still be short-handed in 2113, so your economic worries will be over.

 

And of course, we'll immediately sign you up for the new hellthscare -- it's the only law the democrats actually insist be followed by anyone other than them -- and you'll immediately have the pleasure of knowing your hellth is as well looked after as it is for the citizens in North Korea.

 

Life will, you are sure to find Anna, be an adventure and surprise each and every day.  But don't worry; for I will hold your hand and whatever other parts I can grope (I used to work for TSA, and some grabits die hard).

 

So in your next letter, tell me how to immediately send you the money, and let's get this done.  My local friend is a judge who's wife is a divorce attorney, so we can cover all of our bases in a simple ceremony an hour after you are in your new home, my Babushka.

 

With love and anticipation,

Jack 

 

It became obvious that Anna -- or Boris, or his/her handlers, whomever is running the scam over there -- doesn't read English too good.  The only thing she apparently DID read was the money.  And I had to laugh at her invite to "Jack" to come to Kirov:


 For me, $ 650 is a lot of money. My mom invited you to our home. Welcome to my home in Russia . I'll tell you how to get to my house .
You have to fly to Moscow, to Moscow to find the Kazan station, then train 14 hours. Then a taxi eight hours. You should only know the Russian language ,
because in Russia very few people know the English language . Are you ready to go in my city of Kirov ? My mother is waiting for you .
When can you come to me ?
Or it would be better if I fly to you . What do you think about the meeting ? I really want to meet you . I am ready to meet with you.


And she punctuated her invite with a series of photos of 'her', naked as a jaybird:

My character decided that, alluring as the photo was, the plane/train/taxi travel wasn't worth the effort:


It would be much the better if you came here, Anna.  I cannot speak Russian other than to say "so long", and we're just getting started.  So....tell me what you need to come here and I'll see to it.


Of course, the money will be no issue.  Why?  Because when it comes to scammers, money never IS an issue here.  Nawp...Jack prints up all he needs.  In fact, since the US Government saw fit to re-design the $100 bill again, my pet rock Seymour insisted that we do a re-design of the $100 I use with scammers.  Asked and answered...first, the one I have used frequently that never ceases to make the scammers do as the bill does:

Now for the newly re-designed bill:

Seymour is insufferably pleased with hisself.

I don't expect 'Anna' and her crew to be as much so.

The day after I sent 'Anna' seven of the "Seymour Hundreds", she/he or his/her handlers were a touch nonplused:


What is meaning here?  Are you have humor with me?


My answer was in keeping with the same level of honesty that she/he/them has given me right along:


"Not at all. I'm as serious about this as you are". 

It hasn't quite sunk in yet as the next response suggests:


I am not to understand what this all mean.  You send me joke this is?  How can you say you be as honest with me as me to you?  What do you tell to me here?  Please Jack I must know.


Well, 'Anna' -- or whatever your name really is -- what I tell to you here is that if you go back and carefully examine all the photos you have sent me -- as I was doing when you sent them -- you will see what you did wrong.  You can deny that you did something wrong...but you did.  Several times over.  See if you can figure it out, 'Anna' -- or whatever your name really is.  When you think you have it figured out, let me know what you found.  I'll let you know if you're right or not.  


Of course I'm referring to using different women to represent her in photos.  But I won't get to know if 'Anna' figured out that one flaw of many in her/his scam; 'Anna' seeks to have speaks with me no more apparently.

But it's not a total loss:  what a gallery of photos she sent me....

Whomever they're of...