Russian Anna, Star Wars and An Epic Force FAIL

Oh whoops.  *BUZZZZER*

The Force had an epic FAIL with this one.

I think I've let y'all in on a not-so-little-secret:  Russian Anna Ivanova is back.  Again.  She really REALLY wants that $650 from Jack N. Ewehoff, Ben Dover...probably anyone she can get it from.

And she keeps thinking that with enough photos, she's going to get it.

She even resorted to sending me a picture of whatever Russian porn star's pictures she's using...she sent me a picture of her 'beav'.

Gee, Beav....it had a far different meaning when Wally said it in the 1950s.

This is how it's proceeded since she wunst again took up the borscht of trying to get that $650 USD:

my beloved exclusive man in my life.
We are familiar with you for a long time. We're conducting a very long romantic correspondence. I love you with all my heart and soul. You're my only happiness in my life. You are my joy. My sadness and grief that we are not together. I'm ready for our meeting at all. I am ready to sell his soul to the devil to meet you.

Please write me what to do even for our meeting???

I'm sending you a picture of his passport, because I trust you completely. I sent you my home videos. You also saw my naked photos. You have a photo of my passport.

What else do I do to be happy with you????

I'm all ready to meet with you. Soon to be the year of our acquaintance, do not you want to meet me????

I am ready to sell his kidney to buy an air ticket, but I can not live without kidneys. Write me the truth, why do you still not together???? What should I do to be close to you and loves you!! When I first received a letter from you, I was very happy and thanked her fate for you. But I do not understand why we're still not together. I have only one question,

  WHY WE DO NOT TOGETHER NOW???????

  I wanted and want to be with you only a serious relationship. I'm willing to wait a lifetime of our meeting. I will love only you. I will be praying before bedtime, and asks God to help us meet. Your fidelity Anna  

Anna my purveyor voluptuous doll photos, I am ready willing and able to meet you.  When you fly to Denver, I will meet you.  I promiscuous.  

 

 

Dear Jack
I read your letter, and did not see what you want to meet with me. Why do not you meet me?? I forgive you for assistance to meet you. Anna  

 

 

Oh, I most certainly want to meet with the you I've seen in pictures, Anna.  When the woman in those pictures step off that plane in Denver, I will be there with a bouquet of roses and condoms to meet you!  

 

 

as soon as you help me to buy a ticket, then immediately fly to you in Denver  

 

 

(so much for "forgive you for assistance to meet you")

 

 

And what kind of help do you need, Anna?  

 

 

help buy a ticket  

 

 

I've tried this before.  How this time do you suggest I help buy a ticket?  Instruct me.  

 

 

you have to go to any bank and make a bank transfer to my details.
Bank Address:
city ​​Kirov
Postal code 610021,
Vorovskogo street, 92
Bank name: vtb24
SWIFT: CBGURUMM
Beneficiary Customer: Ivanova Anna
4272 2900 7966 6715
650 dollars    I can get in 4 hours.

(Note:  I used this information with another scammer...my bad)

Four hours?  That's not bad, Anna.  Assuming, that is, that the bank employees of your bank are trustworthy and above doing rake offs.   I can get you $700 even faster if you like.   

 

 

Thank you for your help. I look forward to your help. Bank transfer is fast and reliable. When can you go to the bank and make the bank transfer?? For me it is very important our meeting. You are my destiny. Look, I'll trust you completely, because I sent you confidential information, your bank data. I love you very much and respect him, so I sent you personal details.  

 

 

Who is "him"?  If you meant me, awww shucks...taint nuffin. 

 

 

You wrote that you can send $ 700, it's very good.
But please, write me when you can make a bank transfer??
I'll collect the luggage on the road  

 

 

You have luggage all over the road there?  Wow.  All we have are dead skunks.  

 

 

please hurry Jack.  my body anticipate you! 

 

 

How I love the idea of that body in those photos anticipating me.  Anyway, I thank you for the confidential bank informations, Anna.  I have a fresh idea on how to do this bank transfer.  A friend of mine is very good at transfers.  Let me see what he can do.  

 

 

And who else could Jack possibly mean, than...*Force drum roll*....YODA!

 

 

 

 

Except I ran into a problem...I discovered that Yoda 'n Co. are mired in difficulties with Star Wars V.V:  The Force On Strike.   With that being the case, I had to settle for an alternate Yoda:

 

This one didn't seem to have the levitational qualities of the original.  Thus, when it came to transferring Anna's bank, well...


I am right terrible sorry, Anna...I tried to have my friend Yoda do the bank transfer from Kirov.  Sadly, he couldn't seem to get it any farther than Vakhrushi.  Farting during a Force umph is apparently not a good thing to happen.  Especially a paint peeler like he dun.  Ewwww.  So I must do this another way.  


Jack why do you play me?  my broke heart earns you!  


Duct tape, Anna.  Duct tape.  Meantime I'm working on an alternative.  


Dear Jack
Please make bank transfer as soon as possible. I'm waiting. Anna  


Either her font broke, or whoever is playing her in the Russian fly-infested internet café forgot how she responds.  Oh well.


Anna banana, I sorrowfully regret to inform you that the Yoda I contracted with to transfer your bank here was a complete and utter FAIL.  So your bank remains in Kirov.  Thus it follows that if this Yoda can't transfer your bank here, he'll have no more success transferring my bank there.  I'm open to any other suggestions.


For now, Anna banana doesn't seem to have any.  So it appears that we're "off" again.  Until we're "on" again.  I may wind up with a career with this one...