Politically Correct Gestapo Barbie? **UPDATE**

Author's Update:  December 2016 brings lots of news.

Not all of it good.

Like for example, Hollyweird -- running out of movie ideas -- wants to make a Barbie movie.

Yes, that Barbie.

But they want to use very unBarbie looking Amy Schumer.

*sound of phonograph needle going off record sideways along with a multi-voiced WTF???*

Welcome to imagination and intellect bankrupt Hollyweird on the eve of 2017.  At any rate, since this is a *thing*, the blog author thought he'd revisit a take on Barbie from the summer of 2015, long as we're being imagination bankrupt:


Really?

Yeah...in Obola's hoax and change warped world, I can see this. 

"Hello Barbie" reputed to be an actual NSA mole.

One that's got feminincompoops going crazy over her politically incorrect looks.  But not her intent.

And Barbie thought her problems were over when she dumped genital-less Ken.

Here's a snippet from the article that got this 'thing' started:


In what has got to be one of the creepier consumer moves of recent years, Mattel has launched a new Barbie doll that can record childrens’ voices and upload them to the internet. Come Autumn of 2015, the ‘Hello Barbie’ doll will facilitate two-way conversations between children and their dolls. While the ostensible purpose of this technology is to create a doll that has seemingly organic conversations with kids, it’s difficult to not see this as yet another strange Orwellian surveillance tool.

As of yet, there is no direct evidence that the dolls will actually be spying on the kids in real time, but we do know they will be archiving everything the children say in a database, likely to be sold to data mining companies.  

And in the hoax 'n change Obolaland, that could also mean that access to what kids are saying is made available to...the N...S...A.

Which of course would only be the first step in the twisted world of Obola's Marxian makeover of Amerika.  Obola's demented of justice would probably then require Mattel to give Barbie specific questions to ask their human pre-adolescent hosts.  Things like:

"Do your mommy and daddy listen to that hatemonger Rush Limbaugh?"

"Are your parents unfair to other kids by reading to you before you go to bed?"

"Are your parents racist by making you peanut butter 'n jelly sandwiches?"

"Are your parents homophobic by being heterosexual?"

"Is your sister a pro-life anti-woman bigot?"

"Is your brother a sexist pig by having pictures of Taylor Swift on his wall instead of Caitlyn Jenner?"

"Have any of your friends ever criticized the rioters in Baltimore?"

"Please tell us the name and address of anyone you hear making negative comments about hitlary...er..hillary".

And with that, "Hello Barbie" becomes "Indoctrination Barbie".

Of course, the Nazis were way ahead of Mattel with their own Barbie:

Klaus was a concept that Obola apparently likes.  Certainly political correctness dweebs on college campi these days are in love with it.

Even if she sounds stupider than a Marie Barf nuanced hashtag.

Now, to be fair -- *snerx* -- Mattel hasn't announced that this is the intended plan for "Hello Barbie".  Of course, they'd never admit to it if it were.  Just like Obola knows nothing about what he's done until he hears about it on the news...

At any rate, that's the latest news on the latest version of Barbie coming to stores near you this year.

Which will offend the feminincompoops because she's still too feminine and perfect looking.  From what we hear, Mattel is working on that:

A lot of the Left will have problems with assorted aspects of this fix, so Mattel will go on trying to fix it until absolutely NO ONE (on the left) is offended.

Which would mean that Non Offensive (to the left) Barbie would wind up looking like this:

Which would offend everyone on the Right, but in toxic Obolaland, that doesn't matter.  

Letters From Santa Upsetting The PCites?

My pet rock, Seymour, was offended.

It was still September, and he's getting this kind of spam in his inbox.

Not that Seymour hisself is offended by the idea h'yar:  like any good parental pet rock, Seymour has kids after his visit to Califorlornia and a tryst with Julia Sandstone (which Sandee of Comedy Plus knows all about).

Seymour is a tad annoyed that he's not sure where all of his kids are, and doesn't know how to send his geologic prodigy anything like this.

And can't because I won't pay for it.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFTTTT!!!"

Seymour sounds more and more like Bill the Cat.

But that isn't what has my pet rock really sore.  He's sore at the lefties that want Santa to be dispensed with, on accounta cuz the politically correct feel that Santa offends some segments of society that the Left sucks up to.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!"

For a change, that wasn't directed to me.

So my pet rock, Seymour, felt that this message from Santa was fitting to all those lefties out there that don't want to offend anyone other than folks that rather enjoy Santa Claus:

Tastelessness aside, Seymour wasn't done with expressing himself toward the sniveling Left:

Seymour thought a Christmas 'moon' was due the holiday PC crowd.

I kinda thought the previous image was perfectly workable for them.  But Seymour doesn't want there to be any doubt about what he thinks of the political correctness nonsense the Left has spewed like projectile vomit on college campuses and such:

Which my traditionalist pet rock thinks is abject political correctness nonsense.  This brings him to want to post stuff like this in defiance of the politically correct nincompoops:

Since he heard that images like this send some lefties to the bushes to "hurl".  The rest of us rather enjoy it.

Long as the lefty isn't hurling in OUR bushes.

So even though it isn't even yet Halloween, the politically incorrect pet rock demanded a post so that he could "PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!" at political correctness in general, and Santa-offended specifically.

"Yup!!!"

Seymour -- digressing as a pet rock is wont to do -- ("am NOT!!!") doesn't want to forget the immediately upcoming holiday, and wants to send a salute to the Left for their current candidate of choice, hellary.

Ah, my politically incorrect pet rock...ornery as always.

Send your comments to Seymour PetRock at trex_feathers@yahoo.com and the pet rock will be happy to respond.

"Yeah...with PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!"

What's In A Name

My pet rock, Seymour, was perusing Yahoo News blips when he came across a news snippet that made him fart dust.

Pet rock farts are a fearsome thing, indeed.

"Are NOT!!!"

The story concerned that the current mayor of Chicago -- an Obozo hack -- was going to have a school built for $60 million dollars, named after...you guessed it.

My pet rock couldn't even begin to fathom what such a school -- saddled with such a name -- could have to offer in the way of education.

Or at least, education of any practical value.

So naturally, Seymour decided it was edit-time wunst again:

CPS to name new “how to fail the progressive way” school for the Fauxtus
BY SEYMOUR PETROCK with hep from a redneck linguist borrowed from The Slick Willy Clinton First Black Potus Library Janitorial Staff April 24, 2014 1:18PM

Barack Barry Soetero Hussein Obama -- first fauxtus, flop, one-time boss of the criminal posing as the current mayor -- will have at least one prominent public building named after part of him in what's left of Chicago.

Hizzoner the Mayor made sure of that Thursday — well before the fauxtus decides where to put his library, though a prominent suggestion is to put it where his head is most of the time — as Hizzoner announced plans to build another 'progressive' high school on the North Side using $60 million in money siphoned off from the stimulus and eventually dumbing down and low informationing 1,200, giving much needed hope to progressives that their message of dependency, fraud and failure will not die.

The move will add to Hizzoner’s marxist legacy — a history that includes a seven-day teacher’s strike, a historic shutdown of 50 schools and competing with Washington, DC, for the lowest levels of academic achievement in modern history -- a move sure to bolster Hizzoner's goal of keeping pace with Deadtroit in the “wreck whatever we run” leftist tradition.

The mayor, who plans to use $60 million in hush money from the stimulus, defended the concept for creating a school named after the worst potus in history to continue the tradition of failure.

“The way to think about it is: if you disagree with me, you're a racist,” he said. “So you have to kind of look at it this way to NOT be branded a racist: a school that prepares youths for a future of dependency, food stamps, entitlement, victimization, racial politics and vote fraud is absolutely essential if we are to continue our goal of transforming this nation into a landfill of dependency and marxist udopian concepts, run into the ground of course by our elite leftists,” Hizzoner said. “it's either that, or all of our voter base will have to get off their asses, get a real job and start paying taxes. And that simply isn't going to happen.”

Though the fauxtus started his political career in Chicago as a feckless doper, CPS already has several selective options, none of which include any school that is actually wasting time teaching kids basics and skills critical to making one's own way in the world.

The White House – via pajama boy Jay Carney – said that Fox News was misrepresenting the project for political purposes, and then said something about Bush, alien abductions and how he narrowly edged out Rachal Madcow for the pajama boy picture for Obamacare.

“The fauxtus considers this a shovel-ready project…I’m not gonna put words in his mouth since I'm not a teleprompter. But, he knows about it and he’s directed others to work on press statements to claim he knows nothing about it in case it gets negative polling,” Carney drooled.

The new progressive school of failure and fraud to be named for the man who made that and more failure and fraud possible, is expected to open in the fall of 2017 with a freshman class of 300, fewer than 1% of which will probably graduate ten years later, as substandards are made more substandard to avoid offending anyone.

“We'll start with Community Organizing 101 and The Alinsky Chronicles in the first year, adding classes for How To Cheat The Most Out Of Welfare, Food Stamps, and Why Yelling Racist Ends Close Interrogation Of Fraud And Swindling Of Tax Payers,” Hizzoner said. “Later on we intend to include the war on women, abortion on demand, words we want banned, and 1001 Things To Switch The Subject To When Questioned About Your Fake ID” he added.

Roughly 70 percent of the seats will be filled through the highly competitive prison system, with the remaining seats being filled through a “leftist preference” program being designed by a stink tank of paid progressives answering to George Soros.

Hizzoner was under fire for building new schools and school additions so soon after closing a record 50 schools, until tax-evading dope peddler Al Sharpton stepped in to support him. That took the drug culture and tax evaders off Hizzoner's back, as well as got him a Nobel Peace Prize nomination from PMSNBC.

Hizzoner is apparently focused on providing an array of dependent, low information voters who know full well who “butters their bread', and will vote multiple times in each election accordingly.

CPS has never named a school after a person who’s still alive, said a district spokesperson who wants very much to stay that way, so that's why the decision was so easily arrived at. Especially after the spokesperson had a visit from some of Hizzoner's top 'troubleshooters'. And in Chicago, 'shooters' of any kind are respected and feared.

A press release announcing this has three different sets of talking points, depending on reaction. In the case of negative responses, the press release simply accuses critics of racism, sexism, homophobism, bigotry and any other 'trys' that need to be concocted for future use.  

I never said my pet rock was politically correct.

"Political correctness...PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

You heard it here from the only pet rock you'll ever need to hear it from.

It's (almost) Valentine's Day: Why?

*From the holiday archives*

February 14 is St. Valentine's Day. A day currently dedicated to that (those) special someone(s). But what exactly IS the origin of this particular holiday, besides being something that benefits flower, chocolate, diamond and gift card purveyors?

As you've come to expect*, I took a bit of a look at the historical genesis of this holiday. What I found was quite likely proof of why I am and will remain single, but I digress.

St. Valentine's Day came about as the result of the alleged martyrdom of one or possibly two legendary persons. Both were Romans from the 3rd Century AD. One is purported to have been a Roman priest and physician, who fell into the personal disfavor of Emperor Claudius II Gothicus, losing his head in the process, and was buried on the Via Flaminia, in Rome. According to one subsequent legend, Pope St. Julius I would later build a basilica over the gravesite, a practice borrowed centuries later by the Meadowlands Sports complex in New Jersey, and Jimmy Hoffa, Sr (apparently without his consent as well).

It is also rumored that the martyred Roman may have been a bishop of Terni, who had a similar surgically imprecise head relocation, by the same Roman emperor. Either way, it resulted in martyrdom, and the establishment on behalf of these extinguished personages the St. Valentine's Day celebration -- a lover's festival -- about ten centuries later.

You may ask how we got from a headless Roman Christian or two, to a day of celebration for lovers? Beats me, but it makes as much sense as turning over the government and treasury to the same people in Congress that ran the economy into the ground in the first place, and I digress again.

Anyway, about 300 or so years ago and after the establishment of St. Valentine's Day, an obscure Italian entrepreneur -- Vincent Guido Fugeddaboudit Hallmarko, or so I am unreliably informed -- created what is believed to be the mother of all greeting cards. Until about 1800, paper valentines (cheap knock-offs of Hallmarko's first designs) were the norm. After 1800, and in response to a rising demand by persons wishing to honor their lovers with the memory of headless martyrs, hand-painted copper plates were produced. From these would eventually spring wood cuts, lithographs, chocolate hearts, the Franklin Mint, and finally, mass-produced greeting cards.

That's part of the equation. Now let's get to the more curious part of the St. Valentine's Day myth and mirth: Cupid.

Most of you recognize Cupid: an impish infant with wings, who flits around with a bow and quivver of arrows, shooting them into various and sundry, leaving them 'smitten' with love, lust, passion, and occasional clothing repair bills. Despite this curious trait, Cupid managed to keep his head (probably because he came long before Roman emperors with decapitative inclinations) and was designated as the recognized Roman god of love. The son of Mercury (the messenger) and Venus (goddess of flytraps), Cupid became a ready symbol for all things denoting love. A counterpart to the Greek god Eros; an equivalent to Amor, of Latin poetry. A love archer of wide repute. Cupid made the rounds of the known world, and became uniformedly associated with Valentine's Day, even as he wore no uniform of note.

But and alas, progress began to catch up with poor ol' Eurocentric, caucasian male Cupid. In America -- once upon a time a target-rich environment for Cupid -- a creeping societal cancer called "political correctness" began to zero in on the poor little bullseye-for-victims-advocates.

Religious fundamentalists objected to Cupid's "immoral, immodest attire" and lack thereof, in public appearances. Feminists objected to Cupid's contributions toward "the enslavement of women to male domination". Behaviorists objected to the symbolism of Cupid shooting arrows at others, suggesting this was contributory to encouraging youthful violence in society. Gun control advocates objected to Cupid's unrestricted use of a "deadly weapon". Native American activists objected to Cupid's "demeaning depiction of a Native American mainstay" -- the bow and arrow -- as well as his being from the same homeland as Christopher Columbus. The media hounded him; the tabloids had a "print everything and anything negative" jihad declared on him.

With the political correct pressure so relentless, Cupid's arrows increasingly missed the mark. He took to weekend binges on vodka-soaked gummy bears, denied knowing what the definition of "is" and "sex" meant, and finally -- after being roundly condemned on Geraldo and starting a stage-clearing brawl -- Cupid found himself relegated to being 'second assistant key grip' on the set of one of the worst reality TV shows ever, The Osbournes.

All Cupid had ever represented was almost irretrievably wrecked by groups with nothing better to do than whine like NOW, Moron.org and The Huffington Post.

Despite all that, Cupid has managed to persevere as a representative symbol of love and St. Valentine's Day. It's just in certain places -- Washington DC, San Francisco, Denver, Massachusetts -- that Cupid feels obligated to wear dark glasses, a wig, denim overalls, and now uses an indelible paint-ball gun (pellets are alleged to be loaded with a biodegradeable, FDA-approved Love Potion #9 placebo).

So there you have it, whatever "it" means. Now, armed with this knowledge of what you're celebrating, go forth and do up the holiday right for the 'light of your life'. Later, as perhaps the lights are low and the mood is near upon, perhaps she'll ask you why St. Valentine's Day is celebrated thus. And you'll have the answer: you're commemorating an ancient, beheaded Roman and a naked, culturally-maligned midget Roman mythology character with a William Tell complex.

Though a feigned *shrug* and a "I don't know, honey", might be the wiser option.

* ie., dread

Shortest* Blog Post Evah ;-)

Merry Christmas, y'all!













* DISCLAIMER: this post asserts that no reindeer, elves, puppets, CGI animations, et al were harmed during the posting of this entry. This post further asserts that the amount of CO2 created and emitted by this post represents .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
000000000000000000001 % of that created by AlGore in 5 minutes of operation of his AGW fraud-funded home in Tennessee. The above-used salutation, while at one time widely accepted and recognized across significant parts of the globe, is recognized as having fallen into disfavor within certain politically correct environs hereabouts and elsewhere, and is recognized as deemed offensive by some differing religions and other secular/non-secular beliefs. The blog author wishes to convey to those who find offense at the use of the particular salutation aforementioned, a hearty "phffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft" and a "deal widdit". If you are one that, for example, "hurls at the sight of public nativity scenes" (as Michelle in Boulder, a former visitor to the website whined in '01), sickness bags are readily available at most pharmacies and drug stores. Get off your lazy, offended backside, and go get one. To the rest of you, Merry Christmas to you and yours, and a very Happy New Year. Dealer prep and options extra. Other specials and discounts are non sequitur with this offer, unless you have a coupon from Bonco, UnInc., which has been validated by my pet rock, Seymour. Void where prohibited by Seymour, if not validated by the one and only pet rock, Seymour.