What's In A Name

My pet rock, Seymour, was perusing Yahoo News blips when he came across a news snippet that made him fart dust.

Pet rock farts are a fearsome thing, indeed.

"Are NOT!!!"

The story concerned that the current mayor of Chicago -- an Obozo hack -- was going to have a school built for $60 million dollars, named after...you guessed it.

My pet rock couldn't even begin to fathom what such a school -- saddled with such a name -- could have to offer in the way of education.

Or at least, education of any practical value.

So naturally, Seymour decided it was edit-time wunst again:

CPS to name new “how to fail the progressive way” school for the Fauxtus
BY SEYMOUR PETROCK with hep from a redneck linguist borrowed from The Slick Willy Clinton First Black Potus Library Janitorial Staff April 24, 2014 1:18PM

Barack Barry Soetero Hussein Obama -- first fauxtus, flop, one-time boss of the criminal posing as the current mayor -- will have at least one prominent public building named after part of him in what's left of Chicago.

Hizzoner the Mayor made sure of that Thursday — well before the fauxtus decides where to put his library, though a prominent suggestion is to put it where his head is most of the time — as Hizzoner announced plans to build another 'progressive' high school on the North Side using $60 million in money siphoned off from the stimulus and eventually dumbing down and low informationing 1,200, giving much needed hope to progressives that their message of dependency, fraud and failure will not die.

The move will add to Hizzoner’s marxist legacy — a history that includes a seven-day teacher’s strike, a historic shutdown of 50 schools and competing with Washington, DC, for the lowest levels of academic achievement in modern history -- a move sure to bolster Hizzoner's goal of keeping pace with Deadtroit in the “wreck whatever we run” leftist tradition.

The mayor, who plans to use $60 million in hush money from the stimulus, defended the concept for creating a school named after the worst potus in history to continue the tradition of failure.

“The way to think about it is: if you disagree with me, you're a racist,” he said. “So you have to kind of look at it this way to NOT be branded a racist: a school that prepares youths for a future of dependency, food stamps, entitlement, victimization, racial politics and vote fraud is absolutely essential if we are to continue our goal of transforming this nation into a landfill of dependency and marxist udopian concepts, run into the ground of course by our elite leftists,” Hizzoner said. “it's either that, or all of our voter base will have to get off their asses, get a real job and start paying taxes. And that simply isn't going to happen.”

Though the fauxtus started his political career in Chicago as a feckless doper, CPS already has several selective options, none of which include any school that is actually wasting time teaching kids basics and skills critical to making one's own way in the world.

The White House – via pajama boy Jay Carney – said that Fox News was misrepresenting the project for political purposes, and then said something about Bush, alien abductions and how he narrowly edged out Rachal Madcow for the pajama boy picture for Obamacare.

“The fauxtus considers this a shovel-ready project…I’m not gonna put words in his mouth since I'm not a teleprompter. But, he knows about it and he’s directed others to work on press statements to claim he knows nothing about it in case it gets negative polling,” Carney drooled.

The new progressive school of failure and fraud to be named for the man who made that and more failure and fraud possible, is expected to open in the fall of 2017 with a freshman class of 300, fewer than 1% of which will probably graduate ten years later, as substandards are made more substandard to avoid offending anyone.

“We'll start with Community Organizing 101 and The Alinsky Chronicles in the first year, adding classes for How To Cheat The Most Out Of Welfare, Food Stamps, and Why Yelling Racist Ends Close Interrogation Of Fraud And Swindling Of Tax Payers,” Hizzoner said. “Later on we intend to include the war on women, abortion on demand, words we want banned, and 1001 Things To Switch The Subject To When Questioned About Your Fake ID” he added.

Roughly 70 percent of the seats will be filled through the highly competitive prison system, with the remaining seats being filled through a “leftist preference” program being designed by a stink tank of paid progressives answering to George Soros.

Hizzoner was under fire for building new schools and school additions so soon after closing a record 50 schools, until tax-evading dope peddler Al Sharpton stepped in to support him. That took the drug culture and tax evaders off Hizzoner's back, as well as got him a Nobel Peace Prize nomination from PMSNBC.

Hizzoner is apparently focused on providing an array of dependent, low information voters who know full well who “butters their bread', and will vote multiple times in each election accordingly.

CPS has never named a school after a person who’s still alive, said a district spokesperson who wants very much to stay that way, so that's why the decision was so easily arrived at. Especially after the spokesperson had a visit from some of Hizzoner's top 'troubleshooters'. And in Chicago, 'shooters' of any kind are respected and feared.

A press release announcing this has three different sets of talking points, depending on reaction. In the case of negative responses, the press release simply accuses critics of racism, sexism, homophobism, bigotry and any other 'trys' that need to be concocted for future use.  

I never said my pet rock was politically correct.

"Political correctness...PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

You heard it here from the only pet rock you'll ever need to hear it from.