I Think Seymour Did A 'Shroom

Anytime I give my pet rock, Seymour, a scammer email to edit, he goes into another mode entirely.

I think it's on accounta 'shrooms.

"Is NOT!!!  PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!"

If not, then some peculiar moss only pet rocks know the therapeutic value of.

At any rate, Seymour got the chance to edit a scam from the great clowntry of Dubai.  Here 'tis:


I am very happy to contact you for this business transaction. I am Barrister Mrs. Diana Hamade from Dubai, United Arab Emirates. I am the Personal attorney to my late client from your country who died of car accident with the family in 2014.He deposited $15,500,000(Fifteen Million, Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars Only) Only in a Bank here. He died without any registered next of kin.The bank contacted me and said that they will confiscate his account and money if i fail to present somebody as his next of kin,the bank wants to confiscate his money if i don't present a next of kin to claim the money.I contacted you because you have same last name and can perfectly fit in as his next of kin and he was from your country,Let us work together with trust to claim this money and share it 50% for you and 50% for me. Please send me your Cell phone number to communicate and Your Address, Full Name,sex,Age for details clarification of this transaction .

Please send me sms once you reply me with your details so that i can check my email immediately  +971522851237

Regards and remain blessed
Barrister Mrs. Diana Hamade (Attorney-at-Law)
Office 602, Damas Tower, Maktoum Street, Deira  


One thing's sure:  it isn't any safer driving in the Middle East than it is in Nigeria, if these emails are right about how many rich foreigners die there.  It might make someone want to vacation in the Dominicans, instead.

Or not.

At any rate, Seymour "the editing-gone-wild" pet rock, strikes again:


From: Mrs Diana Hamade <advocateuofall@gmail.com>
Sent: Friday, June 28, 2019 3:03 PM
To: Painful Rectal Itch Sufferers
Subject: Jack 'n Jill Are Under Investigation For Sending Perverse Morse Code To Uranus  

Run For Your Lives There's A Manatee Loose   

 I am very happy when I am not staked to an army ant hill slathered in whipped cream.  You just don't know.  That's how some business transactions roll here in Third World sh*t holes. I am Bannister Mrs. Diana Hamade from Dubai Dubai Doo, United A-rabs with Emirates in assordid relationships with camels, goats, etc.  I am the Personal atturkey to my late client from your country who died of car accident with the family in 2014.  Since he never fired me -- I think he was gonna until I f**ked with the brakes on his jalopy -- I reckon I still am the personal atturkey to my late client from your country.  He deposited lots of strange and perverse things in a Bank here. He died without registering his next of kin -- he didn't have a carry permit for any of them and here in Dubai Dubai Doo we insist upon such things -- so it can be said with some degree of accuracy that he doesn't got any registered next of kin.  Woof woof woof...that's Oddball's other dog imitation...uh hmmm.  The bank contacted me and said that they are fed up with some of the strange and perverse things my late client deposited in their vaults because it's making it impossible for them to keep and maintain hot secretaries.  So if I fail to present somebody as his next of kin, the bank wants to send all this assordid crap to that cortez broad from NY who makes up lousy photo ops and has the IQ of a pea pod.  I contacted you because I am in no position to decide on what's behind Door #2 or Curtain #3, and besides my hair's still in curlers and thanks to a new memo from the corporate hr nincompoops I now have no idea what bathroom to use because I was just declared a non-binary gender neutral octosexual orthopod.  

I never thought that Eric Cartman from South Park would prove to be prophetic.  Come together...right now...over me.  Shif snif bamboo-zle, shif snif bambooo-zle.  They sing this at the DNC I hear.  Badly.

Let us work together with a cross-eyed blind wombat with an acned butt to claim some kind of discrimination by a cake maker that refuses to make wookie fecal torts because he is fundamentally opposed to faked photo ops in front of fenced in parking lots in Arizona.  Compounding all this, Lucy's getting high...on door knobs.  I have never understood what the Beatles meant by that song...have you? 

Please send me your Cell phone unless it's older than mine.  Then we can trade photos of Ruth Bader Ginsburg in a thong.  Them's collectors items on Uranus, I hear.  And they make that cortez broad cry next to fenced parking lots.  I can almost see why.

Please send me sms once you reply me with your details so that i can check my email immediately  +971522851237

Regards and remain cornfused and poned
Bannister Mrs. Diana Hamade (Atturkey-out-lawed)
Office 602, Damas Tower, Maktoum Street, Deira

Dubai Dubai Doo...scoo dootin' doo-bee  

 

 

Seymour won hisself no new friends in Dubai Dubai Doo or at the DNC.  Not that he'd want any from the DNC.