That Left A Mark

Another scammer trots out a well worn scam template.

Another scammer gets edited.

Another chance to piss off Hellary's stupor volunteers.

And my pet rock, Seymour, had nothing to do with this one.

"PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

Guess he so wanted to edit this one.

Anyway, meet someone that, at least in the pre-intro of her email, was listed as a "princess" when contacting my scambaiting character:


The faithful believe.

I want you to read this letter very carefully and i must apologize for bringing this massage to your box without any formal introduction due to the urgency confidential of this issue. I am happy to know you.

How are you? Hope everything goes well. Princess Mrs Arslan Nafisat Kayihan Mahzun I am, I was browsing online about your country when I found your email and I decided to contact you.

I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears In my eyes and great sorrow in my heart, I want to tell you this because I don't have any other option than to tell you as I was touched to open up to you, I married to Mr.Melik Mahzun who was exporter of Gold from Burkina Faso mining to worldwide for nine years before he died in the year 2005.We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only five days. Since his death I decided not to remarry, When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of US$ 8.5M (Eight Million Five hundred Thousand Dollars) in bank and presently this money is still in bank He made this money available for exportation of Gold from Burkina Faso mining to worldwide.

Recently, I suffer from throat cancer terminally ill. My Doctor told me that i am condemned to certain death due to cancer problem. The one that disturbs me most is my stroke sickness .Having known my condition I decided to hand you over this money to take care of the less-privileged people, you will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

I want you to take 30 Percent of the total money for your personal use While 70% of the money will go to charity" people in the street and helping the orphanage. I grew up as an Orphan and I don't have anybody as my family member, just to endeavor that the house of God is maintained. Am doing this so that God will forgive my sins and accept my soul because these sicknesses have suffered me so much.

As soon a s I receive your reply I shall give you the contact of the bank in Burkina Faso and I will also instruct the Bank Manger to issue you an authority letter that will prove you the present beneficiary of the money in the bank that is if you assure me that you will act accordingly as I
Stated herein.

I await your quick and prompt reply

Thanks
Mrs Arslan Nafisat Kayihan Mahzun  


Oh, it is SO time for an edit h'yar:

On Wednesday, January 13, 2016 4:28 AM, Mrs Arslan Nafisat Kayihan Mahzun <princessnayal.namtabal@yahoo.com> gripped by a Rapunzel moment from Airplane, pulls the plug on North Korea's internet and laughs hysterically all the way to Dearborn MI for a toilet paper looting escapade, and then got around to wrote:
 

The faithful believe that the return of Bloom County heralds in a new age of snorting the banana, devil bunnies devil bunnies.  It's an Opus thing when Bill the Cat dons a bed pan under a storm trooper helmet and Trump toupee, and farts The Gong Show theme music in accapella.

I want you to read this letter very carefully and i must apologize for bringing this massage to your box without any formal massage training due to the urgency confidential of this issue. I am happy to say you don't know me and probably wouldn't care to after you see what I do to milkshakes and sneezes at my job in a McDonalds in Chicago.

How are you? Why am I asking?  I don't know because truly I don't care.  But I hope you're up on your Metamucil shots and you're regular, I guess. I have the honor this week to be Princess Mrs Arslan Nafisat Kayihan Mahzun, am of the queendumb of Hellarythighs Land, a country so screwed up that msnbc thinks we should be president because we have fat thighs as the special at KFC this month.  Be that as it may in Chappaquitthat, I was browsing online about your country when I found your email and I decided to use the following picture as a basis for contact you.

I am writing this mail to you with heavy tears In my eyes because the toilet seat dropped on my winkee -- my body doesn't always adapt well to the roles I'm supposed to play -- and now my neck is as long as ET's.  That's gonna leave a mark.  I want to tell you this because I don't have any other turtleneck sweaters for a neck that looks like a goose funnel.  Do you? 

 

I married to Mr.Melik Mahzun who was an Olympic champion once and started eating Wheaties and now he is Caitlyn Jenner with a winkee too.  'Cept he didn't catch his in a toilet seat.  Bastard.  He was a researcher in anal sex with goats in an effort to repopulate dodos in CNN's foreign bureau because there's not yet enough stupid there, before he died in the year 2015 of colon dry heaves.  We were once discussing marriage for eleven years until we saw a picture of Hellary in a thong and he died after a brief and very violent illness that lasted seconds after his mind scrub failed to purge that image from his mind's eye. Since his death I decided not to eat twatwaffles or work for anyone that emails pictures of genital humidors to Bill Clinton at 3am.  

When my late husband was alive he gave speeches about the benefits of painful rectal itch to Scams Without Borders, hindquartered at the Democrap National Committee (Debbil Washingmachine Schmuck, chairpoison) and presently he still has several speeches that were scheduled and not as yet delivered.  One you heard from the fauxtus on this past Tuesday delivered before Congress with all the audible raspberries edited out.  Only way you could hear the words.

Recently, I suffer from that toilet seat/winkee injury. My Doctor told me that i am condemned to looking like a cross between Debbil Washingmachine Schmuck and Jar Jar Binks due to it and the cancellation of my hellthscare by Obolascare. The one that really disturbs me most is that image of Hellary in a thong.  Having known my condition I decided to hand you over to the IRS for failure to not laugh at the image of my goose neck after the toilet seat/winkee thing, you douchenozzle.

 

I want you to take 30 Percent of the fauxtus sotu speech, edit it in Liechtensteinian, and send it to 70% of the monkeys at the Chicago Zoo.  This will in some totally non sequitur way not be helping people in the street and organage. I am doing this so that God will forgive my sins and forget about that night at the strip club in DC with goats, Josh Earnest and an armadildo.

As soon a s I receive your reply I shall foul myself repeatedly in shock.

I await your quick and prompt reply with a marginal Depends in place.

 

Thanks
Princess Arslan Nafisat Kayihan Mahzun

arslanmelikmah@gmail.com

Stupor Volunteer of Hellary for Prison 2016

"Only term she's fit to serve" -- Bill Clinton   

 

 

I don't imagine that I'm terribly popular in hellaryland just now...or with a scammer in Burkina Fatso.

The Email Had Obolacare Apparently

Hellary busy crossing up herself.

Meantime, I had a scammer that crossed up hisself as well.

He's probably advising Hellary on how to lie about classified emails.

Here's the opening salvo from a scammer amusingly named "Bright Paul":


Hello sir
    I hope this mail gets to you in good health? To properly introduce my self I'm Bright paul a citizen of NIGERIA, I'm 24 years old. A student of Ambros Ali University (AAU). Studying engineering. I have being in school for two years now which makes me in 200 level(grand
two). I had know ideal life could be this difficult not until I lost my uncle who was mainly responsible for my education, takes good care of me right from my secondary school(high school) to my first year in the university. He died last year from a brief illness, ever since
then I have being hustling to survive.     To be honest with you I need help, for I can't continue with my education. I have tried several means to make money but the money I get from my hustling can't even pay quarter of my school fees or take less to feed. Nobody wants to help me for I'm frustrated and confuses so I decided to search for a helper in the internet.     I know it is hard believing my story or trust someone from the internet now this days but only God knows I need a helper. I'm ready to do anything you ask of me just to get back to school and be able to
pay my fees.

  PLEASE BE MY HELPER.  


Typical bunkum 'n bosh, but...note the added emphasis I added on his first sentence:  I hope this mail gets to you in good health?  

Perhaps he emailed me from a knowd diseased server, like Hellary's?

No matter.  Instead of an edit, I let my character's response tee off on his opening sentence:

Sir, I have the unpleasant duty to inform you that your email arrived here in critical condition, suffering a condition knowd in some dubious medical circles as hellarytextualdysfunctionolorsis.  Despite some of the most valiant efforts that were never attempted at revivial -- our first responder was wearing an empire stormtrooper helmet topped with a Donald Trump wig and a diaper to control his hairballs -- your email passed away enroute to the shredder.

 

 

May I offer my condolences?  I'd offer coffee and a donut, but (a) this is email and (b) I've already consumed them at the wake we held for your email.  A good time was had by all, as we all remembered and celebrated the life and accomplishments of your tragic email.  Alas, email, I knew you not at all.  And wouldn't have allowed you to marry my daughter's pet rock had I had the dubious pleasure.

A glitch in our otherwise efficient wills-edited-for-fun-and-syntax-error service failed to note you as the primary beneficerary in prostate court hereabouts.  Too bad so sad.

But you do get the bill for the final expenses:

Shredder:  $19.95 (it was one special this week with the purchase of a Salad Shooter)

 

Flowers:  $9.95 (the local grocery store's floral department was very unamused at our request; otherwise we'd have got them for half price)

 

Funeral orator:  $.01 (we found a bystander and offered them a penny for their thoughts; drunk and passed out on the bench, he didn't dicker with the offered price)

 

Musical accompanyist:  free (I knew that wind up monkey with the cymbals would come in handy one day if I kept it long enough)

 

Remains urn:  free (an empty Skoal can seemed fitting for this role...and after the shredder, the email was a perfect fit therein)

 

Final resting place:  undisclosed (we gave it to a trucker who was headed for an Arkansas bovine innards rendering facility and asked him to "pick any place that seemed to have equal ying yang and is also trying to be the Federal Witless Protection location favored by Hellary's email server contents)

 

Labor:  again, free (we have no friends currently going through that, though I once passed a kidney stone that was close enough to the experience)

 

This response:  $500 for fees and expenses related to the Prostate court filing, which can be sent via Eastern Onion to a ewe convent in upper NY state where a three peckered goat is undergoing the moral dilemma of our times.

Your total bill:  one symbol and five total figures taking into account decimal placement, decibel reduction restrictions, dealer prep and options and the results of commie core math by a millennial using an abacus with a lot of head scratching about where to put the waffles atop the purple hatted alien that just qualified in Califorlornia for food stamps, ate them and had to have a mathematician work out its constipation with a pencil.

Please, I pray you in future endeavors to only send to me healthy email.   

I'll let you know if this syntax genius knows how to read (no response forthcoming) or is as stupid as his opening sentence (he considers ANY response as positive).

UPDATE:  ..he apparently knows how to read...