Just COVIDding Around

 Oh c'mawn...go along for just 15 days to flatten the curve they said.

In early 2020.

And the more restrictive they were, the worse it was.

The cat nailed it.

But of course, what would any 'crisis' be, without scammers globbing on to it and mining it for quick cash?

Here's one that tried:

leasant Greetings Dear Fund Beneficiary.

Please permit us to bring to your notice that the World Health Organization (WHO) in collaboration with the UNITED NATIONS (UN) is currently giving away (£1,000,000.00 GBP) as Covid19 relief fund to help individuals, communities and organizations around the world to fight the pandemic and the lockdown. Quickly contact our official email (worldhealthorganizationfund19@gmail.com) for more details on how you can participate and become our representative and beneficiary of the Covid19 relief fund.

Regards.

World Health Organization (WHO)

United Nations (UN)  

I took kind of a break from these clowns while other things weighed in, like one of my pet rocks demanding that I get an Alexa, and the other daring me to.

Both lost because I did get it...I'll let y'all figure out how.

At any rate, the scammer wasn't worth actually engaging in repertoire, so I just penned a quick edit of his email and sent it back to him and his scam internet cafe chums:

From: WORLD.HEALTH.ORGANIZATION <rogermillion7@gmail.com>
Sent: Tuesday, February 2, 2021 7:02 AM
Subject: CLAMS SNEEZE PEARLS WHEN INFECTED WITH COVID19 PANDUMIC

--

Pheasant Greetings In A Flurry of Shotgun Wads and Feathers,

Please permit us to bring to your notice that the World Health Organization (WHO) in collaboration with the UNITED NATIONS (UN) and a weapons grade lab in China (WHOA-han) is currently giving away 1,000,000 infected bats that accidentally received doses of painful rectal itch instead of Covid19.  Sufferers of the former are seen dragging their bare asses across carpets, sidewalks, grassy areas and any other place where they imagine they can achieve some measure of relief.  

We have not noticed a likewise reaction from pandumbic sufferers.

We totally fail to see the gain to our communist regime (ours, not the Bidumb one that's just now fumbling their way forward in the US) from distributing bats infected with painful rectal itch.  Frankly, the last thing we want to see is maligNANCY Pelosi dragging her saggy bare ass across the steps of the Congress.  Well, some of us might not want to see that.  

At any rate, if you think you can come up with an innovative use for some of these miss-infected bats, quickly contact our official email (worldhealthorganizationfund19@gmail.com) for more details on how you can participate and become our hero and one of our first "useful idiots" to hep us in these times of bilk and honkey.  Sumpin' like that.  It appears our smellpecker has been infected by the PRI and is trying to drag its mouse across sandpaper.  Not good.

Disregards and hallucinations, 

World Health Organization (WHO)

United Nations (UN)

Unnamed weapon grades lab in China (WHOA-han)   

So far, this version of the WHO and UN aren't of a mind to play.  Unless a bat shows up in my FedEx box...

A Royal Viral Scam

Not that I wondered it aloud, but I had pondered how long it might be before some entremanurial scammer out there would try to drag the Royal Famdamily in the UK into the COVID nonsense.

It took until mid-May, but one finally did, in the guise of none other than Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

Actually, the former Duke and Duchess...since they renounced their titles and moved to Kaliforlornia, where she was once an actress and he is...well...not sure what he is.

But the certainty is there in the scam email, sort of:

This is Prince Harry Duke of Sussex, KCVO ADC,
A member of the British royal family.


This is to officially inform you about my personal efforts on fighting against the virus (Corona Virus) after the several

request I made, the UN in collaboration with the EU has finally acknowledged my request and approved the sum of £5 Billion

great British pounds to be used to fight the widely spreads virus. (Corona Virus) out of the £5 Billion pounds sterling, the sum

of £1B great British pounds sterling was allocated to me, to help in making sure that it gets to some parts of the

affected country of the world.

In other statements, I was assigned to handle The £1 Billion which is to be used to fight against the Corona Virus.. however a

random selection was made across USA through the help of the local authorities which’ resulted that 5 people’s was
selected in each of the 52 states in America and other countries (52 states?  Geography FAIL).

You are selected among those people, that is why you are receiving this message from me with the intention to know if you

may be willing and interested to handle these trust funds in good faith. the sum of $30 Million dollars will be donated

to each of the 52 states in USA and other countries and you stand the chance to handle the $30 Millions allocated to your

state/your city, to be used to fight against the uncontrollable virus.

I know the money is too small but no amount is small. I want to know if you can volunteer yourself to help in receiving

the $30 Million and make sure it was properly used to secure some of the test kits for the virus ? together we can make

the World a better place. you must not fail me and the millions of the poor people in our today WORLD. I will appreciate

your utmost confidentiality and trust in this matter to accomplish my heart desire.

Any delay in your reply may give me room to look for another good person for this same purpose, Please assure me that you

will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Warmest Regards
Prince Harry.   


Even my pet rocks, Seymour and Element, were LTAO at the '52 states' part.  

Now, I should have some sympathy for my distant cousin; his grandma is my 28th cousin twice removed.  That I believe makes Harry my 30th cousin twice removed.  I would probably have been removed more had I dropped in over there to visit.  But I digress.

At any rate, it was time for a little editing of the scam email, and this was one that I chose to take on myself:

From: Former Prince Harry, Former Duke of Sucksex. <murphymike188@yahoo.com>

Sent: Sunday, May 17, 2020 4:52 PM
Subject: Greetings From A Former Duke & Duchess of Sucksex 

This is Former Prince Harry, Former Duke of Sucksex, KCVO, ADC, OMG, WTF and LMAO
A once member of the British royal famdamily until a chance oopsy-daisy ended that.

This is to officially inform you about my ridiculed and substandard efforts on fighting against the virus (CNN-DNC Virus) that has shut down everything and pretty much everyone within listening range of the worst network on the planet, cnn, and their odious colleagues in the dnc.

After the several requests I made, the UN in collaboration with the EU has finally acknowledged my request.

They told me and my former Duchess Marla Maples to bugger off and leave the large-scale scamming to them, but they did suggest that if I were to raise a bunch of money from ignorant, low-educated democraps in the former Colonies, perhaps they'd see about reinstating my access to the royal squash courts in the UK.

If I ever expect to get laid again, I reckon I best take them up on that, and this is why I've contacted you.

Don't laugh, peasant; I may be a former Duke, but you never were.  So neener.

You've never been to Buckingham Palace.  You've never stood behind Prince Phillip and been farted on at an official event therein.  You've never married an unheard-of Hollywood movie starlet and had her put your gonads in a lockbox.

Come to think of it, perhaps you're better off than I am.

In other statements, I was assigned to mishandle the £1 Billion which is to be used to help keep Joe Bidumb from public view until a day or so before the election in the Colonies in November.  The guy is dumber than anything parodied by Mr. Bean or Monty Python.

Then it came to pass that morons at the DNC decided that a random selection was made across USA through the help of  the local authorities which’ resulted that 5 people’s was selected in each of the 52 states in America and other countries.  Barry Obola said there were 57 states, but I only found 52.  One of us is wrong.

You are selected among those people that will side with me on there only being 52 states, unless my beeyotch decides that Obola was right, whereupon there are 58 and that will be that.  This is why you are receiving this message from me with the intention to know if you may be willing and interested to help me raise the money needed so that the UN and EU will let me do something other than take orders through a 'Son of Cheeseburger' window at a fast food restaurant in Compton.

C'mon .. you know you want to.  You know you want to be the first peasant in your enclave that can proudly say, "I'm getting scammed by the former Duke of Sucksex"!  Be the first on your block, and other lesser intellectual peasants around you will be clamoring to participate too.  

I know that cnn and the dnc have cultivated a flock of abject morons to follow them into the bowels of an ogre.  Even one as vile as Shrek's.

I know that you, as a peasant, have little money.  But no amount you give me is too small to make this scheme look viable to my lockbox queen, and that might just keep me from having to give up my firearms collection.

Oh f**k...I already did.

Anyway, save me before I lose my former royal Mr. Happy to an already out-of-control wench with a former Duchess title.

Do this for me and together we can make the world see how gullible and stupid you former Colonials are.  cnn and the dnc have assured me that you are that dumb.  So you must not fail me before I have to report for my next shift at the fast food  place.  Serving peasants, serfs and wenches?  Me?  I'd rather be ruled by King Bugs I.

Actually, I think I married her.

Any delay in your reply may give me room to look for another blithering idiot for this same purpose, Please assure me that you are stupid enough to act accordingly as I stated herein.

Regards
Former Prince Harry

Former Duke of Sucksex

Former man-card carrier

One might think that the 'Prince' would have something to say to an uppity Colonial over daring to mess with his email scam.  But once he realized he was dealing with dubious 'antecedence'...nawp.

COVID or COVIDN'T

Yup.  Scammers have latched onto the COVID-19 scare like dems and cnn have in the USA.

And like the dems and cnn, the scammers want to milk it for anything they can.

Here's how:

Why are suffering your self spending unnecessary money. Whereby I am here to complete your delivery without any charge. I believe you are spending more money for nothing, looking for a way to recover your fund, Listen, you have an easy way of receiving your fund via an immediate EXPRESS cash delivery or by ATM Card delivery. Get back to me for more details, so that we can allow you have access to your one million dollars compensation payment via an ATM Credit Card or by bank to bank wire transfer.

Remember, The FBI Director Christopher Asher Wray / Homeland Security including the United Nations have agreed and signed for your immediate compensation of One million dollars via your Bank account or via ATM CREDIT Card, With the help of Euro Clear Barclays Bond  release order. So rejoice your compensation is more than 100% Guaranteed.

Make sure you reconfirm your current delivery address and full receiving details including your phone number. 

Please forward all information to Dr Benjamin for your immediate release of your One million dollars compensation and please Stay Safe From COVID-19...

Kindly contact: Benjamin Rivera 

Phone:  +1424-260-6667

Email: unitednationsfundsdelivery@yahoo.com

Sincerely

Mr Collins S.  

Yes, that's what the "United Nation" wrote to my character.  A doctor's prescription scrawl is almost easier to read.

That was until I had my 'editing gone wild' pet rock Seymour, take a turn at a little creative editing of it:

From: Director Benjamin <collinssmith637@gmail.com>

Sent: Sunday, April 26, 2020 8:02 AM
Subject: EUNUCHED NATIONS COVID-19 and a third FINALE IN E-FLAT NOTICE

Hello And Welcome To Another Edition of Who Wants To Be Screwed Blued and Tattoo'd

Why are suffering your self spending unnecessary money.  Why do I sound like Joe Bidumb?  Or Yoda on meth?  Whereby I am here to complete you without any charge. I believe you are spending more money for nothing, buying solar-powered dildos with no solenoids and bicarbonates of buttcoins, when all you really need is a medical enerma and some surgical procedures guaranteed to make you look like nothing you ever looked like before or since.  

Listen, you have an easy way of receiving surgicality via an immediate EXPRESS virtual online procedure called clusterf**kintality online via WIFI and it can be yours for very little cash delivery. Get back to me for more details, retails or cattails so that we can allow you have access to cornudopia of cures that fix almost nothing but make you a hit with the LBQTRSWMZ crowd.

Remember, The FBI Director Christopher Asher Wray has recently been for sale as an inflatable sex toy with a matching squeaking, leaking and cackling Hellary Clinton model sure to make anyone's gag reflex projectile purge at ranges up to 30 feet.

Our Eunuched Nations have agreed and signed off on your receiving one, both or many potentially miasmic other life-sized inflatables, from maligNANCY to Lieawatha to Willie Brown's hosebeast!  

And in the event the current viral fraud sneaks up and attempts to waylay your Tallywhacker, we has a surgical staph and strep of fifth-rate medicinals make you one for a future episode of The Outer Limits of the DNC.  So rejoice your exposure to the absurd is more than 100% Guaranteed.

Make sure you reconfirm your current delivery address and full receiving details including your phone number.  Better still, pick a neighbor you don't like and send it to them.

Please forward all information to Dr Benjamin for your immediate receipt of something worse than any virus know'd to cnn and ten times as bad as COVID-19...

Kindly contact: Benjamin Rivera 

Phone:  +1424-260-6667

Email: unitednationsfundsdelivery@yahoo.com

Sincerely

Mr Collins S.

Seymour eagerly anticipated a response to his carefully-crafted edit.  Alas, none was forthcoming.  Even after including a duet of Dr. Loveless and Antoinette (aka, Phoebe Dorin).

I warned Seymour against including the scary picture of Whoopi Goldberg...