A Royal Viral Scam

Not that I wondered it aloud, but I had pondered how long it might be before some entremanurial scammer out there would try to drag the Royal Famdamily in the UK into the COVID nonsense.

It took until mid-May, but one finally did, in the guise of none other than Harry and Meghan, Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

Actually, the former Duke and Duchess...since they renounced their titles and moved to Kaliforlornia, where she was once an actress and he is...well...not sure what he is.

But the certainty is there in the scam email, sort of:

This is Prince Harry Duke of Sussex, KCVO ADC,
A member of the British royal family.


This is to officially inform you about my personal efforts on fighting against the virus (Corona Virus) after the several

request I made, the UN in collaboration with the EU has finally acknowledged my request and approved the sum of £5 Billion

great British pounds to be used to fight the widely spreads virus. (Corona Virus) out of the £5 Billion pounds sterling, the sum

of £1B great British pounds sterling was allocated to me, to help in making sure that it gets to some parts of the

affected country of the world.

In other statements, I was assigned to handle The £1 Billion which is to be used to fight against the Corona Virus.. however a

random selection was made across USA through the help of the local authorities which’ resulted that 5 people’s was
selected in each of the 52 states in America and other countries (52 states?  Geography FAIL).

You are selected among those people, that is why you are receiving this message from me with the intention to know if you

may be willing and interested to handle these trust funds in good faith. the sum of $30 Million dollars will be donated

to each of the 52 states in USA and other countries and you stand the chance to handle the $30 Millions allocated to your

state/your city, to be used to fight against the uncontrollable virus.

I know the money is too small but no amount is small. I want to know if you can volunteer yourself to help in receiving

the $30 Million and make sure it was properly used to secure some of the test kits for the virus ? together we can make

the World a better place. you must not fail me and the millions of the poor people in our today WORLD. I will appreciate

your utmost confidentiality and trust in this matter to accomplish my heart desire.

Any delay in your reply may give me room to look for another good person for this same purpose, Please assure me that you

will act accordingly as I stated herein.

Warmest Regards
Prince Harry.   


Even my pet rocks, Seymour and Element, were LTAO at the '52 states' part.  

Now, I should have some sympathy for my distant cousin; his grandma is my 28th cousin twice removed.  That I believe makes Harry my 30th cousin twice removed.  I would probably have been removed more had I dropped in over there to visit.  But I digress.

At any rate, it was time for a little editing of the scam email, and this was one that I chose to take on myself:

From: Former Prince Harry, Former Duke of Sucksex. <murphymike188@yahoo.com>

Sent: Sunday, May 17, 2020 4:52 PM
Subject: Greetings From A Former Duke & Duchess of Sucksex 

This is Former Prince Harry, Former Duke of Sucksex, KCVO, ADC, OMG, WTF and LMAO
A once member of the British royal famdamily until a chance oopsy-daisy ended that.

This is to officially inform you about my ridiculed and substandard efforts on fighting against the virus (CNN-DNC Virus) that has shut down everything and pretty much everyone within listening range of the worst network on the planet, cnn, and their odious colleagues in the dnc.

After the several requests I made, the UN in collaboration with the EU has finally acknowledged my request.

They told me and my former Duchess Marla Maples to bugger off and leave the large-scale scamming to them, but they did suggest that if I were to raise a bunch of money from ignorant, low-educated democraps in the former Colonies, perhaps they'd see about reinstating my access to the royal squash courts in the UK.

If I ever expect to get laid again, I reckon I best take them up on that, and this is why I've contacted you.

Don't laugh, peasant; I may be a former Duke, but you never were.  So neener.

You've never been to Buckingham Palace.  You've never stood behind Prince Phillip and been farted on at an official event therein.  You've never married an unheard-of Hollywood movie starlet and had her put your gonads in a lockbox.

Come to think of it, perhaps you're better off than I am.

In other statements, I was assigned to mishandle the £1 Billion which is to be used to help keep Joe Bidumb from public view until a day or so before the election in the Colonies in November.  The guy is dumber than anything parodied by Mr. Bean or Monty Python.

Then it came to pass that morons at the DNC decided that a random selection was made across USA through the help of  the local authorities which’ resulted that 5 people’s was selected in each of the 52 states in America and other countries.  Barry Obola said there were 57 states, but I only found 52.  One of us is wrong.

You are selected among those people that will side with me on there only being 52 states, unless my beeyotch decides that Obola was right, whereupon there are 58 and that will be that.  This is why you are receiving this message from me with the intention to know if you may be willing and interested to help me raise the money needed so that the UN and EU will let me do something other than take orders through a 'Son of Cheeseburger' window at a fast food restaurant in Compton.

C'mon .. you know you want to.  You know you want to be the first peasant in your enclave that can proudly say, "I'm getting scammed by the former Duke of Sucksex"!  Be the first on your block, and other lesser intellectual peasants around you will be clamoring to participate too.  

I know that cnn and the dnc have cultivated a flock of abject morons to follow them into the bowels of an ogre.  Even one as vile as Shrek's.

I know that you, as a peasant, have little money.  But no amount you give me is too small to make this scheme look viable to my lockbox queen, and that might just keep me from having to give up my firearms collection.

Oh f**k...I already did.

Anyway, save me before I lose my former royal Mr. Happy to an already out-of-control wench with a former Duchess title.

Do this for me and together we can make the world see how gullible and stupid you former Colonials are.  cnn and the dnc have assured me that you are that dumb.  So you must not fail me before I have to report for my next shift at the fast food  place.  Serving peasants, serfs and wenches?  Me?  I'd rather be ruled by King Bugs I.

Actually, I think I married her.

Any delay in your reply may give me room to look for another blithering idiot for this same purpose, Please assure me that you are stupid enough to act accordingly as I stated herein.

Regards
Former Prince Harry

Former Duke of Sucksex

Former man-card carrier

One might think that the 'Prince' would have something to say to an uppity Colonial over daring to mess with his email scam.  But once he realized he was dealing with dubious 'antecedence'...nawp.