Tuesday, December 8, 2015

Western Union..Dense Di Dense Di Dense

This train was off the rails when it left the station.

Some scammers that use the old and molding Western Union ploy will play along with ANYTHING, long as they *think* they're gonna get something out of you.

Like this one.

Here's the whole series of emails, with the scammer's in bold and my character's replies in italics:

Attention. my dear,
Simply get back to me Diplomat Fred Miller with your full delivery address And your nearest airport to land, so that I can deliver the Package worth $23.7 Million;
Name:James Williams
Phone number: +1-8583338309
Note that you have to pay $125 only being  for customs clearance certification, the diplomatic clearance and the international legal transfer certification before your package will be delivered to you.
Mr. james Williams  
What if I don't pay $125?  

My dear that fee is to enable you obtain your certificate so that i can deliver your package to you but if not the air port authority will not allow me to do that ok.  

Okay.  Thanks for explaining it.  

S o when can you be able to come up with the fee to enable me complete my delivery?  

A day or two.  You caught me at the time of month my rent eats up the first of month check.  

Dear here is the payment information which you will use to send the fee tomorrow through western union money transfer i will be expecting your payment information tomorrow ok.

1. Receiver name: ====Chris Nwa

2. Country: =====Benin republic.

3. City: ===========cotonou.

4. Test question: ======= when

5. Test answer: ========== now

6. Amount: ==============$125, usd

7. mtcn.......................... ........

8. Sender Name.........................  

It won't be today.  I might manage it on Friday, possibly Saturday.  

All right try your possible best to do that on that day to enable me complete my delivery and get back to the country.  

My dear you promise to make the payment today or tomorrow now are you making the payment today?  

send it through the information i gave to you  and get back to me with the payment information. 

I won't be able to pay you until next Wednesday.  Will that work?  

My dear if you can not be able to come up with the money simply made it clear so that i take my leave ok.  

If you're not willing to wait until next Wednesday then by all means, leave.  Your loss.  

My dear i don't mean being angry with you so if you say next week Wednesday i will be patient with ok.  

I don't appreciate you getting uppity with me.  Use your patience or shove it.  I'll act on Wednesday.  

My dear like i said before i don't mean upsetting you i will be here till Wednesday which everything will be done ok.  

Fine.  Contact you Wednesday.  

OK hope you are with my payment information?  

My dear Jack Ewehoff good day to you am here to remind you that the only thing holding me here right now is the payment information so that i will be on my way coming   

what is going on dear.  

My dear i waited for your payment information but got nothing what is going on?  

Dear what is going on i have not heard from you since hope everything is alright?  

Okay...the money is sent. I will be looking forward to delivery.  

OK can i have the payment information immediately to enable me complete my delivery  

Sorry...I forgot to send you that. Let me find the receipt and send it  

Just send the senders name and the MTCN  

The sender's name is me...Jack N. Ewehoff. The MTCN is the MTCN. That didn't change.   

I mean the MTCN number    

Oh. Sorry, misunderstood you. You're referring to the numbers that are listed as MTCN?   


Okay, I understand. You want the numbers. There are 10 of them. Do you need them all?   

Yes you have to send them all ok.   


Where are the numbers???  

On the MTCN.  

Send them now!!!  

Right this second?  I'm about to take a crap.  

What is going on?  

I was taking a crap.  Now where were we?  

Will you please send me the MTCN so I can finish?  

Are you Finnish?  Really?  What are you doing in Benin?  

Am not Finnish!  Stop this and send me the MTCN!  

A Finnish in Benin and you type English too.  I'm impressed.  Now where were we?  

This is not funny.  

Maybe it ain't from where you're reading it.  My pet rock is rolling on the floor laughing at what passes for his ass off right now.  


I'm sorry, you're not the 100th person to call me that, so you don't win anything.  But please feel free to play again.  You might be the 500th...even 1000th.  Rules and restrictions apply.  Family members ineligible.   Bill Gates reminds you to text and Western Union responsibly.  Dah dit dah dit dit, dah dit dah.  

At least I made it to "bastard" before he email hung up on me...

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Blogger Sandee said...

You went from Dear to Bastard in a handful of days. This was one of the best ones ever. Seymour thought so too. He hates being on the floor.

Have a fabulous day. My best to Seymour. ☺

08 December, 2015 09:22  

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