Lost In Translation III

This dating scamstress claims -- after reading my character's first reply -- that "English is my favorite language".

Too bad she didn't make her "favorite language" one she was fluent in.

A quick lesson in stupid for all you scammers out there.

Here's how she starts:


How Are You Doing Today,
I am Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years, i hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health, my dear I went through your profile today where am browsing and i read it and took interest in it for us to be friends Please if you don't mind i will like you to write and reply me back here, missnancyogwo@yandex.com Hoping to hear from you Please, I will be waiting for your mail Ok, attach here is my pics my dear, i want us to be friend's if you like to be my friend, from yours new friend Have a Lovely Nice And A Blessed Day My Dear, i am Expecting Your Mail please reply me back now Ok, missnancyogwo@yandex.com   


I have three other scamstress daters my characters are dealing with, so I reckoned this reply would make short work of this 'un:


Sorry, I already have too many online goilfriends to keep track of.  You're the ugliest of them.  You lose.  Bub-bye.  


As you'll see, the reply this generates proves that while English might be her "favorite language", she ain't as fluent in it as she thinks she is:


Good Day To You,
How are you doing today, i hope you are fine and in perfect condition of health, my dear i hope that every things is ok with you and your family's over there and i hope that every body that they are ok in good condition of health well my dear, I went through your profile lik i said and here is my own face-book profle account you will see me Check me here in face-book   singlebaby ogwo  and i read it and took interest in it, and i am very happy for your reply, please i need us to be friends and to knows each others well i read your profile andi like you thats why i am now telling you all about me and my secret i really need your help and i will be happy for us to see and to meet each others face to face and i belived that one day and very soon i will meet and you will see me face to face because i really need that my dearest one, and my dear How is your day?. Mine is a bit colder here in Dakar Senegal,

My  name is Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years old from Libya, in Africa, 5.11ft tall, Fair in complexion, (never married before) and i am currently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the administration war in country. My  late father was Dr. Patrick Ogwo management Ogwo director and Associates (Ltd), and was the personal advice to the former head of state before the rebels attacked our house one early morning and killed my mother and my  father in cold blood. It's only me now that is alive and i managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal, where I am now living in a refugee  camp, and this team is owned by a Reverend that is in charge of a church here in the camp. I would like to know more about you.Your likes and dislikes, your hobbies and what you are doing presently,  I am grateful to write you by given me the opportunity now. Hope you are fine, I thank God for you, your message was a bit relief for me, may God protect you for me,

Obviously, speaking the horrible nature of  this  Camp is so terrible  that every  bit of experience is  very unhealthy and inexplicable that we are confined to certain things. its just like one staying in the prison and I hope by Gods grace  and with your help I will come out here soon I don't have any relatives now whom I can go to all my relatives ran away in the middle of the war, The only person I have now is Rev- George David  who is the Reverend Minister in charge of the church in this Camp  A.K.A( CHRIST DE SAVIOR MISSION) He has been very nice to me since I came here,and owing to the nature of the Camp there are two  hostels namely,  the women's and men's hostel, Darling it is very vital at this point  to give you the Pastors Tel number in case you want to call me but i will give it to you in my next mail,

Sincerely speaking, the  horrible nature of this place,  makes one  to be so perplexed and unavoidably in a serious diorama of dilemma which the predominant view of my life and my dream  was  to go back to my studies because I only attended my first year before the tragic incident that  lead to my being in this situation now took place. of which you can agree with me that this priority is still unrealized, Please listen to this,I have my late father's statement of account and death certificate here with me which I will send to you later, because when he was alive he deposited some amount of money in a leading bank in London which he used my name as the next of kin, the amount in question is $2.6(Two Million, Six Hundred Thousand US Dollars)

So I will like you to help me transfer this money to your account and from it we can travel to any country we want or we can live together in your own country and. I kept this secret to people in the camp here the only person that knows about it is the Reverend because he is like a father to me, Consequently  to this  i will like you to keep it to  yourself for I am afraid of loosing my life and the money if people gets to know about it. Remember I am giving you all these information owing to the providence of nature as you are Godly sent person to me,

My favorite language is English but our language is Arabic but I speak English very fluently because both my father and mother studied in Europe. Meanwhile I will like you to call me like I said i have a lot to tell you. Have allot of nice day and think about me. Awaiting to hear from you soonest, Thanks and remain blessed three attach here is my pics for you and i will like you to send me yours in your next mail, Thanks My Dearest waiting to read your reply again, from yours new Friend,

Yours Faithful One  


Not so good in reading English...and not so good in researching her scams.  Senegal has no refugee camps.  Eh...that one I can overlook.

So I have 'Frank' write her back...not in her favorite language, but in one she says is her primary one:

حتى اللغة الإنجليزية هي اللغة المفضلة لديك ولكن اللغة العربية هي واحدة الأساسي الخاص بك؟ وهذا يفسر لماذا لم يقرأ ما كتبته لك في اللغة المفضلة لديك، حتى ظننت أنني كنت أكتب إليكم في لغتك الأساسية لتمكنك من معرفة ان كنت غير جذابة جدا ولدي الكثير من الصديقات الإنترنت الآن أن نضيع الوقت مع المخادع العربية مثل الخاص بك آسف twot الجمل الحمار. وصلى الله على  القروح     منك.

I have no idea what I just wrote there, but I didn't need one; I let teh Gooble do the translating for me:

 

 

So English is your favorite language but Arabic is your primary one?  That would explain why you didn't read what I wrote you in your favorite language, so I thought I'd write to you in your primary language to let you know that you are very unattractive and I have too many online girlfriends now to waste time with an Arabic scammer like your sorry camel twot ass.  May allah get genital sores from you.
 

 Did we communicate this time?  While I wait to find out, I had my character do a little edit on her last reply and send it to dozens of her peers and colics:

Good Golly Miss Molly,
How are you doing today, i hope you are spine and in perfuct condition of hellth, my carp i hope that every things is ko'd with you and your many family branches out there and i hope that every two with a body is not without a body.  I went through your profile and I licked all the parts I thought tasted like chicken.  Here I has my own faceplant account you will see me Check me here in face-book I use  singlerhinobaby ogwo  and i read it and it make me all giddy with foam and i am very much ignore your reply, please i need us to be friends and to knows each others wells because mine well is dry and I needs one with waters in it.  Mine is a bit colder here in Dakar Senegal, home of the refugee cramps.

My  name is Miss Nancy Ogwo 24years old from Dearbored Michigan, but moved to Libya, Maryland a partially still standing suburb of Burntimore.  I am 4' tall from a tribe of pygmys that were resettled in Maryland by your emperor Obola in 2011 to helps his goat fraud in 2012.  i am currently residing in the refugee camp here in Dakar as a result of the work requirements for welfare that were recently passed where I was living.  Work?  ewwwww.  If I can't have it for free I don't want it...that what Nancy Pelosi tell me.  My  late father was Dr. Patrick Ogwo...at least he never argue that he my daddy from time I old enough to incest in my future.  It's only me now that is alive and i managed to make my way to a near by country Senegal, New York, where I am now living in a refugee  camp, and this team is owned by a Reverend al Sharpton that is in charge of a riot-for-profit community disorganizing group called Soros 'n Obola Hoax 'n Change.  

Obviously, speaking the horrible nature of  this  Camp is so terrible  that every  bit of experience is  very unhealthy and inexplicable that we are confined to certain things. They make us attend classes to learn useful stuff, and train us to....*work for a living*...oh, the horrors of it all.  The worst part is having to be responsible for our own actions.  That is so contraryian to what rev Sharpton and the DNC teach us when we take apart Ferguson and Burntimore.  The only person I have now is Rev- al Sharpton and he sucks geese genitals.  He has been very nice to me until I refuse to let his pet gibbon make sex with me.  

Sincerely speaking is new to me, but really everything I write is a scam that is dictated to me in basement of DNC hindquarters in Washingmachine DC.  The chairpoison -- Debbil Wasserpuss Snitz -- is a crosseyed wench of dubious antecedence and make the  horrible nature of this place,  makes one  to be so perplexed and unavoidably in a serious diorama of dilemma which the predominant view of my life.  See, I tell you I grasp English good yes?  

So I will like you to help me transfer to Clodumbia U this fall so I can get my nurserette in liberal farts and have a prestige degree with not a practical use to it.  Make it easier me stay on welflare and be a democrap mooch.  My favorite language is English but our language is Arabic but I speak English barley fluently because both my father and mother studied in Washington DC skool cesstum and lerned rail gud there.  

Miss Nancy Ogwo (this week only)

missnancyogwo@yandex.com  

 

 

Miss Ogwo is apparently not as good with English -- or with translated Arabic -- as she claimed.  What my character got back was a page and a half of 'gobble talk' (in Arabic) that in essence was the bank account information and contact info for the Rev in her 'refugee camp' in Senegal.

We are definitely lost in translation.

So I had my character "painfully" transcribe bits and pieces of what she sent in Arabic back into English, in a manure my pet rock, Seymour would be proud of, and sent it back to her, her bank and her Rev in her favorite language that she's so good at:

I Massengill Douche number Blvd.London, EC2V 5DDUnited KingdumbPhone: + 44-70319-10952E-mail: standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk

Deposit account information;This is the contact information of the bunk.Name: Standard Chartered Bunk PLC UK.Name transportation officer, and Mr. Brollins Clown.E-mail :( standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk) OR
  (Chieftransferofficer@aim.com)Personal number to Mr. Brollins Clown.Phone number + 44-70319-10952The fax number. + 44-703-1971-731.In the account information is as follows: -A / C name. Dr. Ukulele Unga Bunga BooBoo Sonny OnoThe amount deposited. (US $ 2.69)Next of Kin. Miss Cher Botox Ono Knot AgainA / C does not work my camels are melting, BLB745008901546 / QB / 91 / A.With confidence allow you to collect my late father a set of porcelain camel spider turds in the United Kingdumb Please I urgently request to see the order of this transfer US $ 2.69 to a hooker in the basement of the Democrap National Committee because of the condition of refugees inBurntimore.  Things have sucked here under democrap control and I is not comfortable with it.

Spank you Please I'm waiting to hear from them this message is concern............................................... Partner of Mr. Claudester Fock, Esq.

Something in the last two emails -- whether it be Arabic or someone with enough English grasping the words rather than just the fact that 'Frank' replied -- failed to *click* with Ogwo and her associates.  Witness this reply from "the bank":

Address; STANDARD CHARTERED BANK PLC UK. SCOTLAND.
Address; St Andrew Square
 Edinburgh SCO EH2 2YB  P.
GLASGOW-SCOTLAND
Tel Number +44-70319-10952
Fax Number. +44-703-1971-731.
(standardcharteredbanktransfer@yahoo.co.uk)
(chieftransferofficer@aim.com )
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.co.uk
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.com
YOUR REF: RBS/LDNUK/08EU
YOUR REF:DATE: 20/06/2015

Warning........:Mr Claudester Fock, Esq,

This Message is an Official property of STANDARD Bank of Scotland, it is highly confidential and only issued to the next of kin to deceased customers of this bank proving their ingenuity towards such claims. Any alteration,cancellation or wrong information/mistakes mas as a result of providing this requirements will make such claim Invalid and not genue.

For your Kin Attention, Mr/ Sir Claudester Fock, Esq.,

We hereby acknowledged the receipt of your application for to release of this fund as the nominee/trustee to Miss Nancy Ogwo who is the next of kin to our deceased customer Late Dr Patrick Ogwo,  Already we have been informed by the young lady that you are her trustee by presentation of a nomination letter on your behalf.

Inline with our security measures and allied administration matters,Your application is going under secularization the executive management board of this bank and the fund will be approved and release to any of your chosen account number upon the fulfillment of our official obligation after certifying that you are the original nominee/trustee to the next of kin to our deceased customer Late Dr Patrick Ogwo by forwarding the following documents to this bank.

1, A copy of the Deposit Certificate issued to the deceased customer Dr Patrick Ogwo

2, A copy of the Death Certificate of Late Dr Patrick Ogwo confirming his death..

3, A power of attorney and affidafit of an Oath, must be endorsed on your favor, signed by your partner Miss Nancy Ogwo and duly legalized/notarized with Senegal Based lawyer, in there federal high court of Senegal before it becomes valid.

4, Your complete account details where the fund will be re-transferred to, such as, the account name,account number,swift code,Iban Number, name and address of the bank.

The above mentioned Item 3 and 4 of this official requirements is the Article edict No 45 of banking terms  since 1928, This Documents are compulsory and are needed to  protect our interest,yours and the next of kin, this shall also ensure that a successful and smooth transfer of this fund is made to your account within 48 hours(2 banking days)

We are sorry for any inconvenient this may as we promise to give our customers the best of our service.

Regulated by the Financial Services Authority

------------------------------------------------------  Confidentiality Note:--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------          
The information contained in this message is confidential and/or privileged. This message is intended to be read only by the person named above. The unauthorized use, disclosure, copying or alteration of this message is strictly prohibited. If you are not the addressee, (or responsible for delivery of the message to the addressee), please notify the originator by return message and destroy the original message.

Online Banking

© 2015 STANDARD Bank of Scotland PLC. All Rights Reserved,

STANDARD CHARTERED BANK PLC UK SCOTLAND. Address:
St Andrew Square, Edinburgh SCO EH2 2YB  P.  
GLASGOW-SCOTLAND

Tel Number +44-70319-10952
Fax Number. +44-703-1971-731.

OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.co.uk
OUR WEBSITE, www.standardchartered.com
Email : chieftransferofficer@aim.com  

 

 

Do you believe these abject nincompoops?  So let's try this in reply:

 

 

1, A copy of the Deposit Certificate issued to the deceased customer Dr Patrick Ogwo

Yes, I have a copy.  How many would you like?2, A copy of the Death Certificate of Late Dr Patrick Ogwo confirming his death..

Yes, I confirm that Dr. Patrick Ogwo is dyed the color purple.  This took place on October 29, 2014.  I will find a photo if you require.3, A power of attorney and affidafit of an Oath, must be endorsed on your favor, signed by your partner Miss Nancy Ogwo and duly legalized/notarized with Senegal Based lawyer, in there federal high court of Senegal before it becomes valid.

I have the power of atturkey invested in me as proscribed by the federal high court of Senegal, where smoking weed guarantees that everyone is high from gavel to gavel.4, Your complete account details where the fund will be re-transferred to, such as, the account name,account number,swift code,Iban Number, name and address of the bank.

I have all that informations and will provide it for a transfer fee payable before transferrance.  You agree to those terms and we are in business.The above mentioned Item 3 and 4 of this official requirements is the Article edict No 45 of banking terms  since 1928, This Documents are compulsory and are needed to  protect our interest,yours and the next of kin, this shall also ensure that a successful and smooth transfer of this fund is made to your account within 48 hours(2 banking days)

I am fine with terms and conditions provided that you are fine with terms and conditions.  Equality of outcome in terms and conditions.

 

Is ANYONE there reading ANYTHING I'm sending, apart from the various NAMES I'm using?

*Jeopardy theme song*

And the answer is -- after that reply -- yes, someone that actually grasps the meaning of English finally got around to reading the reply....which scammer is next in any language?