When Interpol Comes A Scammin'

Buzzscreed and cnn know this feeling by now.

Now a couple scammers impersonating Interpol are figuring it out...sorta.

Here's their initial ploy, including the supposed to be convincing Interpol logo at the top of the email:

200 Quai Charles de Gaulle, 69006 Lyon, France 

 

RE: YOUR 16.3MILLION USD WITH STANDARD CHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA 

 

This is to inform you that investigations and intellegience conducted by us states that you have an unclaimed US$16.3million with Standard Chartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposited on your behalf by the National Lottery with regards to the Lottery you won last year.  

 

Your account is currently inactive and will need to be activated with a minimum of $100. You are to contact Bola Adesola, Managing Director/CEO, Nigeria and West Africa 1. Your account number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Adesola and tell her you will like to activate your account with $100 and claim your $16.3million. You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via moneygram or western union. 

 

Once she gives you the details, please make sure you send the $100 same day she gives you the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your transfer. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. You are not to ask her any questions as she is too busy to respond to questions. Simply ask her how you can send the $100 and she will attend to you. 

 

Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ). 

 

You can read more about her via the link below 

 

https://www.sc.com/ng/about-us/management-committee.html 

 

Thank you for your understanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) 

 

Mireille Ballestrazzi

Interpol  

 

 

Yawp.

 

This edit was rather like shooting fish in a cnn drink cup:

 

 

200 Quai Charles de Gaulle Le Daid And Stayin' That Way, 69006 Lyon-in-Hole, France  

RE: MESSY BIRD COUP LE SAVE ZE BONE IS WAITED FOR VU AT STANDARD PHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA   

Parlez vous, see through plate, mansewer.  This is to inform you that investigations and a complete and udder lack of intellegience conducted by cnn states that you have been taking golden showers with Liechtensteinian escort ladies at the embassy in Zurich while on an economic mission to establish an alpaca inseminating operation in Vaduz.  All of the auditions conducted by Bill Clinton has been recorded by bugged blue dresses worn  by a number of Bill's auditionees.  It was sponsored in phart by the Substandard Phartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposed to a dubious recruit of the CIA that worked part time for the Hellary Crimedation and is now applying for unemployment in Finland because Chelsea Mishandler says that North Korea is working on 'the bomb' since Stormtrumper was elected, even though Mishandler's IQ is currently at 5 and dropping.  

 

 

Your accountant was arrested in NYC for having solicited sex from a city zoo yak named Olga.  His bail is currently set at $100.  You are to contact Bola Minutiae Adesola, Managing Douche Canoe/CEO, Nigeria and West African Douche Canoe Department.  Your accountant's criminal reference number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Minutiae Adesola and tell her you will like to activate a wifi dildo that distracts the yak so your accountant can escape dressed in a $9.95 designer dress made by Moochelle Obola's curtain designer.  You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via a trained pterodactyl drone named Maurice that will get within 100 miles or so of the delivery destination without getting shot down by air defenses or knocked up by a cross eyed vulture named Dank.    

Once she gets over the peculiar  details, please make sure you send the $100 via the specific pterodactyl drone as noted in the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your registration as a raptor sex offender with Audubon officials in Turkey, who are working on the 2017 PETA campaign to replace turkey with torfurkey and grits. 

Yuck.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. After you read this, I reckon you've got a shitload.  You are not to ask her any questions about her sexual proclivities or the size of her Kim Kardashian-esque ass, as she is too busy trying to get unwedged from the last chair she mistakenly sat in.  Simply ask her how you can send the $100 via pterodactyl drone and she will respond with a universally understood WTF to you.  

Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ).  

You can read more about what happened when Rosie O'Donnell boarded a plane from the back in future links, or in the photo below:

 

Thank you for your anticipated misunderstanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) and ask me anything but common core math problems.  

Mireille Ballestrazzi

Interpol's cnn office in the basement of the DNC  

 

 

So far, the only response this has received was from Canada, protesting our sending our leftist lard butts to Canada:

 

 

Pissing Off 'Interpol'

When you get an email with this logo at the top, you just KNOW it has to be legit, right?

I mean, everyone KNOWS that Interpol works in conjunction with the UK Lottery to get cheques distributed to the scammed of the world.

Not.

Since the FauxBI has been failing to scam my character, now Interpol is gonna try.  Witness their ploy:


NATIONAL LOTTERY COMPENSATION FUNDS

 

We wish to inform you that it has come to our notice that you won the National UK Lottery but did not claim it when due. We also found out that you have been scammed by Nigerian scammers. We regret to tell you that we are doing our best to arrest these scammers and we will keep ou updated as to when arrests have been made. If you are in communication with any Nigerian, please stop it now or we would have you arrested. Sending money to Nigerian scammers is a criminal offence. You are being compensated by the National Lottery to the sum of GBP1million (One Million British Pounds Sterling). Your cheque has been drawn and it to be moved to Royal Mail for onward delivery to you. You are to send US$300 only for delivery of the cheque. We would be monitoring the situation with Royal Mail.

If you are in contact with any Nigerian claiming to pay you any money, please stop now. They are scammers and impersonators and will only get you into further trouble.

To avoid delay, I have taken the liberty to find out from Royal Mail how you could send the $300 to them and they gave me the details below

Payments are to be made via MONEYGRAM ONLY . The payment should be made in the name below

Name: Jane Waremba
Address: 25 Marylebone Street, London, SE13, 6TS, United Kingdom..
Amount: 200pounds (USD$300)

Scan and send the moneygram transfer slip/receipt via email to me. If you do not have a scanner, email the following information: 

1. Name and Address of Sender
2. 8 digits for moneygram
3. Test Question and Answer, if any.

I am here to ensure you get the cheque as soon as you make paymnet. Delivery of cheque will take three days after you send the US$300.

Contact me via my private email ( mireillebballestrazzi@yahoo.com )

 

Mireille Ballestrazzi

mireillebballestrazzi@yahoo.com

President of INTERPOL
INTERPOL  

 

I love the touch about how my character could be arrested if he sent money to Nigerians; I'll have to tell my next Nigerian scammer about that.

 

Meantime, an edit was due, along with an edit of the President of Interpol:

 

 

NATIONAL BAILING OUT OF EU CONSTIPATION ACT 

We wish to inform you that it has come to our notice that you have taked note of the UK leaving the EU and the acronyms that this may has occasioned you to use, including the universal WTF which are one that we really don't like you using, so don't use it.  We also found out that you have not yet been scammed by Nigerian scammers. We regret to tell you that we are tasked to see that you are moved from the "not scammed" list to the "scammed" list and will be doing our best to achieves that. If you are in communication with any Nigerian, Liberian, Beninan, Ivory Coastian, Botswanan, Burundan, Senegalese, Upper Voltan, Ghanan, walk like an Egyptian, Sudanian, Ethidopian, or any other possible ian of dubious antecedence, please don't stop it now or we would have you arrested. Not sending money to Nigerian and other scammers is a criminal offence punishable by incarceration and having to listen to hellary shriek and cackle on a 214/7 msnbc/cnn loop. You are being monitored by Royal Mail for onward progress toward your being scammed. You are to send US $300 so that we may cross you off one list and add you to others. We would be monitoring the situation with Royal Mail.

If you are in contact with any Nigerian claiming all sorts of simple to exotic shit, please don't stop now. They are scammers and impersonators just trying to make a living and you offend them when you don't fall for their various and assorted schticks, and if we have to give your name to assorted American college campuses for being insensitive, this will only get you into further trouble.

To avoid delay, I have taken the liberty to find out from Royal Mail how you could send the $300 to satisfy our demands and they gave me the details below

Payments are to be made via MONKEYGLAM ONLY . The payment should be made in the name below

Name: Jane Waremba
Address: 25 Marylebone Street, London, SE13, 6TS, United Kingdom..
Amount: 200 pounds (though she weighs a shitload more than that) and USD equivalent is $300

Scam and send the monkeyglam transgender slip/kilt via email to me. If you do not have a scammer, email the following information to me because I am here to be that which you ain't gots:   

1. Name and what you're wearing (Address, pants, sweats, nothing at all)
2. 18 digits for monkeyglam
3. Testicle Question and Answer, if any.

I am here to ensure you get moved from the "not scammed" list to the "scammed" list soonest that you make paymnet. If you don't want be arrested you do this soonest to send the US $300.

Contact me via my primate email ( mireillebballestrazzi@yahoo.com ) 

Mireille Ballestrazzi

mireillebballestrazzi@yahoo.com

 

 

President of INTER...hey...WTF just happened to ME?????  I didn't have TEETH in the other picture!!!!!!!!!
DANG YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 
 
 
 
 
 

DAMMIT...THAT'S NOT ME EITHER!!!!!!  MOMMY, MAKE THEM STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
 
 


 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YOU ARE GONNA BE SO ARRESTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
After that, fauxInterpol don't like me no mores than the FauxBI does.  No mores has speaks widdem.  This must prove my arrested development.  Still, since I intended no harm, I get a pass just like Hellary, right?

 

INTERtadPOL, Togo and Me

International intrigue.

You won't find any here.  Just nippleheaded scammers, trying their sub-best to be James Blond.


Read what I got from the aforementioned fellers:


INTERPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Fraud Unit)
We fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO

Dear Sir/Madam,

Please do accept my apology, I do not wish to invade into your privacy but I wrote you an earlier mail about an inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impostor some while ago, from our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay. This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.

Please if you didn't received my previous mail, let me know so I can send it to you again .

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police
Chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit  


My character's reply:

What accordiance do you deem settling to me?  Personally, I am not articulated that way.  If I was, most of the sounds coming out of me would be akin to breaking bones and farts.  But I am kinda new at this sort of thing, and require edification.  I don't know anyone personally named Ed...if you do, can you ificate them to contact me and have speaks on this?  It would be ever so appreciatemented. 

While we're off the subject, how is it that I am rendered the signal honor of being so awarded your attention to this matter of dubious antecedence?  I am afraud that I was totally unawares of any of this heretofive.  I shall await your expedient expansion upon the subject so as to make clear to me what currently is fecal. 

I thank you for your thinking of me when it wasn't reciprocated.

Frank  

 

 

Should we be surprised that INTERtadPOL got back to my character?  Nawp:

 

 

INTERPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Fraud Unit)
We fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO


Dear sir/Madam,

I am sending it again to you. Sorry for the inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impostor some while ago.

I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but firstly I will like to introduce myself; I am Mr Teko Mawuli, Director General of Togo police the Legal chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit.

The INTERPOL is the world’s largest international police organization, with 190 member countries. Our role is to enable police around the world to work together to make the world a safer place. Our high-tech infrastructure of technical and operational support helps meet the growing challenges of fighting crime in the 21st century.

This particular Commission was initiated to detect fraud/funds delay/impersonation of Government Officials. Secondly, we are mandated by the US Government to settle foreign debts/fraud victims/Un-paid beneficiaries to satisfactory in other to maintain peace in the world at large and also to create a good relationship with the international bodies.

Presently, we are being paid by the American government in other to avert beneficiary funds delays/fraud/scams and any other related illegalities in West Africa .

So far, we have settled the likes of (Mrs. Debbie Hargrove, Mr. Micheal Wagner , Ms. Janet Moore and many more). You are being contacted by this office because your Case File (A) is the very first File on our Settlement Files Cabinet.

From our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay. This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.

For further investigation and your compensation, kindly send the below information to us immediately:

1. Your residential address (Not pox)
2. Mobile/ Telephone Number (for regular official contact).
3. Your Age
4. Sex
5. Occupation
5. Your inheritance funds value.
6. Amount which you have lost previously.

The above-mentioned information will officially enable us to carry out our verification processes and after that your compensation sum/Inheritance Funds will be Electronically wired into your designated Bank account.

Your immediate compliance to this will expedite actions on your Payment because here in this office, we have a lot of listed victims to be settled.


Officially Signed,

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police
Chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit  

Alrighty then...since a gibberish answer didn't quite reach the "got it" receptors of the reader, let's try this edit for size:

On Sunday, December 14, 2014 11:52 PM, INTERtadPOL Anti-Frog Unit <navisonivandatg@gmail.com> figured out after sex with a bipolar otter that it was time to wrote: 

INTERtadPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Frog Unit)
We fight against frogs, toads, lizards (especially that GEICO bastard) and impersonation of any of the aforementioned.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO


Dear sir/Madam,

I am sending it again to you. Sorry for the inconveniences...those damned frogs and like-minded amphibian bastards are such pricks to have to deal with here.  Especially the poisonous ones.

I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but if you have good reflexes, you can deflect it.  If it did hit you by surprise, clear your head before I introgoose myself....*WOOOOHOOOO*...dang, that's fun.  Now I will like to introduce myself though introgoosing is fun too; I am Mr Teko Mawuli, Director General of Togo police the Legal chairman of Anti-Frog Et Al Unit.

The INTERtadPOL is the world’s largest international police organization dedicated to combatting frogs, toads, lizards, Al Sharpton...just another lizard...with 190 member countries that don't like frogs or Sharpton either. Our role is to enable police around the world to work together to make the world frog 'n such free. Our high-tech infrastructure of technical and operational support -- a laptop PC in a fly infested internet café running Windows Millennium -- helps meet the growing challenges of fighting crime in the 19th century as best as we can figure.

The fact that it's powered by two 'roid raging hamsters on a wheel probably suggests we need an upgrade.

This particular Commission was initiated to detect frogs/toads/impersonation of a woman by Sandra Fluke and other strange things out of the DNC. Secondly, we are womandated by the the women of Girls Gone Wild....yowza.  The US Government hired us to help with the ACA webslight to make sure that it is frog-n-toad-n-lizard free, to meet another obscure ACA guideline Obola inserted in it yesterday from the golf course.  The purpose of which is to keep Joe Bidumb busy enough to not make any public statements for the next two years, we're pretty sure.

Presently, we are being paid by the American government in order to insure our illegal votes in '16 for whatever yutz the left plans to run to replace Obola.  Probably with some illegalities from West Africa, since our INTERtadPOL surveillance unit has a picture of Hillary, a llama and an inflatable head of Bill de Blasio, coming out of a motel in Tijuana a couple months ago.

So far, we have settled the likes of (Lena Dunpork, Diane Unfeinsteen, AlGored and many more). You are being contacted by this office because your Case File (A) had frogs in it, and they ate your credentials.

From our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you haven't had a proctological exam, and you have really bad gas.  This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.  In a well-ventilated area.

For further investigation of your constipation and other unrelated stuffs, kindly send the below information to us immediately:

1. Your residential address (Not pox; don't send us your pox.  Whatever you do, do NOT send us your pox)
2. Mobile/ Telephone Number (for regular official contact if you send us your pox, you bastard).
3. Your Age at the time you realized what a pox was
4. Last time you had sex with a pox
5. Last time you hung out with crime-ridden, drug 'n drum circling Occutards
5. Your underwear inseam
6. Amount of creamed corn you've eaten in the past 5 years

The above-mentioned information will officially enable us to have not one friggin' idea about what to do next.  And after that, we rectum that you'll be frog-free.

We realize none of this makes much sense.  Hey, we're Third World idjits of dubious antecedence who voted for Obola illegally and often.  Your immediate compliance to this will expedite genital rot here in this office, we have a lot of listing vaginal structures here we're trying to figure out how to re-insert where they belong.  It's always something new and strange here.

Officially Signed,

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police 'n fries; franchises available in Nigeria.
Chairman of Anti-Frog Unit  

It appears that this time, this version of INTERtadPOL got the message.  The DNC is probably still trying to translate it...