Monday, January 16, 2017

When Interpol Comes A Scammin'

Buzzscreed and cnn know this feeling by now.

Now a couple scammers impersonating Interpol are figuring it out...sorta.

Here's their initial ploy, including the supposed to be convincing Interpol logo at the top of the email:





200 Quai Charles de Gaulle, 69006 Lyon, France 
 
RE: YOUR 16.3MILLION USD WITH STANDARD CHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA 
 
This is to inform you that investigations and intellegience conducted by us states that you have an unclaimed US$16.3million with Standard Chartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposited on your behalf by the National Lottery with regards to the Lottery you won last year.  
 
Your account is currently inactive and will need to be activated with a minimum of $100. You are to contact Bola Adesola, Managing Director/CEO, Nigeria and West Africa 1. Your account number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Adesola and tell her you will like to activate your account with $100 and claim your $16.3million. You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via moneygram or western union. 
 
Once she gives you the details, please make sure you send the $100 same day she gives you the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your transfer. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. You are not to ask her any questions as she is too busy to respond to questions. Simply ask her how you can send the $100 and she will attend to you. 
 
Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ). 
 
You can read more about her via the link below 
 
Thank you for your understanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) 
 
Mireille Ballestrazzi
Interpol  
 
 
Yawp.
 
This edit was rather like shooting fish in a cnn drink cup:
 
 

200 Quai Charles de Gaulle Le Daid And Stayin' That Way, 69006 Lyon-in-Hole, France  

RE: MESSY BIRD COUP LE SAVE ZE BONE IS WAITED FOR VU AT STANDARD PHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA   

Parlez vous, see through plate, mansewer.  This is to inform you that investigations and a complete and udder lack of intellegience conducted by cnn states that you have been taking golden showers with Liechtensteinian escort ladies at the embassy in Zurich while on an economic mission to establish an alpaca inseminating operation in Vaduz.  All of the auditions conducted by Bill Clinton has been recorded by bugged blue dresses worn  by a number of Bill's auditionees.  It was sponsored in phart by the Substandard Phartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposed to a dubious recruit of the CIA that worked part time for the Hellary Crimedation and is now applying for unemployment in Finland because Chelsea Mishandler says that North Korea is working on 'the bomb' since Stormtrumper was elected, even though Mishandler's IQ is currently at 5 and dropping.  
 
 
Your accountant was arrested in NYC for having solicited sex from a city zoo yak named Olga.  His bail is currently set at $100.  You are to contact Bola Minutiae Adesola, Managing Douche Canoe/CEO, Nigeria and West African Douche Canoe Department.  Your accountant's criminal reference number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Minutiae Adesola and tell her you will like to activate a wifi dildo that distracts the yak so your accountant can escape dressed in a $9.95 designer dress made by Moochelle Obola's curtain designer.  You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via a trained pterodactyl drone named Maurice that will get within 100 miles or so of the delivery destination without getting shot down by air defenses or knocked up by a cross eyed vulture named Dank.    

Once she gets over the peculiar  details, please make sure you send the $100 via the specific pterodactyl drone as noted in the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your registration as a raptor sex offender with Audubon officials in Turkey, who are working on the 2017 PETA campaign to replace turkey with torfurkey and grits. 
Yuck.
Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. After you read this, I reckon you've got a shitload.  You are not to ask her any questions about her sexual proclivities or the size of her Kim Kardashian-esque ass, as she is too busy trying to get unwedged from the last chair she mistakenly sat in.  Simply ask her how you can send the $100 via pterodactyl drone and she will respond with a universally understood WTF to you.  

Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ).  

You can read more about what happened when Rosie O'Donnell boarded a plane from the back in future links, or in the photo below:
 

Thank you for your anticipated misunderstanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) and ask me anything but common core math problems.  

Mireille Ballestrazzi
Interpol's cnn office in the basement of the DNC  
 
 
So far, the only response this has received was from Canada, protesting our sending our leftist lard butts to Canada:
 
 

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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

This edit was rather like shooting fish in a cnn drink cup. I don't want anything to do with the Clinton News Network.

I love your rewrites. I love the plane graphic of Rosie's plane. I spewed coffee on my monitor.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My very best to Seymour and Element. ☺

16 January, 2017 08:08  

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