Decisions, Decisions..

Post 1400.  Wowser.  Who'd a thunk it?

Referring to the picture, no, this has nothing to do with triggering a lefty by typing "TRUMP".

It may well be worse.

Some time last year, I got an email from a person claiming to be with the US Military.  'She' wasn't, and that was shortly dealt with.

Her email remained in my address book, and as is my practice, I copied her on numerous other scammer email edits.

Like this one:

From: ACOWSASS High Court< andrewbolton01@gmail.com>
Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2018 2:28 PM
Subject: Re: ACOWSASS High Court, Reply Urgently

 

FROM FEDERAL ACOWSASS HIGH COURT OF NIGERIA BRANCH:OB/OP/1234/NG
OUR REF.CODE:BSEL/773/FEHCN/021/18

Attention:

This is an official message coming to you by the Chief Justice Legbo
Idris Kutigi, i am writing to inform you because after the meeting
held yesterday by the board of directors, I meant to understand that
you have not yet paid your outstanding parking tickets you incurred

in this of this country.

WTF is the matter with you?

However, I want to inform you that Mr. Ben, MR.JOHN EZE,PROF CHARLES
SOLUDO OF (C.B.N),CHIEF JOSEPH SANUSI, Adamu Ciroma, FRED EZE, MR.KEME
BELLO, DR ABSALOM ABRAHAM,  BARRISTER AWELE, Sr Francisco De manuel,
Mr. Ernest Chukwudi Ebi,Deputy Governor- Policy/Board Member, Terence
Us ambassador , FedEX deliverAgents,Sebastian Adigwe , Barrister John
Douglas Esq, Robert Mark Sanusi Lamido Sanusi CBN Former Governor,Mr
Nweke Peter and Dr .Jerry Leo ,Tunde Lemo including Henry Obiora,Mr.
Patrick Uba, Edward Smith, Barrister Fabian Maurice, Barrister  Mr.
George F. Moore, Professor Wole Soyinka, Dr. Phillip Homus James,
Christopher,Mr.David Lewis, Mr.Ferid Belhaj, Mr. Crownfit John,Mr.
Ramond Lewis,Mr Mathew Gbolagade, MRS.NGOZI OKONJI IWEALA, Mrs
Bamidele CBN Treasury Dept Chairman,Mrs.Natasha Felicia, Mrs Monica
Bless,Mr. Shodolamu E. Oluwagbenga,Mrs. Patricia Jacob Demilade,Mrs
Faith Okeke, Mr.Robert Gerritsen, Mr.Patrick Uba and Dr.Idras Musa,

haven't paid their parking tickets either.

Those we caught hereabouts are now staked out on army ant migration

routes.

You can avoid this fate by simply sending us the $90 you owe and you will

have your record amended, name cleared, and probably get about 4,000

more of these emails in the next week.

That or the army ant stake out.

Finally, don't ever delay on making the payment because i don't want

to issue a warrant that we all know will never be executed.  We in

this Third World sh*thole recognize that.  We just hope you don't.

So send us $90 and make us laugh once and for all.

Thanks.
Best Regard.
Justice Legbo Idris Kutigi  

 

This drew no response from any of the scammers cc'ed here...except from the one and probably not only Rebecca Schieble:

 

 

f**k you baby  

 

 

Even my pet rock, Seymour, heard the *TOING* on that one:

 

 

Since you're a nongender, you can't f**k anything but yourself in the ass.  Baby.  

 

 

Ol' Becca wasn't ready to let it go...and in a most unusual manure:

 

 

love you darling   

 

 

Even Seymour didn't expect that response.  That said, it was time to play:

 

 

LMAO...I'll help you out, baby.  

 

 

Sitting in the queue, I had an email scam from the Central Bank of Nigeria...a second *TOING* produced this, which was sent primarily to 'Becca, the originating scammer, and 50+ of their friends and colleagues:

 

 

FROM THE DESK OF MR. GODWIN EMEFIELE.

EXECUTIVE GOVERNOR, CENTRAL GENITAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CGBN)

OUR REF: CBN/OHG/OXD1/2018

EMAIL:mr.godwinemefiele17@outlook.com

YOUR REF: SCHIEBLE-R/NONG

TELEX: CGBN.

FILE: CGBN/OMG/WTF/018

          CGBN GENITAL LOAN TO MS/MR REBECCA SCHIEBLE rebeccasc123@gmail.com

Attn: Confused Nongender

Sir/Madam Schieble,

My name is Mr Godwin Emefiele the new Executive Governor Of The Central Genital Bank of Nigeria (CGBN). I received your name from a concerned acquaintance of yours and have looked into your problem. 

We at CGBN have a solution.

You are fortunately in luck, as our central repository of CGBN has a plentitude of in-stock genitals of either sex.  Unfortunately, none of them are human; that said, your acquaintance indicated that you were desperate enough that anything would do.  And we have anything but human in an abundance.  Monkey...yak...goat...piranha...sloth...ostrich...a fair animal kingdom/queendom collection.  All you have to do is tell us what gender you prefer.

All modalities will be worked out from here, and with just a simple service fee, you need not be nongendered any more.

We in Central Genital Bank do not understand why you allowed this situation in the first place?  Was it accident or intentional?  If the latter, we need an affidavit from your atturkey that states you are of dubious mind but willing remainder, and are sure about what gender you'd like to be.  

Once we have this affidavit on file that provide a clear Proof that you know what you want to be and are ready to undergo the necessary procedure, we will review your file and by next week Monday morning we can have a tentative schedule arranged for you. I will not want to make any mistake in setting you up for the wrong genital and surgical procedure; once done, it can't be undone.

Kindly clarify us on this issue before we start to make this thing happen on your behalf. In receipt of this confidential email that's been shared with fifty plus unrelated sacks of sh*t, you are required to email this Bank immediately your choice of genital.

OFFICIALLY SIGNED by:

MR.GODWIN EMEFIELE

Private Email:mr.godwinemefiele17@outlook.com  

 

 

That put the suddenly-changed relationship between my character and ol' Becca back on an even keel:

 

 

F**K YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!  

 

 

No need to thank me, Beckster...I live but to serve.  Let me know how your operation turns out.  Send photos.  

 

Somehow, I suspect that there'll be no photos from ol' Becca...

 

---

 

When Interpol Comes A Scammin'

Buzzscreed and cnn know this feeling by now.

Now a couple scammers impersonating Interpol are figuring it out...sorta.

Here's their initial ploy, including the supposed to be convincing Interpol logo at the top of the email:

200 Quai Charles de Gaulle, 69006 Lyon, France 

 

RE: YOUR 16.3MILLION USD WITH STANDARD CHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA 

 

This is to inform you that investigations and intellegience conducted by us states that you have an unclaimed US$16.3million with Standard Chartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposited on your behalf by the National Lottery with regards to the Lottery you won last year.  

 

Your account is currently inactive and will need to be activated with a minimum of $100. You are to contact Bola Adesola, Managing Director/CEO, Nigeria and West Africa 1. Your account number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Adesola and tell her you will like to activate your account with $100 and claim your $16.3million. You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via moneygram or western union. 

 

Once she gives you the details, please make sure you send the $100 same day she gives you the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your transfer. Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. You are not to ask her any questions as she is too busy to respond to questions. Simply ask her how you can send the $100 and she will attend to you. 

 

Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ). 

 

You can read more about her via the link below 

 

https://www.sc.com/ng/about-us/management-committee.html 

 

Thank you for your understanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) 

 

Mireille Ballestrazzi

Interpol  

 

 

Yawp.

 

This edit was rather like shooting fish in a cnn drink cup:

 

 

200 Quai Charles de Gaulle Le Daid And Stayin' That Way, 69006 Lyon-in-Hole, France  

RE: MESSY BIRD COUP LE SAVE ZE BONE IS WAITED FOR VU AT STANDARD PHARTERED BANK, NIGERIA   

Parlez vous, see through plate, mansewer.  This is to inform you that investigations and a complete and udder lack of intellegience conducted by cnn states that you have been taking golden showers with Liechtensteinian escort ladies at the embassy in Zurich while on an economic mission to establish an alpaca inseminating operation in Vaduz.  All of the auditions conducted by Bill Clinton has been recorded by bugged blue dresses worn  by a number of Bill's auditionees.  It was sponsored in phart by the Substandard Phartered Bank in Nigeria. This was deposed to a dubious recruit of the CIA that worked part time for the Hellary Crimedation and is now applying for unemployment in Finland because Chelsea Mishandler says that North Korea is working on 'the bomb' since Stormtrumper was elected, even though Mishandler's IQ is currently at 5 and dropping.  

 

 

Your accountant was arrested in NYC for having solicited sex from a city zoo yak named Olga.  His bail is currently set at $100.  You are to contact Bola Minutiae Adesola, Managing Douche Canoe/CEO, Nigeria and West African Douche Canoe Department.  Your accountant's criminal reference number is 3102892372. You are to email Bola Minutiae Adesola and tell her you will like to activate a wifi dildo that distracts the yak so your accountant can escape dressed in a $9.95 designer dress made by Moochelle Obola's curtain designer.  You are to ask her how you can send the $100 to her via a trained pterodactyl drone named Maurice that will get within 100 miles or so of the delivery destination without getting shot down by air defenses or knocked up by a cross eyed vulture named Dank.    

Once she gets over the peculiar  details, please make sure you send the $100 via the specific pterodactyl drone as noted in the details. She will also give you your online login details to begin your registration as a raptor sex offender with Audubon officials in Turkey, who are working on the 2017 PETA campaign to replace turkey with torfurkey and grits. 

Yuck.

Feel free to ask me any questions you may have. After you read this, I reckon you've got a shitload.  You are not to ask her any questions about her sexual proclivities or the size of her Kim Kardashian-esque ass, as she is too busy trying to get unwedged from the last chair she mistakenly sat in.  Simply ask her how you can send the $100 via pterodactyl drone and she will respond with a universally understood WTF to you.  

Her email is ( bolaadesola@scbank.cf ).  

You can read more about what happened when Rosie O'Donnell boarded a plane from the back in future links, or in the photo below:

 

Thank you for your anticipated misunderstanding. You can contact me via my work email ( mireilleballestrazzi@interpol-eu.cf ) and ask me anything but common core math problems.  

Mireille Ballestrazzi

Interpol's cnn office in the basement of the DNC  

 

 

So far, the only response this has received was from Canada, protesting our sending our leftist lard butts to Canada: