Sunday, January 11, 2015

INTERtadPOL, Togo and Me

International intrigue.

You won't find any here.  Just nippleheaded scammers, trying their sub-best to be James Blond.


Read what I got from the aforementioned fellers:


INTERPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Fraud Unit)
We fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO

Dear Sir/Madam,

Please do accept my apology, I do not wish to invade into your privacy but I wrote you an earlier mail about an inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impostor some while ago, from our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay. This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.

Please if you didn't received my previous mail, let me know so I can send it to you again .

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police
Chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit  



My character's reply:


What accordiance do you deem settling to me?  Personally, I am not articulated that way.  If I was, most of the sounds coming out of me would be akin to breaking bones and farts.  But I am kinda new at this sort of thing, and require edification.  I don't know anyone personally named Ed...if you do, can you ificate them to contact me and have speaks on this?  It would be ever so appreciatemented. 

While we're off the subject, how is it that I am rendered the signal honor of being so awarded your attention to this matter of dubious antecedence?  I am afraud that I was totally unawares of any of this heretofive.  I shall await your expedient expansion upon the subject so as to make clear to me what currently is fecal. 

I thank you for your thinking of me when it wasn't reciprocated.
Frank  
 
 
Should we be surprised that INTERtadPOL got back to my character?  Nawp:
 
 
INTERPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Fraud Unit)
We fight against fraud, funds delay and impersonation.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO


Dear sir/Madam,

I am sending it again to you. Sorry for the inconveniences that was rendered to you in your line of Inheritance Payment transaction with some impostor some while ago.

I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but firstly I will like to introduce myself; I am Mr Teko Mawuli, Director General of Togo police the Legal chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit.

The INTERPOL is the world’s largest international police organization, with 190 member countries. Our role is to enable police around the world to work together to make the world a safer place. Our high-tech infrastructure of technical and operational support helps meet the growing challenges of fighting crime in the 21st century.

This particular Commission was initiated to detect fraud/funds delay/impersonation of Government Officials. Secondly, we are mandated by the US Government to settle foreign debts/fraud victims/Un-paid beneficiaries to satisfactory in other to maintain peace in the world at large and also to create a good relationship with the international bodies.

Presently, we are being paid by the American government in other to avert beneficiary funds delays/fraud/scams and any other related illegalities in West Africa .

So far, we have settled the likes of (Mrs. Debbie Hargrove, Mr. Micheal Wagner , Ms. Janet Moore and many more). You are being contacted by this office because your Case File (A) is the very first File on our Settlement Files Cabinet.

From our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you are a victim of fraud/funds delay. This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.

For further investigation and your compensation, kindly send the below information to us immediately:

1. Your residential address (Not pox)
2. Mobile/ Telephone Number (for regular official contact).
3. Your Age
4. Sex
5. Occupation
5. Your inheritance funds value.
6. Amount which you have lost previously.

The above-mentioned information will officially enable us to carry out our verification processes and after that your compensation sum/Inheritance Funds will be Electronically wired into your designated Bank account.

Your immediate compliance to this will expedite actions on your Payment because here in this office, we have a lot of listed victims to be settled.


Officially Signed,

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police
Chairman of Anti-Fraud Unit  


Alrighty then...since a gibberish answer didn't quite reach the "got it" receptors of the reader, let's try this edit for size:


On Sunday, December 14, 2014 11:52 PM, INTERtadPOL Anti-Frog Unit <navisonivandatg@gmail.com> figured out after sex with a bipolar otter that it was time to wrote: 
INTERtadPOL Lome-TOGO (West Africa Anti-Frog Unit)
We fight against frogs, toads, lizards (especially that GEICO bastard) and impersonation of any of the aforementioned.
Head Office: Plot 802, Constitution Avenue, Lome-TOGO


Dear sir/Madam,

I am sending it again to you. Sorry for the inconveniences...those damned frogs and like-minded amphibian bastards are such pricks to have to deal with here.  Especially the poisonous ones.

I know that this letter will hit you by surprise, but if you have good reflexes, you can deflect it.  If it did hit you by surprise, clear your head before I introgoose myself....*WOOOOHOOOO*...dang, that's fun.  Now I will like to introduce myself though introgoosing is fun too; I am Mr Teko Mawuli, Director General of Togo police the Legal chairman of Anti-Frog Et Al Unit.

The INTERtadPOL is the world’s largest international police organization dedicated to combatting frogs, toads, lizards, Al Sharpton...just another lizard...with 190 member countries that don't like frogs or Sharpton either. Our role is to enable police around the world to work together to make the world frog 'n such free. Our high-tech infrastructure of technical and operational support -- a laptop PC in a fly infested internet café running Windows Millennium -- helps meet the growing challenges of fighting crime in the 19th century as best as we can figure.

The fact that it's powered by two 'roid raging hamsters on a wheel probably suggests we need an upgrade.

This particular Commission was initiated to detect frogs/toads/impersonation of a woman by Sandra Fluke and other strange things out of the DNC. Secondly, we are womandated by the the women of Girls Gone Wild....yowza.  The US Government hired us to help with the ACA webslight to make sure that it is frog-n-toad-n-lizard free, to meet another obscure ACA guideline Obola inserted in it yesterday from the golf course.  The purpose of which is to keep Joe Bidumb busy enough to not make any public statements for the next two years, we're pretty sure.

Presently, we are being paid by the American government in order to insure our illegal votes in '16 for whatever yutz the left plans to run to replace Obola.  Probably with some illegalities from West Africa, since our INTERtadPOL surveillance unit has a picture of Hillary, a llama and an inflatable head of Bill de Blasio, coming out of a motel in Tijuana a couple months ago.

So far, we have settled the likes of (Lena Dunpork, Diane Unfeinsteen, AlGored and many more). You are being contacted by this office because your Case File (A) had frogs in it, and they ate your credentials.

From our intelligent investigations and Probing processes we discovered that you haven't had a proctological exam, and you have really bad gas.  This Memorandum is to notify you that you will be settled accordingly.  In a well-ventilated area.

For further investigation of your constipation and other unrelated stuffs, kindly send the below information to us immediately:

1. Your residential address (Not pox; don't send us your pox.  Whatever you do, do NOT send us your pox)
2. Mobile/ Telephone Number (for regular official contact if you send us your pox, you bastard).
3. Your Age at the time you realized what a pox was
4. Last time you had sex with a pox
5. Last time you hung out with crime-ridden, drug 'n drum circling Occutards
5. Your underwear inseam
6. Amount of creamed corn you've eaten in the past 5 years

The above-mentioned information will officially enable us to have not one friggin' idea about what to do next.  And after that, we rectum that you'll be frog-free.

We realize none of this makes much sense.  Hey, we're Third World idjits of dubious antecedence who voted for Obola illegally and often.  Your immediate compliance to this will expedite genital rot here in this office, we have a lot of listing vaginal structures here we're trying to figure out how to re-insert where they belong.  It's always something new and strange here.

Officially Signed,

Mr Teko Mawuli,
Director General of Togo police 'n fries; franchises available in Nigeria.
Chairman of Anti-Frog Unit  


It appears that this time, this version of INTERtadPOL got the message.  The DNC is probably still trying to translate it...





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1 Comments:

Blogger Sandee said...

The DNC isn't the brightest bulb in the package. They are still working on the translation.

Have a fabulous day Mike. My best to Seymour. :)

11 January, 2015 09:47  

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