Skunkfeathers: Short...And Screwed

In Scam Land -- and Democrap Land -- very much so.

I get a kick out of the emails my character gets from "soldiers" serving in far flung regions, always offering me money they've found on missions.

And the gaffes and errors they commit up front (pun sorta intended) always tend to get by them.

Especially with photos.

Let's take our latest 'stupid getting stupider' contestant, Nazily/Nazly Confessor, a military officer.

Or so she says.

Here's her opening salvo:

Hello How are you doing today? I need assistance from you , it is very important please let me know if you get this,Kindly reply back.Warm regardsNazly

The name on her email said 'Nazily Confessor'. I guess by shortening it one vowel would help out Pat/Vanna. But it didn't get by me:

Figure out how to consistently spell your name first.

As with most scammers lately, Nazily/Nazly cares less what I said, than that I responded:

Hi Dear,Thanks for your kind response and as a matter of fact, I am very happy to read your mail, however, I really want to establish a true relationshipthat may lead to a business partner or something else.

It is my pleasure meeting you, I hope all is well with you and how are you enjoying your day? as i told you earlier in my previous letter, my name is Nazily Confessor I am US military officer currently in Afghanistan now, and i will like to get acquainted with you, I am loving, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor, I enjoy meeting new people and knowing their way of life, I enjoy watching the sea waves and the beauty of the mountains and everything that nature has to offer.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgentseveryday and car bombs and during one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the supporters of the overthrow government of Afghanistan, which I believe was money meant for buying weapons and ammunition, and it was agreed by all Army officers present on that rescue mission that the money will be shared among us and which we did.

Out of the total fund my share was $4,560,000 ( Four Million Five Hundred and Sixty Thousand united states Dollars) I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money out of this country (Afghanistan) to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf till i come over to your country,

Lots of little verbal cues here let one know that I have a 'live one' here...and she thinks that she does, too.

But then, she compounds her series of verbal gaffes with a huge photo gaffe, when she includes this photo claiming that it's her:

In case you don't see it, check out the name tag on her uniform...'Duran'.

*TOING*

I can't let this one go, so I take what, for me, is a subtle approach:

Nazily Confessor, you might want to take a closer look at your alleged photos. One of them is a seriously flawed FAIL

Her comprehension doesn't improve just yet...let alone how she spells her own name:

My dearest,I am pleased to be reading your mail again, how are you today? I hope that life is treating you well.My dear, I understand you may be hesitant about my proposal, maybe for security reasons, i want you to be fully confident and assured that I have covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger. No one is in any danger from this and I really hope that you will be honest with me all through.

I know that several institutions in several countries are imposing strict monetary laws that will make it very difficult to make a bank transfer, to that effect I have devised a means of getting the money over to you without involving the bank. I have carefully concealed the money in a trunk box containing gift items and has handed it over to a shipping company called "INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING SERVICES GLOBEX COURIER' (a courier company that will deliver the trunk box straight to your doorsteps) They have registered the consignment as family treasures and will deliver it using a diplomatic to avoid scrutiny and detection. Note that even the security company does not know the real content of the box and you are not to let them know, it stays between the two of us for security reasons.

One might ask why i would entrust such a weighty responsibility on a stranger, the truth is that i would have loved to send the package to my country, but any package, whether diplomatic or not, entering my country in my name will be subject to severe scrutiny and seizure because i am a soldier on a mission, i am not supposed to be sending packages. That means that I cannot enlist the help of my friends or family who are US citizens, i have no option than to find a trustworthy stranger who I can trust, i know I am taking a risk but I trust that you will do the right thing by your conscience. I have this inner feeling that I can count on you.

I really hope that you are someone I can trust and someone that can help me reach my goal.

please i will like you to forward your contact information including your telephone number to enable the diplomat to reach you easily on his arrival in your country in the next 72 hours, though i will update you later after i might have received the information from you, please i want to remind you once again that every arrangement towards this project is intact between both of us and on no account should you let the International Shipping Services Globex Courier Company to know the content of the box, remember that the consignment was registered As family treasures to the security company. i need your informationsFULL NAME:.........................CITY:.......................COUNTRY:........................OCCUPATION ....................TELEPHONE NUMBER:........................RESIDENTIAL OR OFFICE ADDRESS,TO RECEIVE THE SHIPMENT :..........................

Once I receive the above information I will arrange your meeting with the diplomat within 72 hours and I shall give you a password and code to present to the diplomat for proper identification.

That will be all for now as I await your immediate response.Love and care from,Nasly

Oblivion can't last forever, but let's test it:

My adorably oblivious one, I must tell you that it's clear that you haven't covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger. You've already overlooked something, a simple but obvious something. If you miss that, how can I depend on you to protect me from a hamster with an RPG? I would suggest that you carefully re-examine the three photos of 'you' that you sent me and see if you can see what I'm talking about.

Nazily/Nazly/Nasly isn't quite there yet:

Good morning my dear i receive your mail and understand what you said yes the both of us are safe i just need your details only to know you and give you the shipping company contact that will deliver this package to your country hope you will understand me

Oh, I am understanding you just fine, my tri-named wonder...but I am questioning whether you are understanding me. So this is a test of the Tri-Named Confessor Comprehension System: This is only a test. Question: if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose, and what is wrong with this photo?