Skunkfeathers: USMC It Ain't

When someone tries a scam using a branch of the US Military, you might think that with all the informational resources available on the web, that they could make their scam at least somewhat believable.

Meh...like today's democraps who think the majority will believe anything put out on cnn, scammers just throw together templates and expect a score.

Like this one apparently did:

Hi,

I am a USMC on a special redeployment. I am looking for a good looking and intelligent person for a relationship. Or a person who can accept to take custody of an amount being proceed of a raid we carried out here. If you are interested mail me back with your picture. All communication must be through an end-to-end encrypted means. It is important that you must communicate with me for easy communication. And I assure you that your privacy will be protected too.

I got your email contact through an opt-in consumer directory.

I expect your response.

A Sgt. USA

Marine Corps.

"A Sgt. USA Marine Corps."?

Okay. I kept the response simple:

Fine. Tell me more.

It took a day, but it became clear that my "A Sgt." was a woman, or at least pretending to be one, like we see a lot of these days. At any rate, 'she' repeated 'her' original message, and worked in some frills and dressing as 'she' went along:

Hi,

I am a USMC on a special redeployment. I am looking for a good looking and intelligent person for a relationship. Or a person who can accept to take custody of an amount being proceed of a raid we carried out here. If you are interested mail me back with your picture. All communication must be through an end-to-end encrypted means. It is important that you must communicate with me for easy communication. And I assure you that your privacy will be protected too.

I got your email contact through an opt-in consumer directory.

I really want to establish a true relationship with you and even to have a business partnership as well with you, We have to build trust and believe in each other because without trust we cannot achieve our aims which I know you're not going to fail or betray me.

We are being attacked everyday by insurgents, but during our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contains a huge amount of money which we suspect it belongs to insurgents in Afghanistan which is meant for importation of ammunition, and it was agreed by members of my patrol to share the money among us and which we did. My share is $ 7,500,000 (Seven Million Five Hundred Thousand USD). I am seeking your assurance and assistance to secure my share of the money.

It's clear to me that you might feel this proposal will come to you as a surprise but it is the will of our good lord that you are the one I selected to help me after I found your contact and through much prayer it came to me that you were the one I should reach to. I want to let you know that I have made solid arrangements with Security and Shipping and they have promised to deliver the funds through a diplomatic method to any of my chosen destination.

This delivery may not be handled legally by the Shipping and security company but there will not be any form of risk involved in the process. Follow my instructs and the funds will be delivered to you.

We can negotiate your compensation for helping me but I assure you that I am generous. If we find mutual attractive to each other that will be more. Now i want you to assure me that if this money is delivered to you that you are going to be trustworthy to keep the money till when i will come to you to meet you face to face to plan our future.

One passionate appeal I will make to you is not to discuss this matter to a third party or anybody, to avoid any leakage of this information until after you receive the funds.

I have chosen to contact you and I pray that you will not betray my trust and you turn to be the one I've dreamed of all my adult lives. You may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without formal introduction, well, I will say that my mind convinced me that you are the true person to help me in receiving this Fund.

Note; I do not know how long we are going to remain here in the USMC and my fate since I have survived much attacks here, which prompted me to search out for a reliable and trustworthy person to help me, because I will be coming over to you to start a new life not as a soldier anymore but i have suffered so much here in Afghanistan.

Waiting for your respond soonest,

love,

Sgt Rachel Levine

USMC Corps.

Are you f**king kidding me??? Sgt...Rachel...Levine???

While it's clear that the scammer appropriated the name, the photos 'she' sent of 'her' were definitely NOT the above referenced:

The recently appointed Subtractmiral of the Bidumb regime would probably not be amused by being easily and frightfully outwomaned in this way. But I digress.

Rather than edit this poignant, minefield-of-a-template, I decided that I'd let my 'heart of granite' pet rock, Seymour, handle the reply to the good Sarge. He didn't disappoint:

I must start by saying that you are full of positive-for-the-future piss and vinegar, Sarge. And you have the most alluring pair of....er...eyes.

I find that the scheme you offer up here is meant to be seductive, though not as seductive as your alluring pair of...uh...eyes.

Certainly the funds have a degree of attractiveness, no question.

But then you threw in the hint at matrimonial stuff.

Having been in a combat zone as you hint to having been, you know that there are similarities in post-matrimony that give a bachelor pause.

And as such, it suggest caution in proceeding with such a proposal.

That said, I will sincerely entertain your proposal in the manure that it deserves to be considered. In the meantime, you did ask for a picture of me. Here's my most recent effort to present myself in a most favorable light: