Thursday, December 15, 2022

A Little Gibberish Goes A Long Way

Proof that scammers, like democraps pols, don't learn from their mistakes.

Scammers like Kayla Manthey, who in the past has written to my character in English.

It didn't go well for her.

So now she's trying Croatian, expecting a better outcome:


Bok draga, molim te jesi li primila moju prethodnu poruku, hvala.


Rather than bother with teh Gooble translooter, my character opted for something that seemed to fit the moment:


fork pravda gorky fallopian mortar tubes.   

Not entirely surprisingly, that drew what I reckon to be a "positive" response:


Pozdrav moj najdraži prijatelju,Hvala na vašem ljubaznom odgovoru i zapravo, vrlo sam sretan što čitam vašu poštu, međutim, stvarno želim uspostaviti pravi odnos koji može dovesti do poslovnog partnerstva i ljubavi. Zadovoljstvo mi je upoznati vas, nadam se da je sve u redu s vama. Kao što sam vam rekao ranije u svom prethodnom pismu, moje ime je narednica Kayla Manthey. Imam 29 godina, neoženjen sam, nikada se prije nisam ženio.Ja sam časnik američke vojske trenutno u Siriji/Iraku, želio bih vas upoznati. Ja sam osoba puna ljubavi, iskrena i brižna, s dobrim smislom za humor. Volim upoznavati nove ljude i upoznati njihov način života. Uživam promatrati valove mora i ljepotu planina i sve što priroda nudi.Draga moja, želim da znaš da nas napadaju pobunjenici oružjem i automobilima bombama. Tijekom jedne od naših spasilačkih misija otkrili smo sef u kojem se nalazila ogromna svota novca koja je pripadala pristašama ekstremističke skupine Islamska država (ISIS) i vladinim pobunjenicima. po mom mišljenju, da je novac za nabavu oružja i streljiva, podijelio bi se između nas.Od ukupnog fonda, moj udio je bio 3.560.000 dolara (tri milijuna petsto šezdeset tisuća američkih (dolara). Tražim vašu pomoć da evakuiram svoj dio novca iz ove zemlje (Sirije) u vašu zemlju radi vaše sigurnosti. u moje ime , dok ne dođem u vašu zemlju, pa vas želim uvjeriti da ako vam ovaj novac bude dan u vašoj zemlji, mogu računati na to da ćete ga zadržati dok ne dođem u vašu zemlju i ne sretnem se licem u lice kako bismo se oporavili Novac.Znam da se možda bojite ovog prijedloga, ali želim vas obavijestiti da sam s prijevozničkom tvrtkom i stranim osiguranjem zaključio snažne i pravne dogovore i obećali su mi predati fond koji sam spakirao tako da izgleda kao jednostavna poklon kutija diplomatskom metodom do odredišta po mom izboru.Ovu isporuku legalno će obaviti tvrtka za otpremu i zaštitu i neće uključivati nikakav oblik rizika. Iznos će biti sigurno zapakiran u sef i ista će vam kutija biti dostavljena u vašu zemlju.Odlučio sam vam nadoknaditi 15% ukupnog novca nakon što vam novac bude vraćen, a ostatak je moj investicijski kapital u vašoj zemlji.Obavit ću uzbudljiv poziv: ne razgovarajte s trećom stranom. Ako ne želite sudjelovati u ovoj aktivnosti, izbrišite ovo pismo iz svog poštanskog sandučića kako biste izbjegli curenje ovih informacija. opasno za mene na temelju moje pozicije ovdje.Odlučio sam vas kontaktirati nakon mojih molitvi i vjerujem da nećete iznevjeriti moje povjerenje ili poništiti moj san, čak i ako se možda pitate zašto vam se otkrivam tako brzo bez formalnog predstavljanja, dobro, reći ću da moj um je uvjeren da ste vi prava osoba koja će mi pomoći da dobijem i uložim u ovaj fond.Bilješka; Ne znam koliko dugo ćemo ostati ovdje i kakva je moja sudbina jer sam ovdje preživio dva bombardiranja, što me je ponukalo da potražim pouzdanu i pouzdanu osobu koja bi mi pomogla primiti i uložiti Fond jer dolazim u vašu domovinu investirati i započeti novi život, ne više kao vojnik.Nadam se da su moja objašnjenja vrlo jasna, ali ako trebate pojašnjenje, javite mi i objasnit ću vam više. Želim vas obavijestiti da ovdje, u vojnoj zoni, ne smijemo koristiti mobilne telefone, koristimo samo radio poruke i komunikaciju elektroničkom poštom. Dopustite nam da nastavimo komunicirati putem e-pošte za to vrijeme.Zaključno, želio bih da mi možete odmah poslati odgovor u vezi s ovim prijedlogom, vaš hitan odgovor bit će vrlo cijenjen. Čekam da dobijem vaš prihvatljiv odgovor čim pročitate ovo pismo,puno ljubavi od mene,Narednica Kayla Manthey


And it was punctuated with photos like this:

Eh...not bad.  Nor was, I thunk, my response:


e plurabus manudo fungula constipato, que?

That merely guaranteed more Croatian drivel:


Zdravo najdraža moja,Drago mi je što ponovno čitam vašu poštu, kako ste danas? Nadam se da te život dobro tretira. Draga moja, razumijem da možda oklijevaš oko moje ponude, možda iz sigurnosnih razloga, želim da budeš potpuno siguran i uvjeren da sam pokrio sve osnove kako bih bio siguran da smo oboje sigurni i bez opasnosti.Molim te, draga moja, trebaš pažljivo slijediti moje upute kako bi izbjegao pogreške dok kasa ne stigne do tebe u tvoju zemlju i u tvoje vlasništvo.Znam da nekoliko institucija u nekoliko zemalja nameće stroge monetarne zakone koji će vrlo otežati bankovni prijenos, u tom sam smislu osmislio način da vam novac prenesem bez uplitanja banke. Pažljivo sam sakrio novac u kutiju prtljažnika koja sadrži poklone i predao sam je brodarskoj tvrtki u Ujedinjenom Kraljevstvu koja se zove COLNBROOK EXPRESS LOGISTIC (CEL) (kurirska tvrtka koja će dostaviti kutiju prtljažnika ravno do vašeg kućnog praga) i oni su registrirali su pošiljku kao obiteljsko blago i bit će isporučena diplomatskim sustavom kako bi se izbjeglo ispitivanje i otkrivanje. Imajte na umu da čak ni zaštitarska tvrtka ne zna pravi sadržaj kutije i ne smijete ih obavijestiti, ona ostaje između nas dvoje iz sigurnosnih razloga.Netko bi se mogao zapitati zašto bih povjerio tako veliku odgovornost strancu, istina je da bih volio poslati paket u svoju zemlju, ali svaki paket, diplomatski ili ne, koji u moju zemlju ulazi u moje ime podliježe strogi pregled i zapljena jer sam vojnik na misiji, ne bih trebao slati pakete. To znači da ne mogu zatražiti pomoć svojih prijatelja ili obitelji koji su državljani SAD-a, nemam izbora nego pronaći pouzdanog stranca kojemu mogu vjerovati, znam da riskiram, ali vjerujem da ćeš učiniti pravu stvar po svojoj savjesti. Imam taj unutarnji osjećaj da mogu računati na tebe.Što se tiče pitanja srca, stvarno mi treba muškarac zbog kojeg se mogu osjećati posebnom, netko kome mogu vjerovati, muškarac koji je spreman voljeti me kao što sam ja spremna voljeti njega, to je ono što želim, a ne samo posao. Ako je ono što tražim preveliki teret, ne bih imao ništa protiv jer se na ljubav ne može prisiliti, ali u poslu bih volio da se prema meni postupa pošteno.molim vas, želio bih da proslijedite svoje podatke za kontakt uključujući i vaš telefonski broj kako bi diplomat mogao lako doći do vas po dolasku u vašu zemlju u sljedeća 72 sata, iako ću vas ažurirati kasnije nakon što možda od vas primim informacije, molim vas, želim vas još jednom podsjetiti da je svaki dogovor u vezi s ovim projektom netaknut između nas oboje i ni u kojem slučaju ne smijete dopustiti COLNBROOK EXPRESS LOGISTIC (CEL) da zna sadržaj kutije, zapamtite da je pošiljka registrirana kao obitelj Blago zaštitarskoj tvrtki.****************PUNO IME:.........................,GRAD:.......................,ZEMLJA:........................,OKUPACIJA ....................,TELEFONSKI BROJ:........................,ADRESA STANOVANJA ILI POSLA, ZA PRIJEM POŠILJKE:............................Nakon što primim gore navedene informacije, dogovorit ću vaš sastanak s diplomatom u roku od 72 sata i dat ću vam lozinku i šifru koje ćete pokazati diplomatu radi pravilne identifikacije.To bi bilo sve za sada jer čekam vaš trenutni odgovor.Ljubav i briga od, Narednica Kayla Manthey.


Love when they talk scam to me in Croatian.


Wonder how they feel about my replies?


phlegm caddilhopper flieger schiesse boneless nachos ala kumquat.

Maybe something is beginning to dawn on this trollop, as her email suddenly becomes short, if not to the point:


Nisam siguran što ovdje znači?

Antioruncle pasto monamee...espirito santo fang duck duck duck.


And that seems to have finally brought a halt to a scammer, using Croatian lingo, trying to be an American female Army sergeant somewhere in the Middle East, or some such.

Since I didn't bother to use teh Gooble translooter, I have no idea.

Nor do I care...






 

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Sunday, August 7, 2022

Short...And Screwed

In Scam Land -- and Democrap Land -- very much so.

I get a kick out of the emails my character gets from "soldiers" serving in far flung regions, always offering me money they've found on missions.

And the gaffes and errors they commit up front (pun sorta intended) always tend to get by them.

Especially with photos.

Let's take our latest 'stupid getting stupider' contestant, Nazily/Nazly Confessor, a military officer.

Or so she says.

Here's her opening salvo:

Hello How are you doing today? I need assistance from you , it is very important please let me know if you get this,Kindly reply back.Warm regardsNazly


 The name on her email said 'Nazily Confessor'.  I guess by shortening it one vowel would help out Pat/Vanna.  But it didn't get by me:


Figure out how to consistently spell your name first.


As with most scammers lately, Nazily/Nazly cares less what I said, than that I responded:

Hi Dear,Thanks for your kind response and as a matter of fact, I am very happy to read your mail, however, I really want to establish a true relationshipthat may lead to a business partner or something else.

It is my pleasure meeting you, I hope all is well with you and how are you enjoying your day? as i told you earlier in my previous letter, my name is Nazily Confessor I am US military officer currently in Afghanistan now, and i will like to get acquainted with you, I am loving, honest and caring person with a good sense of humor, I enjoy meeting new people and knowing their way of life, I enjoy watching the sea waves and the beauty of the mountains and everything that nature has to offer.

My dear, i want you to know that we are being attacked by insurgentseveryday and car bombs and during one of our rescue mission we came across a safe box that contain huge amount of money that belongs to the supporters of the overthrow government of Afghanistan, which I believe was money meant for buying weapons and ammunition, and it was agreed by all Army officers present on that rescue mission that the money will be shared among us and which we did.


Out of the total fund my share was $4,560,000 ( Four Million Five Hundred and Sixty Thousand united states Dollars) I am seeking your assistance to evacuate my share of the money out of this country (Afghanistan) to your own country for you to keep it safe on my behalf till i come over to your country,

Lots of little verbal cues here let one know that I have a 'live one' here...and she thinks that she does, too.

But then, she compounds her series of verbal gaffes with a huge photo gaffe, when she includes this photo claiming that it's her:


In case you don't see it, check out the name tag on her uniform...'Duran'.

*TOING*

I can't let this one go, so I take what, for me, is a subtle approach:

Nazily Confessor, you might want to take a closer look at your alleged photos.  One of them is a seriously flawed FAIL

Her comprehension doesn't improve just yet...let alone how she spells her own name:

My dearest,I am pleased to be reading your mail again, how are you today? I hope that life is treating you well.My dear, I understand you may be hesitant about my proposal, maybe for security reasons, i want you to be fully confident and assured that I have covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger. No one is in any danger from this and I really hope that you will be honest with me all through.


I know that several institutions in several countries are imposing strict monetary laws that will make it very difficult to make a bank transfer, to that effect I have devised a means of getting the money over to you without involving the bank. I have carefully concealed the money in a trunk box containing gift items and has handed it over to a shipping company called "INTERNATIONAL SHIPPING SERVICES GLOBEX COURIER' (a courier company that will deliver the trunk box straight to your doorsteps) They have registered the consignment as family treasures and will deliver it using a diplomatic to avoid scrutiny and detection. Note that even the security company does not know the real content of the box and you are not to let them know, it stays between the two of us for security reasons.


One might ask why i would entrust such a weighty responsibility on a stranger, the truth is that i would have loved to send the package to my country, but any package, whether diplomatic or not, entering my country in my name will be subject to severe scrutiny and seizure because i am a soldier on a mission, i am not supposed to be sending packages. That means that I cannot enlist the help of my friends or family who are US citizens, i have no option than to find a trustworthy stranger who I can trust, i know I am taking a risk but I trust that you will do the right thing by your conscience. I have this inner feeling that I can count on you.

I really hope that you are someone I can trust and someone that can help me reach my goal.


please i will like you to forward your contact information including your telephone number to enable the diplomat to reach you easily on his arrival in your country in the next 72 hours, though i will update you later after i might have received the information from you, please i want to remind you once again that every arrangement towards this project is intact between both of us and on no account should you let the International Shipping Services Globex Courier Company to know the content of the box, remember that the consignment was registered As family treasures to the security company. i need your informationsFULL NAME:.........................CITY:.......................COUNTRY:........................OCCUPATION ....................TELEPHONE NUMBER:........................RESIDENTIAL OR OFFICE ADDRESS,TO RECEIVE THE SHIPMENT :..........................


Once I receive the above information I will arrange your meeting with the diplomat within 72 hours and I shall give you a password and code to present to the diplomat for proper identification.

That will be all for now as I await your immediate response.Love and care from,Nasly


Oblivion can't last forever, but let's test it:

My adorably oblivious one, I must tell you that it's clear that you haven't covered all grounds in making sure that we are both safe and free from danger.  You've already overlooked something, a simple but obvious something.  If you miss that, how can I depend on you to protect me from a hamster with an RPG?  I would suggest that you carefully re-examine the three photos of 'you' that you sent me and see if you can see what I'm talking about.

Nazily/Nazly/Nasly isn't quite there yet:

Good morning my dear i receive your mail and understand what you said yes the both of us are safe i just need your details only to know you and give you the shipping company contact that will deliver this package to your country hope you will understand me

Oh, I am understanding you just fine, my tri-named wonder...but I am questioning whether you are understanding me.  So this is a test of the Tri-Named Confessor Comprehension System:  This is only a test.  Question:  if a sheep is a ram and a donkey is an ass, why is a ram in the ass a goose, and what is wrong with this photo?

Something must have vaguely finally penetrated the wooden mind of ol' Tri-Named, cuz here's her butt hurt reply:

i can see that your just playing with me stop it   


Oh yeah?

You think I'm playing with you?
Baby, if you were here, I'd show you some fun times 'playing with you'.
Yowza.


And that concludes another 'soldier with money' scam from the bowels of Scam Land.

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Friday, July 8, 2022

Stumped

Meet Koffi Emmanue, a claimed-to-be resident of Togo.

This, he claims, is him.

He sends a request for assistance, along with this and two other photos, to impress upon the recipient just how much help he needs.

After a careful examination of his photos and email, it's clear that Koffi does, in fact, need help.

Just not the kind he claims.

Here's Koffi's ploy to give me the business:

Dearest,Happy New Year.I am Mr. KOFFI EMMANUE from Sokode State Togo, please help me and my kids we are facing pains and hungry everyday here we don't have anything at home to eat I lost my legs and arms In motor accident on my way going to work, I lost my job because of this and since my kids mother left us I have no way to afford my kids needs.Please help us and have mercy on us nothing is to small please pity my condition any amount is enough  thank you and God bless you and your family

Please if you make a donation  of any amount i will appreciate it very much.Please i am totally broke and i really need money to feed my children, any help from you would be appreciated.

May God bless you as you contact me for any little help you have for me.Attached are pictures of me and my children to enable you to see me.GOD BLESS EVERY HAND THAT HELP ME AND MY CHILDREN, YOUR PRAYERS WILL NOT BE IN VAIN

GOD BLESS YOU AS YOU HELP METhank you in anticipation.Mr. KOFFI EMMANUEfrom Sokode State Togo.   


Here are the other two photos Koffi included to sell his ploy:

...and...


Hmmmm.  He "lost his legs and arms in motor accident".  At least he got 50% of that right in the photos.


I can forget that the bandaging looks a bit different in each photoshop; no two wraps are usually the same.


I can further excuse the fact that in the third picture, he appears to be a different, portlier person than in the first and second photos.


I just can't get past what appears to be rather bad photoshopping that I am pretty sure was meant to be overlooked in the two "awww" photos.


The pet rocks -- Seymour and Element -- suggested I send him some of the Monopoly money from the game I never use (and they are pissed that they can't play).


Instead, I sent him this to chew on:


It's clear you need prayers, alright.
Those prayers need to start with wishing you a far better photoshop program than the one you're using.
And some better proofreading of your chosen template is clearly in order, too.  If you are stumped trying to figure out what I'm telling you, someone in your fly-infested internet cafe will figure it out for you.
They might even be able to tell you what I just did there.
If you're looking for handouts, try GoFundMe.  Lots of gullible nincompoops there.
"Koffi" wasn't willing to let it go at that...but should have been:

What do you mean with this?

I mean that I don't buy your template or your photoshops.  You said you lost your arms AND legs.

I did!!!!  Can you need see the pictures?   

Yeah I can see them.  Are you writing these emails?

Yes why?

*TOING*

Using what to type them...your dick?

After that, Koffi had no more interest in trying to stump me...


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