Truth in Scammertising

You'll never get the truth from scammers.  That's why the DNC bought cnn and pmsnbc.  To keep the truth suppressed.

That aside, the scammers that like to use Nigeria as their base of operation are hard at it again, with another talking desk sending out this crap:


NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM COMPANY (NNPC)
FROM THE DESK OF Group Managing Director (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.
EMAIL:nnpc_n@yahoo.com
RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PED/401/2017

Subject: LETTER OF INTENT (RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PED/901/2017


Although this mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from
someone you do not know or seen before, but base upon recommendation I
gathered about your person, I had to contact you for your assistance
to transfer fund into your account.

I am Group Managing Director of the Nigerian national petroleum
corporation (NNPC).
My office is also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved. A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2016
indicates that the NNPC paid out a whooping sum of US$936M
(Nine Hundred and Thirty Six Million, United States Dollars) to
successful contract beneficiaries.
The NNPC is now compiling beneficiaries to be paid at the last fiscal
quarter of 2017.

The crux of this letter is that the finance/contract department of the
NNPC deliberately over-inflated the contract value of the various
contracts awarded. In the course of disbursement, this My office has
been able to track down the sum of US$100M (One Hundred Million, U.S.
Dollars) as the over-invoiced sum.
This money is now lying and floating in the NNPC domiciliary account with the
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). My colleagues and I want to quickly
transfer this fund to a safe nominate foreign account for possible
i nvestment abroad; this is the reason why I contacted you.

We are not allowed as a matter of government policy to operate any
Foreign account because of our status as civil/public servants. Hence
the need to solicit for your full Banking details to enable us
Transfer this money into your account on Swift Code
.
We have also evolved a sharing formula as follows: -
(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Furthermore, we shall be coming over to your country when the money is
finally in your account and we shall be relying on your advice as
regards to investment of our share. Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.


Yada, yada, yada.


I have a thing about emails from talking desks.  So the scammer learns in this edit:

NIGERIAN NINCOMPOOP PATHETICS COLLECTION (NNPC)
FROM THE DESK OF A Nincompoop Who Has To Have His Desk Handle Email (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Scams The Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.
EMAIL:nnpc_n@yahoo.com
RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PEDOPHILE/401/2017

Subject: LETTER OF INTENT (RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PEDOPHILE/901/2017


This mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from a piece of furniture

that's waaaay smarter than the butt-picking fart smeller that sits here.  But

here in Nigeria, with a population full of nincompoops, that's how we roll

here.  We're just like the American DNC. 

I am the desk that Group Manages a slovenly collection of abject nincompoops

that pretty much make up the Nigerian Nincompoop Pathetics Collection (NNPC).

I am also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved.  I'm stuck with it because I, as an

inanimate piece of furniture, have five times the intellect of the moron

that sits here.

A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2017
indicates that things here broke down because the NNPC is full

of abject, useless nincompoops.  Even the most basic of

accounting softwares available concluded that.  Shit, the

adding machine that sits on me knew that before any of the

butt pickers around here crawled out of their fly-infested wallows

to show up and expect someone to feed them.

The crux of this letter is that the furniture and equipment in this

dive of an office are all that keep this outfit operating.  The

nipple-headed twat waffles here can't write, add, speak or do

anything worthwhile.  So they sit around the one working

internet access computer, sending out poorly thought-out and

badly written scams.

And then make me send them.

Tell you how bad it is here:  there's a pile of monkey shit in

the chair the clown that usually sits here would occupy.  But

the monkey roughed him up, took a dump here, and left with

the mouse and the stapler.

So I'm left to contact you with this poorly crafted scam the

nincompoop was supposed to group-send this morning.

 This is the reason why I contacted you.

We -- as inanimate office furniture -- are not allowed as a matter

of government policy to operate any scams abroad without at

least one of the nincompoops here to "oversee" the operation.

But they're all out back, competing in a "how many flies occupy

the outdoor outhouse" contest.

Entertainment is a bit thin here at NNPC.

This scam was supposed to entice you with millions of dollars.

This office hasn't got five Nigerian shillings to its name.

But I'd hate to waste the bone-in-nose "sharing formula" that

one of the nincompoops thinks he created (it came with the

original scam template they kiped from a hacker web site): -

(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Are you up for 30% of five shillings?

It will only cost you a few hundred USD or Euros; pay that, and

this desk will know that you're as big a nincompoop as the idiots

that spend their day picking their asses and eating the findings.

Of course, this desk is required to add this: Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.

Bullshit; it's office furniture that's carrying this, since none of these

nincompoops are smart enough to know how to do an email.

Also, this desk shall require of you the following information  urgently
1. Name,
2. Telephone
3. Name and full address of the Company  If any.

This is to let these douche canoes think that I'm doing their job for

them.

Please reply immediately through my email address
nnpc_n@yahoo.com;  I want to see if you're dumber than a desk

and equally as stupid as the nincompoops here at NNPC.

Sincerely,
The desk of a group of abject morons that make up [NNPC]
(the one that sits here when monkeys aren't beating him up is named Maikanti Baru this week; it changes, scam to scam).
nnpc_n@yahoo.com

Of no surprise, no reply from this scammer.  Or his desk.  Truth in scammertising is not welcome in Nigeria.  Or the DNC.

Even The Desktops Are Stupid

I'm pretty sure that the desk pictured here is waaaaay smarter than the latest talking desk I'm hearing from.

Gideon Masie, claiming to be from Barclay's Bank in the UK -- and the latest scammer I'm hearing from making that claim -- started out like this:


 ON THE DESK TOP OF     GIDEON MASIE
      BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND

Hello sir,
In reference to your funds which was forwarded to us here ( BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND) FOR FURTHER VERIFICATION AND AUTHENTICATION .    We want to come to your notice that after due verification, we found out that your fund transfer was done through non existing banking process based on open tender policy.   As a matter of fact, the transfer which was attempted several times with different beneficiaries was believed to be a floating fund without a good clam of ownership.

On this regard, I, Mr.Gideon Masie is now your new bank officer.   I will work well with you but I love transparency in every thing I do. You will have your money but due to the errors committed in the past, some areas need to be clarified for the security of the fund, As soon as 100% guarantee is achieved,this is to know is the fund in question is a payment for drug transaction ,money laundry or things related to that.once this is done, I have no any other option than to forward your money to any accounted provided  We are sorry if this in one way or the other will affect you but there is nothing we can do than what is necessary  for security reasons.

DONT BE AFRAID TO RELATE TO ME OF WHERE YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEM
YOU MAY CONTACT ME ON MY PRIVATE EMAIL
gideonmasie@yahoo.com

GIDEON MASIE BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND  


So instead of "from the desk of", it's now "on the desk top of".  Okay, fine:  let's have at it:


Why would I want to converse with your desk top?  


That apparently so confused ol' Gideon, he sent me this reply three times:


Sir,
I did not understand your question. I am writing as your new bank officer. Please forward to this office your full data ,ID and bank details
GIDEON  


I simply why would I want to converse with your desk top.  Just what is on YOUR desk?  


Hope you don't mind forwarding the required documents for further processes.
GIDEON  


I wouldn't mind if I knew what the f**k you were talking about.  What documents?  What are they?  


At your services any time you are ready  


You are?  At my services?  Anytime I'm ready?  Okay, I'll play:  what services are you at?  


Read my mail on 20th  


When, the 20th of next month?  If you mean for me to READ your mail of the 20th, stop being dumber than a door stop and say so. 


There is no needs for you to be insulting.  Read my mail on the 20th.  


Fine, I'll get back to you on the 20th.  Anything else, Poodle Lips?  


Please read again my mail on the 20th. Stop make fun of me please.  


I already told you that I'd read your mail on the 20th just like you've asked.  I'll bet you're the same bank that offers free toasters to new depositors and then reneges on that offer, aren't you?  

I write nothing about a toaster.  PLEASE read my mail on the 20th and get back to me with what is needed.  This delay is not good.  


How many f**king times do I have to tell you that your request of my reading your mail on the 20th will be done when the bloody 20th comes around next?  If that isn't what you meant, bloody clari-f**king-fy yourself and don't you DARE renege again on the free toaster offer.


Did you read my mail on the 20th or not?  I said no thing about toaster.  Are you going to follow instructs or not?  


Today is the 29th, Numbnuts.  You said for me to read your mail on the 20th.  That's 23 days from now.  And I see that you and your bank are indeed reneging on your free toaster to depositors with new accounts again.  How can you POSSIBLY think that making and withdrawing such offers is good business for Barclay's?  Are you a moron by birth or choice?  Never mind...in re-reading our correspondence, you've already answered that.  

you are insane.  dont contact me more.  


My only insanity was believing your desktop was capable of delivering anything of value, including a free toaster.  Now I know why your desktop started this conversation...you certainly educationally up to it.


That got my character one last email response from ol' Gideon...but it was a reply with no text.  Left him textless, I guess.

Anyway, I'm marked my calendar...when the next 20th rolls around, I'll let him know I read his email on the 20th...and demand my toaster.