More Than A CEO Gets Sacked

I've tried this sober and it didn't work, so I don't reckon being drunk made much difference, other than in momentary expectations.

Speaking of being 'sober', I rather question whether this scammer was so when he pitched me the following email scam offer a little over a week or so ago.  He started it rather uniquely:

Barclays CEO Antony Jenkins just got sacked
 

It went on to 'splain the following:

hi  Jack Ewehoff  this to inform you that we have receive  email from bank cal African bank   with your name  and with the instruction from f b i office all so other our costumer care to pay this fund please  send your bank info  to enable me get this transfer don and make sure you send the charge of transfer is 500 USD   if you are ready send all this get back to me asap

for effectively doing the job he was originally called in to do, sources tell Business Insider

Barclays sacked CEO Antony Jenkins

And to add authenticity, the scammer added this picture of the alleged sacked CEO:

Granted, getting 'sacked' isn't all that fun unless you're groceries.  Then again, a CEO of a world-wide bank probably has a golden parachute that could support the entire 101st Airborne.

Now, my character and the scammer had a couple dozen back 'n forths over the course of this correspondence, during which time his ability to read and comprehend English was sorely tested, and like AOC, he flunked hugely.  Among other things, his demand for 500 USD suddenly changed to 500 pouds, particularly after he decided on his angle of choice to be used to fleece my character:

hi  Jack inregard of you mail yes sack but know  your  fund with our comstmer Care so you are adivse to send the payments of 500 poud for cost of transfer all so send your bank details where you wanted the fund to delivery In your account. Waiting for your reply

In spite of my repeating back to him his 'costumer care' and '500 poud', he followed up with what became the cornerstone of his follow up emails:

this formation to send the poud send it with the information with  account no were you want us to transfer the fund  make sure you send the payment 0f 500 poud waiting for the payment and your account info now

Name : Susan McGowan

SANTANDER BRANCH

15 HIGH STREET

NEWTOWNARDS

COUNTY DOWN

BT23 4XS

NEWTOWNARDS UK

A/C 32335802

SORT CODE. 09-01-29

BIC/SWIFT ABBYGB2LXXX

IBAN GB16ABBY09012932335802

He eventually got around to calling it "500 pounds", but never did get costumer care right; he just kinda dropped it after I inquired about what costumes costumers were being outfitted with.

Perhaps Bidumb get ups are all the rage there:

At any rate, my scammer got ever more insistent on completing the transaction, while I gave excuses for dragging it out like:

I am having a most difficult time finding a money wiring service that can handle something that weighs 500 pouds.  Bear with me.

But finally, he got around to insisting that "time was not on our side", and that I really needed to get the 500 pounds to Susan McGowan in NewTownTards, UK.

And that's when a previously used ploy came to mind.

I sent him this picture and this message of how to use the picture:

I have a much better, safer, more secure idea.  It cuts to the chase, gets right to the point,

and it guarantees predictable results every time.  

I am sending you this photo:  print it and take it to your Western Union office there.

Once you arrive there, present the picture to the clerk.

The clerk will ask you, "what is this?"

You will respond with "it's a henway."

The clerk -- recognizing the coded language -- will then ask, "what's a henway?"

You will reply "500 pounds."

The clerk will react in a manner one would expect in this case.

This method has been tried and tested.  It works the world over.

Do as I am instructing you and you'll find the results amazing I promise.   

I had to wait no more than an hour for the following reply:

do you take me in jest mr jack if you are not uninterested in reviceing the fund get back to me with serousness or not wait my time more.   

Do you mean, you silly ninny, that you did NOT follow my instructions?  You would have had your 500 pounds by now.  What kind of Third World nincompoops are running your operation there?

what is this?  what is ninpoop?  are you insult me?

Well...yes, I are.  Barclays CEO Antony Jenkins isn't the only one that just got sacked

And with that, another scambait comes to an inglorious end.  Mr. Bean would, no doubt, approve.

Even The Desktops Are Stupid

I'm pretty sure that the desk pictured here is waaaaay smarter than the latest talking desk I'm hearing from.

Gideon Masie, claiming to be from Barclay's Bank in the UK -- and the latest scammer I'm hearing from making that claim -- started out like this:


 ON THE DESK TOP OF     GIDEON MASIE
      BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND

Hello sir,
In reference to your funds which was forwarded to us here ( BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND) FOR FURTHER VERIFICATION AND AUTHENTICATION .    We want to come to your notice that after due verification, we found out that your fund transfer was done through non existing banking process based on open tender policy.   As a matter of fact, the transfer which was attempted several times with different beneficiaries was believed to be a floating fund without a good clam of ownership.

On this regard, I, Mr.Gideon Masie is now your new bank officer.   I will work well with you but I love transparency in every thing I do. You will have your money but due to the errors committed in the past, some areas need to be clarified for the security of the fund, As soon as 100% guarantee is achieved,this is to know is the fund in question is a payment for drug transaction ,money laundry or things related to that.once this is done, I have no any other option than to forward your money to any accounted provided  We are sorry if this in one way or the other will affect you but there is nothing we can do than what is necessary  for security reasons.

DONT BE AFRAID TO RELATE TO ME OF WHERE YOU ARE HAVING PROBLEM
YOU MAY CONTACT ME ON MY PRIVATE EMAIL
gideonmasie@yahoo.com

GIDEON MASIE BARCLAYS BANK OF ENGLAND  


So instead of "from the desk of", it's now "on the desk top of".  Okay, fine:  let's have at it:


Why would I want to converse with your desk top?  


That apparently so confused ol' Gideon, he sent me this reply three times:


Sir,
I did not understand your question. I am writing as your new bank officer. Please forward to this office your full data ,ID and bank details
GIDEON  


I simply why would I want to converse with your desk top.  Just what is on YOUR desk?  


Hope you don't mind forwarding the required documents for further processes.
GIDEON  


I wouldn't mind if I knew what the f**k you were talking about.  What documents?  What are they?  


At your services any time you are ready  


You are?  At my services?  Anytime I'm ready?  Okay, I'll play:  what services are you at?  


Read my mail on 20th  


When, the 20th of next month?  If you mean for me to READ your mail of the 20th, stop being dumber than a door stop and say so. 


There is no needs for you to be insulting.  Read my mail on the 20th.  


Fine, I'll get back to you on the 20th.  Anything else, Poodle Lips?  


Please read again my mail on the 20th. Stop make fun of me please.  


I already told you that I'd read your mail on the 20th just like you've asked.  I'll bet you're the same bank that offers free toasters to new depositors and then reneges on that offer, aren't you?  

I write nothing about a toaster.  PLEASE read my mail on the 20th and get back to me with what is needed.  This delay is not good.  


How many f**king times do I have to tell you that your request of my reading your mail on the 20th will be done when the bloody 20th comes around next?  If that isn't what you meant, bloody clari-f**king-fy yourself and don't you DARE renege again on the free toaster offer.


Did you read my mail on the 20th or not?  I said no thing about toaster.  Are you going to follow instructs or not?  


Today is the 29th, Numbnuts.  You said for me to read your mail on the 20th.  That's 23 days from now.  And I see that you and your bank are indeed reneging on your free toaster to depositors with new accounts again.  How can you POSSIBLY think that making and withdrawing such offers is good business for Barclay's?  Are you a moron by birth or choice?  Never mind...in re-reading our correspondence, you've already answered that.  

you are insane.  dont contact me more.  


My only insanity was believing your desktop was capable of delivering anything of value, including a free toaster.  Now I know why your desktop started this conversation...you certainly educationally up to it.


That got my character one last email response from ol' Gideon...but it was a reply with no text.  Left him textless, I guess.

Anyway, I'm marked my calendar...when the next 20th rolls around, I'll let him know I read his email on the 20th...and demand my toaster.