Truth in Scammertising

You'll never get the truth from scammers.  That's why the DNC bought cnn and pmsnbc.  To keep the truth suppressed.

That aside, the scammers that like to use Nigeria as their base of operation are hard at it again, with another talking desk sending out this crap:


NIGERIA NATIONAL PETROLEUM COMPANY (NNPC)
FROM THE DESK OF Group Managing Director (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.
EMAIL:nnpc_n@yahoo.com
RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PED/401/2017

Subject: LETTER OF INTENT (RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PED/901/2017


Although this mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from
someone you do not know or seen before, but base upon recommendation I
gathered about your person, I had to contact you for your assistance
to transfer fund into your account.

I am Group Managing Director of the Nigerian national petroleum
corporation (NNPC).
My office is also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved. A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2016
indicates that the NNPC paid out a whooping sum of US$936M
(Nine Hundred and Thirty Six Million, United States Dollars) to
successful contract beneficiaries.
The NNPC is now compiling beneficiaries to be paid at the last fiscal
quarter of 2017.

The crux of this letter is that the finance/contract department of the
NNPC deliberately over-inflated the contract value of the various
contracts awarded. In the course of disbursement, this My office has
been able to track down the sum of US$100M (One Hundred Million, U.S.
Dollars) as the over-invoiced sum.
This money is now lying and floating in the NNPC domiciliary account with the
Central Bank of Nigeria (CBN). My colleagues and I want to quickly
transfer this fund to a safe nominate foreign account for possible
i nvestment abroad; this is the reason why I contacted you.

We are not allowed as a matter of government policy to operate any
Foreign account because of our status as civil/public servants. Hence
the need to solicit for your full Banking details to enable us
Transfer this money into your account on Swift Code
.
We have also evolved a sharing formula as follows: -
(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Furthermore, we shall be coming over to your country when the money is
finally in your account and we shall be relying on your advice as
regards to investment of our share. Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.


Yada, yada, yada.


I have a thing about emails from talking desks.  So the scammer learns in this edit:

NIGERIAN NINCOMPOOP PATHETICS COLLECTION (NNPC)
FROM THE DESK OF A Nincompoop Who Has To Have His Desk Handle Email (NNPC)
NNPC Towers, Central Business District,
Herbert Macaulay Scams The Way,
P.M.B. 190, Garki, Abuja.
EMAIL:nnpc_n@yahoo.com
RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PEDOPHILE/401/2017

Subject: LETTER OF INTENT (RE: CONTRACT NO: NNPC/PEDOPHILE/901/2017


This mail might come to you as a surprise, since it is from a piece of furniture

that's waaaay smarter than the butt-picking fart smeller that sits here.  But

here in Nigeria, with a population full of nincompoops, that's how we roll

here.  We're just like the American DNC. 

I am the desk that Group Manages a slovenly collection of abject nincompoops

that pretty much make up the Nigerian Nincompoop Pathetics Collection (NNPC).

I am also saddled with the responsibility of screening,
categorization and prioritization of projects embarked upon by NNPC
as well as feasibility studies for selected projects and supervising
the projects consultants involved.  I'm stuck with it because I, as an

inanimate piece of furniture, have five times the intellect of the moron

that sits here.

A breakdown of the fiscal expenditure
by this office as at the end of the fourth fiscal quarter of 2017
indicates that things here broke down because the NNPC is full

of abject, useless nincompoops.  Even the most basic of

accounting softwares available concluded that.  Shit, the

adding machine that sits on me knew that before any of the

butt pickers around here crawled out of their fly-infested wallows

to show up and expect someone to feed them.

The crux of this letter is that the furniture and equipment in this

dive of an office are all that keep this outfit operating.  The

nipple-headed twat waffles here can't write, add, speak or do

anything worthwhile.  So they sit around the one working

internet access computer, sending out poorly thought-out and

badly written scams.

And then make me send them.

Tell you how bad it is here:  there's a pile of monkey shit in

the chair the clown that usually sits here would occupy.  But

the monkey roughed him up, took a dump here, and left with

the mouse and the stapler.

So I'm left to contact you with this poorly crafted scam the

nincompoop was supposed to group-send this morning.

 This is the reason why I contacted you.

We -- as inanimate office furniture -- are not allowed as a matter

of government policy to operate any scams abroad without at

least one of the nincompoops here to "oversee" the operation.

But they're all out back, competing in a "how many flies occupy

the outdoor outhouse" contest.

Entertainment is a bit thin here at NNPC.

This scam was supposed to entice you with millions of dollars.

This office hasn't got five Nigerian shillings to its name.

But I'd hate to waste the bone-in-nose "sharing formula" that

one of the nincompoops thinks he created (it came with the

original scam template they kiped from a hacker web site): -

(1) 30% for the foreign account owner (2) 60% for l and my colleagues
(3) 10% will be set aside to defray all incidental expenses both
locally and internationally during the course of this transaction.

Are you up for 30% of five shillings?

It will only cost you a few hundred USD or Euros; pay that, and

this desk will know that you're as big a nincompoop as the idiots

that spend their day picking their asses and eating the findings.

Of course, this desk is required to add this: Be informed that, this business is
genuine and 100% safe considering the high-powered government
officials involved.

Bullshit; it's office furniture that's carrying this, since none of these

nincompoops are smart enough to know how to do an email.

Also, this desk shall require of you the following information  urgently
1. Name,
2. Telephone
3. Name and full address of the Company  If any.

This is to let these douche canoes think that I'm doing their job for

them.

Please reply immediately through my email address
nnpc_n@yahoo.com;  I want to see if you're dumber than a desk

and equally as stupid as the nincompoops here at NNPC.

Sincerely,
The desk of a group of abject morons that make up [NNPC]
(the one that sits here when monkeys aren't beating him up is named Maikanti Baru this week; it changes, scam to scam).
nnpc_n@yahoo.com

Of no surprise, no reply from this scammer.  Or his desk.  Truth in scammertising is not welcome in Nigeria.  Or the DNC.

Getting It Wright...Not

Another day another half dozen scammers.

But this one caught my attention for a nanosecond; his name was Stephen Wright.

*TOING*

Then I realized that the real one is spelled Steven Wright.

*UNTOING*

Still, that made for an ideer in the edited reply.

*RETOING*


The faux Wright was running the old "overbilling" scam as part of the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation.

The edit added to and took off therefrom:

Corporate Hindquarters
NNPC Outhouse Central Business District

General Sani Abacha Curds 'n Wey

P.M.B 190 Garki Abuja

Eh Day

My Name is Mr. Stephen Wright I am a forgotten comic from HBO and other televisionals and now I kinda make due fronting with the Nigerian National Petroleum Jelly Corporation (NNPJC).  I have the privilege to request you to buy our jelly.  Please.  No one is buying our jelly.  We can't give the sh** away.  We tried.  We set ten pallot loads of it down in front of looters in Burntimore during their riots, and would you believe that the stupid sons 'n broads of bitches took everything not nailed down EXCEPT our jelly?

 

So what if it don't taste like Schmuckers?  I mean...it's 100% petroleum JELLY.  Okay, so it's darker than grape.  Yeah, it doesn't taste like apple butter, but dammit all, it LOOKS like apple butter.  We even had signs on the sides of the crates that said "Free Obola phone for every crate looted".

Guess we should have picked a somewhat less dumbed down loot-worthy town, like where the National Democrapic Committee dump sits.

 

 

Since this was the only gig I could get after HBO cancelled my *Yawn 2014* tour, I really need y'all to buy this sh** by the case.  If I don't make good at this, they may transfer me to writing emails from a fly infested internet cafe, trying to convince you that I'm a rich dying widow or a rich refugee or something stupid like that.

It's either that, or I take a job in Siberia shoveling yak sh**.

I am not ready to transfer to Siberia so that is where you come in. It is important to inform you that as uncivil servants in a Third World dump, we are forbidden to acknowledge to Trey Gowdy how many times we donated to the Clinton Crimepaign Foundation, in return for Bill showing up to help inseminate our goat herds; that is why I am requiring for your assistance to erase the emails that might show that.  I think they might be stored on Hellary's third email server that's hidden in the bathroom, cleverly disguised as a second water tank on the toilet.  It was my idea.

If you are interested, please write back to me and I will provide further details and instructions on how legality really doesn't matter if you're a lying, sack of sh** democrap of dubious antecedence; all you got to do is yell "*pick your grievance* ISM!!!" and msnbc will spend a month of 24/7 coverage explaining why it's part of the war on vaginal implants manufactured in Toledo.  

The transfer is risk free for Iran, because neither Obola or that horse faced boob Kerry will enforce anything on them.  I have video of Kerry swiftbloating a camel to prove his insincerity so that the Iranians would laugh at him behind his back and stop yelling "Death to Heinz products!" which caused his wife to make him sleep on a porcupine a block away from the house.

If you find any part of this proposal acceptable, I shall know that you violate small animals and cans of Spam.

Your Full Name
Your Home Address
Your Cell Phone Number
Your Fax Number
A Copy Of Your Inflatable Hellary XXXXXXL Pants Suit with Gravity Restraints

Please reply urgently on stephenwrightdd7@hotmail.com

Bland, vacuous regards, which used to be my schtick,

Hide original message

Mr. Stephen Wright   

 

 

The scammer didn't apparently know how to take the edit.  That was that.

 

But I received a humidifier and dehumidifier in the mail from a 'SW'.  Now they're dueling in the living room and my coffee maker is too busy taking bets from the other appliances to make my coffee...