An Out Of This Woild Lottery Scam

It didn't start out that way...but that's how it wound up once my pet rock, Seymour, got done widdit.


Another UK based international internet email lottery.  Another one that I never entered, yet I won.


I'm a billionaire in unentered online lotteries.  I'm lucky to collect a powerball number on a real ticket.


Here's a piece of the email as received:




The National Lottery

Congratulations! Winning Notification!

UK online international Lottery Award Prize of £820,731.00 (Eight Hundred and Twenty
Thousand, Seven Hundred and Thirty One British Pounds).
Email Account Owner,
Congratulations!! We are happy to announce that you have won an online lottery prize in our
international lottery promotion.
Your active e-mail address attached to computer generated ticket number: BH 05607545
7152 withreference number UK/KA2C110EN5 has won UK Lottery 2nd category award prize.
Contact our Fiduciary agents immediately to commence release of your lottery prize by
providing details as listed below.

1. Full Name:

2. Email Address:
3. Age/Occupation:
4. Reference Number/Ticket Number
5 Phone Number:
6. Country:
7. Date of draw

UK Lottery Fiduciary Agents:

Mr. William Boyd
Foreign Service Manager
Watford Regional Centre
Tolpits Lane, Watford WD18 9RN .United Kingdom

E-mail: mrwilliamboyd2000@outlook.com

Thank you and Congratulation once again!








At any rate, the lottery claimed I'd won a few thousand pounds.  I'd be happy to lose 40.


"I'll say!!!"


Shut up, Seymour.


At any rate, I allowed Seymour the snarky pet rock, a go at editing the lottery email.  It came out about how you'd expect an email edited by a snarky pet rock to wind up:

The Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery

Congratulations! Winning Notification!  You winded!!!

A CPAP can hep with that, but I digress.

I am William Boyd, a crustacean sodomizer and all around clusterf**k of a lowlife, but

today I writes you with the bestest of news you can ever hopes to hears.  You are winded!!!

And you winned, too!

The first annual Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery was holded

this day, and it was your good fortune that on this day, it was helded!  In places with

varying atmospheres and gravitational pulls of the leg, you could weigh anywhere from

normalcy to Eight Hundred and Twenty Thousand, Seven Hundred and Thirty One Pounds.

In the right places, you'd be the super Tubster!  And with a move to the righter places, you'd

win The Biggest Loser handily and every other bodily partily!

Of course, it is my hopps that it is here I shall makes you a big loser, yes?

On to the stuff that dreams are made wet until awakening next to donkey butt ugly:  

We are happy to announce that you have won an online outer space 'n time lottery prize in our
intergalactic lottery promotion. 

Your active e-mail address attached to a satellite launched in 1979 -- we prophesized your email

address even then, pretty kewl, huh?  -- had this winded and winned computer generated ticket

number: barackinsaneobola056075457152,  with reference number UK/KA2C110EN5, and included

with a side of fries and coleslaw, has winded and winned the aforementioned lottery!

Contact our alien Fiduciary agents immediately to commence release of your lottery prize by
providing details as listed below.

1. Full Name:

2. Email Address:
3. Age/Occupation:
4. Reference Number/Ticket Number
5 Phone Number:
6. Planet:

7. Country:
8. Date of draw

Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Fiduciary Agents:

Mr. William Boyd
Very Foreign Service Manager
Andromeda Regional Centre
Tolpits Lane, Watford WD18 9RN .Regulus 9,

Andromeda system (it beats being from Uranus)

E-mail: mrwilliamboyd2000@outlook.com

Thank you and Congratulation once again!

Yours faithfully,

Angela M. Johnson. a multi-legged, three-headed antennae creature of dubious antecedence containing six vaginas that catch flies

(Online coordinator)
The Space, Asteroid And Other Ass 'n Roid Related Stuff Lottery

All windeds and winningses must be claimed not later than 15 LIGHT DAYS. After this date all unclaimed funds will be returned to Deep Space 9 by way of cosmic fart of immense proportions.

"Please do not reply back to the senders address or the from email address, this notification is sent automatically via computer thru the black hole in the middle of Eric Holder's mouth, and has been determined to be 100% fecal coated and rather unclean..  A response will not be attended by Human but computer that looks like HRC's immense ass, and will most likely scare children and small pets. 


 

I'm sure the DNC isn't appreciating receiving these email edits...but Seymour insists they get them.

"Do NOT!!!"