It's All In The Edit II

You'll soon understand what the minkey is laughing about.

My character heard from Gary Johnson, with yet another ploy to get money out of my character with the usual chicanery from Scam Land:


Interim Assistance General Manager,
(Operations, Maintenance, Transportation)
Harrisburg International Airport Pennsylvania
One Terminal Drive, Middle town,
PA 17057, Pennsylvania USA

Dear Jack Ewehoff,

                 Your Abandoned Package For Delivery

I have very vital information to give to you, but first I must have your trust before I review it to you because it may cause me my job, so I need somebody that I can trust for me to be able to review the secret to you.

I am Mr. Gary Johnson, head of luggage/baggage storage facilities (Operations, Maintenance, Transportation) here at the Harrisburg International Airport, Pennsylvania USA. During my recent withheld package routine check at the Airport Storage Vault, I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from London and when scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of money in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg. The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was not properly declared by the consignee as "MONEY" rather it was declared as personal effect to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non Inspection Charges which is $13,700USD. On my assumption the consignment is still left in our Storage House here at the Harrisburg International Airport Pennsylvania till date. The details of the consignment including your name, your email address and the official documents from the United Nations office in Geneva are tagged on the Trunk box

However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment as the assistant director of the Inspection Unit, I will advise you provide your current Phone Number and Full Address, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents including the name of nearest Airport around your city. Please note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department as unclaimed delivery due to the delays in concluding the clearance processes so as a result of this, I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account. So in order words to enable me cross check your details, I will advise you send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the trunk box, I can get everything concluded within 48 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and share the money 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment has not yet been returned to the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat so immediately the confirmation is made, I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $13,700 dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep Or I can bring it by myself to avoid any more trouble but you have to assure me of my 30% share.  


The reply was in the form of an edit...and assuming that my scamming audience is low information democrats (very likely), it includes pictures:

Interim Assistance Genital Monitor,
(Maintenance)
Hairlessburg International Airport
One Terminal Drive, Muddledtown,
PA 17057, USA

Hello Kitty Litter,

                 Your Abandoned With Good Cause Package For Delivery

I have very little information to give to you, but first I must have your trust before I review it to you because it may cause me my job at Petsmart, so I need somebody that I can trust for me to be able to review the secret to you.

I am Mr. Gary With A Johnson, genital monitor here at the Hairlessburg International Airport Petsmart. During my recent prank of replacing cat litter with pop rocks -- always a good time had by all if you survive the cat's reaction -- I discovered an abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from Londonderry, Ohio.

  When scanned it revealed an undisclosed sum of monkeys with wings in a Metal Trunk Box weighing approximately 1110kg. The consignment was abandoned because the Contents of the consignment was trying to rip the lips off of munchkins of the Lickmylollypop Guild, and was not properly declared by the consignee as "SURLY FLYING MONKEYS"; rather it was declared as what was behind Curtain #2 during an old Let's Make A Deal episode to avoid interrogation and also the inability of the diplomat to pay for the United States Non Inspection Charges which is $13,700 USD.

Who knew that surly flying monkeys were so pricey?

Left in the  Storage House here at the Hairlessburg International Airport's indoor outhouse complex, the monkeys have wrought considerable havoc, and they have attracted an angry, disillusioned former presidential candidate who can only be controlled by a girl with ruby red slippers and a bucket of water.

Even peacekeepers from the United Nations office in Geneva are clearly out of their element here, just as they are everywhere else.

However, to enable me confirm if you are the actual recipient of this consignment as the assistant director of the Inspection Unit, I will advise you provide your current Phone Number and Full Address, to enable me cross check if it corresponds with the address on the official documents including the name of nearest Airport around your city. Please note that this consignment is supposed to have been returned to the United States Treasury Department as unclaimed delivery due to the delays in concluding the clearance processes so as a result of this, I will not be able to receive your details on my official email account. So in order words to enable me cross check your details, I will advise you send the required details to my private email address for quick processing and response. Once I confirm you as the actual recipient of the trunk box, I can get everything concluded within 48 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery.

Lastly, be informed that the reason I have taken it upon myself to contact you personally about this abandoned consignment is because I want us to transact this business and spank the monkeys 70% for you and 30% for me since the consignment has not yet been realized by the United States Treasury Department after being abandoned by the diplomat who couldn't part with it fast enough to avoid having his lips ripped off.  If my negotiating skills are worth a sodomized goat -- and in Syria, I am most good at this -- I will go ahead and pay for the United States Non Inspection Fee of $13,700 dollars and arrange for the box to be delivered to your doorstep, because I don't want the fucking thing.

I wait to hear from you urgently if you are still alive; I wait to hear from you just as urgently if you are dead.  Either way I will appreciate if we can keep this deal confidential and do not get back to me via my primate's  Email address (garyleejohnson2086@gmail.com) for further directives because if he finds out there's flying monkeys in the box, that angry, disillusioned failed presidential candidate might show up here and I don't have any buckets to fill with water.

Gary With A Johnson

Interim Assistance Genital Monitor,
(Maintenance)
Hairlessburg International Airport
One Terminal Drive, Muddledtown,
PA 17057, USA    

 

 

Ol' Gary wasn't apparently able to follow this up.  Guess I didn't include enough pictures...

 

 

 

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