Kim Jong Un Tries The Moochelle School Lunch Program

His soldiers might have wished that he'd meant launch.

My pet rock, Seymour, seems unwilling to quit scanning the news for anything about Kim Jong Un.

Especially when it makes Seymour's editing job easier.

Recently he came across a story about North Korean border guards complaining of diarrhea AFTER having their daily rations "improved" at the order of Kim Jong Un.

I could hear the *TOING* from across the room:

Kim Jong-un's 'special diet' for North Korean soldiers leads to diarrhea outbreak

Kim ordered special food for the soldiers "so that they would not envy Moochelle's school rauch pogrom".

By Seymour PetRock – WTFNS
  

Several hundred thousand North Korean military are down with diarrhea after consuming a special diet ordered by the country's leader, Kim Jong-un after hearing about how unpopular the Moochelle Obola school lunch pogrom has been, surviving and emaciated sources told a clandestine radio service.

Kim had reportedly issued the order for “the same quality food for soldiers as American school kids get from an Obola ordered school raunch pogrom” after reviewing complaints about dietary deficiencies in Obola's school lunch pogrom, and the results were about what Kim Jong Un expected.

"Under the misdirection of Kim Jong-un – Son and Grandson of Cheeseburger – North Korea's people's armed forces increased the supply of materials to clean out their lower GIs," a source in North Hamgyong Province told Radio Free Asia via an email found on Hellary Clinton's elicit server and exposed by Wikileaks, WTFNS reported. The province is located close enough to China for the stench to backdraft to Beijing.

The source added that all the soldiers, from an assortment of eunuchs who reluctantly consumed the new food supply, are suffering from diarrhea.

North Korea faced severe food degradation after switching to the school raunch pogrom designed by flauxtus Moochelle Obola in late August. Officials who visited the raunch ravaged eunuchs informed the leader that the soldiers were not only no longer full of sh..er..crap, but they were emaciated not receiving adequate diet.

In response to the complaints, Kim ordered all the officials executed, the source said.

The predictable result from the 'improved food supply' began cascading into a “sea of sh..er..crap” from late November, but some of the supplies were found to be contaminated with surpluses thrown away enmass by American school kids, as well as special touches thrown in by Kim Jong Un including but not limited to "iron powder", "threads from ralphed up cat hairballs" and “thrice sifted cat box sand”, another source reported. The person added that a supply of special confectionary chocolate – Exlax repackaged as treats – was found to be a long suspected cause for the diarrhea.

The source said that some soldiers cynically describe the outbreak as a "gift from Kim Jong-un", though they do so in Azerbaijani graffiti at overwhelmed outhouses.

A letter of condolences allegedly sent from a public elementary school in the Washington DC area was sent to the soldiers by concerned students. “Whee no how ewe pheel” it said.



Several hundred thousand North Korean soldiers fell ill with diarrhea after Kim Jong-un ordered special diet for them to assure that none of them got as full of sh...er...crap as their rotund leader - File photo KGAG via the DNC Electoral College Vote Changing Program  


I gave Seymour a well dung for this one.

"Oh PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seymour Strikes Again

Not if it's like Moochelle's school lunches.

Then again, Kim Jong Un just might.

My pet rock, Seymour, saw a story that indicated that the goofball North Koreans were feeling slighted in the news cycle, and thus were letting the world know that they were preparing a launch of some kind.

Seymour didn't need but a nanosecond for the *TOING* to trigger an edit of that one:

N.Korea apparently readying 'some kind of lunch': US officials fear it'll be as bad as Moochelle's school lunch menus

By Seymour PetRock WTF News Soivice 

Washington (WTFNS) - North Korea appears to be readying some kind of lunch, two US defense officials said Thursday, amid concerns Pyongyang is preparing to test a ballistic soup and salad combo in violation of UN Security Council rules on international fast food.

The officials' comments came after Japanese media reported that satellite images showed Godzilla dining on residents of Wonsan.

"The indications are that they are preparing for some kind of lunch," one US official told WTFNS, speaking on condition of culinary anonymity.

The official did not say where in North Korea the preparations were taking place, but said people on the ground appeared to be readying "a regular afternoon lunch spread."

"Could be for something Western that Kim Jong Un craves," the official said.

He added, however, that there was nothing to indicate the lunch was "remotely akin to Moochelle's lousy school lunch menus."

But a second US official, who said the lunch was coming "soon," cautioned that North Korea typically uses a new lunch menu item as a pretext for convincing the people that they're finally going to get fed.

"Our concern is that when they do a lunch, it happens to be the same crap that our fast food chains just axed because it sucked, like Moochelle's school lunch program," the official added, also requiring anonymity.

The development parallels events in December 2012, when Pyongyang put a kimshi lite – with a third less calories than their regular kimshi – into McKimJongUn restaurants around Pyongyang.

The international community condemned the lunch as a disguised Moochelle school lunch, resulting in a tightening of UN sanctions, despite Pyongyang's claim it was no different than Bill Clinton using female interns as genital humidors.

Citing an anonymous government source, Kimono News in Dearborn said the satellite imagery had been eaten by Godzilla along with the population of Wonsan.

Increased movements of people that had sampled the new lunch and couldn't digest it were seen around the lunch site, which has now apparently been covered over to cover the fact that the only flushing toilet in North Korea is inoperative.

The United States regularly monitors North Korea from space, where the kimshi doesn't smell as bad as Moochelle's school lunches that are closer to home, do.

North Korea is banned under toothless UN Security Council resolutions from carrying out any lunch using Moochelle's sucky school lunch menu, although repeated violations have gone unpunished.

 

Seymour still thinks that edits like this will get him a Pulitzer.  I hate to tell him, but it MIGHT just get him a Moochelle school lunch as pictured above.

 

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!"