Bad Scammer Meets Bad Santa

I sorta love when a scammer sends one of my characters an email that starts off with a prominently displayed 'WARNING'.

Like this one:


WARNING:

NO PART OR WHOLE OF THIS MESSAGE IS PERMITTED FOR TRANSFERENCE OR

REPRODUCTION AS IT IS THE SOLE PROPERTY OF BANK OF AFRICA ( B . O . A ),

OUAGADOUGOU- BURKINA FASO AND MUST BE FOR THE RIGHTFUL RECIPIENT ONLY. 

 

FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT

ATTENTION: MR. FLANK UNSEEN

 

 

                                                              DATE: 18 / 11 / 2015

 

Sir,  

 

We apologies for the delay of your payment and all the inconveniences we might have put you through, while we were having some minor problems with our payment system which in all case not meeting up with foreign payments, we apologies once again. from the records of outstanding funds due for payment with the federal government of Burkina Faso, your name and address was discovered as next on the list of the (2 outstanding beneficiary who have not yet received his/her Fund, west Africa commission and the western union foundation payments tenure of the previous administration in office please bear with us.

Meanwhile, a woman came to our bank yesterday with a letter, claiming to be your true representative and advice that we should send the total $13.3million usa direct to her nominated bank account. Here is her information below:

Name: Mrs. Anne Robinson
Country: Liberia
Bank name: Citibank.
Account number: 01547865241234

Please, do reconfirm to this office, as a matter of urgency if this woman is from you so that the federal government will not be held responsible for paying into the wrong account name if this woman is not your rep, you are requested to fill and send this information for verifications purposes so that your fund will be remitted to you through bank to bank transfer as we were advised by the central bank of Burkina Faso. Kindly re-confirm to me the followings:

1) Your full name
2) Receiving country
3) Company name, position and address.
4) Profession, age and marital status.
5) Working id/int'l passport.
6) Phone, fax and mobile

As soon as this information’s is received, your payment will be made to you directly via the central bank agent. This is the third quarter payment of the year. However; we shall proceed to issue all payments details to the said Mrs.Anne Robinson from Liberia, if we do not hear from you within the next three working days from today. We are sorry for any inconvenience, transferring of your fund must have caused you allot.

 

Yours Sincerely,

Dr. Mohammed Ousmane Mohammed

 

MD, FOREIGN REMITTANCE DEPARTMENT

BANK OF AFRICA ( B . O . A )

Office Address: 03 BP 115 Avenue Yennenga
Ouaga 03 Ouagadougou. Burkna Faso.
Tel / Fax: +226-74-27-37-70

 

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

 Integration of a new bank,Since January 13Th, 2014.  The Banque de Credit de Bujumbura (BCB) is the 11Th bank subsidiary of the BOA Group.

 **********************************************************************************************  


My reply was typical of my character who was, at the time, filled with sentiments of the season, enhanced by a snow storm:


I'll reproduce any part of this f***ing message in any manner I want, any venue I want, any language I want, and share it with whoever the f*** I want.  And there's not one F***ING THING you can do about it.  

That apparently left them speechless, as all I received was  a blank email reply.

Guess they didn't know that Santa could be THAT bad...

He Knows If You've Been Bad...

I just knowd I'd saved this card for more than 20 years, for a reason.

As some of you may know, I let my pet rock, Seymour, take on a scammer that sent an offer to his email address. Vic(toria) Seaman, an alleged Darfur refugee, whose assasinated Pa had, afore he wuz kilt, put away $6.5 million USD for Vic(toria) in a Swiss bank for her. BUT -- don't you just hate the "BUT" when it crops into something that sounds too good to be true -- it was set up so that Vic(toria) Seaman couldn't access the cash without first enlisting the help of a foreigner "of good repute".

And that was where Seymour came in, of quartz...*ducking boos and throwd geodes*.

Granite *ducking agin*, Seymour's kinda new at this kinda thing. And they threw a full ensemble at him: Vic(toria) Seaman, refugee; Rev. John Leeds, Darfur refugee camp manager; Ms. Patty Cakes (really), Swiss banker; Dumu Iroko, bannister-at-law, Senegal; and later, Carmi Bebo, bannister-at-law, Senegal. But with a wee bit of my help now and then, Seymour managed to confuse the snarf out of Vic(toria) Seaman; get cursed by Rev. Leeds; piss off Ms Cakes; and get Iroko fired, resulting in Carmi Bebo being retained as legal counsel.

The emails are long and tortured, and Seymour's in enough trouble with his wind chime spouse, Windy, who doesn't know how scambaits work, and saw that Vic(toria) was referring to Seymour as her "future huband". More on that anuddah time.

At any rate, I'm not transcribing the whole scambait herein, especially since it's still ongoing; it'd take too long and be too tedious, between the moments of pure mirth. BUT -- do you sense a theme here? -- I did want to let you know, as well as Seymour, who's gonna get blamed for it, what I dun.

Since the second bannister gave me an address...and I had this Xmas card that I've held onto for over 20 years...well...*TOING*...even if the address given ain't legit...well...I printed a copy of it, and overseas airmailed it to Bebo. On behalf of all of them.

Yeah, I know: odds are, none of them will ever see it. Yeah, I know: I just wasted a few bucks (less than $4) to do that. Yeah, I know: it ain't Xmas time quite yet.

BUT -- you hadda know that was coming -- I just couldn't resist.

And best of all? They'll all think it came from Seymour.

"Did NOT!"

BUT they won't know that. Granite *ducking agin*, Santa will; BUT if anyone rates as 'bad' in his book....well....y'know. They'd all be wise to cover their chimneys, iffen they got 'em, a month and a half from now.