India Didn't Ink This One Through

A recent email from an alleged Asian Indian web designer reminded me of a character from an 80s movie, Short Circuit.

I'm sure that he didn't intend it thus:

Hi,

I am Riya Sinha  , and I work with experienced IT professionals who are into:

1. Website Designing

2. Web Development

3. Responsive Websites

4. PHP Development

5. E-Commerce Solutions

May I know if you are interested in any of these services?

If you are interested, then I can send you our past work details, company information and an affordable quotation with the best offer.

Thanks & Regards,

Riya Sinha          

Web Development Manager  

 

 

I'm sure they would have loved that I showed interest in their offer so as to get an affordable quotation -- the paying of which by me being the means to an end in the scam -- but it didn't wind up working out quite that way:

 

 

 

Yo Dawg,

 

 

I am Riya Sinha , and I am standing here beside myself which you can say that two times, where it is for me to work work work with experienced IT professionals who have sprechen with sock puppet Swedish chefs and are into cyber photoshops with cows doing the moocarena while online they:

1. Wogslight Undesigning using M-80s remotely to separate the cheekan from the catchertorri

 

 

2. Web Photoshops of Arachnids on meth and Hellary videos

 

 

3. Websites that feature ADHD goats and marmots

4. Preparation H Development of an oral medication for left wing lamestream servile mediocre fake news sites

5. E-Commerce Solutions to drone strikes on customers by wayward misprogrammed Amazon.attack.com drones launched from a secret base in Chappaqua on Trump electors

 

Do or do not, there is no if you are interested in any of these services, Sacred Cow Lips.

 

If you are interested and into green technologies, then I can assume that you are not a do or do not type who procrastinates and picks his/her bung hole while contemplating alien masturbation with turkey insemination devices in the basement of the DNC and Clinton Globull Fake News Network.  So before you find yourself sexting with Anthony Weiner that send you into fits of projectile vomiting while listening to Hellary cackle on an audio loop, you might not want to read on.  

This we can do too hokay fine.  Email for our best on  or offer soonest whilst sooplies, sooplies last.  Operators are standing by because they have piles and army ants in their seats.  Not a good combination to follow with either "tastes great or less defiling".

Spanks and the minkey,

Riya Sinha          

victim of Nigerian sock puppet psychic ventriloquists online since 2013  

 

If the scammer tries to claim that he's legit, I can always blame the Russians for the edit, right Obola?

 

 

 

 

The Edit of Khan

Okay, that photo there would be the edit of con...or of a con.

Russia may be in love with hacking, but India is in love with offering online web page design to those not soliciting for it.

Why?  On accounta cuz:


I had found your web contact email from internet. I would like to discuss some importance of business as you have registered your own domain (which I haven't).

 

We are an India based CMMi Level 3 Website Designing & Development Company with a primary focus on Website and Mobile Application Development.

Offering the services like-

1 - Web Design

2 - Web Development

3 - E-Commerce

4 - Graphic Design

5 - Logo Design

6 - Website Revamping

7 - PHP               

8 - HTML/HTML5

9 - SEO Services

10 - PPC Services

11 - Java

12 - Mobile Apps Development

 

Our design team can work closely with you as part of your marketing staff and we can assure you - you won’t even notice we are in another country.

 

If you have any requirement, please revert us. 

Look forward to hear from you. 

 

Kind regards,

(Business Consultant)  

 

 

This isn't the first one of these my character has got, and I'm sure it won't be the last.  But it was the emailer's name that got me:  Akashi Khan Singh.

 

*TOING*

 

 

You just KNOWD what had to be the direction of the edit:

 

 

From: akash khan singh <akash.singh910@yahoo.in>
Sent: Friday, January 13, 2017 11:02 AM
Subject: More Eugenics Wars Khan Style

 

I had found your web contact email from internet after waking up from hibernation sleep that lasted 200 years. That would mean that I was carbon freezed in..uh...umm...1816, a year after the Battle of New Orleans.  Fortunately, it was a long time ago and a galaxy far, far away from here, otherwise I wouldn't know sh*t one about what I just said. 

 

With that, I come from a place far beyond the mesocyclones of commerce and trade, and I would like to discuss how Fisher Stevens got playing us so wrong in that movie he shared with cyborgs and Ally Sheedy's software.

 

 

But before that, it is well that you should know that your current website sucks, and of some importance is business as you have registered your own domain with romaine, so you should lettuce help you.

 

 

We are an Andromeda based CMMi Level 39 artificial intellectual sweetened Website that designs and develops cyber hacks of politicians while making it look like the Russians, Chinese, pekinese and other assordi and sundried raisins of dubious ediblecedence did it.  Here's some of the sh*t that we can do to your site, too:

1 - Web Dysentery

2 - Web Declination and Right/Left Add/Subtract

3 - E-Coli

4 - Graphic Demonstrations of Gestures In Traffic

5 - Rio Logo

6 - Webslight Revamping Reconstituting and Regurgitating

7 - PHP/OMG/WTF and LMAO      

 

         

8 - HTML and Why They Should Use Originally Designated Rest Rooms

9 - DEO..DEEEEEEO...Daylight come and we want go home

10 - PPC Services that PPC in your life that desperately needs it's PPC serviced

11 - Java:  The Evils Of Coffee And Why I Need More

12 - Mobile Apps, Mishaps And Lap Dance Devolutions In HR Departments

 

Our crap design team can work better without you any where around because we don't play well with others and we can assure you - you won’t even notice we from another galaxy, star system, dimension, planet, or the basement of the DNC, leaking all the hacked stuff to the Russians, Chinese, the fake news network cnn, etc.

 

If you have any requirement, please refrain and revamp hitherto revert us. 

Look forward to hear what reactions this email gets because we still practicing with your language from you. 

 

What Kind Of Regards We'd Hate To Say,

(Business Insultant)

 akash.singh910@yahoo.in

---

JE

So far, no follow up from the Indians, no hacks from the Russians and no comment from cnn.  I'm 3-0  ;-)

Even Shorter Circuit

Number 5 is apparently NOT amused.

Here comes a web design scam out of...get ready for it...INDIA.

Or at least it says it's from there.

It might originally be from Pittsburgh.

Either and or eyether, here's the original pitch:

 On Saturday, July 18, 2015 11:10 AM, Deepak sharma deepaksharmaseoservices39@outlook.com> wrote:    

Hello,

I sincerely hope you are doing well.

We are an INDIA based Web Design company with a primary focus on SEO based Website Design & Development (ASP, ASP.Net, Java, Perl and PHP development).

We have a dedicated team of 130 professional designers, developers and SEO specialists; especially f or Graphic/Flash/3D designing.

We can assure you of getting quality w or ks. Most firms overseas have achieved a significant amount of savings by outsourcing either part of, or their entire w or k to us in India.

We would like you to give us an opp or tunity to w or k with your company and AMAZE you with our service.

Please let us know in case you are interested.

Kind Regards,Deepak Sharma

Skype: snehadixit9  

Whatsapp:+918171820265

Online Marketing Manager  

 

 

That's what he/they sent.  Putting my head together with my pet rock -- and quickly remembering why I don't do that...ow.. -- here's what went back:

 

 

Gratings and fallopian tubes,

I hope in sincerity that what you are doing in a well.

We are an INDIA based ink and what it is we screw is Web Design with a primary forcus on WTF based Webslight Design & Dissolution (ASP, ADDER,. Java, Folgers, Maxwell Horse, HUA and pHd development).

We have a constipated team of 130 mathematicians, all working it out with a pencil; if we can, that doesn't not mean that you can.

 We can assure you of getting quality w or tf. Most firms overseas have achieved a significant amount of down time by stripping geese themselves and pass the savings on to  us in India.

We would like us to give you an opp or tunity to w or k with our company and AMAZEBALLS us with your service.

Please let you know in case we are interested.

Kind Regards,Deep Rack Ack Rack Charmin

Skype: snehadixit9     

Whatsamattau:+918171820265

Online Mousketeering MisManager

* pleased to see below an example of our fine web building soivices

 

I'm not surprised that ol' "Deepak" didn't write back.

 

The pet rock was...

 

"Was NOT!!!"