Another Scam FBI Try

Sending me scam emails purporting to be from the FBI is kinda like the scammer choosing to shoot hisself in the foot.

At least as far as effective results go.

Still, it amuses me each and every time they try.

They don't get any better at it...but still they try.

See if you can pick up on the obvious *FAIL*s to be found in this email:

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crime Division

Attention!

Series of meetings has been held the past 2 months with the secretary general of the United Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago. It is obvious that you have not received your fund which is to the tune of $ 7,500,000.00 due Past corrupt Governmental Officials who almost held the fund to themselves for their selfish reason and some individuals who has taken advantage of your fund all in an attempt to swindle your fund which has led to so many losses from your end and elimination delay in the receipt.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol enhanced by the United Nations and Federal Bureau of Investigation has passed a ruling to the president of United States  President Joe Biden to boost the exercise of clearing all foreign debts owed to you and other individuals and organizations Who have been found not to have receive their Contract Sum, Lottery / Gambling, Inheritance and the likes.

Now an arrangement has been made which indicate that you will be paid by ATM card or Bank Draft.

Because we have signed a contract with FedEx which should expire by July 30th 2021, you will only need to pay $ 350 instead of $ 750 saving you $ 400 if you pay before July 30th 2021.

Note: Everything has been taken care of by the United States Government, The United Nation and the FBI, including taxes, custom paper and clearance duty so all you need to pay is $ 350.

To have the release of your fund valued at $ 7,500,000.00 you are advised to contact our correspondent delivery officer Mr. Joseph Moore with the information below.

Mr. Joseph Moore
Tel: +1 (805)-420-3011

Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home / Cell Phone:

Yours sincerely,

Mrs. Sarah C. Robert   

I know'd you'd see the problems immediately.

Perhaps they were able to see the problems in the edit I sent back to them and fifty-plus of their friends and colleagues:

From: Mrs. Sarah C. Robert
Sent: Friday, July 9, 2021 11:01 AM
Subject: Good News === The FBI Found Your Genitals

 

Federal Bureau of Investigation
Missing Genitals Retrieval Division

Attention!

We bet you didn't know we had a division specializing in this, did you?  Well, since Bedraggled Obola ruined the FBI during his leftist regime from 2009-2017, we had to come up with a few new gigs, and this was one of 'em.

Nifty, huh?

Wayne Bobbitt coulda used us back in the day, eh?

Granted, that ain't all we do...sometimes we do things that are actually useful, like investigate the survivability of Spam when subjected to a nuclear fart, and the criminal inclinations of persons born during the one-day-every-four-years anomaly know'd as the 13th Astrological Sign phenom, aka being born under the sign of Gorkus.  It only comes around on February 29th in a leap year, and the sign is represented by two buzzards colliding in mid-air.  Needless to say, folks born in that narrow winder every four years...have a tendency to be pretty star-crossed and philosophically f**ked up.

That's why we investigate 'em.

More recently there was a series of meetings has been held the past 2 months with the suckretary genital of the Eunuched Nations Organization. This ended 3 days ago....the meetings, not the organization, though anything that starts with Eunuched in the title probably shouldn't last more than the length of a hummingbird fart. 

At any rate, it became oblivious to us that you have not received any notification of any of the aforementioned sh*t due to past corrupt Democrap officials who wouldn't know honesty if it bit them in their oversized asses.  They'd swindle their own mothers if they knew who and what gender they were.

The National Central Bureau of Interpol was throw'd in h'yar along with the Eunuched Nations and what's left of our FBI, and with the DNC -- aided by fake news reporting by cnn, the leader in fake news --  has passed a ruling that the current oblivious-to-reality president of United States Joe Bidumb is required to remove his head from his ass before his next appearance in front of cameras, so perhaps we'll be able to understand if he says what we coached him to say about anything whatsoever.

It's a stretch to expect that, but meh...it's every bit as believable as an email from the Nigerian Illuminincompoops.

Of course, with all the money we've spent trying to buy votes and such, you will only need to pay $ 350 instead of $ 750 saving you $ 400 if you pay before July 30th 2021.

Note:  After July 30th if you ain't paid, we also get all of your virgin daughters for Bidumb to sniff and feel up.  So mebbe you're incentivized to pay $ 350 beFORE July 30.

Contact the abject schmuck below and he'll try his worst to f**k you over:

Mr. Joseph Moore
Tel: +1 (805)-420-3011

Your full Name:
Your Address:
Home / Cell Phone:
He's every bit as credible as Peter Strzok.

Good luck Twatwaffle,

Mrs. Sarah C. Robert

Like so many of the fbi-esque scams, this one didn't get a response from the originating scammer.  Or any of the notables therein.  Not even from anyone born on February 29th.

My pet rock, Seymour, was betting that someone with that birthday would chime in...

Scam FBI Meets Eruptible MAGA

These days, it seems as if the real fbi has become reduced to the Hazard County (GA) Sheriff's Department, aka Sheriff Roscoe P. Coaltrane.

Obola and the deep state pretty much wrecked the former.

Of course, Third World sh*thole scammers don't know that, and think the FBI still bears a recognized and respected name hereabouts.  Why else would they try scams under that banner so often?

Like this one:

COMPENSATION
This is FBI special agent David Jackson.  I was delegated alongside
others by the United Nation to come over to Africa to investigate
fraudsters who had been in the business of swindling foreigners
especially those that had one form of transaction/contract and another.
In the course of our investigation, we detected that your name
and details in our Scammed Monitoring Network.
We also found out that you were scammed of a huge sum of
money by impostors via Western union and MoneyGram. Be informed
that in a bid to alleviate the suffering of scammed victims, the
United Nations team initiated this compensation program and you are entitled
to the sum of (TWO MILLION DOLLAR) $2m usd compensation for being a victim.
The said fund will be officially released to you through the paying
bank mandated by the United Nations which would be forwarded to you on
receipt of your email reply.
However, we have been able to arrest some of the swindlers who have been in
this illicit business and would be prosecuted accordingly.  Be informed
that we have limited time to stay back here, so we advise you to respond to this
message as soon as possible.  Do not inform those that collected money from you
before now about this new development to avoid jeopardizing our investigation.
All you need do is to follow our instruction and receive your
compensation accordingly as directed by the United Nation Team.
We urgently wait to receive your response.
Regards,
David Jackson.   

I suppose the real fbi -- when not executing search warrants on innocent citizens the Bidumb regime considers unreliable (ie., don't buy his bullshevik) -- might find themselves reduced to sending out scams like this if they continue to deteriorate.

At least this scammer hopes so.

Instead, my scam-baiting character chooses to key on the name the scammer used and work that into the scam-ending reply:

Well that's nice and all, and actually makes a tad bit of sense, since today's fbi has become pretty much a laughingstork with what the democraps have done to the agency.

However, the only David Jackson I know worked for the USGS and died on the north face of Mount St. Helens in 1980.  At least in the movie, anyway.  Too bad too:  his girlfriend was a hottie.

Guess the volcano was hotter.

snerx

The scam fbi guy simply didn't know what to do with that, and faded into a dark alley of Cyberville.

Efraim Zimbalist Jr simply wouldn't know what to say.

 

The Scam FBI's Arrested Developments

You would think that in these times, with all of the abject crap that's going on domestically and around the world, the FBI would be busier than a three-peckered goat in a ewe convent.

Well apparently, they're not THAT busy.  There was time for the director of the FBI to contact my character about 40 million USD that my character needs to collect from overseas.

Or he'll be arrested.

*snort*

At least that's what this email from the alleged director of the FBI says:


Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI),
 Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division,
 FBI Headquarters
 J. Edgar Hoover Building
 935 Pennsylvania Avenue,
 Washington D.C. 20535-0001

 YOUR WITHHELD $40 MILLION AND THE LACK OF DOCUMENTATION OF FUND HISTORY

 Attention: Beneficiary

 The very heart of FBI operations lies in our investigations—which
 serve, as our mission states, to protect and defend our country
 against terrorism and foreign intelligence threats and to enforce the
 criminal laws of the United States. So follow our instructions
 properly to avoid any action from our office against you.We currently
 have jurisdiction over violations of more than 200 categories of
 federal law. So you can see that we can track you down through
 investigative programs. We have your address and the evidence and
 status of your trunk box worth of $40m, so we can arrest you anytime
 anywhere. However, if you don't have the required document on your
 possession.

 Note, that this document are only to be issue to you from the paying
 organization. To this regard therefore, you are advised to contact
 David A, Aguilar Jr the former Deputy Commissioner of U.S. Customs and
 Border Protection. In this position, he oversaw more than 43,000
 Federal Agents and Officers. ... He retired after 35 years with U.S.
 Customs and Border Protection and the United States Border Patrol, to
 obtain the document from them you need to follow instruction.

 We have done our verification on your FBI citizens identification
 record with your Social Security Number. The only document left is the
 required DRUG FREE CERTIFICATE (DFC) which should be issued to you
 from the paying office of the said trunk box. You are to contact Mr
 David A, Aguilar Jr the former Deputy Commissioner of U.S. Customs and
 Border Protection USA, to obtain the above required document. Here
 bellow, you find the contact person's contact information:-

 U.S. Customs and Border Protection USA,
 Contact Persons:  David A, Aguilar Jr

 Email: cstmrsa@gmail.com

 Furthermore, be advised that according to the United State Law
 together with the FBI rules and regulations. you are to take care of
 the document to be issued to you right away, because due to the
 content of the document and how important the document is. You are to
 take care of the document by sending to the Customs and Border
 Protection USA the require fee only for the issuing of the document
 right away and your $40.million will be release to you.

 NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to make available the most
 complete and up-to date records possible for no criminal justice
 purposes.

 WARNING: Failure to produce the above requirement in the next 96hours,
 legal action will be taken immediately by arresting and detaining you,
 and if found guilty, you will be jailed for terrorism, drug
 trafficking and money laundering as this is a serious problem in our
 community today. The F.B.I will stop at nothing to track down and
 prosecute any criminal who indulge in this criminal act of terrorism,
 drug trafficking and money laundering. Forward the document to us via
 email attachment as soon as you obtain it.

 Faithfully Yours
Christopher A. Wray   


In the words of my pet rock, Seymour, "PHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFT!!!!"

My scambaiting character what received this email -- Jack N. Ewehoff -- took that kind of in mind during the email edit that went back to the sender and about 100 of his pears and collies:

From: Christopher A. Dork <officesetion@gmail.com>

Sent: Wednesday, April 22, 2020 9:39 PM
To: jacknjillwentoffthepill101@hotmail.com
Subject: Federal Burrito of Ingestigation (FBI),

Federal Burrito of Ingestigation (FBI),
Matter-Anti-Matter-Doesn't-Matter-Mad-As-A-Hatter Division
 FBI Hindquarters
 J. Heaving Ogre Building
 435 Douche Canoe Avenue,
 Washington D.C. 20535-0001

 YOU'RE NOT PLAYING BY GENERAL TRELAYNE'S RULES AND THE LACK OF DOCUMENTATION OF FUND HISTORY

 Attention:

 The very heart of FBI operations in these days and times lies in our 

inability to corncoct ingestigations—which  serve, as our mission states, 

to cornfuse and debunk our country against anything and anyone laughing

at cnn, Joe Bidumb, the DNC and Hollywad leftards.

 So follow our instructions properly to avoid any action from our 

orifice against you.  You don't want to make us mad.  Really.

No .. really really.  We currently have jurisdiction over violations of more than 

200 made up categories of law as interpreted by the meth-and-hallucinogen

using legal team at cnn. So you can see that we can track you down through
 ingestigative pogroms. We have your address and the evidence and
 status of your secret trunk in your closet full of evidence against Hellary

and if you don't do what we tells you well will tell her you have that trunk

of evidence in your closet and you'll go the way of Jeffrey Epstein.

Or we can arrest your development anytime anywhere anyhow. However, if 

you don't have the required document on your possession we will have

Lisa Page bring it to you along with a sheer nightie she wore for that 

psycho Strzok.

 Note, that this document is/are/were only to be issue to you from the paying
 organization. To this regard therefore, you are advised to contact
 David A, Aguilar Jr the former twat burrito street vendor that used to

operate outside the DNC, copping feels of young girls before Joe Bidumb

took over that role.

 U.S. Cuss And Revile 'Em Department USA,

 Contact Persons:  David A, Aguilar Jr

 Email: cstmrsa@gmail.com

 Furthermore, be advised that according to the Laws of Eunuchversal

Jurisimprudence of Third World Planets, together with the FBI rules 

and deregulations. you are to take care not to contract bud or 

miller-litevirus because due to the nature of the current ongoing

talking-points-template that cnn is using, it doesn't allow for ms13nbc

to copy it, word for word. You are to take steps to prevent the spread 

of a pandumbic cure so cnn can keep scaring the dumbest of the 

population in your area (aka, democrap voters).

 NOTE: We have asked for the above documents to be made available

in 189 different languages, though all written in Azerbaijani script.

 WARNING: Failure to produce the above requirement in the next 96hours,
 legal action will be taken immediately by arresting your development,

your pets, dependents, antecedence, commemorative condom collection,

and if found guilty, you will be jailed for perpetuating painful rectal itch as

a name for jelly or jam from an old SNL skit.  This is a serious problem in
 aging hippy communities today. The FBI will stop at nothing to track down and
 prostitute any babe they think will make lots of money on Friday and Saturday

nights working the seedy side of Newark. 

So don't take us lightly.  We have a drone watching to see if you even derisively

snort, chortle or guffaw at this email.

 Christopher A. Dork

Directum of Operatives

Federal Burrito of Ingestigation

While none of us were terribly surprised that the scammer didn't follow up with empty threats, Seymour was disappointed to learn that no revelations would be forthcoming from this FBI about burritos...